Any Tips for Disciplining 16 Month Old?

My daughter is 18 months old and has already been walking for a year. She can do summersaults, gallop and is starting to jump. She is super active. She, like your son, is to young to discipline. I take her outside as much as possible so she can use her climbing skills outside. She can already climb a ladder to a four foot slide. I coverd my fireplace with a bunch of pillows and eventually she got tired of climbing it. It's just our job at this age to play chase. I'm 45 and I'm exhausted by the end of the day, but I have a smile on my face.

1 mom found this helpful

Ohh boy how your story takes me back!! You're doing great. Just keep telling him "no" but make sure that you have a serious look on your face and speak in a stern voice. It's not your normal voice and he will soon understand that you are not happy with his actions. Most importantly BE CONSISTENT! Good luck!

Just keep pulling him off and say no! They don't really get it, anyway. You just have to be persistent, but that is a tough age.
Hang in there

My son just turned 15 months and he is "into everything" and very active too! My husband and I are still working on it, and we're trying to agree on how to be consistent all the time. He LOVES dumping his food on the table, throwing his fork when he gets frustrated with trying to use it, spitting out food when he gets tired of the taste, etc.

BUT, for whatever reason, our son generally does not touch and climb when we say "no". We started diverting him very early on, when he started to crawl at 5 months. He has started to stamp his feet and throw a fit (yeah...definitely hitting the terrible 2's), but I quickly try to distract him with some other "yes" activity or we just go to a different room.

I also have areas of the house that I let him know are "his" areas. On one bookshelf, we cleared out a space for him. He can put whatever he likes there, play with whatever we put there, etc. It took a little while for him to understand that he cannot touch the books in the other cubbies and shelves, but he finally got it. I think giving him his own space helped him understand that it's okay to have off limits areas, because he has one too. We generally don't touch his shelf, unless we're putting things away.

When he answers "yes", I'd say something like "yes, you CAN do..." and try to distract him with something else he can do. I also take my son to the park, the children's discovery museum in san jose, and gymboree so he has lots of time to climb and explore. that seems to help too.

Re: Too young for discipline.
Discipline means to teach or instruct and provide structure. It does not mean punish. So, YES. All children of ALL ages require discipline.

My best response to those situations is to redirect. Save the no's for the most dangerous situations and when you see him on the chair, say " wow you you did that? let's find a better place to climb". When you say no and he say yes, calmly place him where there is a "yes" situation and agree with him, "YES!".
He is making it clear, that he is proud he can do it, while you're saying no you shouldn't. It will take awhile for him to get it! Just keep re-directing, you have to get creative.

Hi J.,
My son just turned two and he has been on the verge of two for quite sometime as well. What I have noticed in my own son, is that kids this age(boys especially it seems) have a need to explore, be very active, and at the same time are struggling with letting their parents have the power. When my son is bored, he tends to be more naughty, for example insisting on getting into things he knows he's not supposed to. Have you tried re-directing him? If re-directing isn't working, try the "naughty spot." This really works! For his age, I would try giving him 2-3 warnings, and then if he still isn't complying, put him on the naughty spot for 1 minute. This seems like forever to them! Set a timer though so you are setting an expectation for him of when he is done. Once the minute is up, take him off the naughty spot and explain to him why he had to sit there and that if he repeats the mis-behavior, he will sit there again. He may not completely get it at first, but he will, and you're teaching him how. After the explanation, give him a big kiss and hug, and tell him you love him. There may be times that you can't get him to sit on the naughty spot, or stay there, if that is the case you may have to hold him there, and it will seem like hell to you, but don't give up. We all know from our childhoods that the naughty spot, or being held on the naughty spot, is not the worst thing in the world. Most importantly, be consistent!! We all get tired of fighting with our kids, but that is what we siged up for as parents. Giving in because you are too tired or just don't feel like it will be your undoing! Make sure you use good follow-through and you should start seeing some results. Good Luck!

Get Dr. Sears book on discipline. All the Sears books are great and helpful.

He sounds very cute. Choose your battles. When it's truly dangerous or truly important to you, make sure he knows that, but for the others, its okay to let him test his limits a little.

