New Stay at Home Mom in Need of Moral Support and Advice

L.,

I promise, it gets better. At 6 or 8 weeks, I remember looking down at my firstborn, and crying to my mother, "All I am to her is a walking meal!!!!"

Don't beat yourself up. Babies love to be held. They've spent 9 months in-utero hearing your sounds, being rocked with your movements. It can be difficult for them to adjust to a quiet room with a cold hard mattress.
My sister-in-law was always insistent that my niece be home at certain times and that the house be quiet for naptimes. Unfortunately, my niece got to the point where she COULDN'T sleep anywhere else, besides her crib.
I found that my babies will sleep ANYWHERE, and because I refused to keep a quiet house, my girls have always slept through doorbells and dogs barking.

I highly recommend napping when she does (when you're well rested, this kind of stuff is MUCH easier to handle), and getting a good baby carrier. This will allow you to get stuff done and your little one to still feel the security of being held. The Ergo is the one that I would NEVER live without. When she falls asleep, one (or two) release(s) of a buckle, and you can ease her down into the crib (or onto the carrier, that's already nice and warm). Check out www.myfavoritebabycarrier.com. They have a 90-day money back guarantee, so if it doesn't work for you like it did for me, just send it on back.

Best wishes!
M.

I don't believe you can spend TOO MUCH time with your baby. Cherish every moment you have with her especially at such a young age. The time goes by so very very fast. That said, I do believe you need some time away from her. Find someone to come and stay with her while you go grocery shopping alone, or even just take a walk. I promise you you need some time alone and you need some grown up conversation. Staying home can be frustrating, but please try to have joy in your heart in everything you do, whether it is folding her sweet little clothes (because she will quickly outgrow them) or nourishing her body, or reading her a book. Time passes quicker than you know. You can do this.

L.,

I am not a stay at home mom but I think for working moms AND stay at home moms- being a mom is the hardest and the most rewarding thing we'll ever do. The first year is going to be hard- it just is. But just run this through your head several times a day "she'll never be little like this again and I'll miss it when she's bigger- it will get easier." My daughter is almost 3 and I now have a 6 month old son and each day is a new and challenging adventure. Also, I have to stay- take all those books and put them away for a while- god gave you motherly instincts- use them. If were were all raised by books- we'd all be the same. But we are all different because our parents raised us differently. If you love and care for your babies with all your heart then you are doing it right. As far as the napping in your arms- do some of that but do try to get her to sleep on her own and it will not hurt her to nap in the stoller if you are out once in a while- we all have to get things done. Just relax and she will too. It WILL get better and you'll forget that it was ever hard :) Before you know it she'll be a toddler and she'll be talking back to you and you'll have a whole new set of challenges.

Hi L.-

I have 3 children ages (7,5,and 15 months) and I have to say while schedules are great, there are times when it's just not going to happen. Let her sleep wherever you are. My children have slept in car seats, strollers, swings, bouncy seats, on the floor, in my arms, and (occasionally) in their cribs. They are all healthy, happy, and good sleepers! If you want to get out to walk around the mall or have lunch or coffee with a friend just do your best to pick a time when you will have had a chance to feed her beforehand but then if she needs to sleep while you are out, she will.

As far as getting out on your own, is there another mom in your neighborhood who you could pair up with to give each other a break once in a while? Maybe watch each others kids for a hour or two once a week just for a little break.

Good luck, and yes it does get better. If it was always as hard as it is in the beginning there would be a lot more "only childs" in the world.

Good Luck!
K.

Hi L.,
Hang in there momma. It gets better. I can only imagine how hard it would be to only let my son sleep in his crib at that age. He would fall asleep in his play pin, bouncer, stroller, rocking chair (for him), and in our arms. If he fell asleep while we were holding him we did the "arm test". We would pick up his arm and let it fall if he stirred or would some what wake up we knew he wasnt fully asleep and we should hold him for a while longer before putting him in his crib. I would take our son on walks in his huge stroller/carseat and he would love it and fall asleep. He never liked noisy places like restraunts or crowded stores. You can most definatly take him out. Do you have one of those slings or holsters? She can even fall asleep in that. Letting her sleep in other places ( not your bed ) is ok. Durring the night let her sleep in her crib but for day naps anywhere. Good luck.

