Miscarriage - Charleston,SC

Hi A.,

We also named the babies that I miscarried. They were twins. I believe that life begins at conception and they needed to be identified as real for everyone. I knew they were real, but people that have not experienced this type of loss don't quite understand.

We had a service for them as well. It was just our pastor and the family but we mourned their loss just as if they have been delivered and died. It not only helped me but really helped my daughters deal with this. They were ages seven and four at the time. This also gave them some comfort in talking openly about their siblings who they lost.

Kimberly is right. Your body is still reacting to the loss so you emotions will follow. Stay on your prenatal vitamins and get some exercise. It won't hurt and it will speed the physical recovery too.

God bless you!

M.

A.,

I am so sorry for your loss. There is no greater pain than losing a child. After my miscarriage, I felt empty as well. To be honest, the only thing that gave me comfort was my relationship with the Lord. My husband and I prayed together, cried together, mourned together, etc. First lean on God, but also remember to lean on your husband. It is really important to keep your bond with your husband strong as well. He will process things differently, but it doesn't mean he isn't hurting.

I also agree with some of the earlier posts about giving your child a name. We named our baby and have reminders of that name throughout the house. We also planted a special Japanese Maple in the front of our home to remember our baby.

It is important to mourn. Over time, you will heal...but you will never forget. It is good to surround yourself with people who will just listen to you and not offer unwanted advice. Right now the best thing a friend can do is sit with you, listen to you, and mourn with you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

A.,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I did not have a miscarriage, but I delivered my twins just before 6 months and they did not survive. I would never have been able to heal from that experience if it weren't for God Himself who carried me through. Constant prayer and lots of time spent reading the Bible gave me so much comfort. As a Christ-follower, I know that I WILL see my Angels again. It's hard to imagine, but God will use EVERYTHING for His good....if we let Him. My experience has brought me so much closer to the Lord and put me on new path in life that I pray will glorify His name.

And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. {Romans 8:28}

Of course, over time, you'll be better able to cope. The wound will heal, but there will always be a scar. Choose to let this experience make you better - fully appreciate life and your relationships, and use it to help others that are going through the same or similar tragedies.

I found that journaling was also so key in my healing. I wrote to my babies almost daily at the time and now only on occasion. It was almost like therapy.

I pray you and your family find comfort during this time of suffering ~ God Bless!

I share my experience on this site if you're interested:
http://joichronicles.yolasite.com/joi-in-the-world/journe...

~J. (Joi)

im so sorry for your loss..i had my miscarrage right after mother's day and would have had my angel 10 days ago. you have gotten some good words of advice. take what you can and see what works for you. i prayed..im not a religious person, more like spritual. but that helped alot. if you feel like having a good cry..go for it. it helps with the mourning and loss process..i think what really helped me was getting back into my routine. work, take care of house, kids, husband..etc..etc..i will say that the emptiness really never goes away, but it does get a bit easier with each passing day..
but, if you are still having some sort of complications, please go see a doctor right away, who cares about the insurance and everything else..you can deal with that later. youre health and well being are too important.

i hope this gives you some comfort and knowning that you aren't alone.
((hugs))

I dont have any advice to give, I wanted to say I am sorry for you loss.

I can tell you it does get better. I am not sure of your situation, but for me I had to focus on not dwelling in the pain and sorrow. I know by my past that if I let myself, I can drop down into what feels like a huge black hole that seems inescapable. I have taught myself to stop obsessing on negative things. Yes, I do get sad and mourn, but I change my train of thoughts when it gets self destructive. I try to think about more positive things. I have had 2 miscarriages and the last was by far the worst. I recently met someone who has had 4 miscarriages and is 28 weeks pregnant. I asked her how she stays calm and centered and she says it is very hard for her, but she feels blessed to be able to try. I guess we all have to found our own way out of the pain and emptiness. I don't know if this is helping you any, but I hope it is (especially as someone who has and is suffering).
My thoughts are with you,
J.

Prayer is the best antidote. Don't discount your feelings. Give yourself time to heal. Find time to connect with your spouse. I have been there and your feelings are very real and validated.
I am so sorry for your loss. There is a soul in heaven waiting for you.
God Bless,

K.

