Mom of New #2 and a 2 1/2 Yr Old Needing a Sanity Check

S.,
I am validateing that you are NORMAL!! I had the SAME issues between my first 2. I felt like the WORST mother in the world and that it was constantly negative around the house during the day. Many times I would just cry b/c that's all the wmotions would let me do, on top of all the postpartum joys we wonderful women get!! :~) When I was feeding the baby, my daughter would go crazy with asking for things, getting into things, etc. So, I would always pour milk into her sippy and grab a snack and keep it next to me, every time b/c it's inevitable that she was going to ask me for a snack. Then I filled a basket with special toys that she could play with ONLY when I was feeding the baby. That worked A LOT and she thought that I was super mom b/c I would have a snack and milk right when she asked for it.
It's just a phase and it's more stressful on you then them. At least that's how I look back on it now. They learn and you grow. I'm on my 3rd now and it was an EASY transition.
Congrats to you and good luck!
K. :~)

we have a dvr. i record his favorite shows and so when i need to do something i can easily sit him down to watch and if i need to change from elmo to barney or thomas etc it is with one to two clicks on the remote. probably easy to do from the nursing position. The shows my son likes are only on 1 time a day. this way we can watch the same one or later in the day when there are no good cartoons on without the hassel of switching dvd's or remotes. about the other stuff, try to find jobs for him so he is busy and feels needed. he is seeing that he's not the baby and that is scary to him. let him hold the binky or turn on the swing. simple things that can be his and only his job every day.

You are decribing my life 8 months ago. Trust me it gets better and easier. My oldest is 3 and the little one is 8 months. She just started liking her sister this month. They play together now its so cute.
I didnt do the breast feeding so I can't help with that..is there a tv show or a favorite toy you can distract him with while you are trying to feed the baby? Maybe get him to help in some way like getting a diaper to "help" change the baby when you are done feeding?

You are doing a fine job and don't forget you will probably laugh about this with your son when he is older and having his own kids.

AHHHH your scaring me, I am due with #2 in August and my little guy will be 2 1/2 also!! Okay so a lot of my girlfriends are already on #2 so I have heard a lot already. First they say that the first 6 weeks are by far the hardest and then you get in a groove and it works. Second, I am not sure your stance on TV but a short show may help you get through the nursing issue. You can even watch the show with your child and discuss it so you don't feel like it is a "babysitter" if that is your fear. You have to do what you need to do to get by and help your sanity. TV has never killed a kid!!! I also know/have heard that the slight aggression the first born has goes away too. Show your little guy how he can touch the baby and hopefully he will learn in no time what is okay and what isn't. Oh, some friends have also gotten the first born a baby doll so while you burp your little guy can burp "his" baby, when you do a diaper change he can change "his" baby, etc. You could also consider slinging or using a bjorn to hold your newborn while doing various things around the house such a vacuuming, going from room to room, etc. So I wish you so much luck and sanity and these are just ideas that I have heard my friends talk about.

Also you don't need validation to have a bad day or week. You are a mom to a toddler and a newborn....enough said!! :)

My son was 17 months old when our daughter was born and he now has moments where he "wants to hit her" (he is now 2 1/2 so maybe it's the age). I felt terrible about not spending enough time with either of them in the beginning (she had colic, too). I did rely on TV for certain times and tried to watch with him and talk about what was going on. I knew that he would be in one place for a little while. I also got "new" toys, either new from the store or used from garage sales or Once Upon a Child. So each week for the first few weeks he had something new to play with. And actually at a garage sale he picked out a doll and did copy me in taking care of her. It gets easier and harder again and then easier. Just hang in there and do the best you can. Look for moments to praise your oldest to balance out your "no's". You are doing great!

yes, yes and yes ...
I'm 6mos into having 2 that are 21mos apart, both boys. My older one, from the get go, has 'loved' his little brother, BUT, it is as you see, 2year old love. - "baby-baby!" one moment and WHAP!, out the blue, swatting at "baby-baby". My sister in law is in the same boat, only she's on baby #3 - (4yr, 2yr and baby) - the 2 year old has some of the same stuff. - And they DO seem to act out more when you are trying to nurse.
The practicality of it all -
I relied on TV/videos quite a bit initially. - I tried to time it out to specific ones that I thought were OK, or just saved TV time to conincide with breastfeed time. We are now in a new phase, and especially with summmer around the corner are phasing out TV.
I tried to really PLAY with the 2 year old when the baby was sleeping - and in doing so had to really let go of the house. There truly will be days to catch up.
If you are behind on sleep ... TAKE A NAP when the 2year old goes down. Nurse the baby and REST ... that makes you a much better mother than most anything else you would do with that time.
As for protecting the baby from "2 year old love" ... We've kept the stroller in the house, and I would "stroll" the baby to the bathroom with me. Then once he got a bit older, I invested in one of the "bebe pod's" - from 2mos up you can plop them in and it helps the baby sit. Anyway, I carry that around with me and baby goes on the floor or counter for bathroom time. - love it, love it, love it.
It DOES get better, but you're right, right now, it's just hard - and it's all normal. =)
You're doing it!
And doing it well.

When I had my second, I would nurse my daughter on one side and sit my son on the leg on the other side with a book and tell him it was his job to hold her feet. That worked most of the time. He was also in charge of her binky. The need to pay attention to him sometimes is what finally convinced me to let her cry it out, I needed to be able to put her down for naps and be able to just walk away and play with him. Your not alone.