I have a very bright, sweet, caring and beautiful little girl who is about to turn 5. Generally she is very happy-go-lucky, but occasionally has these morbid moments. She has these randoms fears of people or her pets dying, about things catching on fire, or her brother choking.
A perfect example, just now as i was typing this, she came up to me with a plastic pen that she had been chewing on the back of as she was drawing and it cracked. She says, "look mommy, it broke. will it catch on fire?" i told her no, that it would not catch on fire and she says, "i cant find the piece that broke. What if colin chokes on it?" this is shortly followed by her brother throwing chips down to the dogs and her yelling, "colin is throwing chips at the dogs! theyre eating them! are they going to die?"
Last night i had my husband drop me off at the ER to have an abscess lanced. Not a big deal. We've had them before. When we were all getting jackets on and getting ready to head out my daughter says, "why are we going? are you going to die?" and starts crying. I explained to her, no, i was totally fine. They were just going to make a small cut so all the yucky could come out of my leg and it wouldnt hurt so much. After i explained that she was totally fine. She brought me a coloring book that she had already colored all of so i could "read" it while i waited at the hospital. Then she helped me "Walk" down the stairs and into the car by holding my hand. Apparently while i was gone she was totally fine and was thrilled when i got home.
She enjoys learning about things and is very mature for her age. She always wants to watch House and things like that. Of course, those depend on the episode. The fear of death i can kind of understand. She did lose a baby cousin about a year and half ago to SIDS and almost lost her baby brother about the same time. However, the fear of fire and choking and everything i am clueless about. we have never had anything like that happen before. I am beginning to think she was a doctor or in a war or something in her passed life! lol.
I know that i was a fairly morbid child, and i still am in a lot of ways. But as a whole, i am a normal person (well, as normal as your typical person! lol) So i am wondering if she just takes after me in that regard, or if it is just her age and a phase? is anyone elses child doing things like this?
I think at age 5 the content of shows like House is not appropriate. The images and discussions in the main thread and the background can develop thoughts in children they would not normally conceive of on their own. I would suggest you keep her television programming to something more geared to her age group.
Shes not morbid, you just descibed me as a child and she has anxiety. Shes learning the real world and it scares her. Lets face it, it is scary. I have dealt with it my whole life and it sucks, especially when you are a mother. I also used to have panic attacks as a child where I was convinced I was dying, for no reason. Tread lightly Momma, this is a hard thing to live with.
Sounds like she REALLY pays attention.
"Chew your food well or you'll choke."
"Don't give that to the dog, he could die."
"Careful, that could burn you."
"Careful, that could catch on fire."
"In case of a fire, stop, drop, and roll."
In a single day we're typically warning toddlers about death a gazillion times. Fall and break your neck, take that out of your mouth, don't let your brother, look both ways and hold hands... even if we're not specifically saying run over by a car, posioned, squashed by a fall... many smart kids just extrapolate the natural consequences from those daily-we-don't-even-think-about-them-cautions-and-warnings. Then (since kids are natural scientists) they start wondering what ELSE has the same properties.
My son was reading by 3, so we had the added accidental-suicide-watch of "warning labels = instructions" to a toddler mind. So on the one hand, he was actively courting death, and on the other hand he was just totally impressed/ scared at the number of ways he or someone he cared about could off themselves. They were trying (and precious) years.
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First of all, adult shows like House are not appropriate for a 5 year old, even a very mature one.
Sometimes kids are just morbid. They go through phases. My daughter is like this sometimes. Just today she was in the shower singing 5 little ducks and I heard her say to an imaginary friend, "Oh yes, I know all 5 are supposed to come home, but only 4 did. One got hit by a truck." Ha! On a more "realistic" note, she also often worries about her little brother choking and whatnot. I would just keep reassuring her that she will be fine, there will be no fire, her brother's ok, etc. I bet it will pass as fast as it showed up.
Good luck.
She is having fears. fears at this age are usually normal. I used to think that when I went to sleep I was going to forget to breathe and I was going to die. Get her some books about science, curiousity, learning, etc. Keep her mind occupied with other things. I think as she gets older this will pass. Martha is right, if it is affecting her ability to function normally I would definitely have her see someone. Best wishes to you.
Do you believe in God? If so, you might try coming at this from a religious point of view. My stepfather's dog ran out in front of a car, was hit and killed. My 3 year old, who loves dogs, was devistated, even though she only heard about it and never even met the dog. I tired many different things to get her mind off of it and to console her, but nothing worked. Finally my mother told her that Boo was actually God's dog and God had just lent him to us for a little while. Boo had gone back to live with God in heaven. She told her that God loved Boo very much and always had time to play with him and since heaven is so big, Boo could run all over the place. There are no cars in heaven so Boo didn't have to worry about being hit by a car again. It worked. I haven't heard anything about the dog since. As for the other things, rely on your faith. Just trust that God knows what he's doing and that it all is for our benefit. Of course, if you don't believe in God then this is just a bunch of gobbly gook and won't help you at all! Hopefully something in the other 17 suggestions will help. Good luck.
To one child you can say, "Watch out for cars when crossing the street" and they will and to another child hearing the same thing it is fear of crossing the street and they may be hit or others may be, etc., etc. It's the personality and you then have to be careful in how you tell them about dangers in life and how you present emergencies, and talk, talk, talk with them about how if this or that happens they would be fine. Don't make fun of them but sort of laugh it off at times when they over react. They need to see the light side of life sometimes. You can't force change though. But you can help them to see life a bit more safe and then talk about death if you need to. It will happen to everyone and some children do think about it more than others. They need to understand that it's not something they need to fear daily though. If you are a Christian you could read some very good Bible stories or books that explain death and the fact that we are taken care of by God and that may help her to not carry that fear and burden around by herself.
