My 11Yr Old Son

My mother had a great strategy for these hard to have talks. She would talk to us in a moving car. There was no eye contact, no distractions and no one could leave if they were embarrassed or upset. It was a great strategy. We had some pretty serious talks on the way to the grocery store. It's a way to open up the communication and help with the embarrassment he (or you) may feel. I'd do it little by little, don't unload everything at once. Start the conversations out small...kissing, respecting girls, etc. Then later lead to the big sex talk.

Frances:

We've been TALKING for years now. It isn't just "one talk" you have with your children - it's constant communication...

It's modeling behavior you want him to do...if you are single - no men sleeping over. sends the wrong message to your kids.

Tell him what's going to be happening to his body over the next few years. Wet dreams, morning woody's, etc. there are books on it - I'm sorry - I don't have them - but I know they exist.

When you see a racy commercial or show - or even on a game he might be playing - ASK him what he thinks about it. That can start the conversation....ask him about what happens on the playground - are boyfriends and girlfriends sneaking off to go kiss? See how he reacts to it...then get him to talk about what he sees and hears. Tell him what you expect.

Don't make it ONE conversation...make it communication over meals, don't make sex taboo...don't laugh - although it is tempting sometimes. We actually had a bout of "rainbow parties" on our school buses (not in ours but in our district - way south of me) and I asked my son if he knew what they were - no. What do you think it is? I told him what had been happening on some school buses and he said 'how disgusting to do something so personal on a bus" - that made me feel good. I asked - does this mean you have something to tell me? He said - eeewwww so not there mom!!!

It's okay to make it funny. It's okay to laugh about things. Modeling the behavior you want to see is the best with open lines of communication!!

How about if you have him lead the conversation. I'm sure he already knows a little (or a lot!)

Tell him you want to talk to him about sex and ask him what he knows about it and what he wants to know about it. That way you can cover any misconceptions that he might have and it will be more candid rather than 'scripted'. He will probably be embarassed at first.
Congrats on taking the initiative!

My advice is to take him outside, in private armed with 2 soft drinks, put your feet up and say something simple like, "I know that you probably know most of this stuff but I just wanted to talk with you a little about girls and sex. This is where a Mama earns her title so bear with me for awhile..... ." after you explain everything ask if he has any questions and assure him that you'll always be there if he should think of anything to ask.

I did this with my 2 boys in 4th grade so I could get to them before the kids filled their heads with nonsense. It is an ongoing conversation. LOTS of times they come just ask a quick question about something and go about their day. I think the important thing is just not to make a huge deal out of it.

Good luck Mama!! :)

As other's have said previously, this is one of many on-going talks you will be having. If you already have an open communication about life in general, then it will be easier. Just a basic fact...I have many male friends in my life and most of not all have not only thought about sex and girls by 11 years old, some where already active. So, it's never too early to learn from YOU instead of classmates, tv, internet, or total strangers.

My kids are turning 13 and 17. I don't approve of "the talk." Open communication means that you discuss puberty, sex, relationships, etc repeatedly over the course of time. Age appropriate things first. He should already know about puberty and the changes that are likely already happening in his body. He should know the basic facts of life. Don't overwhelm him with too much at once, but it's certainly time that you need to have started. Puberty facts first. An 11 year old needs to know that he will have pubic hair and erections soon if he doesn't already. He needs to know about conception and birth because everyone does. He doesn't need the birth control and STD info just yet. Pace yourself and good luck

I had The Talk with my son when he was 10. I looked online and found tons of free resources. It didn't take long to find something that was thorough, but also matched well with my parenting style.

Did he already learn about puberty, either from you or in school? My kids all had a class near the end of fifth grade. It mainly covered puberty (physical and mental/emotional changes and symptoms) and human reproduction.
Start slowly, there's no reason to have "the talk" at this age. But he should have a basic understanding of his body and the changes that either are or will be happening soon. Hopefully girls and relationships are something he will discuss with you as he grows, and if he doesn't, once he is 16 or so, take him on a long car ride, give him a MAJOR talk and then, provide him with a few condoms. He'll get the message loud and clear :)

Please dont forget about the respect for yourself and your partner.
The seriousness of having a sexual relationship, and what it can lead to. If he is ready to father a child (which most are not) what can happen, diseases.
There is so much more to "The Sex Talk" than the actual act. I agree that this should be an ongoing talk.
see if he is interested in having a girlfriend... what having a girlfriend means to him and his friends? I think this would be a great starting point.
Some feel that just hanging out with a girl or talking on the phone means your boyfriend/girlfriend.
we have to ask questions and make sure they are prepared for what happens in relationships. How most relationship dont last very long, the hurt felt on both sides and handling rejection. How you may have felt as a teenager, or how yo werer treated, and what to avoid if possible.
Once you have an open communication, continue with the question and answers. Its never an easy talk, but well worth it!!