My 2.5 Year Old Son Is Mean to My Husband

My son did the same thing when he was this age. It broke my husbands heart. I'm no expert but I think its a stage. My son is now 3 and 1/4 and he loves his daddy. He isn't mean to him anymore but he still prefers me to daddy with most things. I did begin to tell him that I didn't like it when he said those things to daddy. I tried to encourage positive behavior towards dad and would not allow him to speak to his father in that way. Hope this helps.

I have a 2 and a half year old as well and he is kind of this way with my dad, his grandpa. He loves my mom and my husband, but he's just horrible to my dad. Poor Grandpa... he tries so hard and I think that's part of it. My son will refuse to hug him, refuse to acknowledge him when my dad speaks, and directly disobeys anything that my dad tells him to do. It is soooo hard. I have tried everything... I'm a very strict parent. I've tried to explain to him that it hurts grandpa's feelings, I've tried punishing him when he ignores my dad... Nothing seems to work. It's almost impossible to reason with a 2 and a half year old! Recently my dad has given up it seems. When Carter won't answer him, he turns his back on Carter and walks away. He doesn't try to be overly nice and win him over as he used to. He pretty much ignores him in return. At first it bothered me, but I've seen a definate change in carter's attitude to him. Suddenly it's like, "Wait a minute. This whole thing was MY idea. Why aren't you trying anymore?" Yesterday, Carter jumped into the wrestling match my dad was having with my older son and then gave him a goodbye hug. I think that sometimes kids like having the power and getting the reaction that they want. Maybe your husband should try just backing off a bit and not trying so hard when you're around. I think the ideas of one on one time are great too. Good luck!

Patiently encourage him to love and respect your husband. Show him that you love him very much. There could be jealousy issues going on too... good luck!

K.-

We haven't had it to that extent, but both of our kids will choose me over my husband most times. They want Mommy to hold them, Mommy to put them to bed, etc.

Unfortunately, there are phases they go through. The hitting and verbalizing of dislike aren't OK. Have you sat down with him and explained why it's wrong?

Does your husband ever spend any one-on-one time with him? We started having one-on-one time with both kids recently. One week it's Mommy, a few weeks later it's Daddy. It could be going to a movie, the library, McDonald's for ice cream, to the park. Just time one-on-one to build the relationship.

Just a suggestion. You never know when the tables will turn, and it will be the opposite. I hope you find the balance soon.

Updated

K.-

We haven't had it to that extent, but both of our kids will choose me over my husband most times. They want Mommy to hold them, Mommy to put them to bed, etc.

Unfortunately, there are phases they go through. The hitting and verbalizing of dislike aren't OK. Have you sat down with him and explained why it's wrong?

Does your husband ever spend any one-on-one time with him? We started having one-on-one time with both kids recently. One week it's Mommy, a few weeks later it's Daddy. It could be going to a movie, the library, McDonald's for ice cream, to the park. Just time one-on-one to build the relationship.

Just a suggestion. You never know when the tables will turn, and it will be the opposite. I hope you find the balance soon.

When my daughter was around 2yrs. she preferred me as well. She wouldn't hit him or anything, but she wouldn't love him up or welcome him home with hugs and kisses. When he'd come home and try to hug and kiss her she would get upset and run to me and tell him, "no, I love mommy". I would tell her that it's ok to love both of us. I realized I wasn't showing him much affection either. So I started meeting him at the door when he came home with hugs and kisses and telling him I loved him then I would snuggle up with him on the couch. It took a while but she finally came around. She slowly started showing him more affection. She is 6yrs old now and always runs to him and loves him up, she even begs him not to leave now. Your son will get through this but make sure you tell him and show him how to love his father and that it even makes you happier when he does it. If he gets jealous when your showing love to your husband then swoop him up and have a big family hug! It's just a phase, he'll out grow it, just be consistent and show him how to treat you husband.

Mother of 2 little girls

Hi K.,
You are two darling parents, but OMG, do NOT feed in to this behavior. Doing so will just make it more "meaningful" to your I-need-to-find-where-I-stand-in-this-family 2 year old (VERY typical).

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. If he gets "in your face" about it, calmly stand him in the corner without saying a word. He will quickly get the message. He does NOT hate his father!!!
T

When my daughter was that age she did things that were very similar. She would say very sternly "I don't want you daddy, I want Mommy!" and wouldn't let him do anything for her. She wanted me to put her to bed, give her baths, take her places, play with her, feed her, etc. She is almost 4 now and has calmed down a lot about daddy. She still prefers me, but likes to hang out with daddy and tells him she loves him. So it has gotten so much better. She will go places with him and let him help her with things. Now my little one prefers her dad, so he is happy. :) It just took time and him being patient and constant about telling her he loved her and wanted to do things with her. I was encouraging too about telling her it was OK and we love daddy and he loves us.
Good luck with your son. I am sure it is just a phase, but I bet it is not easy for your husband.