31 answers

My Husband Wants to Name the Baby After him,I Don't,what Can We Do?

My husband insists that we name the baby after him if it is a boy.He himself is a junior,named after his father.I really,really dislike the idea of naming the baby entirely after him.I am willing to compromise in many ways.I have even suggested a second middle name that we could agree on so I could at least have something to call the baby and he could have his own name to go by.My husband refuses any sort of compromise and insists the baby has to be named exactly after him,no ifs ands or buts about it.I think it's very unfair but I'm not sure what I can do to change his mind.I've told him how I feel and what the baby name books say about it,which isn't very good for the most part,but nothing seems to work.If it is a boy I'm afraid I will just feel anxious and frustrated instead of being as happy as I should be,of course I'll be thrilled no matter what it is but you know what I mean,because I know he won't compromise on the name.Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to try and convince him to comrpromise with me??

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

NEW UPDATE****
After reading all of the responses,we decided that since we will name the boy after him we will probably call our son Trey or Tripp as a nickname.Thanks for the great idea,I'd never thought of either of them!! My parents like Tripp but I think we like Trey,so who knows,but at least we both agree on something to call him if it is a boy! Lol = )

Featured Answers

Well, I guess this is something to put on the questionaire when you are dating. Does he mind if the next, a girl, is named after you?
This seems to be a real biggy with men, they seem so proud. If you want peace, I guess it will have to be Edgar Alvin. But to you, he could be Chip, or any name you want. I am glad I didn' t have this problem. Maybe a counseling session?

We have friends that named their son Name Name III to honor dad and grandpa. However, they called him Trey. (for three) That seemed to work out well.

We went through this with my son. Beforehand, my husband wasn't adament about it - we talked it through and he wanted to, I didn't, so we didn't do it. Two weeks after my son was born my husband was seriously ill because we didn't name him after him. I ended up caving in and we changed my sons (huge legal hassle) name to have the same first name but different middle name and we call him by his middle name. I really wish we had gone ahead and just named him completely after his dad. It really is an honor and something that not everyone has to carry with them through life. It would've been the best gift ever that I could've given my husband. To men - their name and reputation are EVERYTHING!

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Please don't be upset with my answer, but I'm going to play devils advocate and say let your husband have the name. I'm not sure I understand why you feel like you don't have any input - you are CARRYING the baby for 9 months and will be the primary caregiver, at least in the beginning, especially if you're breastfeeding. You immediately have a connection that your husband can't experience because of biology. I don't understand how you can consider a name "too intimate" in comparison with the intimacy you are sharing and will share with your child. It almost sounds like you're jealous of the name connection thing - maybe digging deeper into these feelings to find out where they're coming from will help you feel better about the name.

The name is a family legacy that means something to him. Perhaps BECAUSE he doesn't have a great relationship with his dad, the legacy means even more.

Honestly, baby name books mean nothing - they're to help you when you get stuck. If I liked a name a lot, I wouldn't care what the name book said it meant. I googled the names and found that Francisco means "free man", also in honor of St Francis of Assisi (one of my favorite saints). Eduardo means "wealthy guard" (Edward).

Our son's name was my entirely my husbands choice - he's named after a childhood friend who passed away, and a very special and influential teacher he had as a child. My husband chosing the name took nothing away from me at all. If we had a daugher, the name was something I had totally chosen - a name to honor someone I cared about, first name for a great friend, middle name was just a pretty name I liked that turned out to be a family name.

Tthe nickname thing can go in any direction. We don't really have a nickname for our son yet and he's 3.5. Sometimes I call him Boo-boo. :) It's entirely possible you might come up with a nickname that has NOTHING to do with his actual name - it may be based on his personality, his favorite thing or food.

4 moms found this helpful

The III sounds super important to him.

I'm going to vote with letting him "have" this one in exchange for nickname rights.

Nicknames have a lot of options:

III = Trey, Trace, Trip

OR nicknames off of Fransisco Eduardo
This site says these are the common nicknames for Fr & Ed ((I suppose Fred IS another name option))
http://www.learn-spanish.com.mx/spanish-phrases/spanish-n...
Francisco - Nicknames: Paco, Pancho
Eduardo - Nicknames: Lalo
I also rather like Edward & Ward & Cisco & Paco & Lalo & Rico & Risco & Risc
((Too bad your last name isn't an N name. Fen is one of my favorite names (short for Fenian cousin to Fin short for Finian)

OR
Last name first, military style... including shortening it.

