My Little One Acts like She Doesn't Hear Me

Hey R., part of this is her testing her limits and part of it sounds like impulse control, an issue my middle child also has. One way we've been able to help her is to create stop and go games. We play red light/green light at home (I even made visual aid paddles by glueing red and green foam circles to popsicle sticks) and since it's a game, she thinks it's all about fun, now when we're in public I can say "redlight" and she thinks we're playing the game. Another great impulse control game is freeze dancing. I play music and we dance all silly untill the music stops and then we yell "freeze!" At this age, explaining the dangers is probably a waste of breath, but making it a game helps her cooperate more readily. Hope this helps.

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Ahh gotta love the two's. I swear the day my son turned two he became a totally differnet child, three is not any better! It is an age thing, she is ready to test her independence and you are going to spend a lot of time chasing her. I kept my son in a stroller at malls, etc.. cause he was a runner until he got closer to three. Anytime we were in a parking lot or something like that I never took my hands off of him cause he was fast! When he would run and not listen to me at other places, after I caught the little skamp, I would make him take a time out. Sit down and no more playing, of course at that age it can only last a minute or so. Just stick to it, let her know you are angry when she does it, but also give her opportunities to run and explore without boundaries. Good luck, they are a handful at this age!!

T.

Hi R.! My 18 mth old daughter is the same way. My son was not. She HATES riding in the cart at the store and screams the entire time if I leave her in there. She is so independent! If I put her down she runs and I lose her quickly. It took some trail and error but I figured out what I like to call her currency :). I tell her before I let her down that if she does not stay with mommy or stop when mommy tells her to then she is going to have to sit in the basket. That does that trick for me. If we are playing in the front yard and she wants to run down the street I tell her if she goes past the sidewalk or runs away then she is going back inside. She LOVES to be outside so going inside is a big punishment for her. Try to figure out what it is that means the most to her (her currency) and you may have success. GOOD LUCK!!

I don't think you're expecting too much. Sounds like something to nip in the bud. After all, if she is outside and doesn't listen to you she could get hurt, say in a parking lot or something if she decides to dash of and play the little "game." She is testing your limits, which is of course her job at this age so that's not too serious in itself, but that's when we have to do our job of showing them where our limits are. I'd personally explain to her when you're not in the situation what will happen next time she does it. Then the next time she does it give her to a count of 3, and do whatever you told her you'd do. Repeat process again and again. LOL I hope that helps.

It is normal. My daughter was (is) the same way. They have their little minds set on doing something and know you are about to tell them they cannot, so they turn a deaf ear.
What I did (which be it good or bad) was hid but followed her. After a while she would look for me and not see me- and that scared her. It seemed to correct the behaviour for me. Now when we are outside and she is riding her trike, she is a pretty good listener (not great- but much better).
again, dont let THEM out of YOUR sights, but try not being seen. That is what worked for me.

My two and three year olds have done the same. I explain to them cars and that they "will hurt you". My son gets it sort of and is a bit more watchful now. In fact, I freaked him out so much about it he often won't cross when I tell him too. grr...

It takes time and patience. Explain it to her.

J.

Hi R..
I don't think you are expecting too much. But it is a tough age. This is when you start more structured discipline, but also when they are pushing even harder.
Here are a couple of ideas. One is to have a pocketful of treats and when she comes to you/stays with you she gets one. I found that my best defense was to come up with a plan for whatever behavior was driving me crazy. I used to tell them what was expected, when they did not follow through we went inside/home straight to time out. I would "set up" the situation, either at a friends home, park, library, etc. Let your friends know that you may have to pick up and go. When she runs off and does not respond, you pick her up, load her into the car and head home for timeout (or whatever consequence you choose). the most difficult part is to say very little and ignore the tears and noise. The first time she runs off/ignores you, you may be able to try a timeout at the place and then let her play again. I didn't get as good of a response with this as I did with just leaving. Your actions of leaving send a pretty strong message.

best of luck!
D.

My 21 month old daughter is the same way. One thing I did was start playing the game freeze-move. We dance/move around all goofy, then I say "freeze!", and we freeze in whatever position we are in (followed by a lot of laughter). From that she has learned to freeze when told and stay put until I tell her to move again.

R.,
my son is almost 3 and just started paying attention about 6 months ago. Of course he still has selective hearing. I think your daughter is just excited about exploring hre surroundings and boundaries....very natural and healthy...just frustrating for Mommy!
Hang in there...this is one of those lessons she learns as part of growing up but it takes time and patience!