The best thing at this age is just being consistent. Just remove him from the inappropriate place consistently each time. If you do it without getting upset it will become less novel for him & he will move on to something else. Of course, it might be something else you don't want him in, but that's part of raising toddlers. Consistency is key just like with puppies. If you raise your voice or get aggravated he will likely test more. He's still a little young for time out & it's not effective for all kids anyway.

R., LCSW, mom, & Childbirth Educator

Sounds like it is time to start time outs. Since he is one it would only last 1 minutes. The general rule is one minute per year of age. Tell him No and then tell him if he does it again he will have a time out. Have a specific spot were he can't play with toys, watch TV or anything like that. Tell him he didn't listen and he is going to time out for one minute and then take him to the spot. If he gets up put him back and start the time over. Sometimes at first it can be tough. It will get the point very fast that you mean business. After the time out is over tell him why he was in time out, tell him you love him and give him a hug. It doesn't have to be a negative experience. I don't believe he is too young for discipline.

I have a boy who is now 8 and I remember those days!!! I used re-direction with my son. If he was climbing on things that were dangerous, I'd give him something to do that wasn't... for instance, hey! look at this, i'm going to take all the pillows off the couch and let you jump from each one. please don't climb on the fireplace. (and, if necessary...."mommy and daddy don't climb on the fireplace") also, i allowed him to climb on certain things if i was spotting him or stacking the pillows up to give him something to climb and something soft. also, sometimes i just threw in the towel and said OK! let's go outside and play for awhile. i tried not to use "no" too often so that it would be useful when i really, really needed it. i figured that most of these behaviors were not "bad" necessarily. they came out of his natural need for exercise and exploration. if i tried to fulfill those needs safely, then we were all happy! good luck and have fun!

He sounds like a cute little imp. To me "discipline" is too strong an approach for that age. Just watch him and remove him from the chairs/fireplace etc. Have fun!

At this age their job is to wander and explore. You have to limit where the child can go, be it baby gates or a playpen when you can't be there with him. It is completely normal for a baby to respond yes when you say no. You don't discipline this age - they won't get it. Your job is to protect them and it is your number one job.

As soon as my little ones took an interest in climbing I would bring in the house a little tikes slide or a little tikes climbing cube. When I'd see them climbing on the table or the couch I'd take them off and say " I see you want to climb, let me get you something you can climb on. This really helped because it meet their need to climb and test their new abilites. When they were done climbing I'd put it back on the porch till next time. This was a huge help. I found both pieces at garage sales. Best wishes

Hi J.,
I don't think "discipline" is going to work on a 16 mo. old. You're doing the right thing by pulling him off the fireplace and saying "no." Redirection is really the only thing to do at this point. I know that's hard and frustrating - especially when he smiles and responds to your "no" with "yesh." He's testing you! But your job is to redirect his interest and stay consistent. Also, pour on the praise when he's doing an activity you approve of. "I love how you are playing with those cars!" Don't give up! It's a really hard job we have!
-M.

Hi J., I have a 17 month old son who does the same kinds of things. I think it is the age they like to test our limits. My son goes to day care, as I work, but my day care lady implements time outs and he really responds to it, so I have started implementing time outs at home, and it has been working. When he does something once, I tell him no and why he should not be doing whatever it is he is doing, the second time I tell him no again and ask if he would like a time out. THis actually stops him sometimes. If he continues I pick him up and take him to the sofa, set him down and tell him that he is getting a time out because he was doing whatever it was that he was not supposed to be doing. I then have him sit there for 1 minute. That is the longest they seem to be able to last and still get it at this age. He is extremely unhappy top be stuck sitting in one spot. If he moves or gets up, I put him back in that spot and tell him he is in time out and has to sit there. After the minute, which actually seems like a long time I give him a hug, tell him I love him and let him go play again. I have no idea how this works for others, but thought I would pass it along, as I have a climber and a little guy who gets into everything:) Consistency is the key in this one.

I remember those days will my three older kids and now that I am raising my 3 year old cousin I am re-living them. Time out works. Just be consistent and on top of things. A great book that I used for my older kids and am referring back to again is "Positive Discipline A-Z" it offers age-appropriate solutions to behavior from age 1-18. I put our 3year old in time out (1 min for each year of age) in the same spot of the house. After his time is up we tell him that he is not allowed to climb on the table because we eat there (he can get hurt, or whatever the reason) and that he will go back in time out if he does it again. We give him a big hug and tell him that we love him and then redirect him to where he can climb. We have been using this method for as long as we can remember and it works, you just need to be consistent. It can be exhausting and frustrating but hang in there.