OR

Pulling a rabbit out of a hat and using an entirely DIFFERENT name. I've known adult men named "Beaux" whose actual name was Christopher Jonathan, ANYONE with a Mc or Mac can have that as their nickname.

So Hubby may well "win" by getting the "legal" name... but for day in day out living... take the nickname rights.

3 moms found this helpful

My husband wanted to name our son John. I was against it. My Grandfather was John. My Uncle is John. My cousin is John. My husbands Dad was John. My husband is John (though he always goes by his middle name). I felt we had more than enough Johns to go around. So I started looking at John derivatives. And we ended up naming our son Evan (and we kept my husbands middle name as middle name for our son). We really settled on it once we saw him. He looks like an Evan (though we don't know anyone else by that name) and we could tell no other name would fit as well.

2 moms found this helpful

Sorry I didn't read the other responses or barely your whole story. Hubby is named for his father, I don't think you should be the one to break the tradition in my opinion. A name is just a name. I think it is more important to honor your dh and fil, then have your son sporting some trendy baby name. I don't think your husband is being inflexible--I think you are being a bit insensitive. You can always call the baby Frankie for Fransisco, but if I were you I would really just go with a jr. and respect your husband's tradition on this one. And I understand where you are coming from--I am preggo with #2 and if it is a boy, I am getting a son named for his father and grandfather--and I am not crazy about the name. But my husband would be really hurt if I didn't agree to it. Our daughter was named for my grandma that passed before she was born, and it was not either of our favorite names, but it honored my grandma and really pleased my grandpa that we remembered her that way.

2 moms found this helpful

No suggestions on how to compromise. It sounds like you have attempted it already. :) There are other things you can call a "third." My great nephew is Trey. I had a boss named Trip. My brother is a "third" and we call him by an abbreviation of his middle name. If you want to tell us your husband's name, maybe we ladies can help you find a name that will make YOU happy :D

God bless AND congratulations!

M.

2 moms found this helpful

Name this child "Junior" (call him Frank, Cisco, Eddie, F.E., or even Trey, Tres or Bubba or some other nickname that doesn't necessarily derive from the given name) and restore peace in your home! Then name the next child what you want to. Your husband sounds like a nice guy but this is really, really important to him. Give in and be sweet.

1 mom found this helpful

I didn't read all the answers so someone may have already suggested this. I have a friend that is a "3rd" which is what your son would be. His parents nicknamed him "Trey" which is a nickname for "3rd" and it fits him really well. That is an alternative.

1 mom found this helpful

Maybe try using Sisco or Frankie as a nickname. Or Eddie. I'm lucky that my hubby has always hated his name and therefore didn't want either of our sons to be stuck with it (its Jeff, I'm not sure what he doesn't like about it). He did give both our sons his middle name as their middle name. A little unconventional, but I guess better than the alternative.

1 mom found this helpful

I can't tell you how many problems my husband has had with being the "jr" in his family. Legal, banking, you name it. Your husband is probably doing this BECAUSE he didn't have much of a relationship with his dad, as if sharing (or in your view, foisting) his name on his son is going to fix that.

I would insist going to a counselor about this, to be honest. If he's going to get his way, he should at least have to earn it by going to counseling with you.

My husband really didn't want to push his name on our first child, so we used my grandfather's first name, Daniel, with my husband's unusual first name as my son's middle name. I'm really glad, because I am sure that kids would have made fun of him if we had given him my husband's full name.

Good luck - it sounds like you'll really need it.

D.

1 mom found this helpful

You have just as much right to stand your ground. I would never name a baby the exact same thing as my husband. Everyone deserves their own name. Not to mention the headaches having the same name in the household has. You get the confusion of who is being addressed. My mom had countless headaches with medical insurance because they would always mess things up since dad and son had same name. I don't have any suggestions on how to find a middle ground, but wanted to provide support on the desire to give baby his own name.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband is named after his dad, except he is a second, not a junior. My MIL was really sick after she had my husband and was not able to talk to the birth certificate lady.
When I found out I was pregnant, there was never any question that the baby would have family names, boy or girl. When we found out I was having a boy, it was an instant decision that our son would be Emmett Ray the third.
My FIL is called "Big Emmett" and my hubby is called "Little Emmett" and I was clueless about what we'd call the baby. I do not like the nickname Trey, so that was out of the question. One day I was at the vet's office with my cat and the vet had some family pictures on the wall. One was of his grandson who was a third. They called him Tripp.
I stole it and am more than satisfied with my choice.

