Baby Naming Crisis - Has Anyone Dealt with the Same Thing??

Yikes. This is tough because it is referring to a cultural thing. It sound like such an important obligation, but if you just absolutely cannot stand the name, it does not seem fair.

I also understand it would make the family happy because of the memories attached to the beloved grandfather, but would any of them name THEIR child this name if they were in the same situation?

My father in law was named after his father and it is an AWFUL name. He hates the name. Thank goodness he can use his middle name (which) he does..My husband was even given a different name instead of that name.

When we were expecting our child we mentioned the family names and FIL and my MIL said not to feel ANY obligation using the old family male first name.. Hee, hee.. So we were off the hook..

Is there any other family name that could be used? Could you kind of question others about their feelings about it? I know this is extremely sensitive. Maybe the fact that the name has such positive memories attached to it, that would always make up for it?

Let us know what you decide.

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May not be much help but I named both my dds and told my hubby that he already has the last name so that is only fair.

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Hmmm, well is there any nickname that the name lends itself to that you'd be okay calling him? Can you make up a nickname using the first letter of his name and your last initial?? This is hard and I feel for you. Since your husband knows that you aren't too keene on this name could he compromise and give your son a middle name too? I don't know if you'd even push for that since your first child probably doesn't have one either, but if he's expecting you to compromise then maybe he can too. I didn't love my son's name, it's my husband's father's, grandfather's, and brother's name, but I went with it anyway. I didn't have quite the strong feelings you are having, and I did like the name okay, it's just I didn't really want to add another one of these to the family! I'm happy with it now though and my son totally fits his name!

I hope you get it resolved. This is tough and you certainly don't need to add any more stress to the last weeks of your pregnancy!

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Try to take yourself 25 years into the future and picture what your son might think about all of this when he is a man getting ready to have his own child to name. If you raise him to be traditional he will be proud that he's carried on the name that tradition required.
Personally, I would not let tradition dictate what to name a child, especially if I didnt follow the religion to a Tee, but that's just me.
Like the others have said, what ever name you put down on paper does not have to be the name you decide to call him while growing up.
I have a son named Josh, and my husband called him Pete for several years, for no apparent reason except that he liked the name Pete and it was never even considered when we were choosing names.
Nick names are for a reason. Some kids, as they grow up, that don't like their name will choose their own nick name to be called by their peers.
Whats on paper does not have to be what's on your lips.

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I know several people who go by their middle name. Could you use his name then your name with the plan to call the child by his middle name? Like Kenneth Benjamin going by Ben or Gerard Michael going by Mike??? Could you both agree on that?? Good luck and I'll just go on the record that you have to like the name too, when a man marries a woman they leave their parents and cleave to one another, you take priority over his family. Good luck

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My ex husband was Jewish. I named the first two boys what we/he wanted-but their Hebrew names were tied to a deceased relative, of course. The girls had baby namings and their names were also either derived from or a transliteration of a deceased relative /their given name. Then came my last son-I gave him an Anglo-Saxon name-with my Family's very , utterly WASPY surname as his middle name-and had my Lebanese/Armenian OBGYN do his circumcision. That went over like a crab cake at the B'nai Brith-but whatever. The family got over it. My young son is none-the-worse-for wear-he loves his name-and most important-people love him. The only child I got to name fully on my own was the one who would have been 25 years old yesterday. He died in the ninth month of my pregnancy-and was born still-I named him after my father and the first relative of my father's to come to America in 1690-you pick what matters. Frequently in the family-an initial was used. Just have a healthy baby-you could name him anything-he'll be beautiful-after all, look at his mother.

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I can think of a few possibilities but none are a perfect solution. My good friend who is Jewish named her son "Jay" because the grandfather he was named after had a name that began with that letter. So you could go with something with the same letter if you can find a name you can both live with. You could give him a middle name you like and tolerate the first name you dislike. Just always call him by the name you like. My dad is named Henry but his mom (and no one else) always called him Harry. His full name is after his great grandfather and includes 2 middle names.

My daughter is named after my good friend who unfortunately died young. It's not a bad name but very popular. Under other circumstances I'd have picked something less common. But is not bad. My friend who was pregnant at the same time also named her daughter the same first name (after the same friend). It is actually kind of nice that they are the same age and have the same name (but very different looks and personality).

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No I haven't had this problem but I think that you should definately like your baby's name. You mentioned using matching initals, have you tried that? I know your husband doesn't want to use a middle name but maybe he could compromise on that knowing how much you don't like that name of that grandfather that passed away cause a middle name is better than not using it at all. Anyway, pick something you both like cause when it comes to such an important thing that you will have to live with the rest of your life you should be happy about it.

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The first suggestion that comes to mind it finding out the meaning of the name and finding a name that means the same that you like. Possible?

