Looking for Some Input!

You poor dear! If it were me, I wouldn't chance it this time. Perhaps there will be another ultrasound. You have enough stress going into this procedure without having the kids there. You can celebrate with them later - maybe a little party? I bet everything is OK. God bless you and your family, M.!

Hello, M.! Your family seems like a close one..your communications with each other are pretty open? We don't always know what's going to happen from day to day. But God does. I would explain to your youngsters that maybe God needed their sibling in Heaven for a purpose only He knows about. We cannot be selfish here on Earth, no matter how devastating things may get. As far as taking your little boys again to your ultrasound..if they seem overly emotional about it, then maybe not take them. However, they will know eventually the outcome of your visit. Explain that going to the doc's isn't always a "bad" thing. Even though things don't turn out the way we expect them to, it's still a "good" thing to go to the doc's just we know what's going on. It's important for kids to know that the world is not a "bed of roses" all the time, but there is timing involved with small kids. Just be open and honest, let your boys speak their feelings, and they will grow up just fine! And who knows? Maybe God will feel that this is the time they have another sibling!-L. (Michigan) God bless!

You're right, that could be tricky! Do they do a video/pictures of the ultrasound that you can show them when you get home? Don't tell them you're going for an ultrasound, and then if (heaven forbid) something's wrong you can tell them that in your own way without having them sitting on pins and needles to find out. And if its great they can see the pictures/video when you get home and have a fun time with it. That might be the best of both worlds. Best wishes and God bless!

I know my dr. did two ultrasounds before I was even 12 weeks with my second child...I had miscarried before. Maybe talk to your dr. to see if this is possible. I think if your kids know you are pregnant now, then you should take them to the ultrasound. If anything it will give you the chance to talk about life again. Good luck!

Hi M.-
Just to add to Nicole R's comments...Could your husband video tape the appointment? This would eliminate your concern of having them there. God bless.

Since your boys are anxious already and I'm assuming they know you are pregnant I would take them. You mentioned heaven, so I'm assuming again that you believe in God, and this would reaffirm that He(God) is gracious and loving and will take care of you and your family. Maybe it will make your faith even stronger to share this with your boys.
Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you.

maybe get an at home heart bet thing where you can hear the baby at home i think they are about $20 or so good luck

I would ask for a nurse appointment earlier in the day to get the fetal heart rate. Then you will be reassured that the baby is alive and your boys can be there to be the first to see their new baby sister or brother. That will also help to reassure them that the baby is okay, since they will get to see the baby in person.

Hi M.,

So sorry for your loss. I just wanted to let you know my best friend lost her daughter at 37 1/2 weeks. She has a fundraiser every year in her honor, at a bowling alley in Taylor, proceeds go to pregancy and infant loss awareness. It is held in March. This is the 4th year. She started her own Non-profit this year with the proceeds. It's a huge event, reps from Wyandotte Hosp attend every year. She is starting support meetings after this years fundraiser, to be held monthly for anyone that has suffered a loss, at any stage. Let me know if you are interested in any further information, just send me a message. Wishing you the best with your decision and with your new blessing.

Merry Christmas!
J.

First, I am so sorry for your loss last summer. I think I would leave the kids with a sitter for the first ultrasound this time- not becasue I think there will be a problem. I just think they might be too stressed out about it, and that, of couse, will make you stress out. Don't even tell them you are going. Just share the good news/ultrasound pics with them when you get back.

First of all, I'm sorry to hear you had to go through all of that. :( I pray that does not happen again for you, and understand that you would be anxious about the upcoming ultrasound.

Obviously, this is a decision you'll have to make for yourself, but from my point-of-view I could see that your boys are anxious to know how baby is doing also. Either way you're going to have to tell them. Have you asked the dr office what they might suggest? Do the boys understand what day the appt is? Maybe you could take them to the appt, but not tell them it's the ultrasound. They could wait in waiting room with grandma (or somebody that could help) until you know everything is o.k. then Dad could go out and get them to come into the ultrasound room???

More than likely you will have more than just this one ultrasound. So I would opt to keep the boys home and get a picture or something to show them. Keep praying and keep this as a reminder of what miracles healthy children really are. I also would remind the boys of what God has provided in medical technology so that even though the baby died, Mom is healthy and fine. Look for the silver lining. You have every right to be anxious but leave it with God and you'll know it will be alright.

M., I have no idea how to respond except I am so sorry for your loss. How devasted you must be... Good luck with everything. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Have you had any other ultrasounds? Have you heard the heartbeat? Do you have any reason to believe you've miscarried again?

My DD was at my 8 week ultrasound last fall when I found out miscarried triplets (after seeing a heartbeat the week before). I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant. We let our DD come to the 13 week ultrasound (after one at 6/7 weeks and one at 10 weeks). She'll also go to the gender ultrasound at 19 weeks.