I agree with the mothers who say to leave and take your child home when she runs off. It worked with my oldest. Also it worked well for her having accidents. She used to play, play, play and "forget" to go potty. I told her next time she had an accident we would leave. And after we left playgroups, grammie's house, the grocery store a couple of times she got it. And no more accidents. Same thing with misbehavior or running off.

Another thing to try...it seems that she really enjoys the running game with her grandmother. Maybe give her that special time with you in the house, on the playground or in the yard. Chase her around until she can't run anymore. Then give the game a name. She can ask you to play the game with her. But when you're in the parking lot or somewhere unsafe explain that we can only play that game at home or the playground. And if she stays close to mommy at the store that she can play the game once you get home. That way your giving her a way to communicate safely and effectively with you.

Good luck to you. I have three little girls and what gets me through days like this is the thought "This too shall pass."

Dear R.,

Your little girl sounds just like my little guy when he was 2! The bad news is, I guess its "normal" although I was at my witts end when it came to taking walks and the mall, all the same stuff you mentioned. I actually used a leash/harness on him when we were in unfamiliar places. The good news is, she will probably grow out of it. My issues was not just the running away, but the "not listening" to me - ANY of my instructions. Finally I read Nanny 911 (great Book I highly recommend) and institued a Simmer Down or Time Out Chair. The first few days it was hard but they say when kids turn 2 is the age where you can start time out. At first he wouldnt listen but I persisted. I would put in Time out after counting him down to 3. If he didnt listen/behave I gave him time out. He would keep getting up and running in the other room. I would gently pick him up, softly explain that he was not to come out of time out for 2 mintues- (1 minute for each year of age) and when the 2 mintues were up (i sued an egg timer), he could come out. After about the 3 or 4 day (maybe it was 3rd or 4th week?:=) he got it! When his time out was finished, I would come in and he would say sorry, promise to try and correct the behavior and we would give each other a big hug and no more discussion about it. My little guy is now 4 and it still works like a charm. Now I ususally I only have to start counting to 2 and I get him to stop and talk things out with me. Part because he is older and matured, and part because I feel we were consisent with his disapline. Best part of it all, I went from being one of those yelling, nagging Mommies to a sweet yet firm, more in control Mom. Good luck - lots of patience - and as my girlfriends used to tell me, "this too shall pass" :-)

your mom needs to stop the game as she is teaching her to run away. also have your daughters ears checked. our 2 1/2 yr old was acting the sma way and part of it was her being 2 and the other one was wax build up in her ears.!

Oh I can't wait to hear the responses to this question...

Some kids are just runners I guess. My son, who will be 2 next week, does the exact same thing. When we are in our front yard he makes a beeline into the street or the neighbors yards - he just basically takes off. If we are in any public place, same story. He is oblivious to calls to stop, come back, etc. I know age is a factor with lack of impulse control so I try to be aware of that, but man it is frustrating, not to mention scary.

We have instituted the time-out process - which had absolutely no effect I might add - until we started talking to him beforehand about what would happen (time out/leave) if he ran away from mommy or daddy or didn't listen when told to stop. It is SLOWLY starting to work. Now, as he is running to the edge of our yard or road and told to stop, he will either come running back into our yard (not towards me necessarily), or turn around and with a smirk and cross the line. Of course he is testing us in the latter case so he is promptly put in time out. When we are at the park, I tell him repeatedly before we actually get out of the car that if he runs away from us when told to stop we will leave. And then I do it. Unfortunately we have had to leave several places early, but I know it's important for us to do what we say we will do.

That's all I have tried so far, but if others can provide addtional stategies I too would love to hear them.

K.

R.,

My two-year-old acts the same way. I think it's part of their boundary testing phase. He also acts like he can't hear me, but if I have to come after him he'll run to me and laugh like it's a game. So I started threatening to take away whatever toy he's playing with or separate him from his friends or whatever he is currently most into. Sometimes I'll even say "no kisses" if he doesn't listen and he immediately comes to me for kisses. Anyway...I dole out the appropriate threat, which he pretends not to hear, and tell him that I will count to three and if I get to three, said threat will be executed (and I really do what I say). It took a couple of times for him to get it but he responds to counting like marathon runners to gunfire now. His little head pops up when I say "one" and he starts running at "two." If he's really cranky I usually get to "three" but he still comes. I don't know if this works for all kids, but it's working well so far for me. I'm not sure how long it will last either.

Good luck!

-T. Q