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I am also Jewish, and my husband is Italian. Our first son we both loved the same first name, which is for my grandmother. His middle name is my father in law's first name (not deceased). Our second son was another story. We could not agree on the first name. Luckily, we did not have someone to name for, but liked different names. We finally picked what sounded best with our Italian sounding last name. (It happened to be the first name I liked and the middle name my husband liked). If you can't come up with a solution, can you speak with your Rabbi? That's what I would probably do if I could not come up with another option. Good luck & Mazel tov!

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Sorry this might not help much but your situation brought
to mind some lyrics from "The Orange and the Green".

'I was christened "David Anthony," but still, in-spite of that,
To me father, I was William, while me mother called me Pat.'

You can always call them by a nickname.

My son's taekwondo instructor has a son named Walter Lee and he's known to one and all as Pookie.

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I don't think I would be willing to have his whole family upset with me, understanding what a strong tradition this is. I think I would work on getting to like the name, as long as it is a "normal traditional name". And thinking of possible nicknames...

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I would use the family name as a first name and the name you like as the middle name. This is compromise from both you & hubby. Then call him by his middle name or a nickname. I have three brothers and none of them go by their first name, they use middle or nick names. Congratulations!!

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Hi. I have not been in your situation. However, you mentioned a tradition of initials. Would you be able to name your son a first name that starts with the grandfather's first initial? Would that make everyone happy? Bottom line, this is your child and in my opinion it is you and your husband who need to be happy with his name.

All the best!

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I hope this one doesn't disappear. I pushed "post" and it went into oblivion. I'll try again.

I didn't want to name my son after my husband. He is a junior, and I didn't want to name my son the III. We already have trouble with some legal stuff being screwed up between he and his father anyway. Also, my husband's first name is very unusual, and his entire name sounds like a law firm. So many people have said that to him, that he laughs about it and tells people that himself.

What we did was compromise. We used a first name from my side of the family - my grandfather who died when my mom was 13 years old, and my husband's unusual first name as my son's middle name. We call him by his first name. For my second son, we chose a name from his mother's side of the family for his middle name, and a name we just "liked" for his first name.

A compromise for you and your husband could be for you to use the name you do not care for as your son's middle name. I know that your husband doesn't want a middle name because he is used to his culture, but you are an American and your son will be too. If he is unwilling to compromise, perhaps you should just call your son by a nickname. Perhaps your husband will wish down the line that he would have compromised with you if you call him by a nickname.

Good luck,
D.

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I wanted to name my daughter Nonny. I know . . . everybody hates the name, but I love it. It's the name of a character in a movie that I really like. She is strong, beautiful, smart, caring and isn't afraid to be her own person. All the things I would love for my daughter to be. As a matter of fact it is all the things that my daughter is. So her birth certificate says the name that was agreed upon, and I call her Nonny.

A family name that is being passed down in our family is Lindwood. Nobody calls my Uncle Bert that, or my cousin Jason, but that is the name on their birth certificate.

Just as an interesting note, you can put down on the school papers a first name initial and then a full middle name. Then all the teachers will call your child by their middle name as well.

Might be a way to get around it.

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Would you be willing to consent to naming your son after your husband's grandfather if your husband will let you pick a middle name and you can call your son by the middle name? Maybe that will be a solution you can both compromise on?

Oh, I feel for you! I would personally never agree to name my own child a name I didn't like but I totally understand your dilemma. I'm also Jewish and my mother basically had this same problem with her first born child (my sister). My grandfather died when my father was a teenager so my grandmother was quite insistent that her first grandchild was named after him. She even got my father's uncle who lived in Russia to go to a translator to have a letter written to cajole my mother into naming the baby after his brother. My mother gave into the pressure and named my sister Morrissa after my grandfather Morris. My mom hated the name BUT my sister has always gone by her middle name and they never once called her Morrissa. I know your husband doesn't believe in middle names but that seems like a pretty good compromise. The birth certificate has the beloved grandfather's name but he is known and called by the middle name that you and your husband both like. I wish you the best of luck!

I was deadset on my first childs name and wouldnt budge so when I got pregnant with number two my hubby wanted to pick the name....and I wasnt thrilled about what he chose but thats my sons name now:) My brother and sister in law had this issue also as my brother wanted to use a family name and my sis in law wanted a more traditional name so they used the family name as his first name and the other as his middle name they call himby hos middle name.

Marriage is all about compromises. In my opinion, if it is super important to one person then perhaps you should indulge. You will love this baby no matter the name...and you have confessed that it is not a bad name...and you can always use a nick name.

