looking for ideas for to help my son listen better. he has had a lot of trouble following what my boyfriend or i ask him to do . we have gave timeouts taken toys away and even grounded him.
The book: "How to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk" is a great book.... for BOTH child and Parent.
You can get it from www.amazon.com or any bookstore.
okay...i am a teacher and mom and this sometimes work. start by meeting as a group and making a behavior chart of specific things you would like to work on. (pick only 2-3 things...no more)
have your son tell you what he thinks he needs to work on. let him do all the talking. you can prompt him but don't ask the ?'s and don't answer for him.
also ask what consequences he feels are needed when the behavior is not followed through. again, let him do the talking.
after the contract is made and signed by you, your son & boyfriend, introduce the marble jar.
tell him that for every good thing/improvement you see that he is making, he will get to put a marble in the jar. set a goal for the week. if he has that amount, reward him with something small. no big expenditures. it could be an extra book at bedtime or 15 minutes with mommy alone.
hope this helps.
the PRIM book is a great resourse
next, introduce the marble jar.
Something we have started at our house is having our sons parrot back to us what we want them to do. For example, "Son, go brush your teeth now. What do we want you to do?" They answer, "brush our teeth!"
Also, if you are giving him multiple things to do at once and he's not able to remember all of them, cut down to 1 task at a time...
positive reinforcement is another behavior tool we use a lot!
Good luck!
First of all, let us know what works so the rest of us can make our kids listen ;-) Then, make sure there are no "screens" (TV, video, computer, games,etc.) on when you are talking to him. Next, ask him to do one thing at a time. It's true that men and boys especially have difficulty "multi-tasking". Intellectually, he is able to understand three instructions, but they literally can only do one thing at a time, and will forget the others by the time that is done. Praise the good stuff!
Always reward a good try. Maybe he is trying and it's just hard for him. Make sure he understands what you want, and knows how to do what you are asking. Be appreciative of his efforts.
All of the answers given are great. I agree with some of love and logic- I just took another course called how to get your children to mind with out losing yours- that is a good one too- Mr Lehman is funny. I have also taken the Boys Town Common Sense parenting class- they have some good ideas- as does the book scream free parenting. Unfortunatley I have not found ONE course to follow- so we have taken ideas from each of these and implemented them. We have a reward sack and a chore sack- if my son doesn't respond to what we are asking he has to pick a chore- if he does- he gets a reward- nothing more costly than .25- picking the movie for the night- or the dessert, or reading time with mom, Several different little "time & sharing" rewards. It seems to be working well.
Children learn by example. If you tell to hang up his jacket and yours is hanging on the back of a chair or on a doorknob, why does he have to? If your room is messy why does his have to be clean? If you are always picking up after your boyfriend he is getting the message that it's okay for men to be messy. Also there is difference between chores and expetations. An expetation is picking up after himself, a chore is taking out the garbage.
I would make a list of chores he is expected to do one or two a day. Keep it simple and use pictures if he can't read the words. Rewards are better than punisments, food should never be a reward. It can lead to some very unhealthy food choices when he is older. For example: I got the job -- now I get ice cream! Before you know it he is way overweight and can't understand why.
Love and Logic books are really good, also How to behave so your children will too. You should be able to get them from the library.
We've found success with Love & Logic. My son's preschool uses it too. The books are an easy read - I borrowed from teh local library. You can also find classes in most towns if your interested enough for that.
