Kid's Dad Addicted to Video Games?

Updated on July 25, 2007
M.S. asks from Plano, TX
9 answers

My quasi-ex has been living with me for a while; he sleeps in the den. I woke up to go to the bathroom this morning, and thought I heard my son playing video games in the den. I went in there and it was my ex! It was 20 minutes before he was supposed to be at work (he's a computer programmer) and he was in his pj's and hadn't even showered! He's 42. After he showered and came into the kitchen, I was there and asked him if he was playing video games & why he would do that when he needs to get to work. He was obviously VERY unhappy that I would ask him, and said that he was doing it to wake up, because he hadn't gotten to bed early enough, and that he was TRYING to get dressed & get to work by 8:30 (he's supposed to be there at 8). Obviously I was slowing him down, and it was "my fault" that he was up too late. Well, last evening the kids and I came home from shopping & found him playing video games. I asked him to put up our son's curtain rod, which we'd been waiting for him to do since Feb. He did, and was up rather late doing it; afterward, instead of going to bed, he (you guessed it) went and played video games. I'm sure he "had to" do that to relax so that he could get to sleep. I find him up at all hours of the night/morning playing, even when he went to bed hours earlier; he gets up in the middle of the night. We're talking about JewelQuest and other simple games. Even my 9 yr old son says "Dad plays too much video games." I can only think of 2 times this year that my ex has taken the kids out to engage in a physical activity like teaching them to hit a softball or play basketball. The only cleaning he does is laundry & the dishwasher, while I work 3 jobs. He needs video games to relax at night, he needs video games if/when he wakes up in the middle of the night so that he can get back to sleep, and now he needs video games to wake up in the morning, even if it's going to make him LATE FOR WORK??!! I'm afraid that one thing I need to do is tell him to get his own place, but do you have any suggestions for getting him to see that he's gone too far with this and that he's setting a bad example for the kids as well as endangering his job?

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V.S.

answers from Dallas on

Are the video games interfering with you and his relationship? It doesn't sound like it is keeping him from doing the things you ask him to do.
At 42, he is a grown man and if it is causing trouble with his work, you let him deal with that. I'd be ecstatic if my husband would do laundry or dishwasher and you're complaining that's all he does. Instead of thinking about all the things he doesn't do, why don't you think of all the good things he does, praise him for it and when you take the kids out to do something physical, ask him to come.
Guys are different then girls- Guys really enjoy playing games that they can conquer. Although we might not understand why, you don't need to nag. He maybe is playing those video games to keep his mind off of everything that keeps him up at night.
Give him a break; it will end as fast as it began. It could be so much worse...

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L.A.

answers from Dallas on

This year during school. My son's teacher told us to quit letting him play video games before he goes to bed. Even if they aren't action packed. The suspense and competition makes people hyper. If you can dream it in your sleep, then you are playing them to much. They might help you wake up, but they don't help you go to sleep. He needs to grow up and be a man.

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J.Y.

answers from Dallas on

I would take it & put it up. I'd only get it out when my kids wanted to play it. I know that's a hassle & it's treating your ex like a child & will probably make him mad. But, it'll also make your point-that he needs to grow up & act like an adult. I think a lot of men like to play video games (mine included) but that's excessive &, as you mentioned, not setting a good example for your kids either.

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J.S.

answers from Dallas on

You never going to "get him to see that he's gone too far." If he doesn't see it himself, you can't make him see it. That's ridiculous and you shouldn't have to raise another child. Give him a month to get out and stick to it. I'd say that might make him pull it together with the risk of being homeless, but it would probably only be temporary. He's got problems and you shouldn't have to put up with them. Are you divorced? He may be living there for your sons sake, but it doesn't sound like he's a great "father figure" anyway. A day-to-day basis of "Daddy" not paying any attention to him, and just video games, will begin to make your son feel very neglected. I say be strong and move on. Sounds like you are strong - with a son and three jobs. Good for you!!

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G.A.

answers from Dallas on

You need to be careful about people living with you. He may not leave and that would mean having to go through eviction and all. He sounds hooked on it. Anything that is obsessive is not good for us. Balance is the name of life and we all need many things but at least is it now gambling, sex, booze. G. W

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C.K.

answers from Dallas on

1st order of business, pack him and his things up and get him out. You are doing him a favor by letting him stay there and he can't be bothered to help around the house or interact with HIS kids?!?!
2nd would be to tell him until he gets a handle on the real world (i.e., making his family and job top priorities) he will not be spending time with the children OR living under your roof. When your 9 yr old son is making observations about his behavior and feeling negelect, action needs to be quick and STICK TO IT.
He is 42...a grown man and you are enabling him....cut him loose and let him hopefully see the importance of his real role in life, A FATHER! Not a sword carrying cartoon character...I know this is harsh but your kids deserve better. I hope they get the father and attention they deserve soon! At least they have a great mom in you.

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M.R.

answers from Dallas on

I TOTALLY understand how you feel. My youngest son's dad was/is the same exact way. He lives to play video games. AS soon as he wakes up, gets home from work, on his days off.
That is one of the main reasons why he is my ex cause he is still a child even at age 36. My oldest son 13 at the time saw it and still comments that he will never be like him.

He stays up until 4 am playing games and even keeps the computer on throughout the night cause the game plays in self. He was late on bills, had electricity turned off cause he ordered online games on several occassions throughout our marriage.

I would tell him to GET OUT, You are doing him a favor and it sounds like he will never grow up. It's a sad situtation especially when your son can see it.

Good Luck

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K.W.

answers from Dallas on

We can't tell someone else how to behave, except our children that we lead by example. If you don't like your ex's example, then ask him to leave. The hardest thing in dealing with other adults is learning that we don't get the right to choose for them what is in "thier best interest". Even our adult children have the right to learn and do good things or make mistakes on thier own.
K.

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K.H.

answers from Dallas on

i must say that i also agree with kay...especially since you two are split up. you can voice your concerns (in a completely constructive way) however he is an adult & you cannot control what he does. ultimately this seems like it really is a living situation problem!!

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