Ideas for Explaining Death of Dog to 4 Year Old

Coincidentally a friend sent me this email last month which I am copying:

Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick.

I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her. You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith.

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch addressed, 'To Meredith , ' in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it. Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies.' Taped to the inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and this note:

Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven.

Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away.

Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by.

Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you.

I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.

By the way, I am wherever there is love.

Love,
God

This is one of the kindest things I've ever read. I have no way to know who sent it, but there is a kind soul working in the dead letter office of the US postal service.

I did not write any of the above but thought it was worth sharing. I dread the day our elderly dog passes and I will have to help my 5 1/2 year old and 8 year old sons deal with death. We already had another dog pass almost 3 years ago but it didn't really phase my kids. I just told them she went to doggie heaven and yes, our other dog probably misses her. Now they see how our older dog is slowing down... she's 15 years old with some benign tumors.

Best wishes and my deepest sympathies to you on the loss of your family pet.

2 moms found this helpful

S.,
The same thing happened to me, not too long ago.. we let my boyfriends friend care for the dog because he said he knew how.. a week later the dog died. I just straight up and told my son that "Rascal" wasn't coming back because he passed on. Of course there will be questions and just explain the best you can. Sooner or later it'll have to come up, and who better to learn from then you, his mom. I think if you go the sleeping route, your son may have issues w/ going to sleep. Thinking that if he falls asleep that he won't get up, you know?
*best of luck, M.E.

1 mom found this helpful

It has been my experience that children who hear the explanation that "he just went to sleep," then worry that they might not wake up when they go to sleep. I think it is better to share that your beloved pet was very sick and was unable to get better and that now he is in a place where he isn't hurting anymore. Depending on your religous beliefs, you can explain that he is with God or in a special place. Sometimes the death of a pet is the first time you will have to explain your belief of death to your child. Sometimes it is better not to explain too much because then you might have to answer questions that you yourself are not really sure about. Usually, they don't want to know so much. I have attached a link to a site that has comforted many adults and children about the loss of a pet. Take a look and see if it fits for you. http://indigo.org/rainbow/ Good luck, D.

1 mom found this helpful

I am sorry that you had to put your dog to sleep. That is traumatic for everyone involved. I think you should tell the truth to your children. That Buck was sick and very old (this is important to avoid trauma) and that he went to see heavenly father who will take great care of him.
That way, your child will not be afraid that you and your husband, your daughter or he will fall asleep and never wake up again!
We had to explain death of grandparents and this seemed to work.
Kind Regards :-)
S.
Mother of three girls, ages 8, 6 and 3

1 mom found this helpful

I have a Book that I LOVE it is called How to say it. To kids written by Dr. Paul Coleman It helped me explain A death in the family. It can help you too. Here it is on amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000TDH25E/sr=1-2/qid=12...=

1 mom found this helpful

Dearest S.,
I am a stay home mom of a 7 and 3 yr old girls. I too had to explain death to my 7 yr old when she was a little smaller. I don't think telling your son that the dog went to sleep and never woke up is such a great idea. He may confuse the issue and think that when he goes to sleep he'll never wake up or even think you'll never wake up either. My husband and I spoke to her honestly. Telling her that our family member was really sick. And even though she and we get sick it was a different kind of being sick and she went to heaven to become an angel. I think being honest with kids is very important. And even though he may not understand exactly what your explaining to him now, he will keep asking questions and repetition is the best way for him to understand.
Good Luck.
E.

1 mom found this helpful

Our fish just died, and we told our 3 and 4 year old that the fish wanted to go back to his family and see his mother and father. So he left our family but will be happy with his family even though he will miss us. Not great, but it made it a little easier for them. I just didn't think they were ready for the whole death and heaven explaination yet. So sorry about your dog, hope you can remember all the fun times!

1 mom found this helpful

I learned about death when I was 4 years old. Apparently I had a lot of questions & then my grandmother died. I went to her viewing & funeral & got my Q's answered by the experience. I don't believe he is too young. Be truthful but keep it simple. Let him know that Buck was old & sick, or whatever the truth is. Remember, if we get sick we don't necessarily die. Also if we have to see a doctor or go to the hospital we won't necessarily die. Kids are smart. Give them the credit they deserve. :)

1 mom found this helpful

DO NOT tell your son that your dog went to sleep and did not wake up! That could cause some serious, long-term sleep problems. Tell your son that your dog died. That is what happened. Kids deal with these things much better than we give them credit for --- IF we tell them the truth. The dog was ill, he died, we loved him so much and will always remember him, etc... Your son will be sad, but he will be fine after a short time of grieving if you tell him he truth. It is so, so sad, but the dog died. By the way, I am the mother of 4 boys and went through this with one dog when my oldest two were 3 and 5, and with another dog when my youngest son was just barely 4. This type of thing isn't easy, but it is parenthood. :0)

1 mom found this helpful

Wow, it sounds like this advice is a little late, but I definately wouldn't tell them that he went to sleep and didn't wake up (in case it makes him worry every night that the same thing could happen to him when he goes to sleep at night.)

Explaining death to a child depends on your beliefs, but clearly you believe in an afterlife like I do. My daughter just turned five; last year her uncle died and we attended his funeral. We explained to her that each of us have a spirit inside our bodies. When we die, our bodies stop moving, breathing and functioning, (and that's what we bury), but that our spirits (or souls) continue on and can still feel our thoughts and love.

My daughter is facinated with the gruesome so she wants detailed explanations about how things die (her uncle had a heart attack), but I just explained that his heart stopped working properly and the doctors and nurses did everything they could, but sometimes when things get broken they can't be fixed. She also wanted to know if it hurt him to die. My philosophy about this is that I should be honest with my kids about pain (like, do shots hurt? yes, but it's important to get it and this is why...), so I said I don't know for sure, but yes, it probably hurt, but he doesn't hurt now. And we made sure to let them know that it was okay to cry and be mad or sad and it was okay to be happy and laugh too (just not during the funeral services). We miss those who have gone on and that's okay.

I hope this helps you - it's definately not an easy conversation to have, but get your plan and don't wait! Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

We just had to put one of our cats down about a month ago. My daughter is 5 (was 4 at the time) and we told her Cookie was sick and that the Dr. is trying to make her better. But when we went to the Vets office to say a final goodbye, it was my daughter who asked if she was dying. Of course we had to say yes. My daughter was sad for a while still hoping she would get better but then we had to tell her that Cookie did die, that Cookie was very sick. Kids this age are stronger than we realize and just need matter-of-fact straight talk. Don't use the "sleep" thing, he might think your dog will wake up. Say the truth and move on.
Good Luck.
M.

1 mom found this helpful

There is a wonderful picture book by Cynthia Rylant called "Dog Heaven" that I highly recommend. It's good theology, whether you are talking about dogs or people.

1 mom found this helpful