How to Care for Toddler While Baby Nurses

hi E., and congrats! all my kids are around 2 years apart, and all nursed. actually, im nursing right now while my 3 year old is entertaining herself! its harder at 2, i used food a lot, would try to time the feedings around my kids meals or snacks. give her food that takes a while to eat, finger food - a bowl of peas with no spoon, etc.... also, get some new toys/books, craft projects they can do somewhat unsupervised, like color wonder stuff or play doh (if shes not eating it and you dont mind cleaning up after) or aquadoodle. i would do those giant floor puzzles with my son a lot while nursing, he would do it on the floor or coffee table in front of me, and i would help out, pointing. those big melissa and doug puzzles are good for her age. she can put on a puppet show for you, or dress up, or put on some music and let her dance for you if she likes that. it will start to space out more soon, as im sure you know, and she will get more used to it. and dont feel bad, you have given her the great gift of a little brother! even if she doesnt appreciate it so much now, she is just now realizing he is here to stay and its natural for her to be jealous. but as you are able to let her help out with him and also to give her some alone time with you, she will appreciate him more and more. oh... and be sure she has a baby doll of her own with some of the stuff that goes with it so she can take care of her baby too. good luck, D.

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Hi E.,

I don't have two kids, but a number of my friends have had children close in age. They shared your same frustration and angst! Most of them found a way to nurse the baby while s/he was in a wrap or carrier so their hands were free to play with and take care of the older child. They also said they had special "nursing" toys that were only brought out when mommy needed some quiet time to nurse. The toys were put into a basket and kept in a closet away from little hands, and became a treat for the older sibling. I know they also reserved special DVDs (Elmo, Blue's Clues, Calliou) to be used in an emergency.

Congratulations on your new little one!

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Hi E.,
While I didn't have this issue myself - my daughter was 4 when her brother was born, more self-sufficient - plus the convenience of nursing left me with a free hand (two when I got good at it) to draw a picture or play a board game while the baby ate ... for a child that young, I'd suggest a basket of special toys and surprises that are ONLY for nursing time to keep her occupied. This is also a good time for a 2 year old to start to learn to entertain herself so I'd limit the t.v.
Good luck!

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Two thoughts: make nursing time "family snuggle time" - nurse lying down and you can all cuddle up together, maybe with a story. AND/OR, get a sling, and nurse your infant in the sling - this you can do while walking, or doing anything really, and that way you can be up and mobile with your daughter at the same time.

I read to my older one while nursing a lot. He loved to pick out special long books (like the ones we never finished before bedtime!) I rotated the toys so he had ones to play with that were forgotten about. Mine are about 3 years apart so the older was more understanding of the time but I also found that once the baby is done nursing and goes to sleep its "me and you time". Works great now to keep him quiet while I get the baby down for naps! Do you have help or family that can take your older one out for big girl dates? After 6 weeks my little one got very efficient at nursing and it was much easier. Hang in there!

Hi E., I have a 19 month old and 3 month old, I think the honeymoon is over here too! I use a couple techniques to keep my older son busy while caring for my baby girl. Sometimes I give him a special snack and that gets him into a good mood. Hot chocolate, or fruit snacks. I try not to do this regularly b.c it's not healthy and it loses appeal. I try to rotate toys so he can play with a couple for a few days and once he becomes bored I get out some of the ones he's forgotten about. I don't know if you have a pet, but I got my son to play with the dog finally and that will keep him busy for a while. He never watches tv b/c we don't have cable, just crappy antenna, so I've got to try hard to keep him busy. It's absolutely unbearable when he gets bored! Whining and clingy, then, like you I start with the negative thoughts. I just want to enjoy this time b/c I know it goes by so fast, but sometimes it's a little tough!

I just read a couple responses and wanted to add that I am taking zoloft for ppd. If you think you have it then definetly get something, don't put up with it. If you had it before I'm sure you'll know what to do. I stopped b f my daughter after 10 weeks b/c I did not want her exposed to it. Stopping the b f helped me to get well b/c it allowed me to have help. I can let grandma watch my daughter while I play with my son. Plus I get a little me time (sometimes)

my boys are 15 months apart. what i did was spend extra time with my "older" one while the baby napped and tried to explain to his young self that sometimes mommy plays with joey and sometimes mommy nurses James. Yes Blues clues or Sesame street can be annoying but affective as distractions for nursing times. or perhaps a special toy that is ONLY allowed during nursing Play-doh is ALWAYS a hit around here. Stick with it your "older" baby will eventually get it.

My sister and I are 16 months apart. Although I can't give you advice as a mom (I only have one who is 3 mos.), I can tell you what my mom did with me when I was little. When she nursed my sister, she had a tea party with me or she would tell me to feed my dolls so both "babies" could eat together. She said it made things easier and including me when she had to attend to my sister.

