Help! 2 Year Old Nephew Just Moved in and House Is in Chaos.... I Need Calm!

Hi, when my daughter was 2 she was in bed by 7, 7:30 at the latest. I fed her dinner by 6, then bathtime, then we went to her room and read a couple books. I rocked her a few minutes (just to settle her down) and then put her in her bed. I still follow this routine--she's just in bed by 8 now. I think the most important thing is to have a routine..whatever works and yes, kids at this age need to be in bed much earlier than 11.

I think you're going to have to be a little patient with him. He's going through a LOT right not. I know it's hard for me to sleep when I'm stressed out or a lot of things are changing at once.

He needs a set schedule. My daughter is 3 and her bedtime is no later than 9:00. We do the same routine every night. After dinner is quiet time. The toys are put away. We color, read books, snuggle, bath, story time, then bed. We eat dinner around 6:00, so there isn't a ton of time between dinner and bed. If she's having a particularly rough day (as kids do) she gets an extra long bath. She plays in the tub and I sit in the bathroom and read a book. It's a great way for us both to decompress. My husband usually does story time. He lays in bed with her (she's in a twin bed) and reads her books or tells her stories. Then I come up we kiss and hug her and go back downstairs. It took us awhile to get this routine developed. When she was first in a toddler bed, she would get out of bed and play. We would just go back up and put her in bed and walk away. Teh SuperNanny technique really worked for us. The first time they get up, you take them back to bed and say "It's bedtime." And give a kiss, hug. Then next time you say "It's bedtime." No kisses or hugs. The next time you just put them to bed with out any interaction. It may take awhile, but he'll get that it's bedtime, not playtime.
It sounds like you're all going through a period of adjustment, as is to be expected. Good luck to all of you!

Great questions. I have an 18 month old and a 3 year old. They go to bed at around 7:30 pm. At age 2, he needs about 12-14 hours of sleep per day.

He is definitely not too young for a time-out when he's throwing a tantrum! It is better, though, to put him in time-out before he has a tantrum so he can calm down. Usually you can recognize the signs of tantrum coming on.

Nighttime rituals we use are this: change diaper, put pj's on, brush teeth (if we remember), pray, sing, bed. It's not a long ritual, but it really works for us.

Something else that we do is we have no toys in our boys room. (It's too small!) If they get out of bed, it's not because of toys or anything else they can play with. Their bedroom has two beds (they share), a rocking chair, a dresser (which they have gotten into), and a closet that we barricade at night. Otherwise they are too tempted to stay in bed. Because we know that, when they transitioned into toddler beds, we closed the door and let them cry it out. There was nothing for them to get into. We would go check on them when they were quiet. They were usually asleep on the floor. We'd put them back in bed, and that was it until morning. The reason we let them cry is because they were fine in the crib. The only thing that changed was the bed. We knew they were fine.

Good luck!

My 2.5 year old goes to bed anywhere from 730-830 depending on how long she napped that day. Our routine is that she gets to watch 1/2 - 1 hour of cartoons before bedtime. Usually during that time I'm getting her baby brother to sleep. After her cartoons, she brushes her teeth, I read her a few stories, then I rock and sing her 3 songs and then she goes into her bed. I sit in her room for a few minutes then tell her I'm leaving and leave the door open.

Your nephew is going through a lot of changes! It may take a while for him to get settled. Not only is he in a new home, he's in a room with your sister, is not in his crib and isn't seeing her or daddy much. I suggest (this is just me), having him sleep in the bed with her with a child railing. That way you (if you are putting him down) or she can lay down with him and at least one thing is secure with him - he knows someone is close to him at night.

I suggest the SuperNanny thing as well - however with all the recent change, not sure that is the best option at this time (although it will work!). What was his routine/schedule before the divorce? How did he go down? Did mom or dad do it?

Since his mother doesn't get home until 630, I would think 830-9 would be an okay bedtime for him assuming he gets naps and sleeps late enough in the morning (not getting up at 5am). Anywhere from 10-12 hours per day total of sleep is normal for that age (including naps or with no naps). My daughter only sleeps about 10 hours a night but takes a 1-2 hour nap. And that is enough for her.

Definitely set a schedule for him. Whether or not mom is home, at a certain time, have him get into his jammies, get out a few books and then you (or his mother) can read to him. Make sure there is plenty of cuddle time no matter who is putting him to bed.

