ok so my patience is running EXTREMLY low. my husband has been unemployed for over a year now (13 months to be exact). i had to take my last 2 days of vacation because i hadn't enough gas money to make it to and from work-and we JUST moved. During this time i "watched" my husband to see what he is doing when i'm at work....he put in TWO applications!!!! 1 with the indians for assistance finding a job on wednesday (took 1 hour) and one yesterday-30 min-took 2 hours AFTER i suggested a place for him to go!!!! OMG!!!! Then this morning, he decides to take the car to go fill up the gas tank (my pay day) and get a coupld packs of cigarette's, then i saw that he went 30 min away his reason because everything in town was closed just to find out for some reason, my paycheck isn't in the bank, then i asked why he went clear out of town, he threw a fit and told me cause everywhere else was closed. i asked him why he felt it necessary to go THAT far out of town just for gas and cigs and waist money when i'm going that way ne way on my way to work, he said was trying to save me time (he never does that-i'm thinking no, because you wanted to make sure you had smokes)
i'm really tempted to start buying him 1 pack of smokes, 1 tank of gas each pay check, once we get the 2nd car down, and making him live off beans and rice until he gets a job.
i know i need to start getting mean and i'm ready to, i almost told him yesterday to get out and look for a job and not come home until sunset and take a sack lunch, but the problem, we had nothing to make a sack lunch with.
i'm really at my witts end, this is not how he was when/before we got married, he was dependable, he was reliable, making good money...i'm ready to start telling him that if things dont' change we will not make it cause i just can't sit back and watch my daughter go without because he's being too picky
gfan, i have helped him look around online when he had access to no internet, picked up applications, etc
i've asked him to look into truck driving and before he didn't want to because it's taking him out of the family from being gone so much, i asked him, well, jail wont be much different only a neg reason. now his reason for not wanting to is because we're both trying to go to school, so that's why he can't truck drive now (even though strictly online is an option).
yeah i'm going to have to start getting REALLY mean and i'm ready to
michelle, besides that i can't afford to support his habit, i can't complain about his smoking cause i do to, but he smokes WAY more than i do and will make excuses to smoke in the house when i have clearly asked that we BOTH smoke outside and i do (normally)...we were both raised around second hand smoking and i remember how i HATED that my clothes always smelled like that, so i do my best not to smoke in the house
sue yes you have a point, and that's why i'm trying to be so patient, because there isn't a lot out there and i don't want him to ever give up on me if i'm in the same situation. he is a registered indian and there is an employment placement office just down the street from us, so he put in his app there tuesday and with a local grocery store and casino yesterday
Sorry S., I'm with Suz, gonna have to rough him up a little. :(
Even my BOYS 16, and 18 were able to find jobs
If you are at the point where you cannot drive to work because you have no money to put gas in the car....
Emergency situations call for emergency actions.
Even a parttime minimum wage job will help.
He needs to Man UP and take whatever he can get.
Sorry
(I hate this prase but it's true) THis Too Shall Pass!
There is no reason to be unemployed for that long. Is there no McDonalds or something around? And why is he (sorry, or you) smoking when money is so tight? I can't talk too much because my hubby was out of work for about 4 months and we didn't really change our lifestyle, but seriously. After 4 months I gave him one week to find something. You better believe he had a job after that. Only paid $16/hr, a far cry from the almost $40/hr he was making, but it kept our heads above water. Now he has a job that pays what I make, so we ar eback on solid ground and paying down our debt quickly, but I was prepared to walk out on him and rent the house. I just don't get it. I was not raised to think it is okay for a man to sit and not do something about it. My dad was unemployed for a while when he retired from the Navy as a CDR, but he busted his tail EVERY SINGLE DAY looking for something. My dad, a pilot, was willing to bag groceries. Anything to feed his 5 kids. Maybe tell your husband he has a certain amount of time to get SOMETHING. I know this economy is horrible, but there is SOMETHING out there that he can do. He can clean toilets, bag groceries, mow lawns...something. Good luck.