They are a real challenge. It's the age of discovery. I read the other responces and they are right on. I just wanted to add that if you gave him lots of attention and fun play time with you when he does the right things he may repeat them more than the bad ones. Especially the things he initiates himself.
P.

Well, this is a common problem with American parents so don't feel you are alone. Discipline is very much needed. We have one that was that sort of handful. We explained to her that we aren't animals so we don't climb on furniture. We've taught them at an early age about honor, shame, and what is and is not socially acceptable. When an infraction occurs, we tell our child that it isn't acceptable behavior. She has a bean bag chair she has to go sit in and think about it. It works. Think of what a great country America would still be if we all had just a tad of shame...

What worked best for me was the distraction technique... quickly think of a 'fun' or 'cool' alternative, so when you remove him from the dangerous or inappropriate spot, he'll have something else to keep his attention wile you remove (or block?) the less desirable situation/item/place... You can say something like, "the fireplace is TOO HOT, but LOOK! Here's your blocks!! and make the blocks the 'new' and 'fun' thing. you can introduce things like a naughty chair or 'time outs' a little later. worked for me. good luck.

I know it is hard J., but sometimes they just need to learn by doing. The fireplace may not be the best place to learn, but the next time your son climbs the chair, just say, "boy you sure can climb, but I don't think I would climb that chair." Then pray that he falls. When he does fall. say something like, people who climb on chairs sometimes fall and get hurt. Then when he climbs the fireplace and you say, "I'm not sure I would climb on that, he may remember the lesson he learned with the chair.
My son is almost 3 and last summer he kept wanting to walk on the concrete parking blocks at church. He held my had for the first couple, then wanted to do it himself. I knew he would fall, but I kept my mouth shut. One of the High School kids kept telling my my baby would get hurt. I told him that both of us older people know it, and William would have to learn by doing. Sure enough, he fell and scraped his chin. He still remembers that 5 minute lesson and is much more carefull about walking on those blocks. I didn't have to worry about him the rest of the summer. If I had tried to protect him, I would have had to constantly hover over him. As long as it isn't a life or death situation, let them get banged up a bit. They will learn.

Hi J.,

I have a 17 month old son who is testing boundaries. I have just started doing time outs. If he throws something I ask him to pick it up, which he usually does, but if he doesn't then I tell him he will get a time out. I then pick him up and put him sitting facing a corner. I hold him there and tell him that he is on a time out because he threw something. I only make him stay there about 30-60 minutes, long enough to cry and not like it. Then I scoot back, and ask him to come give me a hug. So far this is working for us. I also know that consistancey and picking my battles is a must!

Good luck and hang in there!

J. W.

Have you ever heard of 1-2-3 Magic? It's a very simple disciplining program that is designed to be quick and unemotional. It's also a program the grows with your kids - you can use it forever! I've bought the book and have viewed the video. The nice thing about the video is you can sit down and view it one time and get the jist of the program. You can learn more at http://www.parentmagic.com/. Let me know what you think!

Hi J.,Good news and bad news -- the bad news first:He is probably a few months away from your being able to use timeouts (one minute for every year of age). I know I used them before two but not as early as 16 months.  The good news is that he should still be young enough to simply distract him with something else to remove him from a dangerous situation. At your son's age, we still had a pressure gate blocking off the fireplace.  You can certainly tell him that it is not okay to stand on chairs as you either put him on his bottom on the chair or take him off of it, but I think it is probably not realistic at this age to expect him not to explore when you're not looking.  Bringing a playpen close to where you are might help while you're doing something in the kitchen, etc. I'm a pretty strict mom, but I do not recall discipline working quite that young. Lots of praise when he's doing the right thing can never hurt, though. Also, you can make simple signs that your son understands (you'll need to explain them to him and should probably use a picture) mean "DO NOT CLIMB ON THIS" and put them on places he likes to climb. This might help him understand and remember not to climb. Good luck!
K.

