How Long to Fully Recover from Tear During Childbirth?

It took me a full year to not feel pain duing intercourse. I feel for you. I will never forget the severe pain I was in after the baby, but if it makes you feel better, I have had another child since, and I did not tear. I guess the first child paved the way. Anyway, you will feel better soon. Hang in there.

Well, i hate to deliver bad news, but i had trouble for about a year and a half!! Sometimes even sitting down on a hard surface rather quickly, like the coffee table, would cause pain. Sitting on the toilet for any length of time always made me feel like my insides were falling out. I did have the episiotomy but i had a big baby with a doctor who didn't believe in c sections unless there was a life risk!! After about six to eight months missionary position would seldom cause pain, but of course, relaxing was very difficult!! Everything except my rectum have gone back to normal but i am still scared to have that checked into for fear of reconstructive surgery!! My best advice, after seeing another doctor, find ample time to relax before sex, ha ha with a baby right!! It always seemed to help me if i could relax and focus on sex for a while to ease the fear of any pains! I hope your husband is as understanding as mine was!! Maybe the doctor will have a better answer for you, but it took me literally a year and a half before my insides felt normal again and began to be pain free during sex in other positions and things like sitting on the toilet or hard surfaces. Best of luck!!
Have a great day and god bless!!

You should be fully recovered from a tear, but it is a good idea to have the midwife check for infection or the possibility that a nerve is involved. Using a lubricant, such as K-Y (especially if you are breastfeeding) is a good idea. You may have to see an OB, but I would ask the midwife for a recommendation.

Hi S.,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through all of this! My friend had a problem w/a tear that was stitched but never really healed right, and a second OB/GYN (i.e. not the one at the birth) did another surgery to fix the problem. I know you probably don't want to think about another surgery (esp. w/a little one around!), but once she healed from that she was sooo relieved--back to normal (if not better)! I'm a midwife fan, too, but probably you will have to see a doctor for this. Like the first mama said, though, the midwife might be the best person to recommend a good OB/GYN. I wouldn't put it off--you (and your DH) deserve to enjoy sex again!

Good luck!

L.

Maybe you should ask the OB why s/he pulled the baby's head out. I wonder if s/he saw something wrong, like the cord wrapped or something like that (in which case your OB probably should have been able to loop the cord over the baby's head, but who'm I to say - maybe it depends). It could also have been a case of shoulder distocia - which is rare enough that your doula really might never have seen the need. My midwife had to reach into my uterus with both hands to save my baby's life because her shoulder was stuck on my pelvic bone! Had to fold my perineum back for that one. Ouch. I'm definitely not the same, either. I do find that some positions are more comfortable than others, so try that. My dr. also assures me that if I actually do my kegels (whoops), this will help a LOT. Try that, too. They help put everything back together. Even if they can't help with a difference caused by stitches, it can help support everything.

My dr did say that it does take time, sometimes a lot of time, for things to return to some semblance of normal again. I have heard up to a year.

If it were me, I wouldn't go through that kind of pain. If you feel pain to the point of wincing and crying, you really should stop, for your own safety and health, let alone the fact that you deserve to not experience that kind of trauma, especially associated with something intimate like sex! I'm sure your husband will understand that you need to, say, take it more slowly, maybe try different degrees of penetration, and definitely different positions. Maybe for a little while you can try just oral sex, cuddling, etc.

If these things don't help, and after the next few months you're not noticing any improvement when you return to some of your old positions, etc., you may have to see an OB in your area.

Good luck. It's not fun, I know (I still look 4 months pregnant in my clothes, even though I'm my prepreg weight).

L.

PS Yay for natural childbirth! If you do have another, check out Natal Hypnotherapy program. It's award-winning for a reason. I can vouch for it. Had a fantastic experience with it.

I am so glad that you put yourself out there and actually asked about something so personal because I had problems with wondering the same thing for a long time and it kept me from gaining healing more quickly. I had the same pain and dread of sex...