I think that she hears about death on tv and as had a family member die before so she is scarried of it. She does not want to loose anyone she cares about. It is normal for kids that have been exposed to death at a young age to worry about it. I would stop letting her watch house for now and explain to her that you are not going anywhere and have no plans to die.
yep,she is just learning and be curious towards life.
I can't help you with specifics or for her age, but I also was perhaps a bit morbid as a child. I loved Poe's Tales of Mystery and Imagination (I loved that book before I could read because it had the COOLEST illustrations), I loved to read Ecclesiasates and Revelation and Old Testament stories (still do of course) but I think I'm a pretty well-adjusted adult. I always set my marshmallows on fire when we were camping (don't recommend planting the flaming marshamallow on your cheek, though--that hurt), I love the smell of deer camp with the animals hanging field-dressed and ready to truck home. However, I get sad when I see an animal hit by a car, I love people in a philosophical sense (often they annoy me, but overall I like to think the best). I do remember, though, as a child I had a terrible sense of guilt and I had very realistic and frightening nightmares. I usually kept them to myself, but they sometimes involved close family members and I would have them over and over again.
So, it sounds to me like she is pretty normal--trying to understand and process things and you are responding well and appropriately. Death is an awkward thing for children to understand and it is sad that she has learned about it through family, but she actually sounds pretty normal to me. I am a lot more disturbed by children who understand on some level about death and are methodically killing insects or something--your daughter is trying to understand everything. She sounds like a very engaging and intelligent child. :)
You might consider talking with your daughter's school counselor about her anxiety and see what they might advise. I also agree that what she watches on TV might play into this. Maybe there is something more appropriate for her age that can allow her to explore her interests. Perhaps talking with the children's librarian at your local library about books and videos that could educate but are less anxiety producing.
I would agree with the other posters on here - it could be part curiosity and/or part anxiety and you might want to discuss with her pediatrician to see if he/she recommends seeing a therapist of some kind. Definitely I would NOT be allowing her to watch House though!
But just to show that it could be totally normal - as a little kid around that age, I was fascinated by visiting cemeteries. I just liked looking at all the grave stones and reading the names and seeing when they were born and when they died. We would go visit my grandmother where she lived (it was a 2 hour drive up north) and among all the other fun things we typically did, I would want to go to the cemetery. I was especially interested in the graves that belonged to babies and children that had died. Don't ask me why - I was a completely normal kid in every other sense of the word.
Kids have a tough time trying to figure out death. They really don't understand death or what causes it. She's trying to figure out what happens and what can and can not cause it. Since she likes to learn new things you might want to sit down with her and have a discussion on things.
My father died from cancer in 2008 and at the time my grandchildren were ages 5, 4, and 2. The 5 yr old was ok and the 2 yr old really didn't understand much however the 4 yr old was full of questions. He was afraid he'd get a disease and die. He wanted to know where Papa was now that he was dead. When 1 of my cats died 2 months after he was upset and worried about everything. We spent a lot of time talking about dangers and what we could do to try to stay safe. After a few months he started to feel a little less anxious.
You might want to edit what she's watching on tv (House and any medical shows aren't really what she needs to see at her age) and start talking about dangers in her world and what you as a family can do to make sure things are as safe as possible.Once she feels there is some control over things she should feel safer and the panic should go away.
hello
as a kid I was very interested in death.. but now, in retrospect , I realize that it wasn't death so much that I was so drawn to, but rather LOSS... having been a child who experienced a great deal of loss in my younger life, I know now that death was just more "tangible" idea to comprehend (at least somewhat) as oppose to loss.. loss as being placed in foster-care and loss of my brother first being taken away and leaving me behind. That said, you indicated that your daughter almost lost her baby brother and a baby cousin to sids ... could be that because she is so young, it's rather hard for her to comprehend the many different types of loss and the reasons behind it and that too, someone can have an accident and not die. Perhaps it's not that her thinking is morbid in as much as if you think about it.. makes good sense to a little one to group and categorize things and in this case, DEATH is the umbrella for which many things go under. She sounds VERY bright.. and so much so that you might want to sit down with her and have a chat about these things she mentions. I once heard that the best time for these more intimate chats with little one is right before bed, when the lights are dimmed.. this can be a more relaxing time for them and hence, they open up more and she might tell you more about what's on her mind..
best of luck.. :)
PLEASE don't let your daughter watch House or any other adult show. Kids at that age don't realize the difference between fiction and reality. They think whatever they see on TV is real and "normal." I am certain her questions come from watching House and other things you may let her watch. We stopped watching the 6:00 news because of all the talk of shootings, etc.-- my daughter started talking about it and asking questions (later, when the news wasn't on). Kids absorb a lot more than we think they do. Please be careful about what you have on the TV when your daughter is around.
It's a phase. We referred to our older daughter as "Wednesday Addams" for a while because she was fascinated by death and dying for a while. It was bizarre. She did finally grow out of it. Of course, now my younger daughter is entering this phase. The other day she asked if she could call Grandma and Grandpa. I said sure. So she calls them, and the first words out of her mouth were, "I had the best day today! Guess what happened? I came home from school and there was a dead frog in my room!" (Her cat is quite a fierce hunter, and often brings us "gifts.") But seriously - a dead animal made her day. Little sicko. I'm ready for this phase to go away!
But yeah, totally normal.
