57 answers

Appropriate Punishment - 5 Year Old Lost Glasses

My daughter (who just turned 5) started wearing glasses at the end of March. I made it very clear to her that whenever she is not wearing the glasses they must go into the case on her bathroom counter away from her younger sister. On top of that rule we also made it a rule that she only wears them when she is at preschool. She takes them off when she gets home and puts them directly in her case. Tonight she came to me and told me that her glasses case was empty and she couldn't fine her glasses. She did not have preschool today so she didn't wear them today. She came home with them yesterday because she went home and put them in the case. We have scoured the house for them. Checked every thing in all the rooms. The only room we haven't checked is her sister's room because she was already asleep at the time we were looking. I will check with the preschool tomorrow just to make sure they aren't there. We have already told her that if the glasses aren't there she will have to look around the house until they are found and that she will get no desserts until so. I want to impose how serious this offense is and to make her understand. Should I take a favorite toy away? What should I do? And if the glasses never show up how long does the punishment last?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I appreciate all the advice and comments everyone has made and I have taken them to heart. Per her Doctor's recommendations she only wears them at Preschool because she is far sighted and her vision is still changing a lot. A lot of you also wanted to know if I wear glasses. I do and I have since I was 3 years old due to some serious vision problems - I can be considered legally blind without corrective lenses. After speaking with my Dad (I called him to get suggestions on how they kept up with me wearing glasses I found out that I never really had a problem losing them - only wearing them at school - I preferred not too) I do disagree in part that there should not be any punishment whatsoever. I think a small punishment will help her to learn accountability even if she doesn't understand it fully at this age. I think that there should be something to reiterate the importance of keeping up with the glasses but we will change our routine so that the glasses stay in a different place and I have majority control over them. What I said to her was said in a moment of frustration - I hope everyone can sympathize with that. I will definitely edt the punishment. I do plan on sitting down with her and calmly explaining my feelings with her over losing her glasses and apologizing to her to help her understand. We tried to retrace her steps yesterday and today without much luck. It didn't work out real well. Her sister is 2 and can't reach the countertop where the glasses are kept but they do place dressup a lot and share a lot and I'm afraid that is what may have happened to them. I will edit tomorrow after we have checked her other room and preschool to follow up on the search.

Featured Answers

You know what, we all lose things. I've lost glasses! In fact, that's the reason I'm not wearing them right now. You should commend her for being honest with you, and coming to you and expressing they were gone. I'm not a softie, at all...but I think it's kind of ridiculous to punish for this. What if you were scolded every time you lost something? It would feel pretty silly, right...

17 moms found this helpful

I am confused why she doesn't wear her glasses at home. If she needs to wear them all day at pre-school doesn't that mean she needs to wear them no matter where she is?

And losing glasses is not punishable, at least not at that age. My son has worn glasses for 16 years. When he was younger it was my responsibility to keep track of them because I am the parent. Now that he is in high school it is his responsibility to keep track of them, but honestly I doubt we would punish him if he lost them. He's never lost his glasses, but has severely damaged the them to the point they had to be replaced. We never punished for that because it is part of wearing glasses.

Explain to her that if she takes them off she needs to give them to you or put them in the exact same place every time. Sixteen years later and my son still puts his glasses in the same spot every night. Make it a habit, part of the routine, and they are much less likely to get lost.

14 moms found this helpful

"She came home with them yesterday because she went home and put them in the case."

If she put them in the case, and now they're gone... WHY should she be punished for doing as she was told? WHY would she be punished for her younger sister stealing her glasses?

Logically;

- Younger sister wants them (or you wouldn't put them where you think she can't reach)

- Older sister put glasses where they belong

- Glasses disappear (and neither you nor Hubby nor older sister moved them)

= Younger sister got creative and got the sparkly glasses she's been coveting

2 year olds DO climb. They DO drag chairs/boxes/toys/balled up laundry/etc to where they want to reach and stand on them. And they DO take their step-up away with them (or adults snag the step-up without realizing that's what the pile of towels/ princess castle/ daddy's shoes/ etc were.

13 moms found this helpful

More Answers

She's five. She's not a teenager. Glasses are HARD. You have to just understand that she doesn't have the mental development to get this right all the time.

You can be mad all you want, but punishing her isn't going to make her brain develop any faster.

It is YOUR job to check with her every single day, in the morning and when she gets home from school. She is too young to do this by herself.

D.

20 moms found this helpful

First, if she has eyesight problems, then why is she only allowed to wear her glasses at preschool? She should be wearing them all the time lest her eyes weaken and she gets headaches.

Also, she is 5. Punishment over something like this is pretty odd. This was an accident. To punish harshly is a jab at her self worth and she will feel it, especially if you continue this emotion controlled method of punishment, she probably already feels bad about it. Also, she was truthful, that should be encouraged. Punishing for an honest mistake in which she was being truthful will likely backfire.