If she is okay with letting him play until he falls asleep alone in his room, let him do that but suggest that she moves his bedtime up by 1/2 hour. Maybe there is just too much excitement and he thinks it's more of a vacation than anything permanent.

As far as timeout, he is not too young but I would not leave him in it for more than a minute or two. It's more for an immediate punishment and to let him know that the behavior he was doing was not acceptable and had to stop immediately. You can do timeouts anywhere - you do not have to have a chair or corner. My suggestion for when he throws a tantrum is to walk away. Kids like the attention and if there is no one there, he won't do it (possibly). When my daughter throws a tantrum, I give her one warning and tell her if she wants to act that way, she can go into her room. If she keeps it up - I put her in her room and shut the door (not all the way). Usually she gets over it very quickly.

What a whirlwind of change in your family's life. Remember your sister and nephew are going through a rough time. You are a savior for helping out! She may or may not realize it but your nephew almost certainly does not. Give lots of kisses and hugs. Take him to the park. Give him a few weeks to get settled. Good luck!

I have not been through a divorce with kids but our kids have gone through a lot of stressful times with moving and parents loosing jobs so I can relate to a two year old and bedtime we dealt with this with our son. We were lucky to have already had/have a "lovey" in place for him. He has a blanket and pillow that he sleeps with every night. So if your nephew has one make sure it is there. We also had to go to a night time CD for our children to listen to; to help them fall asleep if you don't already do this I would give it a try. He really just needs some security that someone is there and he is o.k. To be moved away from family being together and then into a toddler bed with no walls is a scary experience and also freedom. So yes he is going to want to explore but he is also tired and needs help to get down for a few days before he can do it himself. Resting with him or staying in the room with him for a few minutes can help him know that you are there and he is not alone. Yes it seems like a long time but usually takes at most 15-30 minutes for a few days. Try not to fight him or push him to stop crying just think about when you move or sleep at a new hotel or house how hard it is even as an adult to fall asleep the first few nights. Same for little kids. My kids go down around 7:30 8:00 and get up around the same time. If they don't get a good 11-12 hours of sleep they are little pills to deal with so try and get him back into that may hours if you can. Best of luck and you are such a wonderful person to take in your sister and her son during these hard times for them!!!

T.,
I think, overall, what would benefit this little boy the most is a BIG dose of consistency. I think 8:00 would be the latest for a 2 yo's bedtime.

Can the bedtime routine start at 7-7:15? Bath, book, prayers, bed. Every single night.

If he gets out of the toddler bed over and over, then over and over he will need to be put back in. (either by your sister or you--no talking, keep it darkened ion the room. It will take several hellish nights but he'll get it eventually.)

Sounds like dinner is pretty late for a 2 yo. Can someone else pick him up--I'm assuming he's at daycare? Can she rearrange her hours for an earlier quit time? That's a long afternoon before dinnertime.

Remember, sleep begets sleep. The more tired he is when he goes to sleep, the less he WILL sleep. He should be in bed before he is yawning, rubbing his eyes, etc.

You & your sister can come up with a plan of consistency and stick to it.

As for what happens at the dads--can she discuss it with him? Are they on good terms? If not there's not much you can do about that but you CAN keep his routine consistent at your house! Good luck!

My child goes to be late - we get home from work/school late and dinner/bath is late. My husband doesn't even get home until 7:30. Now that he's not napping I hope for an 8:30/9:00 bedtime at the latest but when he does nap it can easily be 9;30 - 10:00. He's 3. My son can wake 1 - 3 times a night sometimes but generally sleeps through the night and his waking are short. Your nephew is going through A LOT! Lots of love and comfort are needed and at bedtime quiet time as soon as possible before trying to get him down. Books, soft music, dim lights, quiet cartoons (which many will disagree with but I have no problem with it. We particularly like Harold and the Purple Crayon right now) a bedtime snack too - every night my son has milk and a grahm cracker. Again, probably disagreements but I'm fine with it. My son is stillin a crib though...I'm holding out as long as possible on the toddler bed b/c I knwo that will mean he will be up and running more. No thanks! LOL. I'm sure your nephew tries to wait up for mommy to come home those nights she works late so thats hard to over come. My son waits for my husband too! Just be patient and if you need to sleep and your sister is around then put some white noise in your room, keep it as dark as possible and hopefully that will help you.