Have you tried a baby carrier such as the Moby wrap or a Babyhawk Mei Tei (In my experience, these are much more comfy than a Bjorn if you've tried that)? From what I've read, it's actually really good for babies to spend time sleeping on their mama's chests, and if your baby sleeps in a carrier, you'll be able to go for walks or even go shopping while she takes her naps. Being able to go out for a long walk while my little guy slept really saved my sanity and helped me lose weight after his birth! If you're interested, check out www.peppermint.com or google the names of the carriers.

That's my only idea. Good luck!

I know you are getting lots of responses but I wanted to let you know that me and my baby went thru what you are going thru just a few months ago and I wondered if it was every going to get better and it did. Yeah! Everyone was like "you just have to put that baby down" but honestly the only way she would nap was in my arms. My Aunt called her Holdy Holderson - so funny right! But eventually I would put her down and she'd sleep for a few minutes, then next time a few minutes more and so on and so on. I think it really changed when she finally started to sit up and play on her own. She would get more tired and I would have to put her to sleep but now she generally stays asleep for a good while. She's 8 months now. I also struggle with getting out because she has to be fed then nap and then fed and nap again but she enjoys getting out now too and will nap on the way home or at a little different time and usually be just fine. It does get better. Also as others suggested, try some wraps or carriers. Austin Baby has several styles you can bring your girl in their and try them out together. My baby has not liked a Sling so far but I have the Nest and she likes that.

L.:
It gets better...hang in there. I am not quite sure what you are doing but as soon as possible start getting your baby to sleep in her crib on her back. It is best to lay her in there without pillows or blankets or toys. We trained both of ours to nap in their crib and they have been independent little sleepers and we never had any trouble getting them to comfort themselves back to sleep if they woke up. We did not use a pacifier...on their own they were thumb suckers. Before we knew it they were sleeping through the night with two long naps during the day...one around 9:30 and another around 2:30. When your baby sleeps, you need to rest too.
You will get some independence back but for right now, put that precious little baby's needs first, soon you will both get into a routine that you and she can live with. If your baby gets exhausted it will be awful.
Do you have family near by? Someone who can give you a little break every once in a while? I grew up in Austin so I have all my family there.

Girl....they grow so fast; try to relax and enjoy the ride!
I have 2 girls and now one in Jr. High. I remember feeling that "tied" down notion and missed my freedom! The first was by the book; freak if she missed a nap.....THEN, I just got tired of sitting at home..and made the move. She can sleep in car seat or anywhere! I just stuck to routine in the evenings..feed, bath, play and in her bed! The night routine was very important to us for sleep.

You will get it down! Try small adventures and let her cry in the car...she will go to sleep..promise! AND...get a night away..it will do you wonders or a day!

Babies sleep successfully in car seats, friends' bedrooms, shopping carts (in their car seats), and other places. If you get her used to only sleeping in dark and quiet, you will be sorry. Loosen up a little. It also gets better when you go to fewer naps. May I also recommend one of the sling type baby carriers which keep her close to your body but leave your arms free. This too shall pass. In the meanwhile enjoy the closeness to your special little angel that is so unique.

Stop reading books. All babies are different. I stayed home with my daughter for the first 10 months. She did not play along with any book stuff!! She and I developed a schedule and a system that worked for the both of us and just went for it.

But it will get better and easier. That overwhelming feeling will settle down as you two get to know each other. Our daughter is 5 now and we have always let her lead the way. Feeding, sleeping, drinking, potty training.

I'm not saying it has not been bumpy along the way but I feel strongly that you must get to know your own kid. And that stuff just does not come from a book.

Good luck.

If you need to get out, go. Walking around the mall is always an easy thing to do. She can nap in the stroller or baby carrier.

I was never one to push the the whole napping the crib thing, or sleeping in the crib for that matter. And with a 16 week old, I would be hesitant to even enforce a strict sleeping pattern. She is still figuring out her routine, she hasn't been in the world this long yet.

And yes, it does get easier. Just give it some time and trust yourself. After my first was born, we read all teh books and tried to follow that stuff, but with my second we threw those out the window. It is a much better experience when you put the books away and trust yourself. You know that baby better than anyone else, and you know what she needs.