She is a preschooler in charge of glasses, a medical need. Would she also be in charge of taking a daily medication if she had one? I think it is more the mother's responsibility to make sure she is keeping up with them and keeping them in a safe place. She is learning responsibility. Give her tasks to build an allowance to help pay for another pair.

Maybe you should punish yourself for your neglect of the issue and get rid of your favorite toy and no desserts either?

Hell, I'm 30 years old and I lose my glasses all the time. (I'm really not trying to be rude, really, I've just had a very, very long day :)

17 moms found this helpful

You know what, we all lose things. I've lost glasses! In fact, that's the reason I'm not wearing them right now. You should commend her for being honest with you, and coming to you and expressing they were gone. I'm not a softie, at all...but I think it's kind of ridiculous to punish for this. What if you were scolded every time you lost something? It would feel pretty silly, right...

17 moms found this helpful

Do you wear glasses??? IF she needs glasses she should be wearing them...all the time...I wear glasses, if I don't wear them I get head aches. She sounds super responsible for coming to you and saying they were lost...she is 5...you should be helping her daily with checking to make sure they go where they need to...I agree teaching children to be responsible is important and yes glasses are expensive...but you dropped the ball. I would not punish her at all, just talk to her about the importance of taking care of the glasses and to be more careful next time. Heck...I am an adult and I misplace my glasses from time to time.

17 moms found this helpful

Um... my initial reaction to this isn't a good one.

Don't punish a child for misplacing something unintentionally.
Display some compassion. Let her know she's not alone in
this situation, and that you, as her mother, are going to help
her figure out where they got off to. Do you want her to hide
things from you in the future, or do you want her to trust that
mistakes will be handled compassionately, and that she can
rely on you to help her out?

I hope her glass show up and she's not being punished any
longer as soon as humanly possible.

I would suggest you check the younger child's room. Just in
case. It would be a sad shame if the glasses turned up hidden
in that room and the older daughter had gone punished for days
for something she didn't do.

Best wishes-

16 moms found this helpful

She should not be punished for this. Blame and be upset with yourself for not keeping up with them, you're the adult and should be the responsible one. Just buy her some new ones and forget about the lost ones. If they turn up then that'll be good, if they don't turn up then at least YOU have learned a very valuable lesson about keeping track of your preschooler's much needed eyewear and you have now learned the need for a spare pair. Oh, and I also wear glasses and lost a brand new pair less than a month after getting them almost six months ago. Fortunately, I always buy two pair as well as contact lenses. (I often misplace those. Lol)

16 moms found this helpful

Get some insurance on future glasses and remember she's a very young child. I lost my glasses on a picnic when I was just about 7 or 8, I felt terrible because I knew how much my grandmother had to pay. I'll bet your little one feels bad too. Do you punish yourself when you lose something of value or do your forgive yourself?

Blessings.....

16 moms found this helpful

Oh my. Not a punishable offense. Do you wear glasses? It is very easy to
misplace them. I wear mine all the time and sometimes I misplace them
when I take a shower etc. I have lost a pair or two in my life. I am sure
she feels bad enough. She is also just five. Cut the baby some slack!!!!
My son was in glasses from 2 yo. Let me tell you about lost glasses. He
would take them off and hide them. We did not always find them. I f he hid
them outside, sometimes they were ruined. It is what it is. No dessert and
a toy taken away. Absolutely not.

16 moms found this helpful

I think she did a really good thing by coming to you and telling you that she can't find them. Is this the first time she has lost them? Does she ever complain about wearing them? I mean, if she doesn't mind wearing them and she hasn't lost them before it was probably just an accident that she misplaced them. I think it's a big responsibility for a 5 year old, and she can probably handle it, but it's still pretty new. I know teenagers that can't keep track of their glasses. She's still learning.
I don't think it would be fair to take her favorite toy or desserts unless she purposely hid/lost the glasses. It would be fair to let her know that glasses are expensive and you are unhappy that they are missing. But do remember she's still little, and she did make a good choice by coming to you and telling you that she lost them.
Good luck! I hope you find them!

15 moms found this helpful

Buy less expensive glasses. Check out www.zennioptical.com for kids' (and adults') glasses for $12.95 to $25. Several of my friends wear glasses ordered from here and are happy with them.

I started wearing glasses at 10 along with my siblings. We were never punished for anything that happened to our glasses. Accidents happen with children. A five year old is very young to be held solely accountable for her glasses. I would not punish for this.

14 moms found this helpful

By what you wrote "she came to me and told me her glasses case was empty and she couldn't find her glasses." sounds to me like she thought they were in the case and now they weren't. You also stated she put them in the case yesterday. I wouldn't withhold anything from her since she took the appropriate steps in keeping them safe. Yes it stinks that they are lost but I think withholding things could make her upset that even though she did the correct thing she is still being punished. To me that seems a little off.
I really hope you find the glasses. If they are in her sisters room depending on age you might want to make sure she knows its wrong to take her sisters glasses and withhold her dessert.