1 mom found this helpful

what about frankie. maybe he is trying to start out with a special bond with his own son that he never had. just a thought. god bless. R.

1 mom found this helpful

I'd let him have it. I was not thrilled with my husband's choice for our son's first name (he had planned to name a son this since he had been a teen or something).. I associated the name with someone I didn't care for.

I let it go, it's my son's name. Now I LOVE the name.

And go with something others have mentioned, like a friend of my husband's. His formal name is William, but he is a 3rd, and goes by Tres. It's funny, because to look him up in the phone book, we always had to stop and try to remember his name!! hahah

1 mom found this helpful

My first thought was that this name is all he has of his father, the one tiny relationship he has with his father and the only relationship your son will have with his grandfather. How does your husband feel about nicknames? I like Trip, Frisco, or Kike but there are other great suggestions for nicknames. It's very common in my family for people to be named after fathers, uncles etc so it seems normal to me.

I can see both sides. It is obviously a tradition in his family. Your husband has probably thought of this since he was young-how he would name his son after himself. This to me is extremely valid-no matter what the baby books may say. On the other hand-if it offends you to have your boy named after your husband THAT much-so much that it would taint your entire experience, then that should be taken into consideration as well.

Call your boy Edward for short...very trendy and 'of the moment' name.

What about Junior as the middle name? Or try to find a family name that you both agree on? Sorry this is hard for you.....it can be stressful picking a name! Good luck

M

You should tell us the name so at least we can help you with a nickname if you lose this battle. Unfortunately you should have discussed this long before getting pregnant. My husband told me before we were even married that he wanted our son to have a specific name but he would let me have the middle name. I wasn't fond of the name at first but now I love it. I wonder if since you have tried everything else you could try laying down your foot and basically starting a fight and saying that you are carrying this child and you expect to have a say-so in it's name. And pray REALLY hard for a girl!!! Good luck to you.
ps/ keep in mind that no matter what the child's name, most ppl call their children nicknames....our son is Parker and he ends up being Parky, Bubba/Bobba b/c his sister called him that trying to say 'brother', Park, and many more that would make no sense to you but have just come about through the years. Try not to worry, he is honoring his father and be glad it is not a crazy name. My friend's husband is Hassel Bedford the 3rd so luckily they called him Trey but their son is Hassel Bedford the 4th....no nicknames for him.

I'm not sure if you have decided to cave in, but I'm warning you. DON'T DO IT. It seems like some cute tradition to honor your husband, but it's not smart. Your husband's ego is not worth the trouble your (maybe) future son will face. My brother, best friend, and cousin, and uncle were juniors. They've had so many frustrations with issues at the DMV, credit cards/scores, loans, mail, school, job applications. Most departments and companies do not recognize suffixes such as sr. and jr., even if they say they do. Also, it leads to cutesy nicknames that your son will never lose. An example would be my brother who was named Allen after my father. Dad is "Big Al", brother is "Little Al". My brother is 48, 240 pounds and 6 foot 6. Despite being intimidating, he still gets teased. My cousin, also a jr., is always refered to as "mini-me" by his father and is pressured to be just like him. Even if you nickname him "Trey" or "Tripp", like I said, children grow out of their nicknames. Eventually as an adult he will no longer like being called that as it will be confusing around friends and even in his career. Don't let your possible future son be one of those guys who has to constantly remind people what his real name is. It's very frustrating for every one involved.

Please, you are not being insensitive and your husband does not need to have his child named after him to feel a "connection". In fact, if your husband is excluding you from the naming process of YOUR child, than he is actually being the selfish and insensitive one. He sounds like he's not willing to share or compromise, and that is NEVER a good characteristic in marriage or parenthood. Besides, if your husband puts in the effort to connect with his child, he will be adored and never left out. Perhaps even at times he will feel more connected and favored than you. You can incorporate your husband's name if push comes to shove, but don't make him a jr.

