Lingering Pain After Birth

Hi T., I had a similar problem with pain for about a year after having my son. It finally eased up, and now I've just had my second baby a couple weeks ago. I am hopeful that this time won't be some difficult to recover from (last time I had a lot of stitches; this time I tore as well but less so) and I am so glad you asked this question as it's been also really helpful for me to read the replies. Good luck.

T.

OK, here's what you do. After you put baby to bed.
1. Take a really nice hot bath to help you relax.
2. Have a full glass of wine if you drink otherwise take a couple of ibuprofen before your bath so it'll have time to kick in before you attempt sex.
3. Tell your husband you are doing these things to help to try and relax you and that area and for him to get ready with some soft music or something.
4. During your intimate moments use a lot of lubricant. KY is OK, but you can definitely find better at one of those ya know stores.
This should really help. Your doctor is right about the more you use it the more it'll stretch back out and not be so sore, but you are also right in that what could this guy be smoking. Why would I want to do something like that (Hello! it hurts).

MOST importantly of all, let your husband know that it's not him it's just that it's uncomfortable now and you need him to help you get past this by being understanding and supportive.

Also, there are ways to make your husband feel like you still love him and are attracted to him without the intercourse part and I am sure if you use your imagination you'll come up with a few good ideas that'll surprise him and blow his socks off.

Good luck and hang in there you'll be fine and the pain will get better and eventually be gone. Your body needs time to heal.
Have fun! Hee hee

Hi T., don't worry I had the same thing but it really does go away. It sounds strange but the dr told me the same and I thought he wasn't listening to me! Try taking a "different approach"! Take the opportunity for you and your hubby to try different positions, you may be surprised (hopefully happily!) and it will give your hubby a fun task! Once we found a position which hurt less my hubby felt better, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me. Which in turn relaxed me and made it better. Many years later everything is better then ever!

Of course a male doctor would tell you to have more sex!!! Kidding....

I had this problem after delivering my first daughter. Her birth story sounds just like your son's. The pain lasted for nearly two years. It hurt to have sex, it hurt to poop, it hurt to walk sometimes. My doctors always blew it off. One even sent me a gastrointernologist to have just short of a colonoscopy. Now try that with this kind of pain. I was absolutely miserable. I've been where you're at. We moved and decided it was time for a second baby. I think we had sex maybe five times in that time between delivering the first and conceiving the second. When I went to meet with a new OBGYN to have a check up before trying to get pregnant I told her about the pain. She actually took me seriously and got her medical books out. My scar tissue had not healed properly. She told me to treat it she could 1) surgically re-cut my tear 2) hydrocortizone injections in scar tissue or 3) some type of electro shock thing. SCARY!!! Luckily for me I also learned at that visit that I was already pregnant. And that I couldn't be treated while pregnant.

She made a plan of action for the delivery. In delivery, she left my daughter's head in my birth canal a little longer to stretch out the scar tissue. I tore again (and again during my third delivery) but she took a long time and was very careful while stitching me up. I healed so quickly after that birth. It was amazing the difference. Funny, my husband was happier after I healed too. Imagine that!

So go back to your doctor or another doctor. If you are in pain, don't let them blow you off. Find someone who will take you seriously. If you cannot find a doctor, call a midwifery. I delivered my third daughter at one and the midwives seemed so much more in tune to my needs that any OBGYN I used. They may be able to refer you to an OBGYN who will take you seriously and help you.

I hope the doctor gives you better treatment options than mine did. Trust your instincts when taking advice from the doctors. Good luck to you. About the sex, I did what the poster below said about the hot bath and wine, etc.

You can email me if you want to chat about it. Clearly, I don't mind talking about it. ____@____.com

My sister has this same problem... let me ask her what she's doing lately... her little girl is 2 1/2 and I know my sister is having less sex than ever b/c it still hurts. I'll write more later!
K.

I had it while I was nursing or about 9 mo's. Go to the Gyn and talk about it. They have estrogen creams you can use. It helped me. Two years later is definitely a problem.

My second child is 3 and I STILL have "discomfort" with any other position other than missionary...and we must "ease" into that! I pushed for an hour and 15 minutes with my first...she was stuck in the birth canal for a while....really changed me forever!! We use Astroglide for lube...it's way better than KY. I'll be glad to hear some of your responses...thanks for posting such a sensitive topic, I think there may be more of us than we realize!

