Meeting Grandpa & Grandpa's Girlfriend

How about letting your daughter decide what to call her? In our family, the kids (usually the oldest in the generation) botches the name as best they can and it sticks. My mom couldn't pronounce Nelda so my greatgrandmother became Nene. My grandmother was named Ole. I couldn't say Grandma Ole, it came out Grole. By the time I can remember, everyone in town called her Grole (okay, it doesn't have to spread that far). My grandfather always greeted everyone with the salutation "Ahoy!". My son thought his name was Ahoy and pretty soon everyone in the family was calling him Ahoy. Your daughter doesn't care what this woman will be called, language aquisition is simply exciting. If you don't call the woman Grandmother, the child will not call her Grandmother.

I totally agree with you! When we had our daughter, my FIL wanted his g/f to be "grandma" or something like it. I REFUSED. I told him people come and go, and what happens if suddenly, "grandma" is gone. I didnt want my daughter to worry about that happening to her "real" grandmas also. Before my daughters 2nd birthday, the FIL's girlfriend was out of the picture and I was very happy I stuck to my gut. It saved us from having to explain that her other grandmas wouldnt just vanish one day too.

When my sister was a single mom, she too had several bf's in and out of her life. Although my sister told them it was ok to call them uncle such and such, I talked with her and told her that when she actually MARRIED a man, they would then be able to call him Uncle such and such. Well, when she did finally meet the right one (we hope), we talked to the kids about it. They were all involved in the actual ceremony and afterwards, we introduced him as Uncle ... My kids thought this was pretty cool. For us, it was closure on an ongoing issue and a great life experience to share with our kids. When there was this commitment of marriage, the role AND name changed and he went from Mister.. to Uncle.. Just my two bits, but stick to your guns whatever you chose to do.

There is no reason for her to use that name. You are right, she isn't grama and could be gone in a few months. If not, calling her Miss..... is a perfect idea and when the time comes, you will address her as such to your child. If she says that she wants to be called grandma, say, well someday if you two get married, that would be a great idea.

My dad's wife is 17 years younger than him, which makes her 11 years older than me. She's been in our lives for a really long time, so the scenario isn't quite the same... however, when my son was born I questioned what she would be called... she's a little young to be Grandma in the sense that his other grandma's are. Thankfully, at 2 and a half, my son has taken matter into his own hands... he knows grandpa is grandpa and Julie is Julie... because I call her Julie, so does he. On the flip side, because I thought about this extensively, maybe there is another fond nickname he can call her? It's too soon to worry about it too much and I think by the time she starts talking, you'll feel better about the course that it will naturally take... a lot of it will depend on the relationship she creates with your daughter. I think regardless of blood, I want people in my sons life that love my son. So if she truly takes on the roll of Grandma, let her... get a feel for the committment they have for eachother and the committment she has towards your daughter... You have precious little time with your 7 week old daughter, because next week she'll be 8 weeks and it will be different...
I hope I've helped a little bit, best of luck!

The girlfriend is not related by blood or marriage. She is not entitled to the title "grandma."

Plus, it's going to be quite a while before your daughter is even able to talk so this won't even be an issue for quite a while.

Support your husband and stand firm.

Hello H.,

I have been in the same situation as you, and I found it to be very frustrating! My mother, bless her heart, could never seem to settle on one man, so she has always had men filtering in and out of her life. As a result, my children have no steady grandfather(my father has not been in the picture for years). However, she insists on my kids calling her current boyfriend Papa, and this infuriates my hubby and I! I finally got sick of this and I let her have it! I told her as soon as she settles down long enough to get married, then my kids can call that particular man Papa, or Grandpa, or whatever they want. Since this, my mother has not brought up this subject. You will probably find that letting your father know how this makes you feel is probably the best way to combat the issue, as I'm sure he just wants to share in the joy of grandbabies, and he probably means no harm. Good luck!

K.

I agree with you H.. Even if they were married it is still not an obligation for your baby to grow up calling her grandma. You and your husbands moms have that blessing. As a grandparent 7 times over..I think that title is one of honor and is earned. You and your husband have the right to decide what baby should call this woman later. Who knows? Your dad and her may not even last...does he expect baby to call every woman he sees as grandma? Theres nothing wrong with baby to call her by her name just as you've suggested already.She can be shown the respect but until its right in all of your hearts...the title grandma should be treated with honor...not lightly given so as to confuse baby later. Good luck and stand firm. Dad may not like it but he should be mature enough to understand just how you and your husband feel about this.

I think you are completely right to not have your children call her Grandma. If it is your true belief that they should not then tell your father and his girlfriend that. When you stand up for what you believe in your child(ren) will grow up seeing you setting a strong example and so will your father and I think it will be good for everyone. Even if your father doesn't like it, it is your child and your choice!