12 answers

My Four Year Old Needs Constant Reassurance

I have a four almost five year old daughter. She is a very good and active child, however it seems that she always needs to be reasured of things. I will tell her that she is going to the babysitters in the morning. She will ask over 20 times and a few more before bed time: "Mommy are we going to the sitters in the morning?" It's not just that but other things from what is for dinner to when her birthday is. Any thoughts on why this is or what I can do to have it happen less?"

What can I do next?

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My daughter is the same age. She does the same thing. She will ask me the same question a hundred times even though she gets the same answer every time. She is constantly on-the-go
and her imagination is in overdrive. I think it just goes away with time.

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We use "Accept my answer because I'm not going to tell you again" and then we ignore his constant question, he swithched from asking over and over again to "what did you say" soon after.

This is a form of Attention getting. She knows you will answer every question she will continue to ask.

There are others that you can expect to see:
These are the behaviors that we see to gain the following
Attention: Constant questioning or conversation including pointing out things in the room, sharing worries about weather, family or personal hygiene, noise
Power: Bringing other children’s circumstances into the conversation as in, “and when Bailey gets into trouble he will need to sit in time out.”
Revenge: Physical Aggression including spitting.
Display of inadequacy: I’m a bad boy, I make bad choices, I can’t do it

The best thing to do is be passive about it. Don't explode or acknowledge that you heard the question for the 2nd to 1000th time.

It's hard because we coax them to talk then we can't get them to stop talking. =}

1 mom found this helpful

What a sweet age. You are doing great! Just keep answering her questions and reassuring her. This will build trust. Some children need to be talked to more than others. She seems to like predictable situations so that she can prepare herself emotionally. This is a good quality and will serve well in the future. She is a planner. And also remember that her little mind only retains so much info at a time. Just be patient with her, she will grow out of it as she continues to build trust with you and trust the world and her environment. Bless you!

1 mom found this helpful

My son will be 5 at the end of the month. He's a true chatter box, which I think is genetic!!! I'm a talker and so is he. But, I can relate that the repetition is difficult to handle @ times. I ask him the question, if HE remembers the answer....he usually does!:) I think that little ones just want to be included in "grown up" converstion patterns, so be patient and breathe. If I AM listening, he comes up with some amazing questions for us. I hate to squelch his curiosity and wonder...imagine if Einstein was told to be quiet all the time! Of course he didn't speak until he was 3! I'd never want to limit the questions, even if I can't handle (what FEELS like) constant questioning 24/7! His teachers tell me he knows how to be quiet when in circle time,etc. so, that is reassuring! I agree with the ladies who've mentioned how having a routine helps...
Be patient and grateful your daughter is able to think,speak and reason, and rely on you as her great MOM!

Yes it's true children ask lots of questions thousands of time it seems but maybe you could make a little book of your daily routine that way you could look at it the night before and then when you get up just as a reminder. So get the camera out and take pics of things you'll be doing and put them in a small picture book or ziplock bags and make a book.

My daughter is the same age. She does the same thing. She will ask me the same question a hundred times even though she gets the same answer every time. She is constantly on-the-go
and her imagination is in overdrive. I think it just goes away with time.

Hi.. she sounds like fun!! Maybe make a game of it!! IF you could... maybe make a felt board... And make a doll for her on the board.. Ok.. Tomorrow.. You will be at the sitters.. Can you put your doll on the sitters square.... And then just have a square for the sitter.... like blue.... then home is like Pink.... and going to see family maybe yellow.... have different shapes or like a rectangle and glue a pic of the face or faces of that person... have her face on her doll... Maybe that will help.. IF she is moving it.. she can seee that is where we are going...

Good luck and give her a biggggg hug!!!!


HOney, kids are question machines. Curiousity. Excitement. It has nothing to do with reassurance. I think dshe just wants to make sure she's going to the sitter, must like it or maybe theres a problem, but if she seems happy when she's asking, I don't tink you should worry

I would suggest playing "memory games" with her to build her confidence. Examples would be to lay down cards (number cards, picture cards whatever you have on hand the you have a pair) and let her practice the game. Each time she achieves the goal, increase the number of cards to play with. You can also be one step ahead of her by asking her "Do you know where we are going in the morning?" or "do you remember what plans we have made for tomorrow?" This will help her to increase her memory skills and build confidence in herself.
Hope this helps.
C. N.

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