My Sons, Nearly 3 and 5, Still Have Trouble Sharing! Is This Normal?

It doesnt matter if they are 2 years or 5 years apart, they are kids and they will fight and not share. They are typical kids. As they get older they will get along and they will have that sibling friendship that you are longing for. Remember to be fair to all three of them, if one gets something so does the other two, so you dont add to fuel to the fire now. Each one needs their own space to explore and find themselves. Dont force them to play with each other, they will play with each other if they want to.

hi, don't worry about that give them time, the age difference it's not that bad and i remember growing up with my sister, we fought all the time and now we are the best of friends, did i mention that i have 10 sisters and 4 bothers??? yes and we all get along just fine... boys are tough but if you show them to share and respect each others space they will be fine, i also have a two year old girl that does not like to share but wants everything from everybodyelse and i can understand you.. be pacient!!!

good luck!!!

Hey, Mom, sharing with a three-year-old is always difficult. I have three children (boy, girl, boy) and it seems that when one of them was three the other (or others) were frequently frustrated at having a precious thing destrpyed by the three- year-old. That kid often earned the moniker "Master of Destruction", "Destructonater", "Master of Disaster"...

Here's my advice. Pray. Start slow. Build your five up by explaining three's view of him. Big brother is next to God in three's eyes. Encourage him to see three's desire to do and play everything with big as the hero worship it is. Then try to plan with big a portion of things he'd be willing to play with three, or his toys he'd be willing to play with three and even which toys he might descend from his level to play on little brother's level with every now and then.

Don't forget to balance you older son's concessions with an acknowledement of his need for three-year-old-free play space/time. Three's are destructive, if only because they lack the moter skills older kids have. If three is ALWAYS around, five really can't explore the play/creating activities in which he is intensly interested.

One final piece of advice, pray with him about these issues. Look at it as a way to get some early experience in working to make relationships sucessful. Don't be afraid of holding you older child to a higher, albeit age-appropriate, standard. He will always decry this as unfair. But the truth is, at this age, he is capable of much more self-control than his little brother. And it's going to be that way for several years.

Keep it up. We made it through the preschool years, and now all three of my kids are good friends (ages 8, 11 and 13).

I have 3 boys, now ages 15, 13 and 11 and how I handled the sharing problem really worked. I got myself an egg timer and when the boys started to fight over a toy, I would say "oh, let's get the timer and you can play with it for 3 minutes, then it is your brother's turn". (the time may be different, say 2 minutes due to their age and the "longing" of the other child. I would set the timer and then when it went off, I took the toy, calmly explaining it is the other child's turn and said something like, I will set the timer again and when it goes off, you can play again with it. It works like a charm, they may have issues with giving the toy up the first couple of times, but then when they realize they get it back for a bit and so on they calm down. I also talked to them beforehand that this is what we are going to do anytime they fought over a toy. After about 2-3 sharings with the toy, they would lose interest, sometime even after the first round. As they got older, I would give them the option, "do we need to get the timer out?" and they now and then decide if it is indeed needed. Like with an x-box game, they want to timer used. (the time also increases with the desired item, the older they get)

My brothers (2) and sister and I fought all our years growing up. Being a tomboy I was closer to my brothers growing up and had no use for my sister. Today my sister and I are extremely close. Growing up I could beat them up but no one else could and vice/versa. Your boys are fine and will either play together or not...the love will be forever.

Hello! Well, all I can say is age, age, age! Your little guys are still at the age where it is all about them. Children are naturally selfish. It is their primal need to fill their own needs...most kids don't even start to think about others (on their own) until they are a little older. I would just keep encouraging them to share and be kind; and to you...try and be patient. I know that at some point they will become friends and probably gang up on you and Ben. Hang in there!
Sincerely,
H.

Hello, My name is M. and I have 3 boys too. I have the same problem and just keep working at it everyday. I always have them take turns even if it isn't there toy. I try to buy similar toys for the two oldest. I keep a close eye and if I catch one sharing I really let them know how proud I am and maybe give him an extra sticker on his chore chart. I also say if you want to play with the others toy you have to make an offer to trade for another toy. I catch the middle one always taking the younger ones toy and then quickly giving him another toy to trade with. Slowly but surely they get the idea. I have my boys hug and give a kiss to each other after they had a fight. I think its normal to not want to share your stuff. I still don't really want to share stuff with my sister. I think if we just keep teaching them to love each other the rest will follow. My oldest is 6, 3, 20months. Good luck!!

I am in your same boat! I have a daughter who just turned 5 and her sister is 3. We do have had many issues with toys and sharing. For us, we take away the toy or whatever it is for the moment. When they are ready or no longer have interest in it, we take it back down. I realize this may seem like putting their whole toy box on top of the refrigerator, but our girls do share much more. These two actually play very well together.

Good Luck!

Good Morning Ben & Shan -

Yes, it is perfectly normal. Siblings still need to know that somethings belong to them alone and they have the power to decide who to share with and who not too. This helps build good judgement as they get older. Does it always work? No - I have 2 sons, now 14 & 15, and they still fight (on occasion) over who's stuff is what. Just part of being siblings. If you make your sons share, you could be building a feeling within them of being better than the other or not worthy to have things that belong to them. Remember, as a parent, some battles aren't worth fighting - if you intend to win the war.

M. M. Ernsberger

Hi,
I am a three year old preschool teacher and sharing is always a big issue. It helps that all our toys are "community" property. No one is allowed to bring personal toys because I don't feel they should have to share with so many. Most 3's are still parallel playing (side by side) but not really acknowledging each other very well. So, they just play with what they want when they want it. They are still discovering and very curious and very into themselves. It is perfectly normal. It is better to divert attention to something else than force the sharing issue. As "pretend" games start to take shape, they will naturally want to share with others. Having some toys that are "Mine only" is a good idea for your two boys. Everyone has to have a few possessions that are personal. Maybe three boxes, yours, mine and ours kind of thing. For more popular items, buy two or better yet, make toys together using recyclables. Turn a water bottle into a musical instrument by filling part way with beans or rice. Use coffee creamer bottles as bowling pins, and fill an old sock with rice or beans for a bean bag game. These toys will be favorites and you can make many for hardly any expense. I have lots more ideas if anyone else wants to write.
S. P.
Mother of 5, preschool teacher, sometimes writer :)

This is so normal. I take away the specific toy they are fighting over until they can share or I have a rule, if someone is playing with something and puts it down and walks away it is free game for anyone else. They will be friends, it will just be a love/hate thing for a few years. I have a six year old and three year old, thankfully it is levelling off now and they are figuring it out. Is your oldest in school? That will help a ton about teaching him to work with others, share and not have to have his own way. I continually talk to my daughter that if she isn't open to other ways of playing then her own then it isn't going to be fun playing by herself. My three year old is always doing what she wants however she is learning to help him figure things out too and play his way every once in a while.
Hang in there. Takes time and just encourage playing nicely or not at all together, seperate them if it gets hairy, otherwise let them figure it out.