First off I have never gotten along with my ex husband's wife. No matter how hard I try to be nice the woman gets under my skin. My daughter is beginning to lose her teeth and her stepmom has pulled 3 of the 4 teeth that have been loose. The issue that I am having is b/c my daughter comes home complaining that it hurts when her stepmom is pulling them. When we send her to her dad's the tooth is definitely not ready to come out yet and they are still pulling them. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get them to quit pulling her teeth before they are ready to come out? (The relationship is really bad between all of us so just asking them won't help.) Thanks in advance!!
I wanted to tell everyone thank you and address a few of the things you all said. We have shared custody so I can't take his visitation away. Last time we went to court to modify it back to him having visitation he lied to the judge saying that I took the kids away from even though we had agreed it was better we didn't do 50/50 anymore. Someone said it seemed to be a control issue and you are right it is very much a control issue. I don't know what to do b/c she thinks that she can do whatever she wants with the kids. As far as trying to get counseling or having a family member help intervene, he won't go for it. He thinks counseling is "BS" and that it doesn't work. He also fills his family with lies about me so that they won't like me. I used t have a good relationship with my MIL but he started telling her lies about me and of course she believed him. This is why I am having such a hard time. I feel I am kind of screwed in the situation b/c I know they don't listen to my daughter b/c she is drama queen but they haven't seemed to figure out which is her being a drama queen and which is her being serious. Thanks again everyone for your help, I appreciate all the great advice.
I am a Dental Hygienist and I would tell them that they are not licensed to practice dentistry and to stop or you will call the State Board of Dental Examiners OR you could just tell them that they are going to mess up the spacing for her permanent teeth if her primary teeth come out too soon. Braces are about $4,400 dollars now and to start saving up for their half.
Ok... I am the hated new wife of an ex and here is my advice over the past 6 years I have been blamed for so many things that were not even done by me or even had my input on what ever the situation happened to be. I do know that over the past 6 years I have stepped on the Mom's toes many times but honestly not intentionally. I would pick and choose my battles when it comes to starting something with a blended family. I also have daughter and an Ex and we get along with my ex amazingly well. So I have experience on both sides of the fence and on both directions as far a good and bed relationships. I think the way my ex and I worked things out so well was that we ALWAYS talked about things and did not what was best for our feelings but what was best for our daughter. The problem with the relationship I have w/ my husbands ex is that they don’t talk. He can’t stand her and she can’t stand him and so it all falls on my shoulders. I have tried to explain things but I have found that coming from me (the evil step mom) NEVER solves any issues. It has to come from my husband to her or it just is a fight. So having said all that I would suggest that you call him... no e-mailing or text messaging... and ask him if he would be willing to meet you for kid exchange at a public place (like McDonalds) and see if he would be willing to talk with you and your daughter together. Let her tell him how it hurts and then have a rational conversation about the situation. Here are some tips... don’t tell him before hand what you want to talk about, and let her tell her daddy without your input, that way the solution will be his idea not yours, it gives him some feeling of control in the situation, it also helps alleviate the feeling of nagging he might feel if it came from you. Try and not even bring the step mom into the conversation. Other wise the whole thing will be a waste of your time. He will defend her that is his wife. Even if he knows she is in the wrong he will always defend her. So try and not even bring her up or you guys or anything that will remotely be referring to her. Make it a conversation about your child and your two as parents. If and when you two reach a point where you can have these types of healthy conversations with out it being about you but only about the daughter, then and only then can the other step parents be involved. And my last piece of advice is pray pray and pray some more over this terrible communication problem between you and your ex and also pray safety over your daughter and then trust God that he will keep her safe. I doubt that a tooth is going to perm. damage her, although I understand your concern completely... and you have to sometimes let things go and trust that God will not allow harm to come to your child. Good Luck... it’s a long road ahead... don’t be impatient and don’t ever let someone else take away the positive spirit in you by their negativity. Just keep doing what you know is right and eventually things will get better. I know!! I've done it in my own life!!!