It is true that your little one is testing out his world and pulling him physically down from a fireplace is much more appropriate and effective for his age than simply saying no.The young child learns from imitation not from what you say to him. The idea of limitations is important for him to learn but it needs to be done in a loving manner/soft voice and in relationship to "doing" as that is where his growth and development are grounded at this age. Cause and effect make little sense to a child before school age actually, when they can begin to really sequence their thoughts. One tactic is to say for instance "our feet are staying on the floor" (as you are moving him off the fireplace) or "hands are for holding and clapping..." (in the case of hitting for example). If you keep it positive it will be more effective and show him the behaviors you want him to imitate. I wish you well.
J. Birns - Waldorf teacher/educational consultant

There are two great books that I read when my daughter was that age... the really helped me and she has turned out to be a wonderful child. "Positive Discipline" by Jane Nelsen and "Raising a spirited child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. These two books changed my whole experience and I am grateful that a friend recommended them to me.

Boys are so active and so unaware of the consequences at 16 months. It is so much apart of their development to climb and scare the pants of their mommies. What saved my was taking my son to a park or playground designed for toddlers where he could climb and fall on a cushioned surface. It wore him out so that I could rest during his naptime. I hope this helps.

Hi J.,
My name is S. and I have a 2 yr old little boy, but I also have 2 older daughters, 11 and 5. My girls NEVER acted like my little boy. He's EVERYWHERE! And also when I tell him no he smiles at me and says "okay mom". I don't think it's terrible twos I think it's just being a little boy.
What I have done and works for us is, when he's doing something he shouldn't like climbing inside the frig I tell him no and take him and do show him something else to get his mind off what he was just doing (climbing in the frig). Like getting all his cars in a pile and putting the dora doll on top of it. It's something he hasn't done and now he has a new game.
don't get me wrong....alot of my day is doing things like this but I'd rather be sitting and trying to distract him every now and then than cleaning up coffee grounds he's just dumped from the frig.
Stay strong!

S.

"Yesh"...that's too cute!

All you can really do is stay consistent on telling him No when he is doing something dangerous, like climbing. Instead of just saying "No," try to redirect him to something else. "Please don't climb. I don't want you to fall. Let's go find your blocks/trains/playdough/whatever."

You might also look into a small gate you can put around the fireplace. My son started taking time-outs at around 18 mos, just for one minute. He did not understand what a time-out was, but it gave me an opportunity to redirect his attention to something else in the meantime. He is 2 1/2 now and truly understands the meaning of having a time-out now. (He still climbs on everything, loves to jump off the sofa when no one is looking, and is an all-around terror in a cute boy suit!) Little boys are such daredevils!

Hi J.! I'm 33 and have a 3.5 year old boy and a 6 month lil girl. I completely understand your situation, having been there myself! :-) Honestly, with a child that young all you have to do is be consistent. They don't understand time outs yet, but when they're doing something dangerous they need to know. Sounds like you are already taking him away from the situation and explaning why its not safe. He'll get it soon enough...mine did of course after lots of bumps, scratches, and boo-boos! There is, to me, no need to discipline a child that young since they don't understand and you could potentially harm his sense of independence. Anyhow, that's my 2 cents! I also have a degree in psychology with an emphasis in child development. J.

Hi J.- my daughter is 3 and I know I had to start time out around that age too. Just pick a corner in the house and make that the time out spot. If they don't listen to you after the second or third requet then they go to time out for up to 1-2 min. It works for me and I still use it today. If they try to leave before you say it is ok then put them back. My daughter comes out of time out and always says sorry mommy. They learn quick. Good luck. It is much better than loosing your temper or getting frustrated, or they never learn what is acceptable to you.

ps- after she comes out of time out we talk about why she was there and why mommy did not want her to do what she did... ie - it was not safe for her and mommy was worried at her level. :)

Its funny you sound exactly like me a year ago. My son is now in his terrible twos and was in them waayyy before he ever turned two. I found that he hates to be in time out...which was in his crib but now I tell him to sit on the floor in his room which he hates too but does when he is told. Kids will always push the limits to see exactly what they can get away with and unfortunetly boys have soooo much energy they are always go that extra mile to see. Just find a good timeout spot and just keep putting him back if he continues to get up. I hope this helps.

