Pot debate...question....added Another Question...

I'm sorry, but are you kidding me? That is nosiness to the extreme. People do lots of things in the privacy of their own home that has nothing to do with their neighbors or what kind of people they are. It's not even about pot IMO it's about wanting people to disclose personal business. How would you go about regulating that? How would you know if they disclosed it or not?

We could go on and on with this. Should they have to disclose if they are in therapy, or couples counseling? What if one of the spouses cheats? Their kids have a disability? Their dog has fleas? See what I mean, I fully disagree with you on this one.

"Required to disclose it to the parents around them?"

Are you serious?
It's no one's business if I do or don't. (I do, BTW).

If the use is a problem, it won't be a secret. It'll be fairly obvious in most cases.
But do I feel like I should have to notify people so I can be "judged"?

I have some choice words for that.

There are a lot of factors here. Are they watching my kids?, are they driving with my children in their car? If the answer is "no" then its none of my business.

Pot is such a non issue for me though, its a very lazy drug that i dont really think harms anyone.

Exactly what do you mean by "Disclose it"? a.) it's illegal in most places still so very few are going to just pop out and tell you! b.) as long as they do it in the privacy of their own home how is it any one else's business?

As long as the kids don't appear neglected, it is no more your business than any perfectly legal drinking they may do at home.

No, I don't believe they 'owe' it to the neighbors. Are they stoned when the kids are around? A different story, but not the question you are asking.

For what it's worth, I do think that all parents have the job of 'vetting' who their child is spending time with. Would I leave my kid with someone who was drunk, overly medicated or high on anything? No. Mentally ill? No. I see bigger issues at play. Does someone have to notify the neighbors if they have bipolar disorder*, which would likely have more of a negative affect on those around them if not managed correctly? Where does privacy and personal responsibility end and public 'concern' begin?

I think the presumption that we should all notify our neighbors about our personal proclivities is a bit intrusive, to say the least.

Are you planning on leaving your children in their care?

If you ask them "do you smoke pot?", if that's your concern, then that's your right to do so. Just don't be surprised if they tell you that it isn't any of your business. It isn't.

For what it's worth, I keep my friendships based on the kind of person they are on an everyday basis. I know plenty of sober people I would never be friends with in a million years. Over the years, I've discovered that a jerk is a jerk, drunk or sober. Same with pot. Finding out someone smokes pot is not a big deal for me. I just expect that they won't do it in front of my kids or act inappropriately. The same thing I'd expect if they didn't.

(*please know I'm not trying to demean anyone with bipolar disorder. However, from my experience, I've seen a lot more trouble in my own family with unmanaged mental illness than I ever did with the people who wanted to have a toke or two in the evenings, after the kids were in bed.)

It's my opinion that what people do in their own home is no one else's business, UNLESS their children are put in direct danger.

Do you or your DH drink? Do your neighbors drink? I'm guessing they don't alert everyone when they partake in a tasty refreshment, right? Same thing applies to pot.

No, that's a little crazy to expect people to report any thing they do to potential friends. However, I wouldn't let anyone who I thought was impaired drive my child anywhere. I did ask a friend to pick up her daughter (that I would normally drive home) once because I was taking Xanax at the time (new prescription) and I didn't know if it would affect my driving. She is a good friend so I told her exactly why. An acquaintance I would just say I was unable to drive her with no explanation. Also, if there are obviously drug sellers and buyers in and out of the house then I wouldn't let my kid go there. However, I have no issues with grown ups smoking a little pot in their home. It's no one's business and less harmful than alcohol. I wouldn't approve of it in front of the kids, but I guess that makes me a hypocrite, because I drink wine or a cocktail in front of my child several times a week.

That's no one's business! If you're using them for childcare, then you have a right to ask, but otherwise that is strictly their business just like how many drinks or smokes or candybars you have a day or week is your business.

the only thing that is currently required is if they are a sex offender. do you think catching a buzz is as much a threat, or on the same level as a sex offender?