14 moms found this helpful

I am confused why she doesn't wear her glasses at home. If she needs to wear them all day at pre-school doesn't that mean she needs to wear them no matter where she is?

And losing glasses is not punishable, at least not at that age. My son has worn glasses for 16 years. When he was younger it was my responsibility to keep track of them because I am the parent. Now that he is in high school it is his responsibility to keep track of them, but honestly I doubt we would punish him if he lost them. He's never lost his glasses, but has severely damaged the them to the point they had to be replaced. We never punished for that because it is part of wearing glasses.

Explain to her that if she takes them off she needs to give them to you or put them in the exact same place every time. Sixteen years later and my son still puts his glasses in the same spot every night. Make it a habit, part of the routine, and they are much less likely to get lost.

14 moms found this helpful

If she wears glasses she needs them ALL THE TIME! Glasses are rarely a sometimes thing. No offense, but what the hell. I wore glasses starting at 6 and if I didn't I would've been squinting at everything or just going half blind. She doesn't need to be punished, she put them in the case and now they are gone. Why would you punish her because someone took her glasses? I guess if you want her to start lying to you then punish her.
If she needs glasses you are compromising that little girl's vision by making her take them off at home. Why would you do that? No offense, but maybe you should read some parenting books, I believe loving without spoiling talks about different parenting styles because I wonder if you are way too strict and expect way too much out of a 5 year old. The fact that she consistently puts her glasses away is extremely awesome for a 5 yr old and it seems you take that for granted. I would urge you to read up on expectations based on age and implement them in your life.

Just my opinion, and apparently everyone who has answered so far, but that is cruel to punish a 5 yr old for losing glasses. I lost a pair of my glasses a month ago. It happens. I'm really trying to hold my anger, but get down from your pedestal, you know you have lost things even in your adult life. Aside from everyone's disapproval, you are going to cause issues in her emotional psyche and cause her to not trust you (meaning if she should ever have something horrible happen, she won't tell you, that would be sad for her) and she is going to start just telling you what you want to hear and lying. When I read your post, I thought of that teacher who got in HUGE trouble when she wrote where are your glasses across a poor little girl's forehead at school.

Maybe you should punish yourself for not being an adult. This makes about as much sense as letting your 5 yr old take care of a baby. Valuable things should not be in the total responsibility of a 5 yr old for heaven's sake.

America's best has a 2 for $60ish I believe and both pairs come with insurance if they get broken. I'm sorry if you got mad at my post but I wear contacts and glasses for one, and two I feel angry and worried that this little girl who is so young may be getting punished for every little thing that irks you or is "offensive" if this is punishable to you. I hope you take these responses to heart and reevaluate your parenting style. We all have to do it in some areas.

13 moms found this helpful

Maybe I am a softie, but it sounds a bit harsh to me. I lose things! I think it should be more about teaching her responsibility not punishment. I would see if they are at Preschool before making any rash decisions. Then when you find them (or get a new pair). Help her learn to keep them in the right places. She'll feel bad enough she lost them.

13 moms found this helpful

Uh, I'm 39 and I recently lost my glasses... It happens.

I think you should remember that she came to you and admitted it immediately after discovering it; she didn't try to hide it. If you make the punishment too severe, it might compromise her honesty.

13 moms found this helpful

I'm 30 and I misplace my glasses about 10x a day--I'm not sure I would punish someone so little for this.

13 moms found this helpful

"She came home with them yesterday because she went home and put them in the case."

If she put them in the case, and now they're gone... WHY should she be punished for doing as she was told? WHY would she be punished for her younger sister stealing her glasses?

Logically;

- Younger sister wants them (or you wouldn't put them where you think she can't reach)

- Older sister put glasses where they belong

- Glasses disappear (and neither you nor Hubby nor older sister moved them)

= Younger sister got creative and got the sparkly glasses she's been coveting

2 year olds DO climb. They DO drag chairs/boxes/toys/balled up laundry/etc to where they want to reach and stand on them. And they DO take their step-up away with them (or adults snag the step-up without realizing that's what the pile of towels/ princess castle/ daddy's shoes/ etc were.

13 moms found this helpful

I would not punish her for this. Things get lost, it happens to all of us, even when we really try to keep them in their places. Also, in my opinion a five year old is a bit young to be solely responsible for her glasses. Chalk it up to a lesson learned, buy an inexpensive pair of replacement glasses and help her take care of them until she is old enough to handle it herself.