On another note, naming your son after your husband can put yourself in an awkward situation if siblings come along. You'll have the daughter who is resentful or feeling insecure about her own gender because it means she can't share that "connection" with her father. She'll feel like the wrong sex, whether you like it or not. Then there's the younger brother who feels like he was ripped off, or born "too late". If your husband needs to have his son named after him to secure "that connection" with him, then how will he be able to have that with any future children? Will he just force you into pulling off a "George Foreman" and naming all of your children after him? How tacky and narcissistic! Seriously, naming your child and should take into account HIS(or her)'s best interests.

Just say no to the jr., hun. It's not a good idea, it really isn't.

We went through this with my son. Beforehand, my husband wasn't adament about it - we talked it through and he wanted to, I didn't, so we didn't do it. Two weeks after my son was born my husband was seriously ill because we didn't name him after him. I ended up caving in and we changed my sons (huge legal hassle) name to have the same first name but different middle name and we call him by his middle name. I really wish we had gone ahead and just named him completely after his dad. It really is an honor and something that not everyone has to carry with them through life. It would've been the best gift ever that I could've given my husband. To men - their name and reputation are EVERYTHING!

Honestly I dont' see your point. I wanted to name ours Stephen and my hubby said no, that is his name. I was the one who wanted to name the baby after my hubby But because my hubby didn't I conceeded. It's his baby too. Hubby, Steve, did like the idea of naming the baby after his brother so that we did.
I also wanted Rachel. He didn't. He wanted Shelby, I didn't. We both liked the name Sarah, she is now called Sissy.
And how do you think you have made your hubby feel now that he knows you don't like his name?
I think it is an honor to be named after someone.

We don't have jrs in my family. Though all first born sons have the same first name. All have different middle names. When I first found out I was pregnant I told my husband that I had to name the baby if a boy with the family first name. He at first wasn't fond of the idea. I told him he could pick whatever middle name he wanted but I had to have that first name. He accepted that and so the name was carried on.
I couldn't imagine having a jr cause all the jrs I have known hated it. They wanted to be known for themselves not their fathers.
My best way to compromise with my husband besides giving him the middle name was simply this: I have to go through all the "fun" of being pregnant so my choice of names would have a bit more weight than his. That sounds mean but when my husband saw one rough day of pregnancy for me he was more willing to understand.
I also grew up hating my birth name and my husband knew I would work very hard to make sure our kids had names they wouldn't hate.

We have 4 generations of the man's name passed down in our family. But every man with the name went by something totally different, Jim, Jimmy, James, Jae... if he's not willing to budge, you can still call your child anything you like, even if it isn't on paper.

Really though, why is he tied to this name? Does he really have strong feelings about passing it down, has it been passed won before? All you can do is compromise and let him see that you want a name you will both enjoy. When we were picking out names, it had to be a name we both loved otherwise, it was totally thrown out if we couldn't compromise.

I think this has to do more with respecting each other's feelings than the actual name. Is he usually this unwilling to negotiate or is this something that is very important to him? It really just all depends on that.

Even if the given name on the birth certificate isnt what you really want there is absolutely no reason you cant give him a nick name after he's born and call him that forever. Lots of juniors do that.
I bet since your hubby isnt close to his dad this is his way of making that connection. It's obviously an emotional problem on his end. (just saying).
My kids were not juniors but I sure had a ton of nicknames for them while they were little. We called my oldest "Pete" for a long time and his name has nothing to do with that name and I have no idea how it even became a nick, the youngest still goes by "brother" and I hardly ever call him by his given name.
Cisco sounds like a cool nickname for your situation but thats just me.
If you want to call him Jude or Noah after he's born just do it.... when people ask why later just say "I love that name so I'm using it as his nickname" and don't worry about what THEY think... it's not a biggie or life changing issue.
You wont confuse your child by calling him different things. Both of my sons wrote down all of the nicknames they remember while they were growing up and they just find it amusing and had to know the story behind each.
Respect your husbands wish if he is totally unwilling to compromise, but call your son whatever you want to after he's born.
I deal with peoples business cards a lot. It will have their name written on it something like this Robert "Skip" Jones. Meaning he prefers to go by Skip. No biggie in the real world.

We named our son after both grandfathers, first name from each to make our son's name.

From a different perspective, credit wise for future needs. Having the same name can be accidentally helpful or damaging to juniors/seniors or I/II/III. A family members credit can appear on another family members credit if they have the same name. I have seen this happen where credit is falsly lowered due to a bad reporting that is not theirs. This is just something to consider when determining a name. The best way to prevent the errors is to ALWAYS use Sr/Jr, etc when applying for credit. It won't prevent errors, but it makes it less likely to happen.

