Lesson Too Harsh??

You were planning on purchasing the new knee pads anyway, so having her pay for them at this point doesn't really "connect" (especially to a tween). I would suggest sitting down with her and all of her equipment. Let her know that you have purchased what she needs for the league. If any of this is lost/misplaced or misused (not the same as worn-out), she will be responsible for replacing them.

If this has been your pattern for the last 10 years, you can't just change it without telling her that there are "new rules". For 10 years it was okay and today, without warning, it's not. Buy them. Have HER put her name in everything. Have HER identify her gym bag where everything is to be stored and let her take responsibility for those items going forward. If she forgets to bring it home to get washed? Oh well. If a knee pad gets lost? Oh well.

She'll figure it out pretty quickly- or you may find that she's a pretty responsible kid when she is allowed to be!

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Actually - you do have a choice.
You don't have to buy her new pads right now for her practice.
You can buy her new pads when you were going to, and she can sit on the side lines tonight (after spending every minute of her time between now and then looking for her old pads) and her team can tell her to get her act together.

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You knew you'd have to buy her black ones anyway, right? Since there's no additional expense involved, I'd let this one slide with a reminder that if she loses this pair, the next pair is her expense.

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I don't know about too harsh, but definitely inappropriate. The last time she lost something and you had to replace it, did you say to her, "Ok, I'll buy it this time, but in the future you pay for the things you lose?"

I don't think it's fair to suddenly change the rules. They need at least one warning. If you haven't said anything previously, then this is the time for you to say, "I'll get it this time. The next one's on you."

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Since you were going to buy new ones, I'd buy them now. If you were going to have her pay for the new ones, I'd have her pay for them now.

I would have her do extra chores to pay for the gas for the special trip to get them.

This worked very well for my kids.

Good luck to you and yours.

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Since you were going to buy the new ones anyway, you should still buy them. It would certainly be fair to have her empty out and clean her closet.

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IF you dont' have the money this week, it is reasonable to require her to use her money for now but since you were planning to purchase them anyway in a few weeks, you should pay her back at that time.

Now is the perfect time to let her know that you are purchasing what she needs if items are lost or abused, she has to replace them...you will replace only when outgrown or worn out (through normal wear and tear).

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I certainly don't mind making my kids pay for lost articles themselves...it teaches them the value of money and respect for personal property.

No, it's not wrong. Your daughter needs to be taught a valuable lesson here - money doesn't grow on trees, personal possessions are to be respected and cared for...so now - the onus will be on her to do it..you can drive her- heck - make her put gas in the car too because you are making a special trip for this...

I am sure there are some on here that will just come unglued for my saying that - but seriously - gas is $4 a gallon - you have to make a special trip for her negligence and she should have to pay for it all...she won't EVER lose it again.

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Well...it's taken her 10 years to get that attitude and I doubt she's going to "unlearn" it in one day.
How about instituting an allowance/chore system so then she'll have the cash when something like this happens again?

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I think that's a great lesson. If she's committed to volleyball, she needs to learn to treat her gear with respect - and having her pay for the knee pads herself is a good way to start.

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My only thought on this is...is she the one who lost them? by that I mean did you maybe or your hubby maybe store them somewhere and she doesn't know? I know in my house this could be the case. And if that is the case then no lesson will be learned. But ya if she lost them herself and you know this for a fact then maybe pay half but 25 is steep for a 10 yr old in my opinion

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Get the pads when you were going to and let her sit on the sidelines until she has them. That's just as valuable a lesson as making her pay for the new pads herself if not more so. She'll see that she can't just fix it even with her own money and that sometimes there are natural consequences that affect other people. Is it fair to the team? No, but it's fair to your daughter and it's the natural consequence of her actions.

And make her search until she finds those pads.

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Good for you. Doesn't sound harsh at all - just a reality check.

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Not only would I make her pay for the lost knee pads but also completely clean out her closet. She probably tossed them in there at the end of the season last year and now has no idea where they are. If you can, help her to become more organized by getting some totes or just boxes so she can sort and store everything in her room. She should also have some sort of duffel bag to keep her volleyball stuff in so it's all together.
We did martial arts as a family and had big duffel bags for our sparring gear and uniforms and belt. After every class uniforms were washed and dried and refolded back in the bag. The sparing gear and other stuff for class was always stored and checked for needed replenishment, about once a month.

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I think it will drive home a great lesson, to have her pay for them now. Who knows, maybe she'll magically "find" the old ones if she knows she'll have to pay for new ones.

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Definitely have her pay for them. I would probably have her pay for 1/2 of her league costs too. She will learn the value of taking care of what she has and also that money doesn't grow on trees.

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I don't think you're being too harsh. I find the way you're handling this situation to be very refreshing in this day & age of parents being too scared to discipline their kids. She's old enough to take care of her things, and old enough to pay for lost items.

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How about meeting in the middle & having her split it with you since you didn't budget for it this week? I'm not sure what time her practice is, but I think I'd tell her that she better either start searching the house for the old pair now so she'll have them for tonight, or fork over the $12.50 to help with the new ones.

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I think it is a perfect teachable moment. I use a lot of Jim Fay's methods from his Love and Logic books and this would be a prime example of a natural consequence. What would she have done if you weren't there to buy her an extra pair? Pay for another pair or not play. You could give her a choice of paying for the new pair or have you buy them and she can spend time later looking for the old pair. Either way, there is an opportunity cost she has to make on her part. I don't believe she is too young for this lesson and especially since it doesn't really put you in a bind financially, because you want her to learn this sort of responsibility early on, so if or when the time comes and she is in a financial bind, she will know how to handle it!
(You could offer to let her pay only half if you think $25 is going to completely wipe her out of allowance or something. $12.50 may very well still teach the lesson without completely breaking a 10 year old's bank.)
Good luck!
A.

I would say that it's the parents responsibility to make sure that sports equipment is stored in the off season in a proper place. I keep all of ours in a storage tub marked by what sport it is and it's kept put up. When the time comes the tub comes down and all the previous equipment is there and I don't have to make hasty purchases.

Also, she and you knew practice was coming, she should have looked over the weekend and got all her stuff together so she could be ready on time. That's just planning ahead that, again to me, is the parents job. I feel that it's our job to teach the kids how to manage their belongings and their time and resources. If you had mentioned that she had practice on Monday, could she get her stuff together, then she would have had more than a few minutes to try and find them.

I would not make any of my grand-kids pay for their sports equipment unless the willingly destroyed it. Otherwise, it's my job to pay for it or say no, we can't afford it.

My girls are still little so I can't draw of mothering experience but I can draw of the experience of a child. Often , when I was a tween and teen, I would beg my parents to take me out to eat at my favorite restaurant. On one occasion my dad agreed saying they would drive if I paid. I readily agreed thinking there was no way my dad was going to actually make me pay. Well lo and behold he did!!! I remember vividly handing over my money to the cashier and realizing how much it cost my parents everytime I begged to eat out. Several days later, when I was sure the money was long gone and my dad wasn't going to be paying me back, he did indeed refund my money. It was a valuable lesson learned though and I was much more grateful whenever we went out to eat after that.

Based on that experience, I think you are on a good track with making her pay for her own knee pads. Perhaps she should also have to clean out her room and closet as other mom's have suggested. Then come Labor Day when you had originally planned on buying them for her, go ahead and give her the money. I think that will teach her the value of budgeting and sticking to your budget as well as taking care of things you have purchased for her. And I bet you money she takes a heck of a lot better care of the ones she purchases than she ever took care of the ones you bought her! Good luck J.!!!

A.