Well, for one thing, don't fight the empty feeling. Just feel it. However you feel is how you should be feeling, so don't judge yourself for feeling empty, sad, despondent, low energy, etc. Try to spend time with someone who will just be with you and listen. No one can "fix" this, though people who care deeply about you will sometimes try -- by giving advice and by cheerleading and by distracting you. That said, some distraction is generally a good idea, because you can't process your loss all at once. You need to take breaks from "just being" with your feelings, so do whatever feels good whenever you start to get sick and tired of your own sadness: Watch a movie (something funny or an action/adventure flick -- not something on Lifetime), get a little exercise (as your doctor advises), do something creative outside of your own little bubble . . . just take a break from yourself. Then return to yourself. People will tell you that this, too, shall pass. This is true. It will pass. As you see fit, focus on moving forward. But do so at your own pace -- not as others tell you you "should" do. Finally, two other things: Stay hydrated (which means lots of water and very little caffeine or alcohol) and see a therapist or spiritual advisor if you need the support. Good things will happen for you, in spite of how you are feeling right now. Don't give up.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have had 2 miscarriages, and the best advice I can give is to let yourself grieve. It is completely normal and natural - you just lost a precious child you had hopes and dreams for. Don't let anyone tell you to snap out of it - you have to make peace with this on your terms and time. Try talking with other women who have experienced the same - that helped me tremendously to know I was not alone in that experience. So many women find this something to be ashamed of or want to hide, but feeling like that only compounds your grief instead of healing it. You most likely will never fully get over this, I haven't with mine, but I trust that God had a plan and he gave me what I could handle. It does get easier with time, and you will feel better once you've had a chance to process all of your emotions - sadness to anger. Experience them all and you will be ok. My heart goes out to you. P.

I'm hesitating to write because the only answer I know is TIME. If you're like me, that's the last thing you want to hear. But I had to write because I was asking myself the same question one year ago. I felt so empty, so robbed, so devastated. The grief was physically painful and exhausting. I felt weighed down by lethargy and could not muster up the energy to do anything through my day. I felt like I would never be happy again; and then, when the day came that I did feel a little better, I felt guilty and sad about that, like I was losing the baby again. On top of all this, I felt guilty for feeling so much grief when I had already been blessed with other healthy children, like I "should be over it" already, guilty for having no clue and not being there for them when friends had gone through this before, amazed that I am surrounded by women walking around with this kind of pain in their past and we never talk about it, and all kinds of other "shoulds" just because our society doesn't talk about this topic.

What helped me the most was having a number of friends who understood and "gave me permission" to feel whatever I felt, and to talk about it if I wanted. I also am a bookworm who processes things by gathering information, so I read a few good books about what other women have felt. Miscarriage comes in so many sizes and shapes, so to speak, and it affects us in so many different ways. Accepting that I was going to feel what I was going to feel and that was okay was the biggest struggle I had, but also the most helpful thing in making peace with it.

The hardest part for me was discovering that my recovery was not linear. When I finally started to feel better, I felt I was entitled to feel at least that good the next day and the next and the next. Instead, just when I thought things were back to normal and I was "over it," I would find myself completely and unexpectedly run over by grief again. This happened so many times in the first year, and I got so angry every time because I did NOT want to feel this again! But the anger only made it worse. All I can say is that the bad days start to spread out more and more, and they knock me down less when they do come. I'm still nervous about attending baby showers and seeing new babies, and I'm still embarrassed sometimes when the tears pop up at inconvenient moments. But I've accepted that this sorrow is part of who I am now and it's receded to something I can live with. Sorry this is so long, but I found I was writing more for myself than for you once I got started. I hope something can be a little helpful for you. I am feeling for and praying with you and wish I could give you a big hug. If you want to talk more, feel free to email me directly at ____@____.com.

A.,
I've been there too and you're doing exactly what you need to heal from this loss - take care of yourself, allow yourself time to mourn and reach out to others who've been through it too.
Best wishes to you!
K.

I had two miscarriages before my last two children. It is hard to deal with at times. I would have to say the best advice I received was from a lady who asked if I had given a name to my miscarried babies, which was an odd question I thought at the time, but now makes a great deal of sense. If you give a name to the baby that you lost it give you person to pray for, talk to, ect. Just a simple thing that made me feel some comfort.