E.W. asks from Saint George, UT on February 15, 2009
Still Not Myself After Miscarriage
I had a miscarriage about 6 weeks ago and I am still not feeling like myself. I frequently feel overwhelmed and start crying for no good reason. I feel unusually short tempered and impatient. I have two young boys and before the miscarriage I felt like i had everything under control, like we had a good rythym going and i just can't seem to get it back. I am wondering if anyone else has felt like this, and how long after a miscarriage it took you to feel normal again. please help me. I could really use some reassurance.
1 mom found this helpful
J.P. answers from Denver on February 16, 2009
After my miscarriage I took Vitex--also known as chaste tree berry herb--to balance my hormones. Took a little while, but it worked. Took about 3 months to feel totally normal...and if it helps, I conceived again the first time we tried and am now holding a healthy one year old.
Good luck in feeling better! This too shall pass.
R.K. answers from Salt Lake City on February 16, 2009
Honey, be patient with yourself. Mourning and grief take their own time.
Give yourself the gift of minimum standards until you feel in the groove of things again. For example: you may decide that everyday, no matter what, you'll have a made bed, empty sink (which doesn't even mean the dishes are done, but that you have full unobstructed access to your sink), the floors swept and/or vacuumed (maybe in just one or a few stratigic rooms), and some sort of extra easy dinner for the day. As a Mom; tell yourself at least one story for the children a day that you read. Set your minimum standard and strive for those few things allowing yourself to feel like you accomplished the day...if you do more then that is BONUS!
We like to jump back into our old lives, but we can't. Everything is a new normal.
I suggest getting the book, "Gone Too Soon".
Here's a link to Amazon:
If you scroll down a bit you'll see that it's frequently purchased with 2 other good books, "We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead" and "Mommy Please Don't Cry: There Are No Tears In Heaven"
Now some people may say silly things to try to make you feel better or put you back on the path of "normal" so they don't have to face the pain you may be feeling, but that doesn't change the fact that you need to nurture yourself...you need to be gentle with yourself...and you need to allow the normal course of greif to flow. Let yourself cry, let yourself be angry, let yourself be disappointed; Choose a time in the day when you can lock yourself in your room or bathroom or be with a friend where you can let it all go and then make room for your happy feelings about everything else bubble up.
Get a notebook that you can write, draw, scribble, doodle, and color in. When you're feeling overwhelmed, or UNDERwhelmed, stifled, empty, angry, sad, confused...basically any time...open it up and release yourself to that paper. Words and functional or proper sentences are NOT important...the release is. Your notebook is always available to you no matter what time it is, has no feelings that you should be over anything or that you should be holding onto anything. Just take a few minutes and RELEASE. Crumple the paper, write random words, stab the paper, scribble random colors, draw stick figures, write letters, create poems and songs, draw beautiful scenes, draw dark and angry things, swear, pray, encourage, plan, be grateful, list things to be thankful for, list things you're good at, record quotes you like,...just RELEASE onto the paper. Keep it as a reference for when times are better and/or someone you love is going through the same journey--you can share it if you like for honest and credible empathetic advice.
Remember your husband, too, is likely sad. He, too, probably feels uncertain but is trying to be strong and pretend everything is normal. Men do that. They fake strong and unchanged as a protection for themselves as part of their way of protecting you. Unfortunetly, they sometimes use anger and short tempers as a disguise for their sadness because "men aren't supposed to cry". Some men are more open and sensitive while the woman tries to be stoic. I mention this, because in grieving together it's very easy to allow the other person's style to offend the heart. Make it a priority to allow affection and connection with your man. This is important for your unity; scientifically, for your body to produce oxytocin and endorphins which raise your positive feelings. Dark chocolate will help, too. :)
It's very important you get proper nutrition, sleep, and hydration. Sometimes we don't want to eat and feel like we can't sleep during times like this, but you must be extra careful about tending to your body. I would suggest getting a superior suppliment (of course, I suggest SHAKLEE)and protein drinks to assist in this, especially since we tend to lack the desire to eat well--or at least, cook well.
It is impossible to be unchanged by this. The "myself" you may be looking for could be gone forever...the New You, may be better...allow that to be true and you'll find peace.
