62 answers

My Husband Wants a Divorce Because I Can't Do Anything Right for Him.

Do I give my husband a divorce and lose everything? We have been married for about 3 years. In this time he has bought everything he"s wanted, (4) snowmobiles, (4) 4 wheelers, 2 campers, a boat and a new Dodge pick up. I also have a newer car. We only owe on the car and truck. When it comes to me, I don't show him enough Love. I don't give him enough sex. I ask to many question about his job, his kids. I'm working to much or I'm not working enough. Seems like I can't win. If I have lunch or dinner with a girl friend and if its in a place that serves beer then I'm at the bar and messing around. Do I try counseling again or do I give him the divorce? Should we sell everything and start over?

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What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Thank you everyone for caring, I feel I have gotten some advice and I've heard of some of the books. Now I'll take advantage of reading some of them. I'll let you know what the weeks bring

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I agree that you should get the book, The 5 Love Languages!! You could be "saying" I love you over and over again, but if you're not speaking his language, he just doesn't hear you. It's worth a try....

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I would go the counseling route. You've worked too hard for a very long time to just give up on it. Don't quit. Keep working.

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Dear A. M,
I myself have been through a divorce. I was married 8yrs. I to did everything to be a good wife. My husband did everything he could to find fault with me. My first clues were for several years he was never around, he was very selfish in a sense that it was always about him and his career, he was very flirtatious with other girls even though I was around. He was more interested in impressing them rather than being with me. Eventually he started going to the bars every weekend and wouldn't come home until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. Long story short he moved me to another state and then proceeded to leave me, three weeks later I found out that he had been seen around town with another girl. We have been divorced for 3 1/2 years and 1 year ago I found out that he had been seeing this girl the entire spring and summer and into the fall while he was still married to me. Not every man is good you need to do some research on him and find out the truth approach him find out what really is going on maybe he is just not ready to grow up and doesn't want any more responsibility, I can't say. It's up to you to do what you can to save the marriage so that you can have a clear conscience. He may open up to you, if not at least you can say that you did everything you could to save the marriage. Their are good men out there, I know I met an amazing husband and now have an 18 month son. I am now glad my first husband left me because it opened a new door to happiness.

I wish you well.

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Divorce should never even be spoken in the home (it should not be an option)
I have also been married for a similar amount of time and I hope the words that I say can help or give you some direction. I have one question Does He Love GOD? If he doesn’t, he will always be trying to fill an empty hole that only God can fill. I am not too sure if you are a believer or not but hear me out OK.
When God Created MAN he didn’t create women yet, it was just man and God and mans one and only purpose, was to walk hand and hand with God. God is the breath that man needs to breath.
Man sees pretty girl
loves pretty girl marries pretty girl fills up with all of pretty girl
and then notices that he is still not full???
so then he buys many things, this and that and that and this
and still finds that he is still not full??
so he is now empty and doesn’t understand it??
Must leave girl and find another one to see if she can fill him up or he might try to fill that emptiness with something else
And this can be repeated over and over.

When we are not actively reading Gods word and/or socializing with other God Followers, Satan/the Evil one is happy for he gets to have easier attacks on the man’s soul and the woman’s soul. For he wants to tear apart what God has sanctified together.
Satan loves distorting what God has made beautiful (For instance Music and Sex, Sex was created for The bonding of a man and his wife ONLY) and when he breaks up relationships he has an easier time distorting a person further and further from salvation when they are by themselves.
When a Married couple are practicing Love and Creating Life, Oh Gosh Satan is screaming for all the demons to destroy it for they are echoing Love and the most important thing Creating Life and bringing other offspring into the realm of sacredness TO GOD for the true purity of LOVE which is God for he is Pure Love.
Satan will do whatever he can to destroy your marriage so I say don’t ever ever let go unless he starts cheating on you then you are rereleased from the contract you have made with God;
but that is not saying that at that time you have to get a divorce if is up to your heart. But I would say never never get out of it unless that is present or there is extreme violence. You also need to make God the most important part of your heart, more than anything!! for if you are plugged into the source of love then you are complete and can give love. When we get plugged in we then have to make sure to nurture that connection and pray for protection for evil and temptation (satan SEEMS TO TRY TO SEND MORE ATTACKS WHEN YOU ARE TRYING to follow God for he might have had you at once but now he is losing you and wants to bring you back misery and hell). We must remember when we become God child that it is another siren in the devils ears and he wants to do whatever he can to destroy that connection.
I am sorry this is so everywhere but It was on my mind so I said it OK. Just remember we cannot love unless we are plugged into the source of love, then and only then can we radiate the purest of loves. I pray for your marriage and your Lovely family. Remember God is all that matters. Put him first and have faith and all will take its proper course in your life.

