Please Help, My Son Won't Sleep

My son used to bang his head too. I spoke to the Dr. and she told me that he would not hurt himself and when it did start to hurt he would stop. He had bruises in the middle of his forhead for almost a year. Anyways, my advise...the old cry it out. Check on him, but just let him work it our himself. I know not everyone is a fan of this, but it works. I did not ignore my boys, I did check on them, pat them on their back, etc., but I did not pick them up. Talk to your Dr. see what they say.

OK, it sounds like you need a routine, and you need it quickly! My 19 month old son has been on a routine from the night I brought him home. That said, I realize you don't have a newborn, and he's got his own ideas on what he wants to do. At the exact time every night you must find several things that you do to wind down. These things should be something to get excited about! You might want to have a music player or sound machine in his room, and ask him to help you turn it on. Sing some songs that he recognizes, read books, in bed, with only a low light. When he starts wanting to throw fit, and hurt himself, you have to IGNORE him. If he thinks it bothers you, it will continue. If he thinks it will get him what he wants, it will continue. You should say "mommy will not watch you do this anymore", and walk out of the room. He will eventually learn to self sooth with a favorite blanket, or just being alone a few nights in a row, will cause him to realize he's on his own. It really is ok to cry it out. I know you don't want him to harm himself, but if you react to the hair pulling or banging his head, he will feed into it, and want more attention from you. Do your hardest to just say NO, and ignore him.
Good luck H.!

I think the trick for you is to catch him before he is tired. Look for the signs, everyone is different, but watch for when he starts rubbing his eyes, whining, gets glassy eyed and THEN PUT HIM IN BED. Think of yourself...when you are really tired it is hard to wind down. Same is true for kids. It is called the sleep window. Catch them tired, but not exhuusted and bed time and naptime will be much better. Don't worry about the clock. IF bed is at 7:30, but he seems tired at 6:30, do your routine and put him in his crib.

For more information, read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child....I reccomend it to everyone. It really made bedtime at our house easy.

Hi Molly,

I agree with Jill. I think he is getting overtired and then by that time he's just beside himself. Sometimes it's hard to tell, like with my nephew, because he wouldn't wind down, he would wind up. When he got tired, he wouldn't rub his eyes and slow down, he would begin to be more active in order to fight sleep. That was when we knew we had to start shutting things down. We had to be sneaky, though. We would sit down on the sofa, or have him lay down on the sofa and watch a movie. Little Einstein or something equally mellow. He would be asleep before he realized what he was doing.

Hope this helps,

L.

Hi H.,
I really feel your frustration! I have a four year old who still does this at times yet not like he used to. Still, I go to my mom's a few times a week just so I can drive him around on the way home to get him to sleep so I can avoid the bedtime routine. Ideal? No, but this offers me a little sanity. My son now talks up a storm just to keep himself away...sings and when he was younger he literally used to poke his fingers in eyes to stay away! When he did fall asleep against his will, he used to wake and jump right up as if he had missed anything. I have to say this is such a pain to deal with yet it seems like we both have 'spirited' children. I even bought a book on raising a spirited child..I was too tired to read it go figure:) Best of luck...the only advice I have it to put him in bed right after the bath and read books and sing and then lay with him until he falls asleep. Sometimes it would take me and hour and a half. It is a bit easier now and no more naps helped as well! When they would nap him in daycare (yes, with an hour struggle) he would be a nightmare to get to sleep!
Hope all goes well!

The only thing I know to suggest, aside from looking for signs of being tired initially, is to set up a night-time routine.

It's gotten to the point where both my kids now ask to "go upstairs" - that's our first step in "winding down" for the evening...making sure we know where everybody's buddie's (teddy bear's), blankets, and pajamas are, and going upstairs. We'll watch a little TV, have a little water to drink, talk about the day, relax, have potty time last before going to their bedroom, and settling into bed.

Whatever your routine is, start it at the same time every night before he gets tired - maybe 40 minutes after dinner. Be diligent with it, and then he'll start to know what to expect, and will start looking forward to it.

It can be whatever you want - start with a bath, maybe rub some of the "bedtime lavendar lotion" Johnson&Johnson makes, then into pajamas, read a book, have a night-time bottle and go to bed - whatever, as long as the time is peaceful, soothing, and conducive to him winding down. Also, have a humidifier in his room or some sort of fan on low to create some "white noise". There's a humidifier walgreen's (it's a private-label sunbeam humidifier) has that has a nightlite that shines through the tank - bright enough to see in the room, but not bright enough to keep anybody awake.

just a few thoughts - for what it's worth, and good luck!