Mommy's Girl - I'm the Only One Who Can Comfort Our 4 Month Old

L. A

Your daughter may be going through a phase, I wouldn't worry much. She is attached more to you because you are at home for now. Since you are not working right now, you can take a break by leaving your daughter with your husband and go to the store (i.e. grocery shopping, or something like that) then when you return she will see you will be back and she can play with you or spend time with her after she stops crying and settles down. She could be cutting her teeth and wants you to be there for this. You have an advantage right now and she will begin to show many of your traits since the first five years are when children take on their parents traits. From 0 to 5 yrs children will bond with both parents in stages or phases, there will be a time when she will not want anything to do with you and you will become hurt. Enjoy your time right now, and relish the joys of what she learns from you. She is still very young and although she loves her daddy, she wants her mommy more right now.

When my oldest got sick, he would do fine with everyone before this event. As soon as he got sick, he called for me, not daddy, nanna, or anyone else. I worked his father did not, but he still wanted me only. He would not leave me for any reason during these times. This is just my experience, I stayed with him and when he was all better he went back to his old routine.

I hope my experience helps. Good Luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi L.,

I had the same problem. I'm a SAHM and my little girl is so used to me being there that she wouldn't let anyone comfort her. It made it impossible for me to leave her for even a half hour bath! My husband felt horrible that our little sweetie didn't want him when she was upset. What we did was to take one of my shirts and put that around her like a blanket and let him hold her. I sat by them so she could hear my voice. Then the next time I sat further away. We did that for a couple of days and she learned that Daddy was good for a hug and cuddle too. She still prefers me when she's upset but will go to her father too. Good luck.

Hi L.,

I'm sure you've already tried this, but just in case...

Have you considered letting hubby and nanny use a t-shirt you've recently worn to throw over their shoulder? That way, they smell a little bit more like you? I used to babysit for premmie twin girls and that helped.

Good luck!

Bottle of breast milk that you pump from dad should help. BUT you need to be gone, out of sight, out of the house. IF they know you're available, they'll wait for you.

Just keep trying, but know that you're probably stuck like this for a while. Your baby will likely go in and out of phases where they prefer one of you over everyone else. Try and enjoy the time they want you although, believe me!, I know it's exhausting...my nine month old is currently like that as well!

-M

miss L.~
I do feel for you I know the feel of being tired and still having to be patient with your little one. The reason she maybe looking to you for soothing is because you are the one who spends the most time with her. When she need soothing you are the firt one or only one to respond since your a stay at home mom.Are you breast feeding? If so your smell is a huge factor. the only suggestion i could give is when your huby is home try to get him to do the soothing. with that said you have to be out of sight if she sees you she will want you and only you. The other reason could be that she is going through a mommy only phase. My 10 month old daughter just passed through hers. She only wanted me, not my husban, it lasted for about a week and then daddy was okay with her again, it's tough being a first time mommy, but remember you are doing the best you can with the tools you have, so don't be to hard on yourself, your doing a great job ! Good luck ~
a 1st time mommy too.

Sweetie I don't have any advice but I am going through the same. My 4 month old is EXACTLY the same way, she loves attention from other relatives and friends, but it's only for a short time on HER schedule and then if she even gets a little cranky, she wants momma. Sometimes I literally have to hide so she won't see me when I am cooking dinner and she's with my husband, LOL! If she hears my voice or sees me, even while she's happy, she remembers she wants me! My first daughter (now 3) went through a period where she only wanted mommy, and now I hardly remember it. It's definitely tiring, I stay home with my babies as well and everyone thinks it's so easy because I get to stay home. I am also nursing and recently she has started teething and REFUSES a bottle. Sometimes it'd be nice to work one day a week, LOL! Of course, I am not going to because I can't stand the thought of her crying all day long. But I will let her and my husband hash it out for a little while so I can run to the grocery store or play with our other DD. I just tell myself that someday she probably won't want hugs and cuddles anymore so I better enjoy it now. My 1st is only 3 and it's already went by so fast and she's already got an attitude and sometimes doesn't want to snuggle :( Just goodluck and it will pass :)

Dear L.,

It's so funny for me to read your post. Right now my 2 year old only wants her daddy when she gets upset, and it's really bothering me, like did I do something wrong? But I know from experience that they just do this stuff. The best parenting advice I ever got was to give children what they need. A need that is met goes away, a need that is not met cannot be resolved.

I had a part time nanny with my first dd, and later I regretted not going to her whenever I could. I thought "I've just got to let the nanny handle it" when I could have just gone and given her the cuddle she was craving. Wish I had!

Hope this helps.

At this time she can start to learn how to soothe herself- which will make your situation easy. This is a very important and necessary for becoming a good sleeper.

Read this post: http://www.lullabyluna.com/2009/04/sleep-ponderings-from-...

C., mother of 3, sleep consultant, sleep blog writer www.lullabyluna.com

You mention that your husband works a great deal. I think when he is home, he should be trying to spend as much time as possible with your daughter, doing the fun things like playing, doing the routine things like diaper changes and bathing, and just hanging out with her. If your husband doesn't do it just how you would, just try to ignore it and let them have their time. If your daughter gets used to your husband doing all the normal parenting things with her, she will probably also start to let him console her when the need arrises.

Your husband has to really work hard, as hard as you, in order for the baby to not choice mom. I also think that babies instinctively choose mom. We are the food... it's only natural. Remember that every phase passes. I know you're tired, but be comforted by the fact that you are not alone, and many of us get through it with less (single moms, no nanny). Anyway it will pass. I have a 1.5 yo son and his actions are constantly switching up as he expirements, grows, teeths, etc. One thing I want to say though, if you don't fill her need (like the other poster wrote) she will only get more needy. I've seen many parents try to wean comforting things (like co-sleeping or breastfeeding) before the baby is ready and it can backfire horribly. It's like once the baby knows it's an option you can't fool them! They want what they want!

Hi L.-

This happened to me too. I actually had to leave the house and let my husband and baby work it out. Sometimes she cried for 2 hours straight while I was gone! But it was still better for me to be gone than there- if I was there she would cry even longer. But he was patient and eventually he found ways to soothe her when I was gone. I think it's a stage because soonafter she began preferring him! It was actually good for both of them because he developed confidence in his own style and now they are super close (she's 22 mos now).

One thing that my husband and nanny both did that was VERY helpful was to wear the baby in a sling, mei tai or similar soft carrier. They would wear her and take her outside. Often this was the only way that she calmed down.

I hope this helps!

Well it may last it may not, but here is some perspective just in case this lasts. my daughter is a daddy's girl and reaches for him even when he's not in the room. I'm thrilled that my husband is such a good dad and I love to see their bond, but it hurts me a little. She also prefers grandmas, cousins, and aunties when she gets hurt or needs love and attention. I stay home with her and care for her 95 percent of the time and feel a little jilted. So soak it up.

My advice after haveing 3 kids is - eat it up. Enjoy the moment. I know you're tierd and that it seems like it will never end, but it does and soon she'll be calling the boyfriends whenever she's upset. It seems like a long way off, but it comes fast and when it does you'll want to be able to look back and say that there was never a time that she was upset that you ever turned her away.
Grab some coffee, some vitamins and do your very best. This, too, shall pass.