This is a duplicate post.

not easy. it might be worth it to make everyone happy, unless its a specific problem with the name, a reason it upsets you. but otherwise, if you can think of any kind of nickname or whatever that you can live with, that might work.....and after the baby comes and you name him, you wont be able to imagine him being anyone else. we each had to make compromises at one time or another in finding names we could agree on. it wasnt easy, but my michael is michael, lilly is lilly, and tyler is tyler,,,,, neither of us can imagine any of them being anyone else. and all of their names - 6 in all - are for someone we love or loved, and i think that's great <3

I am sure this is very hard for you! I personally would not name my child anything that I did not like and hope it would grow on me!I understand it's not easy with his culture and religion,but there has to be a middle ground here.He can't just demand that you name your child something that you don't like.It sounds like you are really trying to honor his culture but is he honoring yours?Maybe his compromise could be letting this child have a middle name.And you could name the child the name you both like with that name the middle.I know you said he doesn't like that idea but keep talking to him.Let him know how you feel,how you really don't want to upset him or his family but you REALLY don't like the name.So is there anyway you guys can come to a middle ground.

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I am sure this is very hard for you! I personally would not name my child anything that I did not like and hope it would grow on me!I understand it's not easy with his culture and religion,but there has to be a middle ground here.He can't just demand that you name your child something that you don't like.It sounds like you are really trying to honor his culture but is he honoring yours?Maybe his compromise could be letting this child have a middle name.And you could name the child the name you both like with that name the middle.I know you said he doesn't like that idea but keep talking to him.Let him know how you feel,how you really don't want to upset him or his family but you REALLY don't like the name.So is there anyway you guys can come to a middle ground.

I suggest you use the name you both like as his first name and the grandfathers first or middle name as your son's middle name. This honors the grandfather while allowing you to agree on a name. I get that your husband doesn't feel that the middle name means anything (don't understand it but get that is how he sees it) but he wouldn't want his son named a name he doesn't like and shouldn't expect you to either.

I told my son's father if he wanted a junior I would name our son after her. He did NOT want a junior and I told him if he didn't want a junior I would pick a different name. He was fine with that. I picked a name and suddenly he wanted a junior. It has nagged me every since...especially since we split when my son was young. Honestly, the name suits him but still.

I wanted to name my daughter (if I ever had one) Cheyenne Nicole. My husband didn't like Cheyenne and kept suggesting every name under the sun except it. He was not "set" on any name and I was. We couldn't agree. He tried various names with Nicole as the middle name. He didn't get that I had my heart set on Cheyenne. Finally I agreed to Madison Cheyenne if we could call her Cheyenne. We came to that agreement because the boy's name we agreed on was Matthew Charles (Matthew because it is the name I had wanted but with a different middle name and Charles after is one grandfather who we were both close to). He originally wanted a junior too and I said NO WAY! I had done the junior bit and regretted it before and I don't care for my husband'ss middle name (it is after the grandfather he never met). For this child, we came up with names that either way, the initials would be MCM...not that it meant anything but it was just a coincidence.

My points are that you need to be happy with you child's name because you have to live with it every day. Compromise is sometimes needed but straight up giving in will nag you.

My husband's parents went through something similar but it didn't involve the whole family. They just couldn't agree on a name. His father wanted one name and his mother wanted another and they couldn't come to an agreement so they used the name his father picked as his first name and the name his mother picked as his middle name. Then a few years later they got a divorce.

His mother called him by his middle name so often, he goes by it now and only responds to it. So, if it's such a big deal to your husband's family. Give the kid a middle name but make it the name you picked. Then call him by that name.

My father has a first and a middle name and goes by the shortened version of his middle name. With how many people are on this earth name combos are duplicated like crazy. I'm surprised we haven't moved onto four names to differentiate ourselves from the masses yet.

If you lived in a little village with 30 people yea, middle names are stupid and pointless. But if you live in a large city and deal with people globally, a middle initial can set you apart from all the other "John Smith's" out there.

My husband and I spent months finding a name for our third son. I would be on the computer for hours every night. We could not agree. We each had a favorite name and my husband name as a back up. We didn't name our other two after him because we aren't really fans of Jr.'s ..to confusing. Well neither of us would give in to the other so on the day I delivered my husband said we should name him his favorite name and I flat out said no we will name him after you and we did. I wish we hadn't though. i still love my favorite name and wish we had named him that. My friend named her baby a name she hates and I think she has learned to live with it......maybe pick a different name you both like...it's your baby too so be assertive in what you like and don't like.

You both are asking each other to compromise... you are compromising by going with a name you don't like and your husband MUST compromise on a middle name. By the way, I was named after my paternal grandmother. My mom didn't like that name but insisted on a middle name that she liked and that was what I grew up with.

Could you explain to him that if you compromise then it's only fair for him to compromise? Tell him you will compromise on the first name if he gives in and lets you pick a middle name.