DD was 2.5 last fall when I miscarried. And honestly I'm a bit happy she was there (DH was too). She sat next to me on the exam table as I sobbed and rubbed my back and hugged me! She was an unbelievable ray of sunshine! Everytime I got sad she would tell me I would have a baby in my belly soon!

If you've got no reason to believe things have gone bad, I say bring them.

I am so sorry for your loss!!
Stay positive this won't happen again. This happened once to my sister-in-law and she had another perfect pregnancy later. :) You need to protect their little hearts from this, just in case. I wouldn't take them to the ultrasound. Everything will probably be fine, but if it's not you and hubby can have a plan as to how to tell them without them being there for the initial shock of bad news. Pray and keep the faith!!

Maybe your dr can make a video of the ultrasound. Some dr's do that, and your family will have a wonderful keepsake as well as being spared the trauma if something were wrong. There are also 3-d photos you can get. Sorry about your miscarriage, I had 3 before finally having a sucessful pregnancy and now have a beautiful 2 &1/2 yr old daughter.

Good luck!

M.; first of all , im very sorry for your tradegy, that must of been just alful!! i would not tell them you are going to have a baby till you know for sure and everythign is ok, im sure you allready did by now though i understand, i would not take them to ultra sound, nor would i tell them about it, i would take them at a later ultra sound, when it is more formed, and show them its happy and healthy, i might also tell them , you were in mommys tummy and you turned out well, sometimes we have those if they dont turn out, they are gone, and they dont fully develop and the body knows its not good for it to stay in there, so the body gets rid of it, but my body kept you , cause you were perfect and turned out well, and i would maybe use an illustration like sometimes when things are not done the right way , its not good, so we get rid of it, maybe make a cake mix, and add like way too much water in it, like once my son made a cake and it said, 1 1/2 cups of water and he read 11 cups, so it was a water mess, then tell them oh man it wont work, its did not turn out well, and throw it away, and make another one, that does work, have them there with you , just make it like its no big deal, lets see here, 11 cups of water, help mom count, one, two, ..... then when all done, oh no, it says this much we made it wrong, oh well, lets get rid of what is not good, and make a nother one, and make anoter cake, bake it and eat it, you dont have to tell them thats like moms tummy , or you can, they will get it, dont make a big issue out of it, and wait to tell them, if you can, and if you do take them just say mommy has to go to drs, keep them in waiting room until they can see some good in there baking, enjoy life, and hope all goes well with you , keep trying, its worth it, enjoy life, and continue being the good mom you are, D. s

I wouldn't have taken them at all. They're too young for this sort of inclusiveness. This is first between you and your husband. I would think that when things progress, then it's time to let kids in on the good news. Realize that they aren't able to understand your personal grief. You need to have some personal space with your pregnancy and any hormonal effects. I'd say that when it's clear that all is right, and it's close to delivery, let them in on the news and be a part of it then. But they sure don't need that dose of reality at their ages. I understand the idea of everyone being a part of a process, but I really think that there's a time and place for everything according to age appropriateness.
But congratulations!!!! And I'm sure this will be just fine. I've gone through 3 losses, and I just think that the body reacts to certain drastic changes one way or other. And one of the 3 losses was really and truly one of the most positive experiences I've had because it was handled so wonderfully. U/M ....I could've kissed them for their total wonderful coverage. Sounds weird I know, but....

Hi M.,

In my opinion you know the best way on how your children will feel. And your in a tricky situation of should you or shouldn't you. A suggestion is you could always bring home the pictures from your ultrasound and show them everything is ok. Or even talk to them and see how they would feel about going. Let them know that no matter what it is in God's hands. I hope everything goes well for you and your family!

I am very sorry for your loss. My advice would be to go to the ultrasound without the kids just to make sure, but maybe see if you can plan another one so they can see once you know everything is ok. If your doctor won't do it, or your insurance won't pay for another there is a 3d/4d imaging place in Rochester Hills, i belive called Image Within, you can google them. They charge from 100-300 dollars for the largest package.

Good luck I hope everything works out!

Hi M.
so sorry for your loss. I have been through something similar, so I understand your pain and your dilemma. With my next pregnancy, we decided to take our DD. What we did, was we asked my mom to come along also. She stayed outside with our daughter in a waiting area While we made sure everything was ok. Then we let them both come in.
My daughter was a bit younger than your kids at the time though. She was only 3, so her understanding was not as good. She is 6 now, it would be a whole different situation, I might consider leaving her at home.
Good Luck. I hope the US goes well.
R.

I am so sorry for your loss M..

I would leave your boys with a sitter for this one. Bring home a picture, or maybe you can take a little voice recorded and record the sound of the heartbeat so they can hear it. Your guys are pretty young and just going to the office might really raise some anxiety in them. I would wait until you are further along and then take them to a later appointment. I'm guessing your doctor is going to monitoring you very closely this time given your history.

I wish you all the best with this pregnancy.