Hi T.,

I have a two year old daughter, so this territory is very familiar. She usually crashes out by 9 at the latest, but there are always those odd schedule days that throw her off.

What works for her is taking a bath with the bedtime scent bubble bath. It is soooo soothing, and it really seems to calm her down. Plus, we make sure she plays hard during the day so she is usually exhausted by bedtime. Most of the time, she asks to go upstairs for a bath and sleepy time. I think any kind of bedtime routine would help too - so he knows it is time to unwind. The three B's - bath, book, bed.

As far as time outs - it is definitely NOT too young for time outs. We just started them with my daughter about 3 months ago. She is 25 months now. If she does not apologize for her behavior, she sits in time out (bottom step of the staircase). I got some great tips from that show "The Nanny"...lol.

Since she is two, she should only stay in time out for two minutes. We explain why she is there, and what she can do to come back to her toys, etc. Once she is there, we ignore her unless she says she is ready to apologize. If she is not ready, she stays there for two minutes. We have a talk and if she is still not ready to apologize, she sits for two more minutes. She should never be taken out of time out if she did not do what we asked her. She has learned that we mean business, and now she chooses to apologize before time out is threatened.

Don't get me wrong, she still has her terrible two tantrums, but mentioning time out seems to shorten the length of the them. It took quite a few times for her to understand the concept of time out, but talking her through what we were doing the first few times really helped.

Good luck, and hang in there! I was in a similar situation but my family and I were in your sister's place. You are doing such a great thing for her, and remember that it is only temporary.

L.

My son is 27 months old and I've been doing time-outs with him since about 18 months. I've read in books that for time-outs to be successful, the child needs to have a mental age of at least 2. So it's a good time to start. I think 11-12 hours at night is normal for most 2 yr olds.
We get home around 4:30 and my son goes to bed right around 7-7:30 and wakes up at 7. He also has a midday nap at daycare which is never more than 2 hours. After dinner, he plays on his own with toys for a little bit, sometimes we watch a 30-minute video, then I play with him [play-doh, playing catch with a ball, playing with his cars, a bath if he needs it] and about 1/2 hour before bed I brush his teeth and then we start reading books, and usually get through 5-10. I put him in his pajamas and let him have one more drink of water, he gives goodnight kisses to everyone [including the cat] and we walk upstairs, I rock him for 5-10 minutes, put him in bed awake, give him a hug and kiss, say goodnight and "I love you" and walk out of the room.
He is still in his crib, though. He has tried climbing out before, but each time, I warned him "you'll fall honey. you don't want to get an owie" and he stopped trying. I'm keeping him in his crib as long as possible!
I say get a routine going ASAP and give the crib another try. Put some padding on the floor or try a crib tent or something. Maybe try having him sleep in a playpen- it's close to the ground and he wont get hurt climbing out of that. Or put one of those fenced play area things around the toddler bed. Something to make it more likely that he'll stay put. Moving to a toddler bed with so many other changes going on is a lot to deal with.
If none of those other options will work for you guys, then you'll have to just keep putting him back in bed over and over until he gives up and stays there. Don't let him spend any time out of the bed after his bedtime! It will be very hard and exhausting, but hopefully he will eventually stop getting out of bed so much.

Well... knowing all kids and families are different, here's how we did things at that age:

- What worked best for our family at that age was either a 6-730 bedtime or a 10pm bedtime. In the winter he went down at 6-730, and in the summertime at 10. Started the whole bedtime routine about 1 hour before bed. Half an hour in the tub, jammies, teeth, snack (yes I know, backwards) while rocking and songs, bed.

- Timeouts for tantrums??? At 2?? My god, yes! Maybe we just have a feisty fam... but we started doing timeouts at a YEAR. By age 2-3 he was regularly sending himself on timeouts to calm down when he was angry. ((We didn't do timeouts as punishment... but as a "space to cool down and think about it"... so by 2-3 he was already starting to self regulate when he felt himself getting angry. LOL not all the time, of course. But about 1/2 the time. The amount of time always varried... because in order to come off of timeout the person has to not still be throwing a fit, and be calm enough to talk about what happened and what to do next time. So timeouts ran anywhere from 5 minutes - 30 minutes. Once the person's not angry, we would then talk about what happened and what to do next time instead.))