11 moms found this helpful

If this is the first "incident" with the glasses in 3 months, then she is doing well. How old is her sister? I am curious, only because it doesn't seem a possibility to you that the sister might have taken the glasses and your 5 year old wouldn't have any way to know.

And I am curious also about her not wearing them at home.... if she needs them all day at preschool, she probably needs them at home as well. Does she only wear them when reading? Doesn't she read at home too?
Just asking... not trying to sound snarky at all.

For what it's worth: I have a 12 yr old son who is generally fairly responsible about not losing things (he's never lost a DS game, as small as they are, or any other toy that he gives the least amount of care about)... but we just discovered/ he recently developed exercise induced asthma... and he has to carry an inhaler with him now. He forgets it OFTEN. Most days he remembers, but we come and go from home alot and he swims and changes clothes, etc.. goes to karate with uniform that has no pockets.. etc. I ask every time we climb in the car: Do you have your inhaler? 9 out of 10 times he does. But that still means that probably 5 times a month he does not. I'd say your 5 year old is doing great with her glasses.

9 moms found this helpful

No desserts until she finds them?
What if she never does?

As long as I've been wearing glasses, I've accidentally broken mine, misplaced them, I even got in the car to go to work one morning and realized I didn't even have them on.
When I'm getting ready in the morning, I could put them anywhere. I try to keep them in one spot, but I don't have them on when I'm putting my clothes on, I don't have them on when I'm drying or spraying my hair. If I can't find them, I get out my spare pair to look for them.
Glasses can be a pain in the rump.
It's very good you are trying to teach her to keep them in one place, but these things do happen.
I would encourage telling her to keep calm about it and try to remember the last place she had them. Hopefully, they'll turn up....in one piece.
I'm not sure why she only wears them at preschool, but maybe that's what the doctor suggested.
I would also ask the eye doctor for tips because surely they have other little kids who wear glasses.
Glasses are expensive. They aren't toys. Losing them isn't funny. But, you can't punish her for life over it.
Keep looking. I bet you'll find them.

Best wishes.

9 moms found this helpful

Honestly, it sounds like a genuine mistake. I have a DD her age & I think you are putting unrealistic expectations of her.

As many have stated, adults are not immune to losing things. I often pick things up & then get distracted, leave them in an unusual place, and then forget where I put them. I am constantly losing my phone, the remote control, etc. If I got punished every time I lost something I'd be in trouble a lot.

I don't think you should punish her, personally. I do think you should develop a better plan for caring for the glasses, where you, the parent, are more involved, such as having her hand the glasses over to you when she's not using them.

What if little sister did get a hold of them? Does she get punished, then? Does older sis get punished for leaving them where little sis can get them? I'm sorry, but I just don't think you should punish a kid that young over something like this.

9 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't punish her at all. Also I don't see how her punishment is in any way related to her 'crime' so I fail to see that she will learn the 'lesson'. I would be punishing my husband every day if lost glasses were a crime. And he is an adult, with a real sense of what the natural consequences for him will be when he can't find them. Also - I would be very cautious about using food as a punishment or reward. Setting up an unhealthy relationship with food can have way more far reaching consequences that maybe having to get a new pair of glasses. She is only 5 - if you want the glasses to stay in a particular place, you need to watch her do it each day or check with her at the time it happens.

9 moms found this helpful

I think 5 is pretty young and the punishment should be more of a talking to as you HELP her find them. I lose my glasses all day long, so does my husband, it's so easy to do. Maybe have more than one place she can take them off and leave them, like on a shelf in the livingroom or on the counter in the kitchen as well as her spot in the bathroom. That way she has an option in each room and it might make it easier for her. It takes awhile to get used to taking care of glasses and you dont want to make her HATE them since she needs them.

8 moms found this helpful

I would not punish her, I would help her find them and leave it at that. Have you never misplaced something?

8 moms found this helpful

She's FIVE YEARS OLD!!! She's been wearing the glasses for what, 4 months?! give her a TAD bit of break...she was responsible enough to tell you the truth...

yes, they are expensive...so if she's earning an allowance - maybe make her pay for them....if she's not earning an allowance - have her earn money doing things so that she can pay for them...

maybe in the future she needs to give the glasses to you when she's not wearing them...

8 moms found this helpful

I didn't read all of the responses, but sorry, Mama... I think you're being too hard on her. She's had them for 3 months and this is the first time she's lost/misplaced them?

My daughter is 7 and has been wearing glasses for 3 years. My daughter needs to wear her glasses all the time, but we have the same rule... if you take them off they go in your glasses case that sits in the same spot every time. It took some time for her to develop this habit, and though we never lost them, I'd find them in places they shouldn't have been. I didn't punish her for it... it's just part of learning to care for your things and be more responsible. I'm sure this has been asked, but I'm confused about why she wears them only to preschool. That alone makes it hard to develop a habit of keeping track of them.

