Years ago I put a $1,000 in both my grandaughters name for college. I had my daughters name on it also. The money came up missing, so I asked my daughter if she took the money or borrowed it. After zero responds, I told her that I was going to put a trace on the money. My daughter got extreemly upset with me & told me that she wasn't going to speak to me again. I had also told her that if she needed the money I understood. I feel that she has problems at home & is taking them out on me. Why would she get angry & tell me that she is going to call the police on me? The money showed up again, she called my son & told him that it is in the bank. Can't figure this out.
Thank You all, I don't have on blinders. I was in the military 25yrs & knew that she took it. I am a Christian & know forgivenness is the first step to keeping relationships open. I plan on checking, but I have to have my grandaughter with me. Confronting her showed her that I am not a push over. you are right about the short fuse. I heard this from thousands of Veterans. I was in aVA Hospital for a long time to get my knees replaced & my heart worked on. I also don't just care about money, I was raised in a Orphanage & wanted a better life for my children & grandchildren. My hats off to the Veterans children that go up in life. My first daughter, dad & brother died from heart attacks. I put my daughters name on the account because i really didn't think that I was going to make it.
It seems to me that when people get over-the-top upset, it's because they are feeling guilty about something.
It depends on how the account is held who has access to it. With her name being on the accounts, she could probably access them and make withdrawals from them.
Did you call the bank to confirm that the funds are there? It sounds like to me she may have "borrowed" the money and then replaced it.
She used it and now she says she's going to replace it (or has).
Have you considered opening 529 plans for your grandchildren?
You can do it with their name and your name on the account, I'm pretty sure.
I admire you for placing money in accounts for your grandchildren. Now you know, you need to place those funds in an account which is protected from someone else gaining access to them.
Get a 529, savings bonds that you keep on file, other savings accounts where you are the custodian on the account.
I'm sorry your daughter did this... Shame on her.. Hopefully she realizes that you caught on and will be keeping your eyes wide open from now own regarding any funds for grandchildren
Yes, she took the money and became angry because you caught her. She was so defensive and guilty that she didn't hear you say you would understand if she needed the money. However, since she quickly replaced it I'd think she didn't take it because she needed it.
Let her cool down, maybe for weeks, before you try to talk with her. My daughter has been so angry with me she wouldn't talk with me and the longest that lasted was a month.
Don't try to figure it out. She is like she is. It's possible that her life is so stressful she has a short fuse. You can't do anything about how she handles stress or even the cause of the stress so just let her work it out for herself.
Painful, I know. But she'll come around in time. I wouldn't bring it up again. She knows she did it and she knows you know. No reason to rehash past issues. Trying to do so will only prolong her anger.
She obviously took the money and didn't want you to know about it. Instead of doing the mature thing and telling you why she took the money, she's acting like a little child who's been caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
Can't you just check the bank records and see on what dates the money was withdrawn and then deposited? That seems the easiest way to figure out what happened.
Now that you are back on your feet so to speak, from your medical issues, I would set up the money differently and not have your daugher on any accounts. Have a trust made up or something so that she is not in control of anything. How about your son? Could he be an administrator for your estate?
I had my daughter on an account and she did something similar and I immediately changed the account so that she could not have access to any or my monies as she made the account go into the red and never told me until I went to the back to check on something. Needless to say, she has her accounts and I have mine and she has no access. She is learning how to manage her money by herself without checking acocunts.
It hurts becaue you wanted better for your family and this is what the family has done to you. Enough said.
Have a good day and a wonderful year.
The other S.
Guilt? Trying to throw attention off herself?
Do you receive statements on the money or can you request one? That would tell you what happened, not necessarily WHO took the money and returned it.
You know how defensive guilty people can be when confronted. I would just let it go and be careful about putting anything else with her name on it in the future.
She used it. She feels guilty. Enough said.
Interesting first question.