L., hang in there, it DOES get easier as the baby gets older. My son is 7 mos now and I thought I would never be able to go outside the house w/him by myself. Now, he's entertained w/toys and I'm able to load him up and go to the mall solo. Also, I joined an all women's gym that has a daycare for 12 weeks+ and that also gave me an hour break, except I would have to time it just right. Does a car ride soothe her? If it does, then that's the best time to get out. Timing is everything when they are that small. Putting the baby in a swing w/a baby Einstein video keeps my baby entertained (even did the trick at 3/4 mos.). Some people are against the videos, but at least your able to get a little rest w/them. Good luck to you, hang in there, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. It's easier and fun as they get older and start to interact.

From an older mom, babies will sleep anywhere, cribs, strooler's carriers, car's etc. However like I have told friends, every time you go out with the baby you will feel like you are moving. Diaper bad, baby, strooler, car seat etc. Be sure and take baby food, milk, change of clothes, with you and you can almost go anywhere. You need to get out of the house, to the store, lunch with friends and so on. Your child will fall asleep in the carrier and be happy. You can to.

I second and third and fourth what everyone has said. I remember being so tired, feeling like I never went anywhere or knew anything that was going on in the world. People told me "this does't last very long, so enjoy it." I wanted to say "so shoot me!" WELL, my son is 16 months old...and I hardly remember those days...they do go fast but when you are in it, they don't!!!
I don't know if this will help but I did what you did with naps, schedules, not going anywhere, etc AND my son has never been sick, is friendly to others, loves being having a predictable routine, easily meets others and is a very happy baby (doesn't everyone say that about their child?!). All in all, it is worth it even when you want to go lock yourself into the bathroom for a bath by yourself! Hang in there...you aren't alone!

One word. SLING. Babies are ment to be carried. Your life will be sooooo much easier if you start to wear your baby! Your baby will be happier too. You will begin to feel your baby is an extention of you and you can go anywhere and do anything you would normally do and baby will sleep or relax because she is near you. My kids are now 2, 4 and 6 and are very independent. When your kids feel independent, you gain your independence back. Oh, and forget the books, I agree with the other post that says your maternal instincts are the most important thing. As a fellow stay at home mom, I totally understand how isolated you can feel. I use the internet for support mostly myself. My husband works odd hours too and also goes to school, so I am on my own a lot. But as you gain expireince as a mother, your confidence will grow and it does get easier. Until you have another...:) Hang in there! Get a baby sling! It will get much better!

It will get better, I promise!!! I remember feeling so overwhelmed during those early months, but by about 6-7 months things got much better. As for holding her while she sleeps, try a baby carrier or sling. I read those same books that talked about only letting baby sleep in the crib - it may work for some, but it didn't work for me and my son. My son ended up napping in the baby swing a lot, sometimes on a blanket on the floor, on my bed...you do what works, regardless of what is written in books!! You will have to find something that works for the two of you. I don't know if you have her on a schedule, but that helps too because then you can at least plan your day a little bit. Since you are a stay at home mom, I'd try to find a mom's group or playgroup in your area, maybe even in your neighborhood. It will help you to get around other new moms going thru the same stuff! And you may just need a little break - talk to your husband about having him watch the baby for a couple hours on one of his days off. Hang in there, it does get better and you will get back your independence! Good luck!

First off, yes it gets easier as you figure out your own routines and get into the swing of being a mommy =)
Second, I don't think it does any harm whatsoever to let the baby sleep somewhere besides her crib! It will do more harm to hold her while she naps rather than let her sleep wherever you happen to be. My kids (especially the 2nd one) slept in different locations for naps all the time. Swing, bouncer, playpen, carseat, stroller, etc. They are now about to turn 5 and 3 and I have no problems with them sleeping in their own beds every night. They are fairly well-traveled kids, too (being Army brats LOL), and they have never had a problem sleeping in a different bed or wherever we are while traveling.
I say don't let her schedule limit you getting out of the house! If you want/need to go somewhere, just make sure you leave right after a feeding, then take along whatever you will need in case she gets hungry again. Don't stress too much if she is so excited about walking around the mall that she is a little late taking her nap. It really won't affect her schedule too much. And better to have a happy mommy and not be a stickler for the schedule than have a depressed mommy but "perfect" napping =)
Plus, it's good for her to be flexible and able to take naps in the car or stroller b/c you never know when you might HAVE to go somewhere else! My 2nd daughter was an awesome napper, she would sleep every time we were in the car or she was in the stroller. But then I started taking her places when she was only a few days old =)
Good luck and don't stress too much about it!