I would consider getting her a spare pair.... not to diminish the importance of taking care of her glasses, but stuff like this happens. You don't want her to be without glasses while you wait for new ones just because of an accidental misplacement, breakage etc...

Give her a break... I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose and if she did... well, that's a whole other issue, and I've been down that road of not wanting to wear them too.

Good luck~ she's only 5... and human :)

8 moms found this helpful

Geez! I'm an adult and misplace things all the time. Sounds like she is very responsible and this is an unusual occurrence. She doesn't need punishment. She needs praise for how well she's done. And sympathy for their misplacement.

8 moms found this helpful

I don't think you need to impose a strict punishment. If you remember that she came home yesterday and put them in the case, and you don't remember seeing her with them since then, then it might not even be her fault that they are missing. Could her younger sister have taken them? Does anyone else come into the home - a babysitter, cleaning lady, friend, grandparent, etc?

Either way, we all lose things. It doesn't sound like she was being irresponsible with them and playing with them in ways that she shouldn't.

Since she is so young, and wearing glasses is a new thing for her, I think that you need to be in charge of them when she's not wearing them. When she comes home from school, she should hand them to you, and you should keep them in a safe place. When you're ready for her to wear them again, you can take them out and give them to her.

I don't wear glasses, so I don't know whether she needs them all the time or not, as others have suggested. I'd say talk to her doctor though and find out for sure.

I'm guessing you will find them in the morning in her sister's room.

8 moms found this helpful

I personally wouldn't punish over this. She will learn by not having any glasses for a little while. People make mistakes and I think she shouldn't be punished.

Whenever you do replace her glasses, I'd get them from Zenni Optical (zennioptical . com) because they are REALLY inexpensive. It's where I get my glasses. I bought two pair of glasses, plus shipping, and paid just under $40. I have eye insurance, but my kids accidentally break my glasses, and I'm not interested in breaking nice ones. I've liked these ones just fine.

8 moms found this helpful

You can disagree if you want, but my whole life I've found it cruel to punish children for accidentally losing things. Do you never lose or mispkace anything? I doubt it. All you will teach her is to develop fear and anxiety whenever she misplaces something instead of learning to calmly retrace her steps, ask logical questions and solve the problem. It's also valuable to learn that somtetimes we lose things and they're never found, so we have to accept that. I also have a 5 year old and there are plenty of ways to impress upon them the importance of things without punishing them for something they may have had no control over. How old is her sister? How can you be sure she didn't take them?

7 moms found this helpful

My kids lose a lot of stuff and when they are careless and casual about it, they know I will be made and that they will have to pay for replacement. But when I know they tried to do their best, I try to respond in a calm way.

So my 8 year old lost his expensive wet suit at the beach while doing junior guards. He told me immediately and I could tell he was really worried. I was calm, which is sort of unusual. I told him we would walk along the beach and search together. We talked. He said, "At least I have the old spring suit (short, not as warm as a full wet suit) and he apologized because he knew that we would rely on exchanging his old wetsuit when he outgrew the old one. He offered to pay from his allowance. I stayed calm the whole time and we have a great talk about responsibility. WE arrived back where the life guard was and low and behold, the suit had been found buried in the sand. If I had immediately gone to punishment, which I admit I do more often that I would like, we would have never had the great conversation. Take the teaching moments when you can and you will see that behaviors will change.

It sounds like your daughter was very honest with you. I would cut her some slack. I wear glasses and agree with everyone else here about how difficult it can be to keep track of them.....let alone doing so when only five.

I hope you find them.

7 moms found this helpful

I wouldn't punish her. She's 5 for goodness sake! She is still so naturally absent minded that it's to be expected. I would perhaps scold her, but no actual punishment.

6 moms found this helpful

She is 5 yrs old and you are going to punish her for losing her glasses. GEESH.....

Who is going to punish you every time you have a honest slip up and lose something, unless of course, you are perfect.

I am sure she feels bad enough from the tongue lashing and threats she has received. People do make mistakes, lighten up mom.

6 moms found this helpful

I probably wouldn't punish her since it is her first time losing them and she got them in March! That's pretty good for a 5 year old. So I would just give her a warning. :)

5 moms found this helpful

I would purchase another pair of glasses and you be in charge of them until she is in kindergarten. An extra pair for young children is a necessity.. They get broken, damaged.. There are lots of options than going to an expensive eye company.

Still keep look for the original pair. They are lost, they have not vanished unless they were thrown away.

Her punishment was when she realized they were missing and her mom was soooo, disappointed in her...

5 moms found this helpful

If she put them in the case, and they're not there now, perhaps little sister took them out of the case.

Even if she did lose them, I wouldn't punish her - kids that age lose things all the time. It's just part of the age. I would simply have her keep looking until she found them.