There's no reason that he can't at least have a part time job right now cuz everyone is hiring extra help for the holidays...
you know, it's easy for us to say that he needs to be applying for jobs every single day! But the reality of it is: there's just not that many jobs out there.
I hope to high heaven he's registered with the local unemployment services & other job resourcers. & honestly, maybe it's time for him to start flippin' burgers.....
as for the whole smoking thing: it's time for both of you to quit....your precious $$$ are going up in smoke! My husband smoked for 30+ years & quit...about 10 years ago. My son is 23, smoked since 15 & recently quit for surgery. It can be done! ....& in the end, what's more important: food on the table or smokes? !!Peace!
Cover your bases: get him to see a doctor for depression (use a free health center if you don't have coverage), get him to see a career center for resume and interview skills and set him a deadline by which you expect him to either have a job (ANY job) or pull his weight in other ways (standing in line at the food bank, putting in applications, actually GOING to school instead of talking about it) or you will kick his butt to the curb.
I normally would be much more lenient, but if you do not have enough money to drive to work or buy food, you don't have the luxury to be choosy.
He needs to start working one way or another and if he can't find employment, he at least needs to work for your family.
As for the smoking: how you could possibly spend money on cigs when you don't have food for sack lunches is beyond me. Get a grip of reality and do what you have to to feed your family. At the price of cigs today, I can prepare a warm, balanced meal for 4 for that money.
You have to take charge of your life and you can make it better!
Good luck.
I'm sorry but he will continue to take advantage of you until you say no. Also nagging him will only make it worse. You just have to tell him I'm sorry but we can't go on like this anymore you need go get a job or go find somewhere else to live.
Have you considered that your husband may be depressed (or bordering on it) and that you hounding him isn't helping? You may be making the situation worse for yourself.
Don't give him access to pay for things that you can't afford, and don't talk to him about it. If it's a motivation problem, that will solve itself very shortly under that plan.
But remember that employers are getting hundreds of resumes for even the most basic minimum wage jobs. So he may just literally be striking out, and every time that happens, it kills him just a little be more.
S.,
Oh my God. What strikes me the most out of your post (besides your husband being unemployed for 13 months) is that he SMOKES. Smoking is a deal breaker for me right there. And of course he needs to be applying to 10 jobs every single day. The fact that he smokes is bad enough, but the fact that he smokes AND has a daughter is even worse! I hope to God he doesn't expose your daughter to his smoke. You don't want your daughter to be the victim of second-hand smoking. You guys are so broke and he is wasting money on cigarettes?? No way. Unacceptable. If he doesn't shape up, quit smoking and start applying to 10 jobs every day, I think you should divorce him.
So McDonalds or BK isn't hiring? I'm sorry, but there is no excuse for being out of work for a whole year. He needs to get SOME kind of job while he's searching for a job in the field he wants! It's almost as if being out of work for so long has become acceptable because of the economy. Sure jobs might not be open in your field, but go get one somwhere...anywhere! Contribute something at least!! He needs to stop listening to all these people who say they've been out of work for 1,2,3 years. You can find a job, it may not be what he wants, but at least it's something.
And, divorcing him is a ridiculous thing to suggest to the person who suggested that.
I am so sorry you and your family are having to go through this. It sounds to me that your husband has a bit of depression going? I mean here he was the breadwinner and now..well he kind of feels as if there's no hope.
I know that this does not make things better for you. Even though you are venting here, I can tell you still love him so much. I mean you're mad and you still want to make sure he has a sack lunch!
So what to do? Talk to him...tell him how you feel. He knows how tough it is..he knows how frustrated you are. Tell him you love him and that you're going to get through this but that you need him. I know you have your plate full, but offer to help him. Does he need you to review his resume or search online for things that might interest him? Suggest that maybe he find something just temporary so that it can cover the gas it takes for him to go for interviews..even anything part-time would help you all out right now. Ask him how he feels.
It's tough everywhere and the news stories I've read of what lost jobs and insecurity can do to a person..a family. You want to try and give him hope. Gosh..stay strong but also do not be afraid to ask for help.