3 moms found this helpful

A. Dear,
it is not YOUR problem, it is HIS problem, and he uses this usual trick of turning the tables: not to be blamed, he starts blaming himself... this is very sad...
If HE does not accept counseling, then I do not see how it could be fixed:
after all, do you want it to go on in this manner???
YOu are 48, I am 47. You are financially independent: you have your own great kids: and I tell you want: life is GOOD, and you do not need to allow ANYBODY to humiliate you thus!!!
Here is the point:
I've been extremely compassionate and caring, dedicated and sacrifizing, and my friends (elderly ones especially) AND my three children kept telling me that I need to THINK ABOUT MYSELF, not this big overgrown boy... I was always looking for MY faults, I thought "if he does not feel happy, it is my problem, I am doing something wrong". My son asked me: Mom what is it you want to do yourself, with your OWN life? I said: I am mom, and I am so happy (I had a job also, always, but the main stream of my life has always been MOM'hood :) And he said: Okay, now we are BIG, MOM, and we are happy, and all is well, now what do you want to do for YOURSELF?
Finally, I realized that by my devoting myself to another, and trying to please the one who finds joy in accusing and condemning, I really lose my own identity> I sat down and thought: wait a minute, it is really true: i raised my great kids (25, 23, 17 now), and I did ALL what I possibly could to have a great family. BUT, here is my SOUL, that is encapsuled into this vessel of my body: why did this Soul came into this world: to please the one who does not care? It does not make sense!!! To raise children? = Well, I completed this task really well. What else I am here for? I am a teacher, and I teach English as a Foreign Language for years: to little kids, to adults, in public and private schools, in college and to businessmen, and now as I moved to another state, I do not have a teacher's certificate for this state, and I cannot work in school, and although I give my best at work, it is not teaching or school.
Now, look at me: I divorced, and I went to college. My son kept bugging me every week with that question: he is a wise boy, and finally he sees, that Mom is doing something for herself. And you know what? next year I will graduate with additional major: literature teaching, AND I volunteer helping in schools, AND all my kids are happy, AND we don't have scandalous talks at home anymore, coming from that big boy, AND GUESS WHAT: I am married again, to the most wonderful greatest ever guy I could not even dream of! \
So, My Dear Lady: If you do everything right, and he is not satisfied, then think that Your Soul needs to express this precious Presence somehow also: Your Soul came here, not to please others, but to fulfill some OWN task. Feel deep, what is YOUR OWN TASK IN THIS WORLD, seek what You can do, to follow YOUR OWN PATH!!!
Like Richard Bach said in his great book, ILLUSIONS:
If you are not happy, you are not on your Path:
it means you need to do some alignment, and step happily on the Path that was emant for Your Soul.
Life is precious, Life is GOOD!!! I wish You all the very best, A., to find your Happy Smile, on the Right Track!!!

2 moms found this helpful

I recommend the book The 5 Love Languages

read taht first and then make the decision.

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Hi A.,

Well I do not believe in divorce, but I don't want to preach to you or anything. My husband and I (more me then my husband) just finished reading an awesome book called Love & Respect. The concept is wonderful. Men need respect like they need air. If they are not getting it it is almost as if you are stepping on his air hose. Women need love like they need air and if we do not receive it it is like someone is stepping on our air hose. When I do not feel loved by my husband I certainly do NOT feel like giving respect and visa versa. So therefore neither of our needs are being met and both unhappy. This is called the crazy cycle (what the book calls it). So the whole book is how he needs respect as much as you need love and if you are both trying to give the other what they need your marriage is much better. Now my husband and I do not have a perfect marriage by any means, but it definitely helps. Again, the book is called Love & Respect. I'm sure you can find it at the library. Good luck!

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I agree that you should get the book, The 5 Love Languages!! You could be "saying" I love you over and over again, but if you're not speaking his language, he just doesn't hear you. It's worth a try....

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i'm no expert, but sometimes a book can get you and/or your husband thinking enough in a different light to make much needed changes. we are currently reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman and i have noticed a difference in my husband's behavior.

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A., before you divorce read a book with a title that might upset you, but it also might save your marriage....The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. Another book, from a Christian perspective is Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl at nogreaterjoy.org. Both are excellent and will help encourage you. Right now your marriage is in a tough spot - these books might help you make it a sweet spot intead.

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Ask him wha the real problem is? Is he sleeping around on you? It sounds like he has some problem and you are the one he is blaming for allhis hardships. He sounds very selfish and who has paid for all his toys?
Go out on a date just the two of you and talk things out. See if he even wants to make your marriage work. It takes two to make a marriage. It takes two to destroy a marriage. Is he worth it to you? It is sad when a marriage doesn't work and it hurts all involved. Does he really care? Just food for thought.
I am sorry this isn't working for you and I hope you can resolve the problems.
C. B

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