I say no... most people who smoke pot do it pretty discreetly in my experience - knowing some family members who do smoke pot for pain related reasons. If they have a prescription from their DR to do so (as is the case for many in CA), many still choose to "hide" it to keep from having to answer questions or having to say no to people wanting a puff.

Its a drug... and responsible parents who do smoke will treat it like any other prescription - blood pressure meds, insulin, antidepression meds, vicodin, ritalin, ect.

If you start expecting those who smoke pot to disclose it, will you start expecting those who are on a constant supply of vicodin or percocet to start disclosing those too?

Now if your neighbor is smoking in front of the kids, you could ask him/her to please be a bit more discreet with it around your kids. Or if you could smell the smoke around the kids, I'd definitely say something, but otherwise I'd leave things alone. I think you're lucky to even know that about your neighbor. If you're truly worried about the use of the drug, maybe ask why they are smoking it - then if they can't give a good reason for it, you can make a decision based on their actions and the possibility of them using/abusing something more. But that's MY opinion....

added: As far as being asked about it if you are smoking... I think that's a personal decision on a case by case basis. Sure there are some that were told because they asked if the health issue of so and so and was that person smoking, while others were just given a vauge answer like "pot's been tried before" and the topic changed. So if your wanting to ask your neighbors... I'd be really unjudgemental about it, maybe voice the concern that you could smell it at one time when your kids were around. Just at thought.

Should they be "made" to disclose it? Sure, as long as everyone elses' illegal activities need to be disclosed to all of the people that are now, could be, or might have contact with them at some point in the future!
That's truly nuts. Sorry.
Are parents some how the ¨Uber Morality/Law Breaking Police? Then we're in trouble b/c I'm sure a LOT of parents engage in a LOT of illegal activities when you consider drinking & driving, insurance fraud, gambling, prostitution, etc etc etc etc.....
Are "parents" somehow held to higher standard by society? Doubtful, considering the butt heads dragging kids around with them that can be seen on any day.
And another note: if pot smokers do disclose it, they better be prepared for a knock at the door--from cops or child protective services. While I'm sure there are parents that "responsibly" (????) smoke pot in the comfort of their own property and not in front of their kids--the bottom line is that it's against the law. It really IS that simple. :)

On to the next questions:
If my BFF was a pothead...I think I would know this from the start...not find out like a bombshell being dropped. Disown them? No. Change anything? Maybe. My idol is a pothead? No biggie.

ETA: I know people who lie about smoking cigarettes! I guess it's a personal choice to tell or not--about pot and tobacco.

oooh....hot topic?!

If they are smoking in their home - it's THEIR business..however, IF MY KIDS are in their HOME then they should NOT be smoking it at all..

My BF can't even smoke a cigarette let alone pot!! But I would love her just the same!!

My sister and her BF own a POT FARM in Napa Valley - they grow it for medicinal use....I don't do pot but am not going to stop people from doing it...

I don't think that smoking pot is any different from getting tipsy or drunk on alcohol (other than the fact that pot is probably not as bad as alcohol). I would be alarmed if someone drank to get tipsy in front of his or her children, when driving, when home alone and is responsible for the kids (even while they're asleep), etc. Same thing for pot. But if someone smokes weed after the kids are in bed or while they're away for the weekend, and another adult is straight and sober and able to react in case of an emergency, and the person isn't driving etc. while high, who cares?

No! Absolutely not. I am of the camp that what I do in the privacy of my home is no one's business. If you were to let your children sleep over at another child's house, the assumption is that the supervising parents will not do anything to limit their ability to adequately supervise all the children. No alcohol, not super-strong sleeping pills in the middle of the afternoon..... we also hope that the parents will not indulge in inappropriate language, movies, mid-day quickies.....

I mean, how would you feel if a new neighbor came up to you and demanded to know what your favorite sexual position is? I think all such questions should be handled by the same person. Nunya.

What the last person said! I don't want my husband doing it, but while I don't like it or necessarily agree with it, anyone else can do whatever they want as long as they don't do it in front of me or my kids! I don't think they should have to Disclose it.