I'm afraid you'll have to give up the ghost of the weekends... I have never yet met any Divorced parents who were willing to follow the OTHER PARENT'S schedule during their time.

Hang in there...I'm sure he will appreciate and benefit from a better schedule. My son is 3 and 1/2 and has always gone to be between 7:30 and 8. I let him watch a show while I put his jammies on him and then he must sit fairly quietly. I shut off some of the lights to lower the stimulation. After the show, I brush his teeth and we pick 2 small books. He gets in bed and I read him the 2 books. This may not be the only way to go but this is what I do-hope it helps!

I really feel for you guys. Your nephew is going throuh alot right now and that can make terrible twos way worse. I brought a new baby home two days after my first son's second birthday so I know it can be a challenging time.

Some advice on the bedtime. Not every child needs this type of routine. But we sure did. Stop aspiring to be able to put him in bed and just kiss him good night while he falls asleep on his own. I have plenty of friends who can do this, but it is not my reality that is for sure! If you keep thinking that he should be capable of doing this you will just drive yourself nuts.
When you put him in bed, follow a strict nighttime routine like dinner, bath, pj's, books, bedtime. When it's time to go to bed you have to sit on the bed. When he gets up, you put him back in bed. You may need to do it 5 times, 10 times, 20 times or 30 times. When he screams you breathe and keep cool. I used to breathe like when I was practicing for natural labor. Eventually he will get tired and will fall right asleep.
The first week i did this every night, it took 2 hours to put my son to bed. The second week it took an hour. It usually takes about a half an hour now and we have been in this routine for 6 months. But he stays asleep all night in his bed, and he no longer gets up and fights. He stopped fighting and kicking and screaming after about a month. He is perfectly capable of sleeping in a bed, so we didn't move him out of his crib too early. We moved him out of his crib because he was climbing out and playing with toys instead of going to bed.
Hang in there. This is a shift in the way you care for him, not just a phase. I don't think I will be able to just kiss my son goodnight and leave him awake in his room until he is 4-5 years old. It is just how my son is. He is precocious and needs parameters.

The time outs are much the same. I believe you can start time outs around 14-15 months. When you give a time out, if he gets up, you put him back. and you have to do it over and over and over again. 20-30 times if necessary. For discipline it is really important that you stay cool and non emotional, no yelling or screaming or name calling. It only riles them up more. I highly recommend the book '1-2-3 Magic'. It is very simple to use and I think is a respectful yet strict and effective way of disciplining.
If you start to use the technique you should see a result in a couple of days or weeks. But it is about consistency, you have to do the same things every time. This disarms the child and he will fall into line and you can start enjoying him, because 2 is a really fun and sometimes silly age. But it can have a dark side too.

Good Luck! You can do this!

I would want him asleep by 7:30. So, maybe you can feed him and then mom can start the bedtime routine the second she walks in the door. If he's not playing outside, he probably doesn't need a bath everyday. I tried to incorporate all the little "delay tactics" as part of the routine. Drink of milk/juice, pajamas on, brush teeth, cup of water for room, story, bed. You can get the book, "Don't let the pigeon stay up late" by Mo Willems, that way, you or your sister can tell him he's acting like the pigeon.

He most definitely can have a time out if tantruming. I like the idea of a minute a year, so two minutes for a 2yo. But, the clock doesn't start until they start calming down. You can have a specific chair, or put a chair against one wall. At 2, timeouts should be in your (or mom's) presence, but NO eye contact during the time out, just go about your business. Also, I would use the words, "I can't hear you when you're screaming, I can only hear you when you calm down" - special Mommy powers or something :)

I've always found, if you miss the window of opportunity to put them down on schedule, they'll never go to sleep, and then they are overtired the next day, and it becomes a vicious cycle. If you don't get him to sleep early, he's not going to sleep. Also, the idea if they stay up late, they will sleep late is BS (unless the kids and parents are regularly on this routine). Usually if they stay up late, they wake up early, and are cranky and miserable.