4 moms found this helpful

I haven't read all your responses yet, but I wanted to tell you that our daughter began wearing glasses at 4 (she is now 6). She scratched the first pair beyond belief, and lost the second pair, all within 6 months. (Granted, she wears them whenever she is awake.) I went to Walmart the next time and bought her several pairs. That way if she loses or scratches one pair, she has a backup! This has solved a lot of the drama surrounding the glasses in our house. The only punishment my daughter really had for losing her glasses was that we went to Walmart when they were really busy, and had to wait in line FOREVER in the optical department. I made sure to point out several times that it would sure be fun if we were somewhere, ANYWHERE, else doing something fun, but because she didn't keep track of her glasses... there we sat in Walmart. She is much better now about not losing her glasses!

4 moms found this helpful

It was an accident.
Not something done on purpose.
The putting it in the glasses case on the bathroom counter for safekeeping... to me does not make sense. Because, a bathroom counter is not safe. Meaning, everyone and little sister goes in there, thus there are more chances of it getting lost or taken.

About 2 weeks ago, my daughter's classmate at their summer program was CRYING her eyes out. Just bawling and inconsolable. This girl is 9 years old. Nine.
I asked her what was wrong. She said it was because she 'lost' the key to her bike lock. (she rides her bike to and from the summer program to go home). She was, totally upset and 'scared.' I asked her why, and she said its because her parents will "totally get pissed at me"... and she was scared of them, for Innocently losing the key to her bike lock. This girl is a very responsible girl. I know her. She is not air-headed or clumsy or careless. But that day, she, by accident lost the key to her bike lock. Thus, she could not go home.
Anyway, one of the Adult supervisors took her home.

But it really made an impression on me, they way she was reacting. She had a look of crying terror on her face. It was sad. I kept telling her it was an accident and its okay... but she kept shaking her head 'no' and was crying and just plain scared because her parents would just be so upset at her and scold her etc. She has a younger sibling too. I think, she is just expected to be SO perfect and SO grown-up, but she is just a kid herself.
Its really sad.

4 moms found this helpful

You have gotten some terrific responses and very good advice. I just wanted to chime in that I try as hard as I humanly can to NOT use food as a reward or punishment with my girls. I feel that is a hugely important thing for girls especially, to not equate food with emotions. When they refuse to eat dinner and get bright eyed at the prospect of dessert, I explain that you don't have dessert for dinner so they can't have any unless they have eaten some good food first, but that's where it ends. When I am looking for an appropriate punishment for something like hitting, rudeness, etc., I usually take away a privilege, like a favorite TV show. In your daughter's case, I think she has to just get older to learn the true meaning of responsibility for something like eyeglasses... I know she understands that word, but she may be too young to live it out 100% of the time (no one does at any age!). I like the suggestions for doing chores around the house, and think that would reinforce the idea of being responsible and self-sufficient. Good luck - you are doing fine and it's so hard to parent in a way that is fair and appropriate ALL the time. I can sympathize!

3 moms found this helpful

I have been wearing glasses for over 50 years and never lost any. I put them on when I wake up and take them off when I go to bed. I wear them all the time. Id ask the Dr to explain why she only needs them at preschool. I dont understand why she doesnt need them all the time. It makes it hard to keep track of them when they arent needed all the time. Just ask them why she cant wear them all day. She needs to be able to see things at home just as much as she does at school. I wouldnt punish her for this. Id make it understood how important they are for her and ask her to try hard to keep track of them. And at 5,, I think the adults in her life need to be more in charge of when they come off and where they go.

3 moms found this helpful

Perhaps this is a lesson for both of you. A lesson for you because I believe you are asking way more than any person could deliver regardless of age. My husband is always misplacing or loosing his glasses. He wanted to get a pair of Oakleys and I told him if he looses those I will NEVER get him another pair!!!

Since you required a barely 5 year old to be responsible for her glasses a small punishment would suffice. For example, no TV, loosing a game for 2 to 4 days.

I disagree with the no desserts until she finds them. That is too long and serves on purpose. The purpose of discipline is to change the behavior not punish indefinitely.

Glasses cost money I agree absolutely but she is a child and this is a new experience for her. Now, if she looses them again, then that is a whole different matter. Good luck!!!

3 moms found this helpful

I'm strict- more strict than my all my parent friends... I'd be temporarily upset (let's face it, glasses aren't free, and you DID tell her how important they are...), BUT, honestly, I lose things all the time- it would be hypocritical to expect a 5 year old to be perfect with never losing something. I'm sure she didn't WANT to lose it, it wasn't intentional, and yes, little sister could have taken them anyways.

My strict self says give her a break. And maybe YOU should be in charge of the glasses and not a pre-schooler. You take them when she gets home from pre-school, not her.

I have four girls and my oldest (7) wears glasses. She's mostly responsible for them, but she needs a reminder here and there on how to properly care for them.