My doctor referred me to a physical therapist that works primarily with the pelvic floor. (There are only 3 physical therapists that do this in the state of Oklahoma.) First she used ultrasound to start wearing the scar tissue away. Second she taught me various kegel exercises that would strengthen my pelvic floor so that as they were exercising they were strengthening. She also gave me an at home exercise to do, it was painful but as time went on it resolved my issue. You could feel a ball of scar tissue in my perinium where I had torn and she told me every time I went to the bathroom to take baby oil and put it on my fingers and rub that tissue about 3 times. It hurt and sometimes I would do it only the 3 times because it hurt so badly, but then sometimes I would do it a few more times so that it would go away more quickly. Eventually it did dissolve. What I liked about the physical therapist is that I had something I could go home and do myself and that she taught me the exercises that I needed to do so that I wouldn't have to continue to keep coming to see her after she felt like she had done what she could in the office. It did happen again the second time after my 2nd son was born but after going back to her I was really pleased that she helped me again with ultrasound and reinforcing the exercises she had taught previously.

My doctor had also prescribed 600mg of Tylenol for me to take before we had sex in order to ease some of the pain. As well as a gel form of Lidocaine that I would put on the skin 10 minutes beforehand that would numb the area. There is fear from pain and the pain relievers took some of that fear away because it didn't hurt as bad. When you get into a pattern of dreading and tightening up because you anticipate the pain then you have to learn how to also break that pattern.

You're not a failure because you have these problems and you're not all messed up because there are others of us that have had something similar happen to us as well. Feel free to let me know if you have any other questions I am fully convinced this is the way to go! I'll give you the name of my physical therapist if you need it too, just let me know. I really hope that you'll be able to heal and enjoy yourself and your relationship better. There are so many changes that happen in your life when you have a child, time and help will help you learn. Don't give up hope!

Hi, I never tore from having either of my children, my youngest is 20 months. I to have gone through that horrible pain during sex and screaming in pain and just wanting it to stop, even now with my youngest being 20 months I am still in pain, but not all the time and not as bad. I would definitely recommend seeing a new obgyn and getting your female parts checked out, just in case. I wish you luck and hope everything is ok.

i had pretty much the same thing happen, i also had a short labor, about 2.5 hours, with about ten minutes of push time, and his head came out fine, but the nurse popped both shoulders out at once and i had a fourth degree tear--no fun. it took me about nine months before i wasn't in alot of painduring sex, and really about 14 months before i enjoyed it much again. there are physical therapists who deal with vaginal scarring and such. i went to one at ou who basically griped at me for having a natural birth, and recommended a csection next time. when i got pregnant the second time i used the midwives at ou and she helped so much. i needed one stitch and she called that 'cosmetic', and my daughter was a full pound heavier than my son at 9# 1 oz. Pauline Lisle, Shana Thomas and Ann - i forget her last name- are amazing midwives.

not to be too graphic, but doggy style was the least painful psotition for me for a long time, since it didn't put alot of pressure on the scar during sex

Certainly have everything checked again by another dr. My friend had her tear stitched crookedly so just walking was an issue until it was redone. I does take some time to feel "normal" again.

I wont go into my opinions of doulas except to say unless they have worked in OB as a nurse or a physician, the are not qualified to assess that part of the delivery. If you go with a doula, they have their advantages to coaching and things like that though. Any OB nurse that has been in the deliveries would have recognized what the physician was trying to do. There are several reasons that a physician may actually "reach in" One could be the baby was facing up, or "sunny side up" or "OP" position. That definitely could be responsible for the tear. Also, a physician will intervene and attempt to rotate the baby's head if it is in that position to facilitate the delivery. That is actually pretty common. Delivering a baby face up will do much more damage than face down, and will cause more bruising to the baby.
Unfortunately, I can't give you any advice about the pain except get in to see a GYN. There are so many possibilities, and some are not related to pregnancy even. It could be your hormones, or infection, tears that did not heal well. (The do not stitch every single tear, some they leave to heal on their own-commonly know as skid marks from the baby) As for the episiotomy, it should have healed already. They have you wait 6 weeks after delivery to allow for things to heal. Best advice, go see a doctor. Not sure where you live or what insurance you have, but you might search some of the archived threads in here. Choosing an OB/GYN has been a subject many times.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.

