My 21 Month Old Son Does Not Mind Me.

Susie:
It is really hard for a 21 month baby to really understand minding or limits. My suggestions are 1. clean out the fireplace and make it a fort, 2. buy a little tent and set it up in the house like a fort with cool stuff in it. My kids had several and they sell little pup tents for toddlers at Target for $15. 3. Distract him with something else. I think the pup tent fort would really work. Or you can put a sheet or a card table and make a fun fort with pillows in it and stuff. My kids did that all the time. Good luck.

Hi
You can but a baby lock for the fireplace or put something in front of it to block his access. As for the kitchen table, move the chairs or whatever he uses to aid his climb away for a while. He will soon forget about it.
Good luck

Susie,

I always tried to stay away from using that phrase "terrible two's" even though it is a very popular phrase. When a child reaches the age where they can reach and walk and do a lot of things, that is what they want to do. They can't yet express themselves quite as well as they would like to, and they can't yet understand everything that big people are telling them. I always thought the term "frustrated two's was more appropriate. The language that we use frames how we view our situation. They want to do so much more than they are able to...they are growing so fast...and they are so excited and frustrated at the same time. If you can empathize with their frustrations, it can really go a long way. I also found that one of the best things that worked for me is to come up with distractions or preventions. Sometimes at that age, minding is just too much to ask - they just want to get into everything - and they just can't understand all of the limitations. Limitations are important - it is just that there are so many, that the fewer limitations, the less frustrated, and overwhelmed, they will become. When you do have to pull them away from something that they should not be getting into, it sometimes works well, to give them something else to do. And as they get older, the more explanation that you can provide as to why they should not do something, the better. The fireplace is not safe. Don't go there, you will get hurt. That will help also.

Time outs. With my son. I always made sure that my son knew that time outs were not punishments. Time outs were a time that we gave to ourselves for calming down. I could give my son a time out. Or my husband and I could take a time out. Or more than one of us could take a time out at the same time together. Any time that any of us was upset, a time out was something that we would do for ourselves so that we could calm down and feel better. I think it is one of the best things that we can all do for ourselves anytime, anywhere.

Kudos to Karen C! Independent Twos...Another good book: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & How to Listen So Kids Will Talk. Provide options for him. He wants to make his own choices, so give him some positive ones; some alternatives to playing in the fireplace. Let him know when it is ok to climb: "Climbing is for the park, not the kitchen", etc. Also, keep in mind your own behavior. He reacts to your reaction. If you become wound up and your voice or mannerisms escalate, he will respond in kind. He will be modeling you any day now. Please be mindful of using the word, "NO"; of not over-using that word. It is a great time to teach him to respect that word and the person using it. If he hears it all the time, it will just blend in with all the other words. Have fun with your independent, free-thinking explorer! Peace to you, B. C.

Hey Susie,
This is very common for the age, but that doesn't mean it is not very frustrating for you. I believe that your reaction is the most motivating for your child. What I mean by that is if you just say No or no no he isn't going to get it. When he is in the fireplace I would look very surprised and say "yucky" and then look worried and inspect his hands and feet while repeating that it is yucky and dirty. Look grossed out. As for the kitchen table, look very worried. Get to him fast going ut-oh. you could fall. Swoop him up and say Are you ok? Show him by rolling something off the table that it could be bad to fall off the table. Don't freak him out, but your response to his behavior in terns of facial expressions and words teach him it is dangerous. If he thinks it is dangerous he is less likely to explore there...doesn't mean he won't be curious but kids don't try to get hurt...it just happens. Hope this helps.

I know it's hard to hear this, but this behavior is just typical 2-year old stuff! I don't believe in time-outs for this age. Unfortunately, there's only so much you can do because it is a toddler's job to push the boundaries - that is precisely how they learn. The question is, WHAT and HOW will be learn it. Will he learn that you (figuratively, of course!) will lose your temper, yell and get mad and punish him (again - not talking about you pesonally, just an example)? Or will he learn that what he's doing is unacceptable - because you will not break down and give in, and you will show him that you can be relied on for love and comfort in ALL situations. So, that being said, it's really best to have things that are off-limits barricaded in some way so that they can't become temptations. Keep it very clear and simple to him what is and isn't acceptable to play with, distract or remove him, but always back it up with a smile, a hug and lots of patience. It's a different ballgame now that he's a big-boy! It takes time & understanding.

It is the nature of the beast...literally :) My son was a curious and persistent little guy. The only thing that worked for me, was going to his level (on knees) for eye contact and I would point at the object and sternly say NO! You will have to repeat yourself several times, but he will get it. Timeouts were a joke at that age, he thought it was fun...it wasn't til 3 that they became effective, but we rarely get to that point. It does get better, try not to go too crazy, he needs a little "in his face consistency".

Good luck!

Are you sure I didn't write this? lol My son is 22 months and does the same exact thing! His latest is climbing on top of the kitchen table to get whatever is on it and openning up the fireplace and playing with the ashes on the bottom. At this age they're just extemely curious and they will get into EVERYTHING! I try not to use the word NO too much because it does start to lose it's effectivness over time. When I catch him doing something he knows he's not supposed to be doing I just find something else to distract him with. Luckily for us they have very short attention spans! They grow out of it eventually hang in there!

We've got fireplaces in our house where we live, and I've never needed a baby gate or anything to block it. My son is now 30 mos. and what I started doing around your son's age is, I would sit down in front of the fireplace on the rug and ask my son to sit with me. I'd sit and tell him that a fireplace can be dangerous, and it isn't safe to play any further than the edge of the rug. We do use our fireplaces during the winter, and over time he started to understand that there are limits and safe zones. He knows that when he's in the kitchen and I'm cooking he can sit and watch from a safe distance.