I can relate somewhat. This happened to me after the birth of my first child. The OB that delivered her stitched me up tighter than before, as if that was a favor! I needed to stretch, if you know what I mean. so, sex wasn't the pleasureful experience it had been. I didn't really realize what happened, either. I do agree with the post about trying a different doctor! I eventually went with a nurse/midwife practice and then found out what had happened to me. You can stretch out the area but it takes a couple of tries if that's all it is...Do explain to your hubby that you'll need as much help from him as possible, etc. etc.
Good luck!

Get a second opinion. Two years and still healing does not sound like a good answer. Also have you tried different positions and/or lubricants (KY jelly)? Avoiding sex with your husband is not the answer. After

T.,

I still have some discomfort as well, & my daughter a year ago. I had to have an episiotomy. She was in the birth canal (crowned) for 4 hours before she was delivered.

Intercourse is uncomfortable but I don't think as bad as what you are experiencing.

Have you though about seeing a different OB. Maybe a female OB? If your OB is a male, the just don't understand! Maybe a female prespective will help.

find another doctor. Ive found female ob/gyn understand more

My episiotmy (sp) hurt after my first born until I got pregnant again. My ob said that it was possible a nerve got sewn into the stiching when they closed the wound. I found sex quite uncomfortable, if not painful during this time. You can ask your ob for a estrogen cream to ease the discomfort. My ob also said the best way to "fix" this was to have another baby. This was good news to me, as I didn't bring up the pain with him until I was pregnant with my second. I got pregnant with the second when my first was 5 months. The ob was right. At about 7 months pregnant, the pain in the episiotomy ceased to exist. After the second delivery, I was worried that it would return, it did not. I have been completely pain free and the sex is pleasing again. Best wishes.

after me having my first son, i had pain during sex. even my pants gave me discomfort. i had to wear really loose clothing. it was about six months after my son was born i went to my doctor and he told me i had a tear more inside that couldn't be stitched and when it healed it healed with excess scar tissue that was getting rubbed raw and irritated. they burned the excess scar tissue off with acid they put on the end of a long q-tip. that took a few weeks to heal and i was fine after that....now after my third son i have an iud for birthcontrol. and lets say "when we really get into it" it hurts when it used to not. and i think he is hitting the iud, and alot of times after sex i will start to spot the next day. i dont know if you have an iud or not. but like alot of other ladies suggested looking into a second opinion might be a good idea.

A. i would find a new ob/gyn
b. try different possisons as their pressuer point will be different and my ease some of the pain.
lubrication as scar tends to be dry, ans just have him go real slow. act everytime like its your very first time. over time it should loosen up some stop getting so irritated but i would definetly see another dr. see what advise they would give. all mine we sections so i didn't have the vaginal scaring but any scar is sensitive until exposure desenitizes it, a the section scar was sore until it got used to clothes rubbing it, so i would say the other scar is the same, i had an accident when i was a kid the left a scar on my errrrrr pleasure point that can be very sensitive to touch. but with gentleness it doesn't hurt at all. gl

Oh goodness...I might suggest a different doctor to see if there is anything that can be done if this one is sorta brushing you off (which is what it appears). This takes away any spontenaeity, but you could maybe take some ibuprofen a little while before to help with the pain to appease your husband? Other than that, I would check with another doctor.

Pain was a big problem for me. First, please get a second opinion to rule out all other problems. But the best advice I ever received from my doctor was KEGEL exercises. They are not only wonderful for you - but for your husband as after doing them for about 2 months, you have more control over that area and you can not only gain more pleasure, but will shock your husband. The best part is you can do them waiting in the grocery store line. I would recommend them for all women as it was the best thing I ever learned. Strengthening the muscles around the scar tissue will enable you to have more sensitivity that you want and the pain will eventually become no pain, just satisfaction. I had many problems in that area, and after nearly 20 years of doing Kegel's, I do it without thought now, and enjoy the pleasures from the benefit of the exercise. And it is easy. It is just remembering to do it at first. But check with a second opinion first to be certain there is nothing else causing the problem. Either way - learn Kegel. Check with WebMD for Directions. They use it for incontinence, but if you read on, you will find that it helps the vaginal wall and the entrance become stronger, and you have more control with tightening and opening. And as the vice closes at the end (by your direction) the benefits are two way. It's worth it!!!!