Hi L.,

I was the same way when my first son was born. I held him for most of his naps in the rocking chair then at 6 months I couldn't take it any longer and I wasn't getting much done. So into his crib he went and it was a struggle to train him to sleep in the crib but once he did he slept there without any problems thereafter. But depending on what you are comfortable with and your baby too you might try putting her in a wrap or baby sling and carrying her. It frees up your hands and gives you a little more independence. You might also consider getting a babysitter to give you a respite, maybe just a couple of hours once a week would help you feel more independent. Does she sleep well in her carseat? I know that both my kids would fall asleep in the car when it was there naptimes. You could try planning outings before the naps and if she happens to fall asleep on the way home during her nap, just keep her in the carseat until she wakes up. I could not take my kids out of the carseat and then put them back down in there crib for a nap. I also recommend a playgroup or some other moms' group for support and playtime and possibly babysitting exchanging. I didn't do that and I think it really would have helped me.

It does get better, it just seems like forever until it does! Hang in there and it is all worth it!

H.

Hi L.,

I am a mom of two kids, a 3 year old girl and a 9 month old boy, and I can tell you that being a SAHM is THE HARDEST job I have ever had and I was an executive for a global management consulting firm before I left to be home with my kids. But, on the other hand, it is the most rewarding job I've ever had as well. So, just bear in mind that the first year is especially tough, but as they get more independent, you gain a bit of independence back yourself. It gets easier as you learn what really matters for your baby.

As for the sleep.....we all know how important it can be because without it, we're all miserable! But, your baby can learn to sleep anywhere. When my first child was that age, I tried to let her sleep at home whenever possible and she slept in her crib, but then I realized that I had to have a life too and started getting out more. You know what? She slept wherever we were if she was tired enough! Mall, gym, lunch....she had a carseat or a stroller and would sleep if she needed a nap. Again, if you can be home for her naps, it will be better sleep, but don't keep yourself locked in your house so that your baby can sleep in her bed...you'll go nuts! Now that I have another baby, I've realized that with 2, it is absolutely impossible to rearrange all of our lives so that he can sleep at home for every nap. The fact is, I have places I have to go such as taking my daughter to pre-school and his naptime always coincides with those times, so he has just had to learn to sleep in the car. It isn't ideal and I sometimes feel bad for him, but he does get his sleep and he will live through it! The good thing is that I can put him down to sleep wherever we are and he can sleep there (sometimes we have playdates during his afternoon naps and he'll sleep in a crib at a friend's house).

One thing you might want to try is giving your hubby some bonding time for one to two hours per week on a weekend (or whenever is convenient if he has an odd schedule). It isn't a long stretch of time, but if you can actually leave the house for that period of time every week to refresh yourself and have a minute to think, pray, read, whatever, I promise it will change your whole outlook on things. I did fine with my first child, but having #2 threw me for a huge loop and I had a hard time coping for the first 6 months. It's much better now, but I remember back then thinking that I would never be able to function again. It does get better with time. There are still lots of challenges, but they are different and you gain experience to help you deal with them better.

Give yourself a big pat on the back, mama! You're doing great. Try to relax a little, find a playgroup or at least one other mom with kids to bond with, and try to get out of the house at least once per day (even if you just go for a walk outside or around the store...don't even have to buy anything!). I've found that getting out is key to my sanity. Too many days couped up in the house makes me nutty. This is a really tough job, but you can do it better than anyone! This is your baby and you will both learn what makes each other tick as time goes on. Best of luck to you. Keep up the good work!

Please don't say you spend too much time with your baby - can never happen - a year from now you will wonder where the time went!
Babies are very adaptable and portable. If you take them places, they will nap in car, stroller, wherever - get her used to it early and you can be on the go . Yes, it takes some planning and supplies, but, remember you can't let your child control your life totally - you are in charge and she will love the outings and interaction as much as you now miss it. A baby is no reason to be a shut-in - get out there. It will be good for both of you.