The poor kid, I feel for all of you. I would ask your sister if you can feed him before she gets home from work so that he gets fed at a reasonable hour. Then, here's a bedtime routine that we try to follow at my place: after dinner, they are allowed to watch PBS Kids Sprout (a 24 hour long Pre-schooler channel; Dragon Tales, Play With Me Sesame etc) then they get a bath, a story and sent to bed. If they come out of their room, we take them back in there. Mine play in their room if they aren't ready to go sleep and I allow it as long as they play quietly. If they get loud, I go to the door and give them a warning that if they can't be quiet, then I'm going to take the toy that they're being loud with away. Last night, my kids were put in their room an hour early because they refused to eat their dinner and were throwing tantrums; they were completely out by 9:15. The key is consistency and patience. I've read some of the other responses, I love Super Nanny as well; time out is a great punishment for a 2 year old; per Super Nanny's instructions, time out is 1 minute per age of the child. I wish you luck.

You are an awesome sister and Aunt!

When she picks him up, she could give him a piece of fruit, a bag of raw veggies and plan a way that they can sit down for dinner as soon as possible (hints below) and then bathe him. Make sure all of this is done in a very quiet setting. No running around, no TV no cell phone interruptions. This way, he will not feel like he is missing out on anything.

Pop him into a warm bath with quiet play in the tub. Have your sister speak quietly with him. Have her use strong wipes on his body like a massage.

Again make sure he cannot hear the TV going, cell phones ringing.. lots of laughing and talking going on around the house. This will just make him think everyone else is having a party without him.

Their room should be darkened. (Black out shades are great, I used to hang quilts) quiet music or a sound machine. Have her read quietly to him and then and then he should be asleep by no later than 8:00 (7:30 would be perfect for a 2 year old)/ This needs to be done every night by whoever the caregiver of the moment is. He needs something to be an exact schedule in his life. This can be it.

If he gets out of bed, he must be returned every time and told. "it is sleep time.".

Tantrums for a 2 year olds means, stepping over him and ignoring him. Just say, "when you stop crying I will give you a big hug". If you see the signs of feelings coming on, give him the words. "You look frustrated, you look like your feeling hurts, you look like that made you mad." Pick only one so he can beginning to recognize this is what he is feeling. You all may need to go to your own rooms and let him deal with those tantrums on his own.
You can try a time out chair. He will need to sit in it for 2 minutes. But he may be a little young.

You all may need to pre-plan meals for the week. I like to grill a lot of different things all at once and then freeze things so I can just microwave them. Hamburger patties, Chicken breast, Italian or polish sausages, hot dogs. Sometimes, I will purchase a huge amount of ground Turkey or beef and cook it all up at once drain it a nd store it in 1 to 2 lb lb in a ziplock. This way you can season it for whatever you are going to eat.. Tacos, sloppy joes, whatever..

Always keep on hand pastas, jarred sauces, fresh veggies, fruit, salads, buns, instant beans, rice tortillas (also freeze great), yogurt and shredded cheeses. This will make putting together quick meals so much easier.

Hi T. - the little guy has had a lot of turmoil and some adjusting is only to be expected. I can imagine after having a quiet house for so long you are stressed but with a toddler, chaos is never far behind. You're a wonderful sister to help them in this way.

There are a lot of moms who write in wondering how to get their kids to stay in bed and how to do schedule and they dont have a move and a divorce to deal with. What I would recommend is a lot of grace and even more consistency.

Whoever his caregiver is during the day can offer him a lot of that. The daytime caregiver should have him on an eating, nap and activity schedule that doesnt vary much day to day - this means mom and dad have to be on board as well. He needs at least 12 hours of sleep a day and to have something to eat every few hours. So if he has breakfast at 7:30 then he should have a snack by 10:00 and lunch by 12:00. Another snack around 3-3:30 and then dinner by 5:30. Having dinner by then will help him work off the food energy so that he is ready for not just bed, but sleep at 8:00. I dont understand why he has to wait until mom gets home at 6:30 to eat - couldnt his caregiver feed him any earlier?

Routines will also help around bedtime. I can imagine that living with Auntie T. and sharing a room with mom is a lot like being on vacation. One way to calm things down in the evening is to turn down the lights and turn off the TV about an hour before bedtime. Give him a bath and dress him in jammies and read books before bed. My kids liked either being rocked in their room or for me to kneel by the bed and sing songs and stroke their hair. They were asleep in no time.

All the best - I hope things work out for your sister

C.

My oldest daughter use to go to bed at 7pm every night or there was hell to pay the next day. She was a monster. She now goes to bed at 8pm and she is 9yo now. The 3 yo goes between 6:30 and 7pm and she too is a bear the next day that she misses sleep.