Really, kids just need to have things explained to them. They learn from our example and understand more then most give them credit.

With my little guy, timeouts don't work. He's a sitter, so he could sit for hours on his time out mat and it doesn't phase him. So, we do toy timeouts and he loses 'tv time' if he does something he knows is wrong after being told not to. He only watches 3 shows in a whole day, so it seems like a lot to him. Our toddlers don't necessarily mean to do wrong, or do things to spite us, they really just want attention and reaction for what they have done...wrong or right, good or bad.

Try giving him some structure to his day. When my son is home with my Mom, she does 'learning time' and 'fun time' so, that he has some sort of structure to his time. During 'learning time' they do puzzles, work on shapes and colors, and other fun projects, and during 'fun time' they paint and do crafts. It gives him something to look forward to. Also, we started doing classes and activities outside the house. Gives me and him time to breath, and shake loose from all the time in the house (or at work for me).

Just be firm, be patient but, above all being loving.

Good Luck, and don't forget to have fun.

21 month children are babies, they will learn to mind instructions over the next 15 years. It's your job to stay on the task. have fun!!
D.

Sadly, it sounds like you have unrealsitic expectations. 21 month year olds typcially don't have well developed impulse control. You're going to be a lot better off being proactive; stopping situations before they start, and them praising him for not doing the unwanted behavior. For example, I'd try putting up a screen that he can't breach, and then thank him for not going into it. I'm not sure what the table issue is, but if necssary, move all the chairs away and prevent the problem before it starts.

Gradually, he will learn about consequences, but that takes time, and alot of patience and consistency on your part.

Put something in front of it so he can't get to it, he will forget about it and move on to something else, take the kitchen chairs and move them away from the table easy to do waaa laa problem solved and for how much he is going to listen to you or mind you he is 21 months old, he knows nothing, yes the terrible twos, and 3's & 10's & 16's & 21's sorry it comes in spirts... whos the boss here mom, you have to out smart him, the time outs well at 21 months he is just finding out how to push your buttons, looks like he has found them..

I put a baby gate in front of my fire place (it has a square opening)try that it may work... It did for me. As for the Kitchen table it sounds like you have a climber on your hands. Try games with him like If your happy and you know it, Head, shoulders knees and toes activities like that may keep him busy so he does not think of the Table.

Susie,
Put a gate on the door to the kitchen/living room and put a fireplace screen/door infront of the fireplace. Our's has an accordion style doors with handles that can been locked with a child safety lock.
21 months is too young for a timeout. The timeout doesn't change the behavior. You'll just need to figure out how to prevent it.
Good luck

get a baby gate for the fireplace. We have one in front of both of ours. The kind that fit snug with pressure. She has never glanced twice at it...

Adult bodies are bigger than baby bodies so that we can pick them up and remove them from whatever. Put something in front of the fireplace and take him off the table with a very firm "NO". Then try to distract him. Take him to another room if necessary. He is testing his boundries and this will continue until he has his own children. He is also in that terrible two area and you need to figure out how to handle it now. Teenage years are the terrible two without the control you have now. Just thought I let you know.

I abruptly weaned my daughter at 20 months, because I was 5 months pregnant and getting a lot of contractions every time we nursed. I cried and cried but in the end it was fine. I gave her a pacifier as a replacement to help soothe her for sleep, which I don't recommend, because we then had to get rid of that at age 3, which then led to thumb sucking, and that is still going on at almost 5. I told her that the "nursies" were broken, and not working anymore, and she accepted that, although she did ask to nurse still. Just give her lots of love and cuddles, and maybe have your husband put her to sleep for the time being.

There is a FABULOUS book called Love and Logic and it saved my life when my first child was a stuborn 2 year old. I highly recommend it as it made parenting so much easier and... well more fun. The biggest thing is finding the currency that works for your child. It sounds like time outs don't work. What about taking away a favorite toy for a day or two or giving him a sticker or small reward when he does what you ask. Good luck!

Babyproof, babyproof, babyproof! My 19-month old son is into EVERYTHING. So everything in the house is safe for him to explore. Anything that we didn't want him to touch is high up or in a box in the garage. It's the only way to stay sane so I can run to the bathroom and answer the phone occasionally!

At his age he can understand consequences. What that is is up to you, but there has to be something happening that he does not like when he dows these things. Obedience has to be immediate when danger is involved. No 1-2-3 if the child might hurt themselves. Perhaps there was something that was cute and he is expanding the behavior. You can put heavy things in the fireplace to block him but I would suggest a loud noise, a trip to the crib or something. He has to know you are not pleased. What if he falls off the table?

Hello I been having th same thing happen with my daughter. I spoke with my boss at work and she recommened 1,2,3 Magic it is a book. I'm currently reading it and I hope this helps since I don't really want to yell or hit my child if I really don't have too. Hope it helps us both.
Good luck :)

Susie,

Just a week ago my hubby and I had this very same conversation with the pycologist who is treating our son. He told a story of his experience in teaching his son to stay away from their pellet stove. He said the training took one day, then his son never went near the stove again. There is a base of bricks under the stove, so that was what he used as the "no cross line". Each time the child crossed the line of brick, he put the child into a time out. No stress, just said "no" and put him in time out. This went on for a few hours, so you have to be willing to be obsessive about it for that time frame. Don't back down, don't let one "line cross" go. Anyway, he said that within a few hours, the child learned not to cross that line and it was never a problem again.

Good luck,
G.