I just had my 3rd four weeks ago. I can tell you that the swing, the vibrating bouncy seat, and the car seat during a car ride are all great places for a baby to nap. I can get myself cleaned up, cook dinner, or do other chores while using the first two!

"Does the baby business get better??" Yes and no, when one thing gets better, they start doing something else that proves to be an equal or more difficult challenge.

"Do you get your independence back?" Not entirely, but as the baby gets older and assuming you don't have another one, the "breaks" get longer.

My advice to you is to realize how very precious this specific time of your child's life really is. While it is very difficult now, when it passes you will miss her babyhood terribly. You will reap wonderful, immeasurable rewards for you hard work. Take lots and lots of pictures and video.

When my babies were little I would not hold them to get them down for their naps but instead would snuggle up next to them on my bed and after they fell asleep it made it easier to just slip away without disturbing them, surround them with big pillows to make sure their safe.

Hang in there. Hopefully, you will find ways to take breaks to refresh yourself. Whenever I got breaks from the baby I spent all my time thinking about them and couldn't wait to get back to them. Best wishes to you and your little girl.

YES, it does get better. Just don't give up. If the nap ends up being in your arms, then so be it! As for independence - find a mother's day out program! But you can do lots of things with baby... buy a nice sling and you can "wear" baby most anywhere you want to go... Don't give up. Don't give up. With mine, it always seemed I was about to "break" when the problem would finally be conquered. Yes, it is hard, but none of those hard parts last forever, -- new hard parts come along! And if she's cranky, then just accept a momentarily cranky baby. You can get her on a schedule, just don't give up!

It does get better and when she is 12 months your gonna look at her and wish she would sleep in your arms.
It is OK to let her take naps elsewhere, I put my son in his bassinet, playyard, the bed( I know ... bad) I have a chaise lounge chair and he would nap on that too, I would be sitting right next to him, but I wanted him to get a feel for new places.
Trust me it gets better, I was by myself doing this and I am sure you will be just fine.
When she takes naps you should too. That's what I did and of course I couldn't all the time... sincve there is cleaning, dinner, laundry, etc... to take care of. Get some rest!!
It's goes by way too fast!
Good Luck = )

They will sleep pretty much anywhere. My first spent pretty much her first 3 months sleeping in a bouncy chair and a pak and play. She was congested a lot, so the incline of the chair helped that. And my second is really comfortable in it as well. It will get easier!! Take care!

I wouldn't stress too much about it. None of my 4 children slept in their cribs the first 5-6 months of their life. They slept in their car seats, in a swing, a bassinet, or with me. Around 6 months of age is when babies start to hardwire things and really develop habits. I always started working my kids into their crib around 5 months of age so that by 6 months they are fully in their own crib. The good and bad thing about babies is they grow up. Try and enjoy this time as much as possible because your baby girl will only be this size and this age once. I find that when I think about it in that perspective it is so much easier to cope. Sometimes the lack of sleep seems like it will never end but it does.
I think the first baby is the hardest because it is the one you loose your independence on. Yes, you do get it back and as your child gets older you learn to incorporate your needs and hers. Right now though it is mostly about her because she is still so young. Just be patient, it will get better.

Oh yeah girl, I hear you! I had NO idea what mommies did until I became one, and half the time I can't even figure out what I spend my time doing now!!lol:) Yes, it gets better because you adapt. It is so much more than the physical strain, you have shifted universes. You have this new identity crowding out your old vision of yourself. The new you will be everything the old you was just less selfish and more awesome! Not saying you were a super selfish person, it's just that kids cause every ounce of selfishness to die!:) As far as sleeping goes, that is an area I think every parent navigates a bit differently. I think when my little guy was that age I used a swing a lot. I would just put him in his little swing and clean or whatever at times I knew he was tired, then I would just let him sleep there. I also used nursing a lot for naps. My baby fell asleep at the breast all the time and for me it was great. If you aren't breast feeding, the bottle works great for that too. I would just feed him and lay him down asleep, it was awesome. I never had any trouble getting him to sleep once he wasn't nursing. Now my cousin's baby had a harder time with naps and she got a sling as another poster suggested and said it was the best thing ever. I did use a little bit of CIO to get mine on a nap schedule when he got older, but at that age he just ate and went to slept a lot. I say go with your gut and whatever you find that works just stick with it and whatever you do, don't be h*** o* yourself!! You are a new mom and you are going through what all new moms go through and yes it does get easier so hang in there!!:)