We have a routine. Dinner between 5 and 5:30. Then clean up time. Put away toys, cloths, etc. Get pj on. 1/2 hour kid show (we are a Max and Ruby fan), then into bed, read 1 book of her choice (usually I read then 3 yo "reads") then prayers, lights out. Night light on and low soothing music (it's a 1/2 hour instrumental NO WORDS). Most of the time she is asleep before the music goes off. I turn off the night light when I go to bed a leave a small one on that is blocked (safely) so gives only a little light. My time may not work because of work schedules but there should be a set time for things for him.

The little guys whole life has been thrown into an uproar so a routine he can depend on should be the first thing put into place. My kids are aweful sleepers on vacation usually because the routine is broken. The older they get the better they can handle the break but when they are so young they really need it.

As for time out GO FOR IT!!!! It is all part of routine. If he knows IF I do X, THEN Y happens it is a security for him. Also EVERYONE has to stick to the IF,THEN of it all. MOM, you, uncle, cousin, grandparent, any adult in his little life. His Mom should be the main person but when she is not there to handle it whoever is the adult should know the routine and stick to it.

Your in a ard spot because your the Aunt but it is also your house. You and your sister should sit down and discuss what would work for both of you but most of all HIM! You will have to put up with the noise a 2yo makes but your sister should also say OK quiet time afterxx:xx hour to respect you as well. House rules would be a big help for all involved.

Good luck and your a great sister for helping out. I culd not imagine living with my sister as an adult (she does have 7 children though). We fought enough as kids!!!!! (She could move in now if she needed too but it would be soooo hard!) A.

That is an awful lot of change for a toddler. I'm sure it is really rough, but the best thing would probably be a disciplined schedule for everyone. My son is two and is a terrible sleeper. When he is tried, everyone suffers, and if we don't get back on track quickly, it snowballs into a disaster for the whole family. When we go back to our 'regular' schedule, everything settles back to 'normal' within a day or two. (Granted, he hasn't gone through so many changes as your nephew...but is worth a try.) It probably doesn't matter what the schedule is, as long as everyone adheres to it and does everything the same way. I would talk to your sister about what works best for everyone.

Here's what we've done to try to keep everything sane:
Wake up, read books while drinking milk.
Play 15-20 minutes.
Eat breakfast, change diaper and clothes, brush teeth.
Go outside whenever its nice (this seems to be a majpr factor in getting my son tired enough to take naps). 1-2 hours.
Come in, snack, change diaper, play or read.
Try to nap, or watch 30 minutes TV, then try to nap.
Wake up, drink milk, eat lunch, read books, change and play (or go food shopping, or errands, etc.)
From now until dinner, we either play or do a project or go outside again, sometimes we'll watch 30 minutes of TV or go to the library.
Prepare and eat dinner (sometimes we'll prepare together).
***Now this is probably where the routine is the most important to be strict with***
Bedtime: Bath, pajamas, milk, brush teeth, read 2 books, lay down.
(I still hold my son's hand to go to sleep because I enjoy it, but sometimes I fall asleep on the floor before he does!)

Both my husband and I work, so sometimes I'm covering most of the schedule, and sometimes he is. I didn't mean to write so much, but I hope it helps you out. I know how frustrating it is to get anything accomplished on little or no sleep. Oh, and time-outs can be very effective if done correctly. I learned the hard way. Check out the book 1,2,3 Magic. Its been very helpful for us.

Good luck! Feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions: ____@____.com

I'll keep my answer simple.

If you go on BabyCenter.com you'll find LOTS of advice, schedule information, bedtime fixes, etc. It's for parents/caregivers. They also offer emails on age related issues.

I think perhaps you can approach your sister with your concerns for her, her son and yourself. Ask how to can help. I think right now stability and routine would benefit everyone, especially your nephew.

Of course, you can only ask. I personally believe it's your house so you should have SOME say in how everyone behaves in your house. However there's that touchy fine line of parenting someone else's child.

Best of luck

Wow, he is going through a lot. From the title of this I thought you were going to be complaining about his mess, but was pleasantly surprised that you just want to help him through this time. My son will be 2 in 10 days, so the only information I can provide is based off what MY son does.

What time does he wake up in the mornings? My son sleeps about 11-12 hours at night on the weekdays (weekends it can be up to 14). So, since I have to get my son up at 6am, his bedtime is 6:30 pm. Is there any way that you can fix his dinner for him and have him either fed, by the time she gets home, or if she brings him home, have it ready for him? Also, does he get a nap during the day? Weekdays, my son gets about 1.5-2 hours, weekends, up to 3.