If they planned on doing this in front of my children, then I would expect them to notify me, sure. Just the same as if they were smokers and planned on smoking cigarettes in front of my kids. I don't want anyone smoking anything around my kids, basically.

But if they do this in the privacy of their own home when my kids aren't around, what do I care? I don't require that my kids' friends' parents tell me that they drink beer, or that they take prescribed medication. Hard to imagine under what grounds I'd have the right to know any of that.

I love your pun!

I don't think what other people do in the privacy of their homes is anyone's business, as long as it isn't affecting others.

And on the question of if someone you admire came out of the closet, my answer is: obviously, if pot-smoking affected them negatively, you wouldn't admire them. So, it wouldn't change my opinion of them.

Interesting debate in your household!

Pot is pretty much a non issue to me. As far as someone watching or driving my kids around tho I would assume I would treat it the same way I would for alcohol.... not to happen!
I have no problem with what people do in their own home tho.. and pot is so controversial right now that the cops dont even bust anyone for it. It will be legal eventually.
I do not believe neighbors should have to tell you they are smokers, that's just wrong.

If you are not die-hard friends or family, I think it would be STUPID to divulge this information (not to say they SHOULDN'T ;) because I would most definantly want to know where my kids WOULD NOT be hanging out).

Let me share this story:

We were having our carpets cleaned before we moved our stuff in and, out of the blue, the carpet guy starts talking about how he smokes weed and wanted some right about that moment (yes, he was serious). My husband and I were kind of smirking about it behind his back, I mean, really, he doesn't know anything about us! He offered to share and as he was walking out to the van, casually tossed over his shoulder, "What do you do?" I started laughing and walked away as my husband, just as casually, called back, "I'm a federal ageant" (he didn't tell the man he works with SSA OIG, which is why my husband let it go) The look on the guys face was priceless. He kind of stammered around, finished our carpets, gave us a discount, and left.

For friends and family, we have both that do smoke pot and many more much more dangerous drugs. They are not allowed in my home because my BIL bragged about bringing said drugs into my home around my kids and getting high in his car without anyone noticing (is that really something to brag about?). We go to my inlaws for mandatory holiday functions, but that's it.

I am sorry but who in their right mind is going to purposely tell someone that they may not even know that they are doing something illegal (in most places) ?? That question doesn't make sense at all-sorry.

I wouldn't care if my friends smoked pot-although I would think they were pretty immature. Most people I know left that back in their 20s.

If someone I know asks me if I smoke I would tell them the truth. A stranger-I would say its none of your business. I would suggest that this should be everyone's answer to a stranger though...why in the WORLD would you tell somebody something like that-especially someone kooky enough to ask in the first place. Its not like we are college kids at a rave or anything.

I think Hazel W. said it VERY nicely!

Wow, it's really none of my business if someone smokes. As long as they are not driving under the influence (and that is no different than drinking and driving). Do I have an obligation to disclose to my neighbors (if I lived in VA or 11 other states) that I have oral sex? (Apparently still an 'act against nature' and statutes against have not been clearly invalidated by a supreme court ruling about a similar Texas statute). I'm going to go with no on that. Would my neighbors want me indulging with their kids around (sex or pot)? I would say no. Would I worry that my neighbors are likely to demonstrate such a degree of poor judgement? Nope.

Unless my child is in direct harm from something someone is doing, I could care less what goes on in their home....I may not agree with what they do, but that is their life, not mine....

If someone asked me those questions, I would probably decline to answer as it would be none of their business.

If it isn't hurting you, they aren't smoking it around your kids, and they do it in their own house, it isn't any of your business. No I have never ended a friendship over pot. Most people know not to smoke it around kids and strangers. It is illegal. If someone asks me if I smoke pot I just say no. Like they say your suppose to say.

While I don't agree with smoking for recreation, I can't think of a reason I'd need to know which casual acquaintances smoke it. I really think though that if they were a "pot head" then I'd already know and my children aren't around anyone I'm not around.