Problems - Tulsa,OK

maybe you are going at this all the wrong way. You need to quit thinking that the kids and house are going to fall apart if you are not in the middle of it all of the time. Start today with a sit and talk to daddy time. Start thinking of things other than the kids that you want to talk about. It could be a news story. Then when he gets home sit down and talk to him. If the kids need something say not now daddy and I are talking. They will not fall apart!! Take the time with him. There is not going to be time apear out of the blue. Make it!!

i know how you feel with the house work and kids.what i started doing to help my marriage was i started having girls night out about every 3mths i have a slumber party thats is a adult party for women 18 and over no kids or husbands we all get together and have a great time and we buy stuff to spice up our bedroom life it is a great way to have time for your self and your husband want mind it at all

Are you on any birthcontrol? I have an awful time with any kind of birthcontrol. One of the many things it does to me is takes my sex drive away. You really need to take some time for yourself. I cant sympathize my hubby is big computer addict. He loves playing computer games. We worked it out. If you have good comunication you can too.

I went through something similar regarding the lack of sex drive, tired all the time, resenting husband doing nothing around the house. we are fortunate enough that we could afford some counseling, and I was ecstatic that my husband was willing to go and participate. It took our counselor to show my husband how much i really was doing at home. Part of me was too tired to want to be with him, but part of me was mad that i was filling all of these needs of others but nobody was looking to fulfill mine. If you can find a professional, that's awesome-because he/she can show each of you things you didn't know without feeling of attack or taking sides. You can get some great communication tools just to get back in the swing of things. Kids change everything, so I knew not to go into it all thinking we were going to get our dating days back. But we both had to put in the effort. We starting going on dates, and to be honest-I started taking one night off a week just for me. I wasn't responsible for picking our child up, groceries, dinner, dogs - I did what I wanted. Sometimes I got a pedicure, sometimes I wandered through Target taking my time looking at stuff, and often-I went to the movies. Sometimes I went with a friend and sometimes I just went alone. I don't know if this helps-i surely hope that it does. I'm not saying a counselor is the fix, but it may help weed through the hurt feelings and see that there is a marriage still there to work on. it won't be easy-for either of you. And that's ok-nobody ever said this would be easy! I was surprised when we got into some of the conversations, the things I found out about me, my husband, etc... nice surprises along with ones that were hard to listen to but helped in the long run.

Hi A.! Any woman who is married and had little ones to handle can relate to your problem!!! Please, make time for yourself and your husband. It may sound weird, but schedule it in!!! Like an appointment at first and then it will just get to the point where no appointment is needed. He needs to give a little, too. I don't know if men fully understand that taking some time and helping you out around the house and with the kids is an incredible aphrodisiac! Try and make him understand that you need some time to yourself, also, in order to feel like a whole woman and to feel sexy again! You are so young, my dear, and nothing is impossible. If you love your husband and he loves you, getting out of this slump can be done. It is just a matter of caring for your relationship as much as you care for your children and your household. It needs time, nurturing and food...and the food for relationships is time and attention. Figure out what you liked to do pre-kids and try and go do it again! Go get your hair did, girl, get something pretty to wear and tell your husband to take you out and make you feel SEXY! It will all come together. Slumps really suck, but figuring out how to undo them is an incredibly important part of making your marriage work for all time. Once you guys are back on track, you will appreciate the efforts you made to make it happen. I have been there, darlin'...let me know how it goes...I love this website...so great for us women...!

You don't say what time apart means. Did he move out completely? How long was he gone? Why did you think it would be any easier alone?
Have you spoken to your OBGYN? Is the reason for lost energy health releated? Does sex hurt since the last baby arrived?
If the answers to all this are not related to him having a little honey on the side, you are not suffering from a health issue and you are sure you still love him... THEN...
Take a deep breath. Take several. It is perfectly natural to loose interest in exhausting passtimes when you have two small children. (I had two that were 19 months apart with an older child not yet in school and my neice only four months her senior)I assure you I saw no hot nights for about a year!!!!
Sex and the effort that goes into it is exhausting. It takes effort to want to be deisrable. It takes self esteam and love to be ready willing and able to put on the little touches to make yourself desirable and feel desire.
Most of the time it passes. I can't tell you two weeks, two months or even two years. You have two full time jobs namely thoses babies. House work is the pits. I have always been able to build one faster than clean one. Yuck. You can't blame him for not wanting to help. Not helping... now that is different.
Start with locating a good sitter. Find one that will keep both babies for at least two hours a week. You don't have to dress up and spend money just go for a long walk.
Be open and be honest. Speak to each other. Tell hime exactly what you expect. Ask him what he wants and expects.
Make the commitment to fullfill one thing each.
It takes time. Don't expect him to ever want to help. Don't expect him to be cleaning toiletts next week, but if you both try, he could be clearing the table in short order, honestly.
Babies grow. You get used to it...No I tell a HUGE lie you neaver ever get used to the drudgery of house work, but the kids grow, learn to help, if you teach them.
You get the desire back.
If nothing else is wrong then take it for what it is...your body needs a rest.

My youngest is 3 and I very recently got my urges back, and they are still not to the same strength they were before. You know how sometimes you dont want to do the dishes but they still have to be done to have a nice clean kitchen? And once they are clean you feel soooo much better. Well the same can be said about physical relations with your husband. Talk to him about how you want to spend more time with him but you just dont have any extra to give. You could use a little help and then you wouldnt be so tired so....

Have you guys ever sat down and talked about how to setup the household duties for after he comes home? When my husband comes home he typically rests for awhile but after I cook dinner and we eat he helps put the food away and wash the dishes. Everyone clears the table including my 3 and 4 year old that way it is family time . . . at night we take turns bathing the kids and we read the story and put them to bed together. On weekends we split the chores and try to do less because we want it to be family time. After he gets home and the kids are in bed it is no longer chore time unless he wants to help me fold laundry (so we can talk), but typically we sit and talk, cuddle, watch a movie together in silence (just to know we are together); but at the same time we try to give eachother at least 30 mins alone to just have me time. In the evenings it is VITAL that you have nonchore together time and nonchore me time so that you both can feel restored. Also, take a shower before bed, caress his head or vice versa or massage eachothers feet while watching a show, something simple but intimate where the "mood" might be re-established, and when is the last time you both went out together on a date. . . even just a late night netflix movie date at home so you both can have quality you time. Just help him realize that during the day you put in your 8-12 hours and when he comes home you need your rest, his help, eachother, and alone time and intimacy is vital so just try to make a sexual effort and you will probably get the "mood" while trying. Good luck and we will pray for you!

My husband and I got married young too: 17 and 19 and have been married for 8 1/2 years. We have had our moments but working through it and making a fighting effort is worth it for your family and eachother. We have 3 children: 4, 3, 6 mos and my husband is military and deployed 4-6 mos every year.