5 Month Old Fussy with Dad

Hi L.:)
I think it's a normal thing for a baby to be more attached to the mom than to anyone. You're your son's primary care taker.
There is also difference in baby's persenalities.I stayed home with both boys from the very begining, but our first son never had a problem when I left him with my husband(or anybody else for that matter:grandparents, church nusery)Now at 3 he is very outgoing and social. Our second son(was only breastfed for 3 months), stills preferes me over anyone,he is 15 months, he still fusses(in the begining) when I leave him with my hubby.We kinnda can tell that he is more reserved.
Another thing I was thinking, babies can hear voices when they are in the whomb, so if your hubby was gone all that time and 2 months of your son's life.....they just have not had enough bonding time yet. Please do not get discouranged, and tell your hubby not to be......other moms had a great suggestions to try.

Children and animals easily pick up on vibrations, fears, emotions of people. He is used to you, not used to his father. This can take time. Be gentle, go slow, the energy exists on both ends. It is possible your husband is tense and not confident around your child. It is also possible that your husband has lots of left over pain, anger, fear after being in afganastan.

May healing come to all.

I know your baby is only 5 months, but perhaps you and daddy need to spend some "couch time" together and let your son see that daddy is a part of your family, too. Maybe if you and daddy just sit together with you holding your son on the side closest to daddy, he'll get used to daddy being there.

I also agree with daddy taking him so you can have "mommy time" at home, just in another room out of sight.

Remind daddy to be gentle and speak in a quiet voice for now, but the time will come (as it does with most boys) that he won't be able to do ANYTHING without his son being there watching and "helping" with everything!

Have you tried expressing and letting Dad bottle feed the baby? Or maybe being very close and snuggly and talking and present when you are nursing? Or both? Not every time, but sometimes. Try doing things with the baby being in between the two of you. Maybe ask Dad a lot of questions and listen to a story he has to tell with the baby there so that he gets very accustomed to his voice and presence. Just take small steps forward and involve your husband in all the things that the baby likes. Good luck!

My daughter, now 1, is still like that with dad sometimes and he's never been out of the country. I think it's because the dads don't quite know how to soothe them the way moms do, and we always end up taking the baby from dad when the fussing starts instead of letting them work through it. The more time he spends with dad the easier it will be for them because they will figure out their own techniques together. Be patient, and try showing dad when things are calm some of the ways you soothe baby when he's fussy. Eventually he'll figure it out but only if he's given time to practice. Good luck, I've been there and it's tough but it will get easier.

Kida about this age start developing separation anxiety. He doesn't understand that you are still there if he can not see you. He doesn't know yet that Mommy always comes back. Try playing peek-a-boo with him. Leave the room for a few minutes and go to another room. Talk to him while you are out of the room so he can hear your voice and know you are somewhere close. Tell Hubby that it is not Daddy he doesn't like - it is anyone that is not Mommy. When you do need to leave him with hubby, make sure to tell him bye and let him see you leave. Otherwise, if you sneak out, he will be afraid everytime you leave the room that you are going away and not coming back. I used to give my kids a kiss on the cheek and tell them they could touch their cheek when they missed me and know I would be back soon (when they were a year or so old).

Your son doesnt know his father and each must get used to each other.Go slow..little bit at a time...good luck and bless your husband for protecting us..
S. B

Hello. This may sound strange being that your son "seems" so young. My daughter was the same age when her daddy deployed in 1998. You and your husband sit together on the couch with your legs proped up on a table. Set the baby upright against your legs so both of you are able to look at him. You and your husband kiss and love on each other while kissing on the baby in between. Do this several times a day. After doing this a couple of times, hand the baby off to your husband and start making little short trips outside, to another room, etc. Before the baby starts to even get upset, come back to where your husband is holding him and both of you kiss him at the same time. This builds safety and security of "both" parents for the baby. Believe it or not, the first 2 to 3 years of a baby's life is TRULY the foundation of safety and sucurity. My oldest is 18, and youngest is 10. One in the middle that is 11.

Try this technique. It worked for us all THREE times!!

Sincerely, K.

My baby was extremely attached to me and very cautious (very FUSSY) with strangers even at 3 months old. I found that acting enthusiastic and hugging them excitedly and warmly in front of her helped her to relax about them. Then, we let her warm up to them. As for actually holding her, here is what we found for her grandpa. We normally did not watch TV, but we had one in the basement. Her grandpa liked to watch gold on it when he came to visit. I sat with the baby next to him, bored outa my gourd. Soon, though, I could put my daughter in his lap. She was fascinated by the TV even though it was just golf. Soon, she was falling asleep on his chest while he sat there watching his golf shows and I was temporarily FREE! YAY!

I love the idea about scent, as well. Maybe you can combine that with togetherness. For a while, hold off on just leaving him with his daddy and have your son first think of the two of you as a twosome, together.

I think this kind of attachment to you is normal, esp if Dad was away for those first couple of months. My suggestion is to make sure that Dad gets as much hands on time as possible, and without you intervening, if possible. It helps Dad get over his frustration with the situation and nervousness while learning to cope with an infant. Maybe teach Dad some tricks for helping calm a fussy baby. At 5 mos, he may fuss but not forever, and if he does fuss, it's not going to hurt him. Your son will eventually cope and before long, he will be following Dad everywhere he goes. :)

My son did the same thing with his daddy and I breastfeed too. Once my son started eating more solids and drinking more juice he got more comfortable being left alone with his dad. I think he got scared that he wouldn't be feed. I just keep leaving my son with his dad, just for short periods of time and when daddy was home I would have him play with him more and feed him the solid foods and juice. He just turned one and loves being left alone with his dad, he is becoming a daddy's little boy.

