Parents Who Don't Get Along

I would say you're on the right track with the 8:30 leave time.

I have the issue with my family that they all want to stay up until whenever playing games... Even if it's in my home! Even after myself, my hubby, and the kids are in bed! For Christmas, my family was in my basement until 1am!!! They aren't the ones that have to get up with my kids!

Sorry... My rant over. Just letting you know that you're not the only one that has family that drives one nuts. : )

I remember my grandparents being like this. And my brother and his wife are like this - it drives me CRAZY!! I don't understand why anyone in their right mind would marry someone just to fight with them ALL the time. We cannot get through a family dinner without them having an arguement or some snippy comment to each other. I am interested to see what answers that you get. I think that your suggestion is a good one. I do remember that when my Grandpa died, my Grandma was devistated. It is not that they don't love each other, it's just the way they communicate I guess. (at least for my grandparents, not too sure about my brother and SIL) LOL

It is fine to set a time that they have to leave; however, there is still a need for them to possibly stay past the kids' bedtime...you!

What about setting a time that the kids go to bed at 8:00 and have trouble settling down when you are here. Then maybe take your mom out for some mother daughter time once in a while too. Otherwise, you will be seen as just siding w/ dad.

Why don't father drive back ot the hotel and let mom stay? You can drive her back later, and have a nice little visit with her without the bickering. I don't see what the problem there is. But still, have a curfew if you need, like tell your dad, "I'll have her back by 10."

Well, as you said, you do have control over the situation. Arguing in front of children is NEVER a good idea. It makes children nervous and can lead to other problems. Anyone who came to my house and argued in front of my child was asked to leave; if I was somewhere else and arguing went on, I was the one who opted to leave.

It seems to me that you can lay down ground rules that you will not allow their arguing in your home in the future. Be kind but be firm - start arguing and it's time to leave.

As for the early bird and the night owl routine, I would say either ask your mom to leave by 8:30 or 9 pm, when your dad wants to go back to the hotel, OR tell dad to go ahead and leave and you or your husband will give mom a ride back to the hotel later.

Another alternative is to have a "sleepover" with mom, while dad goes back to the hotel. Once in a while it might be nice to have a "girl's night" with just your mom, especially if you two have some quiet time after the kids have gone to bed.

It's very stressful to be around people who fight and bicker constantly; I know from my own personal experience with my parents. It sounds like it's well nigh time you took a stand and set the ground rules with them. They may not like it at first, but if they want to spend time with you and the kids, they'll come to respect it once they see that you're serious.

Good luck!

I read some of the other suggestions here. I have one other idea - if you don't want to drive your mom back to the hotel, why not have your mom drive your dad back to the hotel and come back (if it is close by)? That way your dad gets to go to when he wants to and you don't have to drive your mom home when you probably want to go to bed!! Good luck!

I would recommend that you make the effort to drive your dad to the hotel room by 8:30 and let your mom know you will be back soon to enjoy some time with her. Not only will it possibly settle THAT argument, but it will give you a little bit of time with both your dad and your mom one-on-one. But don't be surprised if your dad (and/or) mom resists the suggestion that he go back early. While your dad clearly gets tired, the fact that neither he or your mom have come to the conclusion on their own that someone could be driven back to the hotel in order for him to go to bed tells me that there are other issues involved.

As far as the arguing itself goes, there are just some couples like that. My father- and mother-in-law were ALWAYS arguing about some nit picky thing or another. It made me insane when they visited together because inevitably there would be countless awkward moments of listening to them argue about everything from credit cards to their thermostat at home to my father-in-law's bodily functions...often loudly and regardless of whether we were at our house or out in public. I am not one to advocate divorce readily, but I told my husband several times (usually after one of their visits) that if anyone needed a divorce, it was those two. Interestingly enough, when my mother-in-law was diagnosed with what became terminal cancer, we saw what the two of them knew all along. They had a very deep love of each other that showed in the way my father-in-law cared for her with such attentiveness and concern and the way she received his care with the giddiness of a teenager. Ironically, it didn't end their bickering (even up to the end, during my husband's last visit they were still going back and forth about stupid things), but at that point, we had decided that for whatever reason, their chosen form of communication/interaction was arguing.

I agree with your post, just tell your parents that you don't want to hurt their feelings but 8:30-9:00 is plenty late enough cause the kids are in bed and you don't want them to wake up and if they get waken they are very grumpy and by that time you are wore out! Even when I make a 15hr trip to see my family every other month my husband and I respect that my parents still work and have to be up early for work during the week, so we retire early as well. SO they are in your house and must follow your rules. Your dad won't care cause that is the time he is ready to go anyways, but your mom may get upset. Maybe she is looking for just alittle extra time with you. So maybe your hubby and dad can watch the kids during the day for an hour or so during the day so you and your mom can go shopping or to lunch. I think that might be the problem of her wanting to stay longer if the kids are already in bed at that time. Good Luck!