1 mom found this helpful
K.D. answers from Denver on February 16, 2009
I'm so sorry! Six weeks after a miscarriage is still like 6 weeks after a baby. You're just now "recovered". However, you have no baby to show for all the hormones, plus you have grief because of that. Six weeks is always a really hard time for me. About 4-6 weeks after the due date is always hard, too, as you start noticing all these sweet little babies and you don't have one of your own. Having children of your own already does not really help, but people will tell you it does. There are two books that have really helped me. One is "Empty Arms". I think the author is Pam Vandrevelt. The other is harder to get a hold of, but you can read it in about an hour. "Known Only to God" by Martha Cummins Love. It will get easier as time goes by, just like any loss. Right now you're still dealing with hormones on top of everything else. You and your family will be our prayers. I hope the next pregnancy comes soon and is smooth.
S.W. answers from Salt Lake City on February 16, 2009
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I do think what you are going through is normal. I miscarried twice between my first and second babies about 3 years ago and I still cry over those babies I lost. It took a few months before I really felt like I had things under control again. Time has made things easier, but yours happened only 6 weeks ago. I think you need to give yourself more time to grieve. You could talk to your doctor as well and he may be able to help to get you feeling back to normal. You lost a baby though and it does take time to get things back to normal. Don't be too hard on yourself. Again, I am so sorry.
D.K. answers from Denver on February 16, 2009
I am so sorry for your loss E.. I have never experienced the pain you are in, however I do know that with grief you cannot put a timeline on it.
You are entitled to feel the ups and downs right now. Not to mention your body is readjusting not just your emotions.
Go talk to someone, even find a support group so you can be around those going through the same pain and you are normal!
Nobody can tell you to get over it or when to be right again, that takes time. I always heard you have to feel in order to heal, that is true and you need to allow yourself to feel and get through it. Find support wherever you can, church, groups, family, friends, see your Dr if you think you are sinking into depression. Your hormones are out of sync too. Just do good things for yourself so you can be the mommy you want back, but give yourself time to heal.
HUGS and God Bless you!
G.L. answers from Denver on February 16, 2009
i am so sorry for your loss. Do not be so hard on yourself. The way you are feeling is NORMAL. You lost a child, you will grieve. Your hormones haven't regulated and you have had a loss. Cry when you need to, if your boys ask why you are crying tell them, look to your husband for support.
After the loss of our son I could not look at babies, on commercials, the store, family friends babies it was to much. After our miscarriage it was the same thing. I just took things slow, and did not expect to heal over night. You are a wonderful mom! Take it one step at a time. Something that might "take the edge off" naturally & help regulate your hormones is what I affectionatly call "happy cream". If you would like more info please feel free to message me. If you just need to talk, vent or cry I am here. Please let me know if I can do anything for you. G.
R.M. answers from Denver on February 15, 2009
Sorry to hear about your misfourtune. I have never been in your shoes thank god but my advice is to take a vitamin b compex . This will help you to with you temper moodinedss and energy level.
J.B. answers from Salt Lake City on February 17, 2009
I had a miscarriage one year ago January at eight weeks (DNC). My husband and I fought about it because we were both hurting and kind of blamed each other. For several months after , when I would see a pregnant woman, I would get mad and jealous at her. What made her better than me? Did I do something wrong? It got to the point that my husband knew I had thought about or seen a pregnant woman because I would be in a horrible mood. I cried all the time and I really mourned for my baby. (It didn't help that I have seasonal affect disorder!) By the time spring came around I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I focused on our new puppy. That's why I got a dog, I desperately needed something new and little to take care of. It helped me tremendously, but that might not work for you. I had a friend, who when she miscarried, she planted a flower in her garden that was different than all the others so she could have something to take care of that would be a healthy reminder of her baby. I'm sure dealing with a miscarriage is different for everyone, but I would imagine it will take a few months to feel like yourself again. Take your time to mourn for your baby but I'm sure you'll get back into the swing of things in a few months. I know wht you're going throgh is difficult, but hang in there and try to enjoy your other boys more than you normally would. My thoughts are with you!
C.P. answers from Provo on February 16, 2009
I have never had a miscarriage, but I know that having children takes a huge toll on our bodies. I feel that you should definately get your hormones checked. It is definately a misconception that only older women need to get their hormones checked. I got mine checked about a year ago and was really surprised. I just recently took my 18 year old daughter to get hers checked and she had to go on thyroid pills and progesterone. I know a great doctor that specialized in bio-identical hormones (the ones that resemble our own that our body makes.) If you are interested just tell me and I can give you the name and number for him. I do know that if I had never gotten my hormones under control that my stress would be unbearable.