Advice for Avoiding Toy Battles

It's tempting to give in to the thought of buying two of the same toy...resist the dark side, J.!

My boys are 18 months apart (8.5 and 7) and are special needs so I hear you loud and clear where you're coming from.

What worked in our house was a blend of the above advice. If any arguments break out over a toy, it goes in "Toy Time Out". That puts them in a better area to work it out.

Also, I've set a timer (started at 10 minutes when they were younger, now it's 30) for taking turns with the afore mentioned embattled toy. When the alloted time was up they switched. That strategy saved my sanity at Christmas.

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I have three children ages 8, 4 and 3. My kids share all of their toys. The rule in my house is if it is in someone's hand, no one has the right to take it but if it is on the shelf or the floor it is up for grabs. Honestly, most of the gifts I have ordered for Christmas they will all play with so it is hard to decide which child will get which toy. I also bought a two things that were on the expensive side so they will get them together (tumbling mat and a large ride-on toy).

If my children fight over a toy, I take it and it goes away for a week. They hate that so they will usually stop the fighting with just one warning. If not and they lose it, they usually get mad at me so they join forces and complain together. I don't buy doubles of anything and we don't make a big deal over a toy being one child's and not the others. Even at birthday time, they must share whatever they receive unless they are playing with it at that moment.

We set this tone from the beginning and it has always worked in our home. Even when my oldest was an only child, which was for 4 years, I watched children in my home so she had to share.

Good luck.
Barbara

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Perhaps you could get them something big that they both can use? Something like a kitchen set or "workshop" with tools, or an outside toy if you have a yard, like a slide/playhouse combo? Since it belongs to both of them, it might help them learn to share a little more (maybe you can tell them that Santa is rewarding them for playing so well together by getting them a BIG toy to share!).

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My 3 girls are roughly the same age apart as your boys. I have been through them fighting over a toy. What we do is try to find what each child likes and enjoys and try to get things specifically for them. It hasn't been so bad that we bought the same toys for all of them. Also we do not encourage an older child snatching form a younger one. Luckily it gets better as they get older, my older 2 are almost 6 and 4 so they don't do it so much anymore.

I have two boys also who ages are 4 1/2 and 2. I find myself taking certain toys away from them because it will only lead to a fight over who had it first or its my toy so give it to me. I have already started my christmas shopping and some toys they have are the same but some are not. I am also seeking advice on what to do. I am so glad that I have one girl who is still a baby so she has all of her toys to herself but at the same time I will teach her that it is okay to share.

my boys are 3 years apart and when they were younger (1,4..) we found that buying them almost the same toy was easier than putting up with all the arguing and taking away the toy from the other. now that they are older, 9 and 6, there's obviously no need for that. but i have to say it did make things easier as they were growing up. good luck.

J., I have read some real good ways to help you. You may even give a try to Christmas "wants". Give the boys "money" and take each of them out seperately to shop. Remember the real reason for Christmas, give them each something special and then shop after the holiday. I have two older children and our surprise 17 month old. Believe me, it doesn't necessarily get any better. I just laugh when the older ones (pre-teen and teen) are claiming to have had something first with a one year old.

Hi J.! my name is D. and I am proud mommy of a 3 and 1/2 year old boy and a 6 year old stepson. I go through the same thing with my boys. What I do at xmas even though it does seem like a waste to buy two of the same things I still do with expections on some things cause of their age difference. It really does help with the fighting over the toys and has made it so much easier.

Ohhh I like Barb's advice!!

Though if you still want to get them the same toys.... To try and avoid Jake from taking over both toys... But the same toys, but in different colors. It seems to work for my two who are 14 months apart.

Just a thought!

Hi there J.. This young, it can be hard. I would advise buying similar toys, but not exactly alike. Also, if they fight over them, take them. Christmas or not. Mine are about 3 yrs apart, but my son is special needs so getting him to understand he couldn't have it just because he wanted it was a challenge. This worked - now all I have to do is tell them "Give it to me" and it's a chorus of "No, no, we'll work it out, no mommy!"

I wish you the best of luck - now you have ME thinking of what to do. LOL LOL

Would highly reccommend toy timer. It works. My little one is two years old and she understand the timer. If i go in and explain that I am goign to get the timer they understand. Just set the timer in a spot that they know where its at and can see it, but cant touch it, then know when time is up.

Hi J.,
I know I'm a little late in responding to this but I still would like to tell you what I think. I have a 4 yr. old, 3 yr. old, 2 yr. old, and 1 yr. old. I think fighting over toys is just in their nature when they are small but this is what I do. If there are toys that I know that more than 1 will really like I do buy them the same things sometimes but they all have their own toys that are different from the others and I explain to them that I will not make them share their toys because they belong to them BUT if they are not willing to share that I will also not make their siblings share with them so don't ask to play with anybody else's toys. They usually don't like the idea of being limited to only their toys and will then share. Hope this helps, good luck with Christmas!!

Hi J.

I've got 2 that are exactly the same ages - Sarah is 3 and Owen is 20 months. They basically play with and want the same thing the other has. After past years of them having more things to open than they can deal with and having so many things already that I honestly can't think of much, we decided to get one big gift to share and then have a few smaller items for each to have alone. We're getting them a playhouse to share. I think I'm going to get them each a broom set too - they are obsessed with cleaning!! And then they'll get a handful of smaller items...books, puzzle ? as individual gifts. For 2 boys, what about a train table or lego table for sharing? Hope that helps...

H.