Good luck with your choice. What about Noah Francisco?

Well, I guess this is something to put on the questionaire when you are dating. Does he mind if the next, a girl, is named after you?
This seems to be a real biggy with men, they seem so proud. If you want peace, I guess it will have to be Edgar Alvin. But to you, he could be Chip, or any name you want. I am glad I didn' t have this problem. Maybe a counseling session?

I think Eddie is cute...The only other nickname would be Francis. I put my foot down that I got to pick my son's middle name- his first name is the same as his dad. I told him that he will have his last name forever and ever, and that's the important part. It's the last name that gets handed down through the generations anyway. Hope you find a compromise!

We have friends that named their son Name Name III to honor dad and grandpa. However, they called him Trey. (for three) That seemed to work out well.

This is going to sound insensitive, but my husband was the same way and I simply told him that whatever the mother writes on the birth certificate is what the baby's name is anyway, so he may as well just give it up. That hurt his feelings so badly that we came up with a compromise; instead of Michael (husband's name) our son's name is Micah.

What about other topics?
Is he this rigid/stubborn on everything?
or just on this topic?
Does he have some (unexamined) belief system
about the child being his expression, his legacy?
Does he not understand that this child is half his and half yours?
Have you chatted w/MIL or SIL (if any)
about what your husband's relationship with his father was?
I have no suggestions but just wanted to throw those questions out there.
Good luck.

Been there and done that! My ex did NOT want a junior (but didn't have another name he liked or wanted either). His name was Michael Andrew and he liked Andrew but not Michael. I told him if he didn't want a junior (which I was willing to do) then I would select a name. I came up with Matthew James which I LOVED. He didn't dislike it but decided that he "didn't want his son named after another man" (we had a close friend named Matthew and another friend in common named James who were both in our wedding).

Shortly before my due date he suddenly wanted a junior and, after all I did say that was ok so I have a junior now. I was 19 and he was 21 so we were both young and I just gave in. Love him dearly and the name does suit hiim but once his dad and I split it was tough having another Michael still in the house. It has also caused quite a bit of confusion with mail and health insurance claims.

My current husband and I were having a problem when I was pregnant but he wanted a jr too. I still love the name Matthew James and dislike by husband's middle name (it was also his grandfather's middle name...the one who passed away before he was born). Additionally, I really didn't want ANOTHER junior and REALLY wanted to name my own son this time (if it was a boy). Before was found out we were having a girl, we did meet w/ a compromise...Matthew Charles (which was his other grandfather's middle name and it was the one he and I were both very close to and had since passed away too). His initials would have been MCM, which would have been the same as the name we finally agreed on for our daughter (Madison Cheyenne). If we hadn't compromised on her name too she would have been Cheyenne Nicole (my personal favorite).

Anyway, that is my junior experiences and how I was able to reach a compromise. If you strongly disagree with naming your son anything (junior or otherwise) then don't do it. You have to live with the name for a long time. I don't dislike naming boys after their fathers but I think it shouldn't be automatic. Your husband's parents got to name him and you and your husband should get to name your son.

I just don't think grandparents should automatically get to name their grandchildren (which is sort of what happens when juniors automatically).

Just read your "So What Happened" and you could call him Frankie or Eddie as a nickname if you decide to go with your husband's name.

With every pregnancy my hubby has told me that if it's a boy he wants to name it after him. Each time I joked that "The world can only handle one "John Smith (not his real name of course)." Our compromise was to make our boys' middle names my hubby's first name. If we have a girl, the middle name will be my middle name. Yes, your hubby WILL have to compromise, because when it comes down to it, the baby's legal name is what YOU write on the birth certificate, not what he tries to guilt trip you into. If he doesn't want to compromise, then you can tell him that you'll just pick your own name, which is equally selfish to what he wants.

Updated

With every pregnancy my hubby has told me that if it's a boy he wants to name it after him. Each time I joked that "The world can only handle one "John Smith (not his real name of course)." Our compromise was to make our boys' middle names my hubby's first name. If we have a girl, the middle name will be my middle name. Yes, your hubby WILL have to compromise, because when it comes down to it, the baby's legal name is what YOU write on the birth certificate, not what he tries to guilt trip you into. If he doesn't want to compromise, then you can tell him that you'll just pick your own name, which is equally selfish to what he wants.

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