Yes, the baby business gets better-actually easier! First of all take a deep breath and relax because your daughter will be able to sense your emotions and feelings. Some babies are more mellow and some are more high maintenance. Books are an excellent source of information but your mom instincts are also excellent. So listen to your heart, stop and think about your precious daughter. Think about what you need, what she needs and how those two can be blended together. As she grows more portable she will be able to become more involved in her surroundings. Babies are a lot of work-but so are toddlers and they are in motion! Cribs are great but a flexible baby is much easier to accomodate. She will have to be "re-trained" by a slow and steady process, and it's better if her schedule is very slowly changed. All babies have their own rate of growth and maturity and you know your daughter best so pick one area you want to "change" and very gradually change. Of course she loves being held and she will cry when you put her in her crib. Assuming you have some bright colors and objects for her to focus on-put her in her crib and show her the colors/objects, use a quiet soft voice, put on a baby CD softly so she knows her crib is comfy, peaceful and happy. After several days of this then when she falls alseep in your arms go put her in her crib and if she wakes rub her tummy or a gentle touch that she knows to lull her back to sleep. Once you get her used to the crib being an ok place to be by herself then she needs to go there every single time without varying the routine. You didn't mention bedtime, but a consistent routine will help her there also. We used to eat (bottle) then have a nice warm bath, then very quiet music, soft lights, a book or two as my son got older, then we rocked and he was out. No TV or loud music or loud voices. It was always a consistent routine. Now that my answer is so long I'll go ahead and tell you that you may only get short amounts of time for yourself-the longer periods of time for yourself don't come along until later. Try to snatch 10 minutes here and there and it will help a lot! But it will get easier! Stay encouraged and enjoy every day with your precious daughter!

Hang in there L., it WILL get better. My daughter started sleeping thgough the night (in her bed) at around 3 months when I returned to work. It's very important to keep them on a schedule. Routine is the key!!!
You're going to make it, I promise.

First, I would like to say...this too shall pass. :) Yes...it does get better, but with each phase comes new challenges. Babies are definitely a strain on sleep. I was soooo excited when my little one started sleeping through the night. And yes, it is challenging to get out and about for awhile, but a must do. It is good for you and the baby to get out of the house, even for a short time. :) Kids also need a routine, so this will also help you get into a groove in order to get out more. Pack the baby bag to anticipate whatever she needs so you are not caught of guard with something (food, diapers, medicine, etc) as there is never a "perfect time". This will also teach her to "go with the flow". As far as sleeping in her crib for sleep time...very important. I too did alot of research and I applied it and she has done a great job at night and naptime. It is hard for me to remember timelines, but I started a process with her very early on (during the basinet days until she was too long for it). When it comes to soothing, very important part for you and baby (bonding), but make sure you put her in her crib right before she is about to fully zonk out. The timing is important. As with anything, she may revolt against it, but you must be consistent. Just remember, she will test you and push the envelope until she realizes...she will not win. Kids are far smarter than most give them credit. I used to put her in there and rub her back to help her in the beginning and then she only needed that every now and then and some music (soothing) from one of those crib things that attaches for safety. But every baby is different and may need something different or nothing at all. Of course, when she gets a fever (teething for example) she will need more comfort and cuddles. So letting her sleep on me was ok and I kept a cool washcloth on her head. Of course, Motrin and Tylenol a must! lol Ahhh...I can't imagine the days without these medicines. Also, it is VERY IMPORTANT that when she cries, you go to her immediately and make sure her needs are met, food, dry, etc. After you eliminate reasons for her crying and know she just wants to be held...you must let her cry. This, I know is hard for any mother, it will teach her that when she needs you, you will be there for her needs, so then she will learn and go thru the process of learning to self soothe. Also, talk to her as you go through the process of taking care of all her needs (throughtout the day too) and ask her questions and tell her again what she needed after you satisfy the need. You know...like..."yes sweet girl...you did need a dry diaper....dry diaper...uh huh. You know...in a playful sweet voice. Sounds weird to some, but it really helps, my little one would start answering me..in her own way of course with a grunt or whatever. It will also help when she begins to talk. The more she is exposed to and understands the better. Anyhoo...sorry for the long-winded response! I hope this was helpful to you. :)

My mom made the same mistake regarding naps- they actually had to take the cradle off the base and take it in the trunk with them so I would take naps at church!