Definitely not too young for a time out, but I would suggest picking the battles. Right now my son gets a time out for hitting (mainly me when I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do) for 2 minutes. I started with me going away, and now he sits and has to stay there for the 2 minutes. For tantrums, I turn my back or walk to the other side of the room and tell him to let me know when he is done with his tantrum and ready to talk.

For night time ritual, I change his diaper and put him in his pajamas, then we snuggle in the rocking chair with a couple of books. Usually, my husband and I switch off between who reads and who cuddles unless someone isn't home that night. Then we put him down in his crib.

For getting out of his bed. Is there a way to make sure that there are no toys in there? Does he get out of his room, or just bed?

Dearest T.-

First off, bless your heart!!

Now, for your nephew...

The best thing you can do is to sit down with your sister and discuss your concerns and then the two of you need to work together to come up with a plan of action for CONSISTENCY.

A few things to address:
1) Bedtime - My crew is in bed no later than 8pm.
2) Bedtime Routine - We start as early as 7pm (when it is bath night) but not later than 7:30pm. The routine is - potty, wash hands, brush teeth, super small drink of water, one book, lights off, prayers (in bed), then kisses. We turn on a CD called "Sleep Baby Sleep" which is soothing and helps to keep other household noises from waking our daughter while she is drifting off. We went through a phase where she would not stay in the room so we used a baby gate. Night-night time means you will be in your bed. No discussions.
3) Time outs - Just do it. It teaches boundaries and self control. Discuss when to use them and for what rules. If necessary post the rules in simple words on a bulletin for him. I know he probably can not read yet, but he may know his numbers and it is a great tool for outlining your expectations. When a rule is broken, you can say, while pointing at the posting and say "You broke rule #, you (hit/screamed/disrespectful/etc)". Then use the age plus 1 rule. A two year old gets 3 minutes.
4) Schedule - if 6:30 is too late for dinner, discuss when you would like the family to eat. If your sister can not alter her schedule to accomodate that, then set up something special with her son so they can still eat together. When I work late and come in close to bedtime routine, I get to eat dinner while my daughter has fruit salad or one cookie or peaches with whip cream. Then we can spend the time talking and eating together. It is still nice, even if I am the only one eating dinner.

A few other random thoughts:
- Try to keep the bedroom for only sleeping purposes. If there are toys, books or other distractions, those might be better off moved to a "play area".
- If the bedroom is the play area, work to create a transition time consisting of picking up and putting away the toys. If need be, store them in a manner that once they are put away, they are inaccessible.
- Discuss how close you are to getting to bedtime - In 15 minutes, we will clean up then up to bed. In 10 minutes... In 5 minutes it will be time for bed. Time for bed.
- If he is having trouble falling asleep, tire him out. Take him out for some fresh air if possible, trips to the library, the mall, where ever he can stretch a bit without getting into too much trouble.
- Also, turn off the tv a minumum of 30 minutes before bedtime. I found that the TV seemed to wind my little girl up. We usually play some music before the bedtime routine starts.
- Make sure his mom places you in an equal power position as she is.

Lots of luck.
~C.

They can have time outs for sure - and need them. No need to wait for a tantrum. You are working on him learning to do what you say when you say it - him playing until 11pm is simply an extreme form of him exerting his own will. Of course, he also gets lots of choices during the day. Example: Michael, do you want this book or that book? Not, Michael do you want a book or a video? He makes choices within healthy set parameters.

If you do x, then y with 100 per cent follow through on y. It will be hard b/c he is not used to it. But he really really needs some consistency - he needs it more b/c his life is so unstable not less.

Does he not get home until 6:30pm - if he is home earlier, feed him earlier.

Definitely by 8pm. It doesn't matter what the nighttime routine is so much as that it is the same each night so that they can expect it. Bath, pj, teeth brushed, book snuggling in bed, a short song sung just for him to him (I don't sing well - not the point), good night, i love you. Close the door and expect him to stay in there.

At some point, you may have to set your own boundaries and let her figure things out on her own and take consequences. ie. You go to bed, put on a fan to cut out their noise, put in ear plugs, put a pillow over your head, and get up refreshed. You can be kind and compassionate without exhausting yourself.