Hi J.
Those little ones are smarter than we think : ) My advice is to keep correcting him and stay consistent. I think little ones continue to do things because 1) they're curious and exploring and 2) they get a reaction out of you. He's going to continue to explore, yes, but if the reaction from you is always a calm and firm "No" everytime he'll stop. He'll try to charm you with the cute smiles and "yesh" to see if he can get you to break. Stay firm. You can sneak away and crack up in private or call a friend to share the news about how you're being manipulated by a toddler. Just don't let him see you crack.
Enjoy him, these are the fun days.
C.

J.,
Try redirecting him. Tell him you are afraid he will be hurt, maybe even demonstrate with a doll. Then give me no more than 2 other choices at a time.
D.

I am have been going through the same thing, and since my daughter started walking at 9 months, the started climbing before one...which is an even MORE difficullt time for trying to make her do what I want! Yes, the redirection is the key. Also, by now they see that they can get attention by doing bad things. Whenever I am busy and not paying attention to my daughter she goes and gets somehting she isnt supposed to touch and brings it to me and says, "DAH!"

Being a substitute teacher I have to learn alot about classroom management which has definately helped me alot on baby management. Children want attention bad or good. Research says you should give 6-8 positive reinforcements for every one negative reinforcement. And it REALLY works. Try it for a few weeks. Make sure to notice him being good and doing the right thing. When he is bad, dont show your anger/irritation. Calming say no, redirect and give no more attention to the situation, and then a minute later in the child is still being good, praise him and tell him why he is getting the praise!

Once in a while I do just have to say know three of four times in a row and redirect, but she is getting it bit by bit. She is just under 15 months, so i know a 16 month get it too.

I have also learned to take a little responsibility when I realize I have been ignoring my daughter for a while and she brings me that potatoe from the forbidden potato basket.

And once in a while she has thrown a little tantrum...but I never EVER respond to those! Not even a little. In fact I walk away.

Hi J.!

I am the mother of 2 very active boys, which, over the years, I keep learning that most ALL boys are very active!
It sounds like your son is PERFECTLY normal!!! This is about the age where they can look you in eye (and even with a smile) to do what they KNOW is not appropriate!
Just be consistent with telling him "NO". You may even have to start time outs on the small stuff, too, to begin to show "who's boss" in your household. And most importantly, don't let him see you laugh at how cute he is in those moments!!!
You'll be fine! Have fun!

N. :o)

Your son sounds absolutely adorable, sayng "yesh", as he is trying new things. The technique I used the most was to redirect. When my kids were toddlers, I would redirect them by either getting their attention to look at something else, or if they were doing something unsafe, then I'd pick them up and move them to a different location and distract them. For example, If my daughter was climbing the fireplace, I may point to the fireplace and say "no", then I would point at something else that she found interesting and say, Let's go see the kitty. Most of the time my daughter would go willingly. I'd only pick her up if it was unsafe and she refused. They have short attention spans, so use that to your advantage.They need to know their limits, but this is a brand new world to them, and everything is new.I tried to be firm with my no's, but I also tried to give yes's when I could also.Just be consistant.

Disciplining at this age is hard. A firm 'no' & then removal from the situation is best or re-directing them will probably send the message. The one mom's suggestion of puttng the toddler in the pac-n-go briefly is also a good idea but anything beyond these suggestions is going to be a bit over their heads. Try to keep your cool, as well, cuz if you make a big deal about it, then it may make it more enticing for him to do what you don't want him to do. At this same age, our very active & agile toddler loved climbing on the dining room table & over turning the S/P shakers & tossing the napkins all over the place while giggling hysterically. I removed the napkins, etc from the table & any time he climbed onto the table, I calmly removed him & got him interested in another activity. Once the novelty wore off, then he stopped doing it. Hope this helps & good uck!

Oh my gosh he sounds so precious! First remember to enjoy every minute. Even the miss behavior can be funny.
He is ready to climb.
Get him, or take him somwhere he can climb!
The park, mall, some fast foods joints.
Fresh air is as important as food.
Little Tykes (craigslist.com) have lots of cool climbing things you can use inside in winter and outside in summer.
I even used the little swing in my house on a beam.
Thats a good place when you need him contained for a few.
If he gets bored which he will cuz he's obviously brilliant,
let him go round and round in the swing!
Redirect him to something he CAN DO try not to say no.
If you can't think of something better for him to do you can't expect him to!
good luck, K.
mother of 5, grandma to 5