My oldest would ONLY sleep UPRIGHT IN MY ARMS. Even at home! They do become creatures of habit because that is what is comforting to them.

Someone suggested a sling- that is an excellent choice. IF you have tried a sling and didn't like it, there are different kinds of slings (I don't like the kind with elastic in the sides.) There are wraps and front carriers also (if you get a front carrier, get the kind with lower back support.) Use a stroller that the carseat can snap into, so you don't have to take her in and out of the seat and makes it easier for her to sleep while you are out. If you do take her out of the carseat for stroller rides, have a stroller that folds flat like a bed or at least VERY reclined.

I do plan my trips around naps, but try to make sure the baby is in her carseat or stroller during those times. As the child gets older and only has two naps, I make sure that at least one of those naptimes we are at home. By age two they can even skip the nap alltogether and crash in the car on the way home!

A friend of mine had NO schedule and drug her baby all over the place from early in the morning to late at night and fed her whatever whenever. She really regrets that now and sees that a FLEXIBLE schedule is what is best for everyone.

Feel free to PM me, as I know all about being a SAHM- I have 5 children. The youngest is due any day now and the oldest just turned six!

S.

I used the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Weissbluth. It saved my life (and my son's). My son was also napping in my arms or on the sofa. It took just 3 days to get him used to his crib and schedule. She is at just the right age to begin sleep training. When she does have a normal routine, you will know when you can get out and do things. And don't stress too bad. You and the baby should be flexible on the schedule as well. Also, try to find a moms group. That is the best way to meet people in the same situation. There is the Meetup site and Intl. Moms Club and MOPS. All great places to find support. Don't get disouraged. It will get better!! Prayers to you.

Oh L.. Sixteen weeks is so young. Don't worry, it does get easier. One piece of advice I would give you is to go ahead and be active. Babies adjust and learn to take naps in the carseat. I'm not saying to ignore your baby's needs, but to help teach your little one to be more flexible to adapt to changing circumstances. This leads to a healthy, well-adjusted baby.

Treasure this time. I know that you probably hear that it passes quickly all the time, but it really does. When you're older, you'll look back on this, and realize that it wasn't as hard as you thought, and it really is precious.

I totally agree with Brenda R., relax a little, you'll feel better. Read the books, but also listen to the child and your gut. I kept a carrier around and that is what mine slept in at the house or out and about. I never allowed my infants to sleep in their cribs during the day. This was of course in hopes that they would associate their crib with sleeping at night. I also tried desperately to keep a life of my own, meaning let the baby adjust to your schedule, not you to hers. We found that, especially on weekends, my husband and I would argue due to frustration over nap times. Once we decided that the baby was coming between us, we quit worrying about it and she adjusted, even went to sleep earlier on weekends:)Good luck and congrats!!!

Hey L.,
I do believe you need to have a routine for your little one but you also need to do things for yourself. My little guy takes his naps arounf the same time everyday, we eat around the same time, but he does it no matter where we are. I take him shopping to visit family everything but still keep his routine going. I wouldn't stress about the crib and all that. Work your little into your schedule.

B.
www.MoreForMyBaby.com

Have you tried getting a sling? You can make one very cheaply or buy them! It great for doing things with baby, or for holding her while she sleeps so you can do other things. You can even take you baby out more easily with one. All you *really* need is about 3 yrds of fabric!
Also, I just found this site and I highly recommend searching it over a bit!
www.thecowgoddess.com

YES it dous get better!! The best advice I can give is to definitly stick to the bed for sleep!!!!! My children ended up loving their beds. It is so hard to let them put themselves to sleep, because we want to hold them. but it is so worth it! Both my children sleep so good now 9-12 hours each night, an dI think it al goes back to those infant days.I also worked in a day care with the infants for 8 years and loved it, I love the babies! Enjoy her while you can cause she will grow up so fast. My son is 7 and my daughter is 3. Good luck and remember the bed could be her best friend(for both of you)LOL! feel free to PM me with any concerns.Congradulations!