Good luck!

I have a 25 month old daughter and 7 month old son. When my son was first born I was very worried about the same thing. One of the things I found worked best for me was while I was nursing my son I would cover him up with a sheet or lightweight blanket so she couldn't see. Then I would have her sit next to me so we could play or read a book together. Hopefully you find something that works for you!

Hi! E., this is just a suggetion. While your nursing your son,read a book with your daughter. My son was very inpatient,i did not nurse(only because i had no milk)i read to him,or other things i could do with 1 hand. I hope it works for you.best of luck!!!

i went through this and it was tough. everyone said to set my older one up with an activity -- but she really just wanted me! when it knew it was going to be a problem, i usually gave her "fun" tasks. gave her a wet towel and told her to "clean" the front of the dishwasher, oven, etc. that was a blast to a 2yo! let her make a noodle necklace. give her doll a bath in the bathroom sink, etc. etc. good luck -- this too shall pass :)

Will reading to her work?

There is nothing wrong with blues clues or one of the other toddler shows. They annoy adults, but are good for kids. The basic show repeats, so the child can follow along and yet they make the child think about outcomes. "what will happen next" etc. The fact of life is your daughter would have become oppositional all on her own even if you didnt have another baby. Its her age!! Plan a special tv show for her ONLY when you are nursing and when you are getting ready to nurse, when your son starts to fuss, ask her to get you a few things..her dvd, a pillow for you, a diaper for the baby, etc. Make her feel important.

My three kids are 21 and 22 months apart, so I know where yuo're coming from. In my house, nursing time was mommy time with the older one, too. I would nurse on the couch, and my daughter could choose books to read, coloring books (I had a little crayola easel so I could help to color 1 handed!), a special snack (non-messy - this was a real treat because ordinarily we are not allowed to eat on the couch), and small games or toys. My girls really loved their 'Woodkins' - and they're easy to play with 1-handed, Leap-Frog games for toddlers, baby dolls (they copied my behavior), Peg puzzles, etc. Other than holding the baby to nurse, my full attention was on the older child. Big sis also got to help me burp. Hope these suggestions help!

Just echoing alot of what has been said- mine are 23 months apart. We read a lot of stories when I was nursing and in the evnings when I was too tired and the marathon nursing occured we watched Wiggles and veggie tales. At tims I was concerned about the tv, but it is a phase and it helped us stay sane through it.

Not sure if this would work for you, but I found that giving my daughter (who was only 1 when my son was born) a baby doll with a bottle so that she could "feed" her baby worked for a while and when she got sick of that, she wasn't concerned about it anymore. But my son was bottle fed, so it seemed like she was doing what I was doing so not sure if it would work while nursing.

Good luck!

Hello, my children are 2 years apart as well and I had the same issues. While most of the time my son was fed in the nursery in the comfy rocking chair, my daughter was nursed in the playroom and while she was in a sling or the Baby Bjorn (actually she spent the bulk of her first 6 months in the Bjorn). Deb K had great suggestions, if you don't have an Aquadoodle I recommend you get one. Hang in there you'll be on the next phase quickly!

MOST importantly, Talk to your doctor about the PPD. If you had it following your first pregnancy you are 75% more likely to suffer with it again, as opposed to a woman who has never had the problem. While all the suggestions here are good ones, there is nothing better you can do for your older daughter than treat the depression. You simply CANNOT "pull yourself up" ... It's a serious illness and needs to be taken seriously. Just adjusting to your 2nd child is difficult enough, add coping with PPD and you're setting up a disaster. I lived through that because I wasn't diagnosed properly,,, and my family suffered. There's worse things than giving your baby a bottle because you have to take medication... Your husband and children will be healthier and happier for it (yes even your little bottle-fed one).

As a young mother with 2 boys 4years old and going on 2 yrs old in the beginning I was having the same problem but soon realized that if i let my oldest son help with feeding (if you also use a bottle, your daughter can hold the bottle for the baby),changing time (I allowed my son to wipe,place the pamper under his baby brothers behind and spry the baby powder onto him).Also during quiet time I let him make up stories or pertend to read stories to the baby including sining nursery rhymes and by doing that till this day they still sing and perform the nursery rhymes together and read stories together even if they make no sense.

My son was 20 months old when his sister was born and he was super-clingy. We read a lot of stories while I was nursing, that way he could still be snuggled in the chair beside me and I didn't feel guilty about ignoring him. He gradually grew out of it and when baby #3 came two years later the first two played together so we didn't have the same trouble again. The transition from one to two is a big one!! It will get better, and they'll be great buddies...just hang in there!