I too had a 3rd degree tear and it was terrible. Exactly like you have said. It did take me many MONTHS to not feel any pain during sex but eventually it did stop. I did go back to my OB/GYN and talked about the problem I was having and there was no obvious medical problem and I'm assuming it must have been mental also. The initial pain of healing is very intense. Definitely see a doctor to see if you may have a medical complication and if you don't maybe that will reassure you you're okay. Anytime someone has an incision made the site is very sensitive for quite some time. And our privates are a VERY sensitive, nerve filled area so the feelings are definitely heightened. It is very frustrating and makes you sad but with me, it just took a while (yes, months - maybe nearly the 1st year) and then I was all fine again. With my 2nd child, they were only 10 ozs. different in size and I no problems at all with tearing. Delivery was a breeze compared to the 1st and I felt really good afterwards - no problems. Just wanted to share that with you too so you wouldn't worry about future deliveries.

I have this same problem! My baby is 17 months old, and I had a 2nd degree tear. The pain got a lot better a few months ago, maybe because of hormone changes from drastically reduced breastfeeding, but is still there. Going slow makes things ok, but when things get vigorous it hurts just enough to kinda ruin the fun for me, if you know what I mean. We always start out with me on my side, and that helps a lot. The guy on top position puts a lot of pressure right on the sore spot, so we slowly transition to that.

Anyway, I did go see my old Gynocologist about this, and she said it may just be that one of the stitches didn't desolve.
She mentioned the term "suture granuloma" as a possibility.
She said to go see my OB about it, but that he probably couldn't do much now (who wants surgery down there?), but when I had another child he could cut that area open (by episiotomy) and check it out and use a different kind of suture to sew things up. I haven't gone to see the OB yet, since there's not much he could do right now. Anyway, maybe see a new Gyn or OB about it, but just be patient and keep trying, it gets better!

It took me 12 weeks to recover from tearing...in fact I was still bleeding at my 12 week checkup. My OB at the time suggested lots of warm baths. My current OB has had me get a special cream that has to be compounded (made by hand) by a special pharmacist, that helps with healing.

I'm a physical therapist, and I can tell you that there are PTs who specialize in sexual and bladder problems. I would highly suggest you see one. There are lots of physical reasons that can cause pain, from muscle tightness to scar tissue from healing. A specially-trained PT has special tools to fix these problems and can make a HUGE difference. You would probably need a referral/prescription from your doctor or an OB and may need to call around to find the closest PT who does "women's health". Good luck. I hope you'll keep us informed on the results.

see a doctor right away

The exact same thing happened to me! I'm not sure if it was the stitches or that I tried to get too active too fast, but I had scar tissue that was extremely painful. The scar tissue wouldn't stretch and caused great pain. We could not have sex and soon I dreaded even trying because I associated it with pain.
I finally returned to my OB. I had to have surgery to repair the scar tissue. I hated it! After having natural childbirth, I had to be put under to have the scar tissue cut out and restitched. Then 6 more weeks of healing time! My husband brought our baby to the hospital so I could nurse before and after surgery. It was totally like recovering from child birth TWICE! Not to mention it was embarassing to tell people why I had to have surgery. The easiest answer I came up with, "My tear didn't heal correctly and if I don't have it repaired, there won't be a baby #2."
That's the reality if you want to have sex and if you want more kids you need to go see an OB/GYN. The sooner the better as it will take awhile before this is fixed and life is back to normal. Good Luck and Sorry you are having to go through this!

S., by now you should be completley healed. My thoughts as reading this was that maybe they sewed you up to tight. I have not actually had that happen to me but I have heard of it happening before. If it were me I would not be going back to that ob. Find someone else and have them evalute you. Tell them what happened and what you think is wrong. It is your body and there is something wrong!!! Insist that they find out. Good luck!!

I had torn also for my first child and I understand that pain that you are going thru. My husband and I would use something to numb me before intercourse. I had to use it for about a year before things started feeling normal again. It will get better. Hope this helps.

I am writing simply to say that I place great confidence in a well trained midwife. I have had nine children...three with a midwife at a free standing birth center, 2 at a hospital with an OB and 4 at home with midwife and doula. The OBs were qualified, but the midwives outshined them in every way. Please see one soon.

I too had a third degree birthing my first daughter. I have to tell you sex hurt for about a year after her birth. You have to realize a third degree is a lot of layers. It takes a long time to heal from that and I think having sex makes it take longer. I did not abstain either (although I did not enjoy it and it hurt bad) but I do believe it caused the healing process to be prolonged. Eventually it will be better. I have since had two more children (c-sections this time) and it sex no longer hurts. Try drinking a few glasses of wine first (yes you can while nursing, I nursed my kids too) and maybe a little Tylenol. See if that helps.