Oh Lord Give Me Strength

Ugh.
He sounds like a real prize.
Seems to me like you've tried, really tried.
At that point you can walk away with a clean conscience.
There ARE people that are just pathological liars...and they won't change.
That's all I have to offer.
Good luck!

I got through mine by focusing on my kids.

BTW, let go of the guilt over not being more intimate more often. It's not an excuse for his behavior.

Talk to a women's shelter, get a lawyer, make your escape plan and then do it.
Don' tell him about it - he can't manipulate what he knows nothing about.
It's not so much ripping a family apart as a precision surgery to remove him from it.
You are 'freeing' him so he can pursue what ever the heck he wants and you don't have to know or care about it.
Continue counseling on your own so you can heal emotionally while you wait several years before dating or finding another relationship.

Hi T., I understand you are very frustrated and need to rant. It does sound like he has pretty much checked out of this marriage.

But, please, before you do ANYTHING, go to a consult with a family law attorney. Many will offer a free consult, but keep in mind you get what you pay for. Pick one out of the phone book if you have to.

Most will charge a small-ish fee that will be used towards their overall fee if you retain them. $200-400 I'd say.

Then you will better understand your rights and responsibilities in the event of separation or divorce, ok? Write down your questions, find the answer to all your What Ifs. Every situation is different, so it's hard for us to tell you how it might be for you.

Another positive effect of this, is you may feel like you finally have someone on your side.

I see no need to tell him about this meeting, especially if he tends to get angry.

Until then, lay low, ok? Go through the motions, I know you have Just About Had It, but it's clear communication between you has already broken down completely.

Be good to yourself, maybe go see your own counselor, ok?

:)

honestly, I would call a crisis shelter and talk to someone about how to protect yourself and what lawyer they recommend, and put to gether a plan before you storm out. It might be over but get yourself together first so he is Less able to manipulate you. good luck

I got through a sad divorce with a guy who blamed everything on me -- I got through it with the support of a counselor. She helped me to see that while the marriage had failed, I had done a good thing in leaving.That the leaving in and of itself wasn't failure, it was self-preservation.

I'd encourage you to find support sources,and consider talking to a counselor or therapist. Why? So you can get to the bottom of *why* you were in the relationship with your husband in the first place and how to go forward in a healthy way so you don't make this mistake (or another big one) again.

I also want to say this: it is NEVER one spouse's fault that the other one cheats or flirts around and tries to hook up. NEVER. I know how sex sort of shrivels up and dies toward the end of a marriage, and really, that has a lot more to do with the other behaviors which put you off being intimate with him than it does with YOU, per se. (You don't have to be frigid to be completely put off by someone due to their behavior.) If a guy senses that his wife isn't interested and he really wants to change the situation, a good conversation is always better than just catting around. So, all that to say, the fact that he's contacting other women is not your fault. It's his. Period.

No one said it will be easy, but YOU CAN DO IT and you will be a better person for it. Get a lawyer and have a PLAN before he gets served divorce papers.

I went through horrible and messy, embarrassing divorce, years ago and thought I was so far in the hole, I couldn't see daylight. Fortunately I had a job, good friends and family who were there for me.
In the darkest of days, depressed, in financial ruins, fearing for my life and threats to my family, I stood up to the creep and put a stop to his nonsense, not only for myself, but for others he had involved.
Along the way, I met wonderful people, and in spite of the hardships, I had some very wonderful experiences I would have otherwise missed out on. I found out my strengths and believe me, I BECAME STRONG, I became a better person because of it. Today 30 years later, I am better off without a relationship or marriage than it ever was together.

Don't wait another day to turn your life around, it isn't worth it to put up with the garbage. Of course there will be times that you will question many things through the process, but without a doubt, down the road, you will look back on this and wonder why you waited so long.

Best wishes and get going!

Get an attorney and do what he or she tells you to do.

Rally your supporters, your resources, and stop communicating with him unless you absolutely need to for things like mediation and child issues. Get everything in writing, legally. Know your rights. Get a lawyer.