Yes it gets better. Can I suggest that you go to meetup.com and see if you have a playgroup in your area, If not, start one. Host a meetup at your house once a week. This way you don't have to worry about nap issues, and people are usually very willing to come over and keep you company during the day.
The most important thing is to know tha tyou are not alone and learn the best way for you to cope thoguh this time. Good luck!

L.,
PLEASE don't put too much faith in what the "experts" say. Love her-hold her-ENJOY her. Do not feel quilty for spending time with her, all too soon she'll be too busy for you! I know you've heard it a million times--these precious moments do not last. If you have to lay down with her -- take the time to do so. Just lay there and marvel at the miracle God has given you. JUST 16 weeks ago she was wrapped securely in your body. Surrounded by your warmth, your touch, your sound now she is in a big cold crib. She will & can sleep anywhere and sometimes just being near mom is the BEST.

It does get better! The early months were really hard for me too. We had the same sort of sleep issues and then suddenly around 4-5 months or so she started sleeping in her crib! Now my little girl is 15 months and every day is better and better.... not that we don't have our moments. :)

Hang in there!

M.

As many have said, it does get easier, but when you're in the middle of it it seems like it will be like this forever. It won't! Do what you need to survive for now.

Both my babies only napped in my arms for the first 6 months or so, a long time, I know. Every time I put them in the crib, they cried and did not sleep. I gave up and used the nap time in my arms to sit back and get some rest, sometimes sleep, watch a movie, read a book, etc. Housework piled up and I did not feel like a functioning person, but it was only a short time in the end. Around 6 months I Ferberized them for nap time, it was difficult for a few days, but it worked. I promise you, you will look back at this time and wonder how you survived, but you will have survived. Good Luck!

It seems impossible to get anything done or to get out of the house for the most simple of tasks but yes, it absolutely gets easier! You are on the verge of it, actually. In just a few weeks your precious baby girl will be going for a little bit longer between naps and I found that she slept fine in her crib even if she had a nap or two in her car seat. I used the kinds that you pop off of the base and it locks onto shopping carts so I could go to the grocery store or to Target to get those diapers. Can you believe how many she goes through? That way if she falls asleep you do not need to disturb her with the movement and she is nice and safe in that great seat. At the very least I got out of my house and got to move around. Before you start doing that you will feel just as you do and it is completely normal!

I thought it would be easier, too. I have always had jobs with tight deadlines and long hours, very high stress to say the least. I certainly thought it would be easier to be a mom than an FBI agent. Hmm. I was wrong. Mommihood is a challenge and there doesn't seem to be a break. Be sure that daddy steps in and gets the chance to bath her, change her, feed her, burp her, etc. You may need a long shower or walk or just some time without being responsible for your precious girl. If you breast feed, be sure to stock up on some pumped milk so you can go out with or even without her. You'll do fine but if you ever need to talk, let me know--I'm happy to chat about any of the trials of these first months or anything you want if you need to talk about anything NOT baby. Good luck!

Every month it gets better. I think most of us feel overwhelmed and out-of-place after having a baby. I really adored my child but morned for my freedom! My son is now 3 years old... and it's been a long and tough road... but I have adjusted and love being a mom more than anything else in the world. FIND SOME MOM FRIENDS!!! Friends make the world of difference!!!

I am hearing you! And you have gotten a lot of good advice today!
I would suggest one more thing, b/c I, too have a husband that usually works from 8 am - 8 or 9 pm during the week. Even did when the kids were babies....his profession is a 60 hour per week one and we can't change that. It WAS hard!

Make sure you both communicate and work hard to have a plan to relax and have some "me" time on the weekends.
Dads are tired from working long hours during the week and need time to chill, and so do moms. So plan something out: Dad sleeps in on Sat., Mom can on Sunday, or arrange for a time to do something for you: bubble bath, exercise, read a book....whatever you enjoy.
When you daughter gets a little older, make sure you have "date" nights from time to time....spend time with each other.

When all my kids were little, I gave up everything I liked to keep the house running, the husband happy and the kids healthy and fed. I was pretty angry at one point. Not a healthy thing to do. We did not have any family nearby, which also made it hard to go to dinner, etc...

But I placed ads at the nursing colleges for a baby sitter and interviewed several and asked the ones we really liked and trusted to "be on call" for sitting help.