3 moms found this helpful

simply put, she should work some chores to help pay for the next set you will have to buy.

2 moms found this helpful

Oh my she's just 5. I say that because I had to wear glasses at 5 and God only knew where I put them sometimes. I had a certain spot to put them in but somehow they didn't make it to that spot most of the time. I lost many pairs of glasses and we weren't rich either. I was punished once but I was about 8 then. I don't know the right punishment but accidents do happen. If it was a 2nd or 3rd offense then I can see the need for punishement but not for the first time.

2 moms found this helpful

you already set the punishment - no dessert. now put a time limit on it. punishments need time limits.
by the way, if she's had them since March and this is the 1st times she's lost them, she's waaaay more responsible than my husband......and i have no idea where my glasses are right now. :0
I just read the other responses...ouch. Im sorry. I wasnt trying to pile on. I actually was trying to be light hearted (but honest) in my response

2 moms found this helpful

I would keep them in your purse when she is not wearing them and give them to her when she needs to wear them. I had to do that when my son first started wearing glasses and I still keep his spare pair of glasses in my purse in case the other ones break or get misplaced. He started wearing them a year ago this past A., he was 6. In the first few months he must have broken 6 pairs of glasses at least. We never could figure out how they kept breaking, we kept buying the "no break" frames and everything.
He has to wear his all the time now but the doctor wanted him to gradually work up to that in the beginning. Since she doesn't have to wear them all the time and she's 5 it's going to be very hard to consistantly keep track of them and instill the rules of glasses. It's much dfifferent when they are full time vs part time. Once my son got used to them and went to full time they got lost a lot less and get broken a lot less. He puts them in his top dresser drawer when he takes them off at night and puts them on in the morning before coming out of his room. The few times they don't get put there they get lost because the cats knock them behind/under something.
Edit..made a typo..meant to put that "she was 5" and instead put how old you were, 3. What I was thinking and what I typed didn't match up, sorry.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't think you should punish a 5 year old for losing something. Even adults lose things. Maybe on the third time she loses her glasses you can give her some consequences, but losing things is a part of life.

Just tell yourself, "Oh well, you win some, you lose some." That always helps me when I lose things in one way or another.

By the way, did you check the trash? One week into my son wearing a retainer, he lost it, and I rampaged through the house looking for it, and found it after rifling through the kitchen trash.

1 mom found this helpful

When my oldest lost his we took away the video game perfect punishment because he was straining his eyes to play them without them. That was the only time he lost them. Ignore those that say she doesn't need to be punished. Glasses are expensive! I'd probably let her have dessert and I'd find a punishment that relates to having to be able to see clearly. If the glasses don't show up I'd make her pick up extra chores to "pay" to replace them.

1 mom found this helpful

I haven't read the other responses, but at 5, I don't think it's too young to keep track of your things or be held accountable. My 5 year old is great at remembering to keep all of his things together, only because he used to not be great and things would get lost and not replaced (I'd tell him it wasn't my shirt that was left at the swim meet, it was his, and it was his responsibility to gather everything he brought). Only downside is that we're talking clothes, toys, etc. and not glasses. I don't know what an appropriate punishment for the glasses would be, but she does need to understand how serious of an issue it is. You can't go on replacing those if she ends up losing them multiple times. Good luck finding them and a solution - I just wanted to let you know that you're not expecting too much in having her be responsible for them.

1 mom found this helpful

How do you know that she is the one who lost them? If she came to you & said her case was empty, it'd seem that she must've put them in there. I'm not saying her sister did it, I don't know that but my sister would take things from me or from my room, hide it in her room then blame me for it & I got in trouble every time & she never got the blame b/c they believed her. I'd first check the sister's room & at preschool, try to have her back trace every step if possible to see if they fell out of a bag or somewhere to/from school or in the yard. If that's the case then yes, I'd say a punishment is due b/c they were in her possession but if she wasn't wearing them & to your knowledge were in her case then they didn't jump out by themselves w/o help...if she played dressup w/them like you suspect may've happened, she needs to know they are not toys to play with but make sure you have all the facts first before punishing. Good luck.

I have two kids in glasses... my oldest is 9 and has had glasses since age 5, and my daughter is 4 and has glasses since age 3. Both are farsighted (my son severely) and both have astigmatism (my daughter severely), and they both wear their glasses all the time ,every day, only taking them off for swimming, bathing, or sleeping. When sleeping their glasses go on their own dresser and the both get up, put them on, and they don't leave their faces all day.
I don't think its too much to ask for a 5yr old to keep track of her things, but allowing her to take them off whenever she wants probably created the problem. I have a friend with two in glasses and she allows them to take them all whenever and they are always losing glasses or breaking them because they were on the floor and someone stepped on them, or left in the car, the driveway, etc. I think having her leave them on all the time will not only solve this problem but help her by keeping her vision in check all the time. So its not entirely her fault.... she feels its ok to just take them off whenever because thats what she's been allowed to do.