Hi T.. You're definitely doing the right thing by asking - because your 2 year old nephew needs a much better schedule than the one he's on - especially with all of those life-changing things he's going through (divorce, new house, crib to bed...that's a LOT of stuff).
You're totally on track with an 8pm bedtime for a 2 year old. AAP and all other "experts" recommend anywhere from 10-12 hours of nighttime sleep for that age group. So, depending on when your nephew wakes-up in the morning (if it's, on average, around the same time every day) - count backward and make sure he's fast asleep at that time.

He's not too young for a time-out, but needs to understand why he's being asked to take a break (and you should also address and perhaps try to avoid situations where he might just be acting out because he's over-tired, over-stimulated, (age-appropriately) frustrated or just angry/sad because of all the stuff he's dealing with) - and the time out "time" should be equal in length to his age (in his case, two minutes).

Nighttime rituals are SO important (esp for someone going through so much change at once) - because toddlers really do need structure and consistency, esp at the end of the day because it helps them feel like there is an expected routine so they know what comes next, it helps them relax into it and prepares them for sleep.

After dinner, you should engage him in a little light play, then get him in a nice warm bath with some bubbles and toys for about 5-10 mins, after bath get him snuggled into some pj's and give him a snack/milk while you read him a story in a quiet room, no tv, no bright lights. After story/snacktime have him brush his teeth and get into his new bed. Talk for a minute or two about his day in a soft voice and tell him that it's night-night time and that you'll see him in the morning. Maybe have a sound machine in his room and a nightlight - make sure the room is dark and he should be sound asleep within minutes. The sound machine will be good too if his mom is working late and has to enter the bedroom (it should muffle her sounds so he won't wake up).

The thing I think you're facing is that his routine should be the same time, same way every night - regardless of when his mom is working late or not. It's not his fault that that is the way it is - and his sleep should not have to suffer because of it.

The routine can vary slightly (you can remove snack if he's not interested)and or time of actual in bed should only vary by about 15 minutes (earlier or later) - but this should be an every night thing regardless of whether it's you or your sister doing it.

His attitude (and development) will be so much better for it, I promise.
Good luck!!!
PS - a good site to visit: www.babycenter.com

Awwww, poor thing! I have a 2 year old son and he has a set schedule which works for us. It took us a few months to figure out the ideal bedtime. I started with 8pm and realized that he went down easier and slept better if he went down before 8pm. At first, I even tried to make it later. So we tried it all 9pm, 8:30pm, 8pm, 7:30pm and finally 7pm! I now put him in bed at 7pm and he is asleep by 7:30. It takes about 30 mins for him to unwind once he reaches the bedroom. My ritual with him is to have 30 mins of quiet activity first (before bed) such as books, puzzles, relaxing tv show, soft music/rocking, play with flashlight, blocks, etc. Then, we turn the light out and sing a few songs and recite abc's until he falls asleep. Sometimes, just talking about his day helps him relax. The most important thing is to find what works for him but also make sure he knows bedtime is bedtime and there will be no getting up after that time for anything. If he thinks he can sneak a drink or toy out of you he will not rest until he knows there is no chance of it. My son tries to get out of bed several times and finally gives up. I can tell when he is tired and I make sure he is tired when bedtime comes. I give him lots of physical activity and stimulation all day long. That is another key to getting toddlers to sleep. If they have not had the opportunity to get the energy out it is much more difficult to get them to sleep well.
Tantrums, well they don't call them the terrible twos for nothing. A tired child makes it much more common to occur. I do not think a time out is effective at this age (not for my son anyway) what we do is I get on his eye level and we have a discussion about what he did. More like I tell him he can not do what he did like "kicking other children is not allowed" and that hurts when you do that, how would you feel if someone hurt you like that? After that, we go on with our day. They have to learn at this age and having them sit only makes them mad, I see no point in that. They can't think about what they did because most of the time they don't mean to do anything bad they are just experimenting. I alsoi take away toys if he is mistreating them. Lately he has been throwing so i give him a warning and if he continues I take it away and tell him why I took it.

As far as your sister goes, she is going through a tough time as well. Once she gets on her feet she may decide that having a second set of hands around to help would be just what she and her son need. She can host a male or female au pair for childcare at $8 per hour to live with her and her son to provide family support she will need. http://egendler.aupairnews.com