My Son Is a Copy Cat

Others may not agrees, but if the talking isn't working he needs to have a reason to stop. Time away from the things he enjoys just might be the next step.

I realize others don't agree and that's fine.

We have expectations and we help our children meet them. They make choices, no matter what we've taught, instilled, explained, etc. Ultimately, they make the choice.

If my daughter wants to play after school. She needs to have her work finished. If work is sent home from school because she doesn't do it at school, it is done before any play. Again, a choice she has made has a consequence.

The teacher can work with you on this at school. Together, the three of you should sit down to discuss the situation. Together you can create a behavior chart that rewards him for his positive behaviors in class. Start out with a check mark every 15 or 30 mins. Put him in charge of the sheet and getting the mark (at the end of the period if he can wait that long). The sheet comes home every day. If there are missing check marks, talk about them. Figure out what happened. The rewards happen at home. Eventually move the sheet every other day, every week, etc.

We worked with my daughter's 1st gr. teacher and the sheet worked great. We gave marbles for every check mark. Marbles turned in points that were spent...sleepover =10, 15 min TV=30, etc. She loved spending her marbles. In fact, she saved up her marbles to have a sleepover b-day party. She worked hard to earn enough marbles to invite all the her friends. By the time the party happened, the behaviors were in check and have continued to be in check in 2nd gr. She's no longer making funny commentary that throws off the lesson.

Stephanie

Try focusing on positive behavior. It sounds like he is looking for attention and has hit on a surefire method of getting it. If you want to stop it, give him praise when he behaves well or otherwise does stuff you like. "Wow! You played so nicely! I love it when you...." Or "Wow! You sat at the table and ate your food without making a mess."

And, try not to give him attention when he is misbehaving. It sounds crazy, but unless he is unsafe or harming another, ignore the behavior you don't like. When he does something dangerous or harmful be firm in stopping him, but don't make a big deal, say once "No hitting" and remove him from the opportunity to hit. Then walk away.

He will probably grow out of the copycat stage if it is not useful getting attention.

Hi P.,
i have a two year old daughter that is doing this too. at times, it drives me crazy. most of the time, i try to ignore her....and will usually laugh with my husband when she is no longer with me. here's the thing to be thankful for.....they are immitating. that is the number one way that children learn. this is how they learn language, motor activities, social behaviors, etc. your son is immitating the good too....it's just easier to see all of the negative things. after working with children with disabilities (mainly autism) and delays, i will never take the art of immitation for granted. i tried for years to TEACH immitation. our children are doing it naturally. hang in there and try to see how great it is that he is developing normally....even when he's immitating the negative. :)
Julie

I have noticed a few little boys in my daughter's preschool gymnastics class who have HORRIBLE behavior and egg each other on. What drives me absolutely crazy about it is that the parents of these boys laugh about how "cute" it is and say things like, "Boys will be boys!" And I'm sitting there thinking, why don't these parents DISCIPLINE their kids?! It drives me nuts! Ok, sorry for that little rant. It occurs to me that your son may have fallen in with a crowd of kids who have parents like the ones in my daughter's class.

But seriously, I think that if you do not like this behavior, you need to tell him so in clear terms, and follow up on whatever consequence you set for him. For instance, if he is hitting other kids, you could say, "We don't hit people. That hurts them. If you hit someone again, we will go home right away and you will go straight to bed." Or whatever. But the point is, you need to be his leader and be clear about your expectations of him. When you aren't around (i.e. when he is at school), he needs to be able to conduct himself in a way that would make you proud, and ignoring bad behavior won't produce that result. Good luck!!

It sounds like he gets "attention" for bad behavior and not so much for "good" behavior. Kids thrive on receiving "a reaction" from Mommy. Really start switching your focus on all things he does right and give some dramatic praise for the deeds. Try to ignore the bad things when possible. He will soon see that bad behavior scores him no hoopla and it will diminish.

Hi P.,
You did not describe what the "bad behavior" is. It sounds to me like your son is being his own person, just not the person you want him to be. I thank God daily for the crazy, imaginative and creative son I have. My son is now 9 years old and could be described as the class clown. He is bright with very high test scores and is well liked. If your description of misbehaving is name calling, hitting etc., then YES that is not good, but if it is making faces and funny noises, he is trying to get the attention from his peers and have everyone laugh with him, not at him. Maybe this is his only outlet to get the laughs he should be getting at home. As parents we must try to recognize the many different personalities of young children and encourage those differences.

Try to have fun with him and at the same time while being crazy and ridiculous, you can teach him the boundaries of having fun. You used the word "hilarious", think about what is making something hilarious to him and decide if it really is bad behavior or simply really funny and appropriate for his age group.

The tough question is... Are YOU able to goof around with him? Have a contest with him to see who can make the funniest face. See what tricks he can do with his tongue. Who can make the craziest noise. If he is allowed to have fun and be crazy at home he might not feel such a need to do those things in a school setting. Think about it. Some mom's are just stiff boards who loose sight of the mental stimulation of being goofy that kids also need to learn from. Just teach him where the line is and the appropriate times to be extra crazy.

Good luck and goof around a little.
L.

Goodness! Whatever happened to good old fashioned discipline? Ignoring the bad behavior is only going to make them feel, well, ignored. Then they go to greater and greater extremes to get attention. Praise the good behavior and discipline the bad behavior. For some reason we as a society have come to believe we should either ignore bad behavior or "redirect" them to something else. That doesn't teach them that that behavior is unacceptable. It just puts it off a little while longer. We think we can reason with a preschooler and they will understand what is wrong, why it's wrong and then never do it again. I'm not trying to be rude here, P.. Please believe me. I would love it if it was as simple as tell them stop and they do. That would be great! The fact is, something memorable needs to happen when they do something unacceptable and wrong or it won't sink in. A lot of people try time out and all these other things but that doesn't sink in with kids that young. When I was growing up, kids were polite, did not talk back to their parents, did not throw fits in the grocery store, did not hit people, would never dream of doing the things we see kids do today. You know why? Because they knew if they did, they were going to get a spanking, and that was memorable to them. They didn't forget what was going to happen if they misbehaved. Somehow we've gotten it in our ever so educated brains that that is wrong. But look at our society now. Such a drastic change from what it was 30 and 40 years ago. P., you're doing yourself and your child a disservice if you ignore him when he misbehaves. Give him a firm swat on the behind, for heaven's sake.