How long has your husband been home? Have you discussed this issue with your pediatrician? It sounds to me as if the baby is just having some trouble bonding with his daddy. Try having your husband sit close to you every time you nurse so the baby can see his daddy's face and hear his voice. Make sure that every time you are snuggling your baby, that your husband is also snuggling around both of you and is talking to, and touching the baby. Also, don't take the baby from your husband when he is fussy, that's only reinforcing his behavior of irrational fear. Comfort him and soothe him while your husband holds him. He will soon become comfortable with his daddy - he may just need a little time.

Also tap into the family support resources that may be available to you through the military. Thank you to your husband for his service and to you for taking care of one of those who takes care of us.

S. :o)

Not sure if this would work, but you might want to leave him with a stuffed animal or blanket that smells like you. Sleep with one of his stuffed animals or blankets for a night, then leave it with him when you go.

It worked for DH when we were trying to get him to go to sleep by himself, so I'm hoping that it could work in this case too. ((((HUGS))))

L., sorry, but I don't have much advice for what to do. But, I will tell you, you are not alone. My little girl (13 months) did the same thing. She still does sometimes. As soon as I walk out the door she gets upset, & as soon as I pick her up, she's fine. I don't know what to tell you other than hang in there & keep trying to leave him. You might try leaving him for 10-15 min a couple times a week. Reassure him that you will be right back. Make your goodbye quick (don't linger). This is what I did & it seemed to help.

Hi L.. Could it be that daddy is nervous with the new baby? I know the baby can sense his stress and tension. Just give them both time. They will adjust. Try and tell dad to relax! Maybe stay sound so baby hears you and knows you are around. May be comforting to him. This is a trying time for everyone involved so try to be patient.
Best wishes and tell your huband THANKS FOR HIS SERVICE TO OUR COUNTRY !!! I GREATLY APPRECIATE HIM!!!!

C.

Very normal behavior! I find it easier to take them with me at that age- they are so portable in a comfortable sling or carrier, it's a lot easier for me than pumping and worrying if they're happy without me. Babies this age are not programmed to be happy for more than a few minutes with anyone who is "Not-the-Mama."

AFA dh being gone early on having an impact, it's possible, but hard to tell if it's the main problem, as a 5 month old really wants his mama regardless. In a year or two he will be following him around. Right now he prefers mama, and that's normal healthy and OK!

Hi L.,

Firstly, congrats that your husband has come home to you. Secondly, tell him we send our thanks for his service in the military. I read something that I thought was a nice idea that might help just a little - have him put a receiving blanket on his chest and shoulder that you have worn against yourself with your baby. Baby will smell your scent and recognize you while he's with his daddy, and that should give him some comfort. He doesn't recognize his dad's scent, voice or face yet.

Babies really do recognize moms by their scent and the sound of their voice - my son started rooting for me while we were still in the hospital while the nurse was holding him. I walked past and spoke, and wow! He started rooting away! Soon Daddy's face and voice will become familiar, while he gets used to him being around. But you may still have trouble with him not wanting to be left alone with him because he's so attached to you.

Give it time. He needs time to get used to his daddy being his daddy. Let your husband do lots of things for and with the baby with you right there with them both, to give baby a more secure feeling. At some point pop out a little while they're quietly having fun, and then popping out a little longer as things get better. And for hubby's sake, gently file baby's fingernails! (Smile!)

All my best to you and your husband!
D.

First of all, this "problem" is quite normal. It's only natural for babies to want mommy only, especially at this young age. So once you and Dad accept that it's normal, neither of you will feel guilty or pressed to "fix" it. Is baby the same way around others or just Dad? I'd bet baby does this with others as well. It's called separation anxiety.
It just takes time. As baby matures, it will get easier. As baby spends more time with people other than mommy, it will get easier. Just keep doing what you're doing. Small amounts of time away. Make sure baby is well fed and seemingly happy when you leave. As Dad spends more time with baby he will also get more familiar with what baby needs/wants to feel soothed. How 'bout trying to let dad "babysit" while you're still home. Pretend you're leaving, but just go to another room, take a bath, read a magazine. That way you and dad won't feel pressured to make it work perfectly and if it doesn't, you're just in the next room and can come "to the rescue". And by the way, there is nothing wrong with that. It's not giving in or letting baby win. Ugh. I hate that parental logic. Teenagers manipulate, babies do not. So baby's favorite person in the whole world right now is you. It's SUPPOSED to be that way. As the mother of a 2 year old who did the same thing, I promise you this is normal and it has a time limit. One day your baby will be daddy's little boy. Trust me on this. Just let baby tell you when he's ready.
Good luck and best wishes!!

My hubby came home when our daughter was 14 months. She was the same way for a while. I would put her on the floor and we would both play with her. She just needs to learn that daddy can fix her needs even if he does it a different way. It will take time and you husband may be upset, but it will change slowly. I just did not leave her with daddy until the stress reduced. It took a couple of months but it worked and I was thrilled. You might try having daddy give him bath time and make it special. That is if his hours work with yours. This really helped with our daughter. My daughter is 4 and he still gives her baths when he is home!

Babies feel stress...he is probably picking up on the stress of his dad. Both of my boys did this with my husband until I told my husband that they were feeding off his stress so once he learned to relax so did they.