He's not telling lies to protect your feelings. He's telling lies because he's being deceptive in hopes that he won't get caught. You need to put yourself and your children first and if that means life without your husband then that's what you need to do. Please know that nothing you've done or said would have really made an impact on this situation. Stand your ground and get on with your life.

Oh my goodness! What a horrible situation he's put you in!
Please don't let him manipulate you anymore and don't let him turn it around on you. He obviously has problems and you can't fix that.
I'd be gone if I were in your situation....
I'll keep you in my prayers!

Who's bashing you?! Who's calling you names?!

I read through each response before I replied due to your all CAPS statement on bashing you and calling you names.

I've not read ONE response bashing you or calling you names.

I have read several logical responses to help you gain footing in this situation in order to attain help.

Listen to the responses you have.... Get legal help, go to a shelter, get out and don't be a victim

Best wishes

You need to rally those who care about you and tap into their strength. You need out of this environment. It's toxic. I am so sorry. I would get a lawyer and make a plan for your life without him. Please stay strong and take steps to change your life now. I will pray for you.

Schedule an appt w/a divorce lawyer. Take a list of questions to ask, write
down all advice given.
Be sure you have copies of all important paperwork (you can always put
the originals back if you need to).
Save your money.
Do not engage in any conflict.
Try to diffuse any argument.
Have a mental list of things you would want to take with you.
You can keep important documents of your own at work.
Go see a counselor for yourself. You don't have to tell him you are doing
this.
I wish you the best of luck honey. Hang in there. Pray. I will pray for you
too.

sorry about your situation.
read all the responses- have no clue who is making you yell.
khairete
S.

I hope I'm not too late with my response. I always suggest an article titled Narcissism in the Pulpit and while, in context, it is about pastors; the majority of its content are quotes from narcissism experts. I think you will find it very helpful and not at all preachy. :) http://www.epiclesis.org/index.php/about-us/resources/52-...

Next read some articles about emotional manipulation. Hopefully you can find some good ones that aren't just extended rants but help equip you for handling the situation at hand. Also, some of the books by Dr. Brenne Brown on shame and guilt might help.

If you can afford it, get a private investigator. That is all the advice I have for you at the moment. I'm pulling for you.

You are doing the right thing. I would need the support of a good counselor to get through it. I also journal which helps me process things. You are doing the right thing. He is a scum bag and is making you feel crazy when you are not. The more you take steps to get away from him the more sane you will feel. I do send warm thoughts and lift you up today and send strength your way. So sorry for this but it will get better. Take one step at a time and one day at a time but do it.

I don't have divorce advice for you, but wanted to let you know that God does hear your cry for strength...His strength and His love are available. I am a big advocate for working out marriage issues when it's possible, but I can't say when that's possible. So while you are dealing with a marriage where love is absent, and possibly a divorce, just remember how much God loves you. Your circumstances aren't a gauge of that love. I used to have a really hard time accepting that. So I wanted to share a free ebook I read a few weeks ago that was really life-changing for my personal life. It's not a marriage book. It's just a book that I think could provide you much comfort and strength in this time when you are crying out for it. And it's free! It's simply called "He Loves Me." Prayers for you and your family.

http://www.lifestream.org/sites/default/files/--pdf/he_lo...

You get through it just like an addict gets through a day sober - one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Put one foot in front of the other; tackle things as they come and don't look back. It won't be long and you will suddenly realize you have come a long way and life is better. Manipulation you can deal with, especially since you know that's his M.O. But I don't know what you mean by scare you. If you think it will get violent, don't go home. Send him a text telling him you're done AFTER you go to the bank and take out exactly 1/2 of any funds in the bank. Then get yourself to a divorce lawyer and get exclusive possession of the home. You really don't have to confront him face-to-face if it is not safe to do so.

What comes out of someone else's mouth is a reflection of their heart, not yours. Lisa terkuerst