J. this sounds strange to me. I have never heard of anyone pulling out teeth unless they were simply flopping around. This sounds like she has a bit of a cruel streak and I would keep an eye open for other things. (without suggesting anything to your daughter) I might ask for your daughters help on this one. Refuse to let them touch her mouth, throw a fit...I'm not sure. Maybe advice from a dentist. I'm sorry I'm not much help except I really think this is inappropriate. Good luck,
M
Have you spoken to her father if he is of no help then
Keep your children at home, unfortunately for children there really are wicked (insecure) stepmothers out there. Whatever you have to do protect your children, from mean hateful people as well as influences that would cause a 5 year old to think she is going on 16. It may be cute now but when she is 10 and thinks she's grown it won't be. Encourage your children to be children, that's their job.
Find an older Christian woman who has been married many years and still loves her husband and has raised great children to mentor and help you.
Above all as the mother of a beautiful little girl and handsome little boy I strongly urge you to let them be the center of your life until they are up and college bound. Do not clutter their lives or put them at risk with any more stepfamily. You will find every sacrfice made worthwhile in the end. And with help you will find the journey joyful although trying.
God Bless, E.
well, i can definently say that i haven't had the pleasure of experiencing my ex's new wife, but i've dealt with the new girlfriend. i tried sitting down with her face to face and laid out the boundaries. i know you've probably repeated yourself so many times that the kids are yours not hers...seems to go in one ear and out the other right? well, it sounds like is pure competition on her part. have you tried talking with her or your ex? i also had my ex sit down with me and gave him boundaries about what i wanted and expected from the girlfriend...also what i didn't want...which was her interfering. unfortunately a new wife is sort of permanent (at least for now, i wish them no ill-will of course) but i think talking w/ her and your ex in a public place and explaining the issues and laying down some boundaries are the best....just be prepared she will probably think you are pointing the finger at her. and if push comes to shove just tell your ex that you don't want her around the kids unless absolutely necessary. good luck...let me know what happens or if you need any thing else...from one single mom to the next!
that's just cruel! poor girl. make sure you let your daughter know that she has the right to say NO and that she can call mommy at any time to come get her. it's her mouth and her teeth and they will come out on their own without being yanked before they are ready. be sure to tell them that it is unacceptable and that if it continues you will consider taking further action ie not allowing them to see her when she has a loose tooth that's not ready to fall.
Wow..that is really a problem...tell your little girl not to mention loose teeth, or teeth in general...she really does not need to be pulling teeth that are not ready to come out...they will fall out on their own...she doesn't have to have them pulled...does the stepmom have any children of her own?? I think if this continues, I would just have to call and tell them..."please don't pull her teeth...if she needs to have them pulled, I will take her to the dentist"...
wow... i am sorry for your daughter and you.. so my advice.
take her to counseling becaues she would benefit anyway. and go along. at some point they will want to see dad and step mom. and this can all get worked out in a well documented and safe place with the best interest of your daughter being met. and then you won't seem so bad as they will finally have to listen to her. i hope it gets better for her fast as this just sems awful to have someone else's will forced upon your body in particular her baby teeth all because they believe this is right. there is no clear benfit of this over letting them fall out on thier own and obviously this causes more harm than good. but the fact is your daughter is old enough to complain and since it is her body she should have the say if her way is just as beneficial and less harm. best of luck.
What makes this step-M. think there are any teeth loose? Does you daughter say so? You would think that if after twice having a tooth pulled that she did NOT want pulled your daughter would not even say the word "tooth" around her step-mother. Something seems strange!
If the step mom doesn't know the teeth are loose, she won't pull them will she? You and your ex will always have a relationship because of the kids and it is better to try and get along for their sake. Just keep being nice to her and hopefully she will come around. Another suggestion may be to have it written in your custody papers that any medical problems should be approved by you first since you are obviously the custodial parent. If it continues I would consider cutting out the visits until your ex husband's wife agrees with your wishes. It is not her decision to make in the first place. You should be dealing with your ex husband not her.
J., Could you appeal to your husband? What does your divorce decree say (do you both share joint legal custody or do you have custody/he visitation)?
If it is the latter, exercise your custody rights! They cannot "treat" any disease or condition without your consent.
Hi J.,
I am just so agast over what you have said here.
What your daughters step mom does is cruel and I do not feel it is her business to force this on the child and it upsets me that the childs dad allows it as well.
How long have you been divorced? I think I would talk to someone with authority about this matter.
KAYD
I would call DHS (social services). Don't mess around when it comes to your children. If you allow something to happen that should not be happening, you are just as guilty.
