Potty Training (HELP)

Let her do it in her own time. I bought all the books, we put her Baby Alive Doll on the toilet and listened to her going potty. I bought a great potty chair and she just flat out refused any of it. Her nanny tried to help but she ended up holding her poo all day and complaining of stomach aches which we ended up going to the doctor for. Then one morning at age 3 she came downstairs and said she wanted to wear big girl under wear. She has worn them ever since it has now been about 2 months. she has accidents now and then but she pees poos and wipes all by herself. I realized that it had nothing to do with me she just had to do it her own way.
Good luck

We have a son the same age who also is not potty trained. He was doing well last summer/fall but then we found out that we're expecting another child and we also moved.... needless to say there's a lot going on. We talked to our child's doctor at his 3 year visit and she said to just stop talking about and completely stop trying altogether and give it another 6 months. She said it's a power issue with lots of kids and they need to feel the control. She also said not to use any kind of reward system for this... and believe me, we've tried every method out there, including putting him in underwear all last summer and fall while at home. we cleaned up so many messes-- it was ridiculous. now we're taking our doctor's advice and he goes now and then completely on his own and we get really excited about, but otherwise we don't push at all. I would talk to your pediatrician. I know there's this stigma with the older generation (no offense) who all swear that there kids were all potty trained before the age of 2, but for whatever reason, this is no longer the average age and doctors insist that pushing kids to potty train will back fire in other areas of their development. I have a very close friend who's an expert child clinical psychologist for many years and she agrees. You cannot force a child or otherwise bribe a child to use the potty and you definitely should not punish a child in anyway for having an accident. Let your granddaughter's parents worry about this with the doctor & go with what they want to do.

DEFINITELY a control issue. Let it go and she will be ready really soon.

For many kids, it is a control issue. They feel that they have very little control over things and this is one that they do. I would not make it an issue, no punishment, just focus on the reward part. Maybe even take a break on it for a couple of weeks.

When she is ready she will do it. Some people just take a little longer than others.

Relax and quit making such a big deal out of it. When kids are ready they are ready. Only they know. My son was almost 4 when he became potty trained. I gave up and decided he would be in diapers for the rest of his life. Then all of a sudden one day he came down the stairs with his diapers and said "mom, I think it is time for me to be a big boy, you can give these to baby(his little brother). It has been almost 6 months and he has only had 3 accidents. I too tried, rewards, praise, anything to make it fun--nothing worked. Hang in there she will get it when she is ready. Til then any attention even negative attention is attention for her.

My daughter just turned three and it was the same thing for the past three months - I gave her the ultimatum of when she turned 3 she had to use the potty all the time. Even three weeks ago she was still holding the poop and peeing right in front of me when she just told me she didn't need to go.

Now she is doing it "all by herself" and is pooping too.

Give her a goal - if she is a very independent child, like mine, she will need to have the satisfaction of it being on her terms (so she thinks). Once she gets that feeling that it is her responsibility to make it to the potty - I think you will have a much easier time.

Since the birthday has passed - try to choose a point in time for her to shoot for. I would talk about that certain point in time - perhaps it is somewhere fun to go - pump that event up as much as you can - show her pictures of it so she can get an understanding of it. You will need to have her parents on board with this too. Then tell her that she can go when she doesn't have any more accidents. Then let the next few weeks run the course - talk up the event, counting down the days, mark it on a calendar and make it part of your routine each day. If she has an accident - remind her that in two weeks (or whatever time) she needs to use the potty all the time. Do NOT make a big deal over the accident - if she poops/pees or whatever, say oopsy - maybe next time you can try to go on the potty. Make her go get her change of clothes and she should be able to change herself. If it is a poop accident then help her minimally - she can get herself dressed after she is cleaned up.

Also reward any and all potty - I know you have tried it - but if she is going pee pee in the potty regularly then make the poop reward HUGE - popsicle or ice cream cone. Make the poop reward a party. Then ween her off the reward. It will get easier - but do not make a big deal of the oops'.

My daughter still has an occasional pee pee accident - mostly when she is totally engages in playing with something or outside. I do make her go potty right before she goes outside, or we go somewhere. If you are in the car and she has to go potty - try to encourage her to hold it - that was part of the problem - she didn't have the holding control quite yet.

Lastly - limit the consumption - make sure she isn't chugging a juice box down all at once. Teach moderation - that helped tremendously. Encourage take a few sips at a time. I think part of the pee pee accidents was due the all of a sudden urge to potty that she just wasn't used to controlling/holding.

I hope this helps some - it worked for me - my older son was trained within a week at 30 months - then she came along and it was quite a bit longer. They all train differently and I don't think family history will give any reasons why.

Good luck!

Does she have her on potty chair in the bathroom? If she does then when you go to the bathroom take with you then, She will get use to going on the potty chair. That what i did with my Grandkids

Hi L.,
Right now everyone needs to leave it alone.
My son was 4 years old before we could potty train him,the DR. said that we were pushing to hard.
If you don't talk about it or push it for a week she will think that she has the control that she needs to have about the potty.
Before you know it she will be going all by herself!
If she goes in her pant's just change her don't say anything she will feel in charge and will use the potty very soon.
Our second son we left alone and in one week he was going all by himself.
The kids need to feel that they are in charge of this.

Good luck,
Lynn B

Hi Grandma:

I certainly can understand your frustration... I too have a 3 1/2 year old daughter, and she too has been quite stubborn with potty training! We have seemed to have a bit more success, this is what we have been doing... first I took her out and we went and purchased her "own" Big girl potty! Its the fisher price one.. it plays music, and gives encouragement. I got her's at Walmart.. its around $30. Sometimes I think the little ones are just afraid of the "big potty"!! She also loves ELMO so we have the "Potty Time" DVD which kinda explains Potty and Poopy in a way that little ones find entertaining. The last thing I have done is we went "shopping for big girl panties" she was able to pick out her own that she wanted.

I hope these suggestions help just a little bit... I'm no expert, but these are what worked for us. Good luck, and when she's truly ready she'll do it.

take care.

I have a friend that had this same problem with her son. One day when he decided to go on himself, she had him clean his own underwear in the toilet. When it became his responsibilty to clean up after himself, he started to use the potty chair consistantly.

hi L.,

Kids can be so different on when they are ready for the potty. My oldest literally trained overnight before age 2 - my youngest (now 4 was much more difficult), and didn't finally 'get it' until 3 1/2. It makes no difference at what age her parents were trained - she is her own unique little person.

I know it can be very frustrating and it feels like she's just being uncooperative - but, in fact, her little body just hasn't got it all synchronized yet - it's a physical thing and she can't help it.

It's important for everyone to be consistent and not scold over it. Please don't make her 'clean it up' that will intimidate and traumatize her and will not work. I am certainly no expert, but here's what worked for us when it seemed our 3.5 yr old was just being uncooperative:

Her big sister brought home 'special' books and told her - "it's time for you to start using the potty, I got these just for you to have in the bathroom, you also have to start wearing your big-girl panties now" (I had gotten them for her and she was refusing to wear them). For some reason having her big sister tell her made her more receptive to the idea. I put her in big girl undies - and she would sit on the potty chair in order to hear her new special books - I would read to her every hour. Sometimes she would go and I would cheer and applaud. Sometimes she didn't go and I would just say 'maybe next time'. When she had accidents I made no comments, just quietly cleaned her up and put on fresh undies - being careful not to show disapproval or give any extra attention over it - just very neutral.

After approx 2 weeks with this method she was potty trained.
Maybe something like this might work for you too - hang in there!

best of luck to you (you're a special Grandma to be there for her).

W.