Punishment? Make her keep looking for them. It seems she's smart enough to know she screwed up, but help her look and call it good. And maybe enforce more restrictions like they only come off at sleep times nad bathing times.

My sister lost her glasses in the sandbox. My mom explained to her that glasses cost a lot of time and money. She lost treats because it was a way to show her that if you have to take money from one pot (treats) and give to another (new glasses), you don't have money for treats. I think it was just for a week or so, but when we walked by the ice cream man, she knew she wasn't getting anything (not that I got one instead, either) because we had to buy new glasses.

That said, make it part of the nightly ritual, preschool or not, to put the glasses in their case and check them. Make it a habit.

Wow. Your kid must be fucking retarded. Five years old in preschool? My god, I was in kindergarten at that age. I think you have bigger concerns than a mistplaced pair of glasses...perhaps some special ed classes are in order.

I read maybe two responses to this and stopped reading. There are over 50 so I can only imagine what some mamas had to say based on your So What Happened response.

I agree with you that there should be some type of consequence for losing the glasses. I have two that wear glasses all of the time and one that only wears them for reading and during the school day. All of them at some point have lost or broken their glasses. The punishment shouldn't be TOO STRICT but age appropriate for a 5 year old. It also shouldn't last TOO LONG as after awhile they forget what they are punished for if it lasts too long and it loses it's effect.

I also suggest changing the place where she keeps the glasses. The bathroom counter doesn't seem too safe. Maybe on YOUR DRESSER every night (for now) because she doesn't wear them all of the time. It's hard for them to keep up with glasses when they don't wear them all of the time. My 8 year old has been wearing glasses since he was 5. When he wore them part-time, he was more apt to lose them. Once he started wearing them full-time, he kept up with them because HE NEEDED THEM.

Help her look for the glasses. Also maybe institute a SMALL reward system for keeping up with them. I did in the beginning and it worked.

Hope this helps!

M. T

This really is a tough one. Since the child has not had the glasses long and she doesn't wear them all day - it is a little harder to remember to keep up with them. BUT - little siblings like to have what the big kids do and they will do whatever they need to do to get it. Climb, crawl and pilfer. If your daughter placed the glasses in the bathroom like she was asked to do and they are now missing - I'm sure the young one had something to do with it. Those little bugers will make anything into a ladder - I've seen it first hand.
Make her accountable, yes, apologize to her for your initial anger, yes, have a different place for storing them - absolutely. Ask her to give them to you so if they come up missing again - you will know it was your other little angel doing the pilfering. Enjoy those kiddos. They grow up fast!!

Say a little prayer to St. Anthony to help you find the missing glasses. This always works in our house to find missing items and works for my family and friends too!

I hate to say it, but I am long sighted too; I lose mine every single day! I didn't start wearing glasses until 2 years ago .. I am 52!

Originally I bought drug store reading glasses, so $35 wasn't too bad. Then I went to an optician for prescription ones. The problem ... My eye sight is so sensitive, it bugs me to wear them for looking at a distance. Therefore, bang went my theory that I could wear them all day. Driving was down right dangerous, because I am too used to driving with normal sight.

I have tried neck chains ... The problem with those ... they grip on the ends & the rubber grips that you tighten come loose. A third pair I wore on a necklace, but I am allergic to metal that is not gold. My fourth pair I lost today! Those I have had on a shoe-lace basically, tied around my neck ... It doesn't look very classy, but it has been the best solution so far. I think the only reason I lost them; It is summer & I was wearing sunglasses. When I go inside, it is too dark & both glasses around my neck get tangled.

I am going to try the expensive route I guess & get sunglasses + prescription. Hopefully, I can keep those longer.

It is very expensive & I know your frustration. I get so exasperated with myself, but accept that I lose anything, all the time. I would literaaly as the saying goes, :Lose my head if it wasn't screwed on."

It isn't really your daughter's fault. I feel so sorry for her & for you! If I was punished each time I lost them, I would be so miserable, plus become paranoid & scared. I plead with you to try & exhaust any solutions - try the cheap old shoelace type necklace. It quickly becomes a habit to just put them on it when not wearing them. I truly hope this helps.

Required Fields

Our records show that we already have a Mamapedia or Mamasource account created for you under the email address you entered.

Please enter your Mamapedia or Mamasource password to continue signing in.

Required Fields

, you’re almost done...

Since this is the first time you are logging in to Mamapedia with Facebook Connect, please provide the following information so you can participate in the Mamapedia community.

As a member, you’ll receive optional email newsletters and community updates sent to you from Mamapedia, and your email address will never be shared with third parties.

By clicking "Continue to Mamapedia", I agree to the Mamapedia Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy.