Keeping Politics and Religion Out of Parties

Updated on August 24, 2017
S.S. asks from Haslett, MI
13 answers

We are having a rather large party soon. I am of a firm mind that politics and religion should not be discussed during parties. I have some very loud/obnoxious family members attending. The kind that will go on and on about the current presidential situation, etc! How can I politely request that those subjects are taboo? I want everyone to have a good time! I'm thinking about hanging a cute sign or poster at the door that says something like "please leave your politics and religion at the door. God knows this is a rough time right now and we could all use a chance to unwind. Do you think this is a good idea? And if so do you know a cute saying to go along with it or how to word it better?

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

If it is family talk to them before hand and ask them to abstain from those topics, but other then that I am not in the habit of telling my friend what they are allowed to talk about, they are grown adults and can police themselves.

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T.F.

answers from Dallas on

If it's that bad, don't have a party or don't invite those people. It's not worth your misery.

Personally, I would not dictate what my guests could discuss or not. At the same time, I would not appreciate someone dictating what I can discuss or not. I would find signage with those rules a bit offensive.

Hopefully your guests are adult, mature and aware of hot topics. Most people I know would not engage in hot topics at a casual event. They are just more mature than that.

It's just not your place or business to dictate potential conversations.

That's just my two cents for what it's worth.

6 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

I don't think you can. I totally understand why you want to, but I think putting up a sign or warning people ahead of time is just throwing down the gauntlet and daring them to defy you.

What we are missing in 2017 is the fine art of hostess/host management of a group, the ability to see something happening and go into and say, "Oh, Jerry, you simply MUST let me borrow you to talk to Muriel about _____" or "Oh, Sherry, would you be so kind as to help me in the kitchen?" Watch some of the old Jane Austen movies ("Sense & Sensibility," "Pride & Prejudice," "Emma") or others of that time period - insults were few, social conversation was an art, and being kind and inclusive was the rule of the day.

You either have to NOT invite the people you feel are going to derail the party, or you have to have refined skills at intervening without specifying your issues/problems with what is being discussed.

No signs. I get what you want them, but it's not going to work.

The best you can do is bring a couple of people over to your side of the argument ahead of time, and have them on notice to intervene gently and oh-so-socially when tempers flare. Send the fighters to their respective corners, you know?

6 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Those who love to wallow in all that just can't resist diving into the topics first chance they get.
They LIKE the resulting drama and attention.
They won't take hints and they'll ignore signs.
They feel the world is entitled to their opinions.
The only thing to do is to not invite them.
If you let them in the door, they'll high-jack your party.

5 moms found this helpful
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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

I don't think you can. I think you just have to remember that adults who would rather not discuss politics simply won't. If someone was talking about politics, especially if I disagreed with them, I would simply find someone else to talk to ... that or change the subject as soon as I comfortably could.

Politics comes up now and then at family gatherings. It's usually not hard to discuss sports or a recent movie or something. Relax. People figure these things out all the time.

4 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Boston on

I actually like your idea but can see how some folks might take it as a challenge and be even more motivated to engage.

When I hosted Christmas and knew that there were going to be guests whose views are vocal, ignorant and inflammatory, I deputized my sisters to help with gentle reminders of "we're taking a break from politics today, I'm sure you two can catch up and continue this conversation some other time but now isn't the time or place, thanks!" or if someone wanted to start with me, I just gave a "I'll be happy to share my thoughts after the holidays are over but right now, I could use a hand - could you please bring the salt and pepper shakers to the table?"

3 moms found this helpful
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M.G.

answers from Portland on

I think a host who intervenes with humor maybe, in redirecting the conversation is the way to go - really depends on how bad these people are at carrying on, and how big a party this will be.

My husband has some family members whose views we don't agree with (racist and sexist) and we tend to skip those parties they will be at. That's the thing with family members who are opinionated and obnoxious - they kind of ruin it for others. I don't think a sign would work - I've never seen that personally - I would think it would be a bit awkward. Better to just try to contain these loudmouths to one area, and then in future - not include them if at all possible.

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Keep it simple and silly: "Anyone heard discussing politics or religion will not get dessert!"

My uncle belted out this request at the beginning of Thanksgiving last year. (Our family can get pretty heated, too.) Seemed to work!

That said, you 'control' the party by who you invite. There are some people we never invite because of their behavior. So, I don't know how well you can control the conversation, but trying to be 'cute' might only backfire.

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C.C.

answers from New York on

People discuss religion at parties...? Is that a midwest thing?

Well anyway, I do understand your thoughts but I think there is no good way to enforce it. The best I can think of is, a cute "fine jar" to be money donated to charity. Say something like: "At this party, any discussion of politics requires $1 in the fine jar", or a saying like: "If you say 'Trump', you must dump - a dollar in the fine jar."

1 mom found this helpful
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M.6.

answers from New York on

If the party is actually a large party, how would you control what anyone says or does? If you have 40 people in the same area, you can pretty much expect that you are going to have as many as 40 different points of view about any subject at all - some of which may get loud.

Instead of trying to veto what folks are talking about (which never works), make the party alcohol free. Alcohol only adds fuel to the flame when folks are talking about subjects where opinions differ.

I personally think if you try to "deter" by signage, you will actual incite folks more than anything (generally people do not like being told what to say or not say, even in a passive-aggressive, cutesy kind of way).

Skip the alcohol and enjoy the party.

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S.H.

answers from Santa Barbara on

These signs will make it even harder to control the topics from coming up. This could be a topic of itself to lead to the topic of politics and religion.

If anything post 'signs' of things you want people to take about. Have an arrow to the 'total eclipse viewing deck' or a sign that says 'try the local beer made by 2nd cousin once removed Jason.' and I am sure the people will start talking about those things.

Guest 1: "Oh, my old roommate lives in Oregon and got great photos of the eclipse."
Guest 2: "Wow, My aunt was able to see it in South Carolina."
Guest 1: "Neat, I used to live there, what town?"

1 mom found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

People who know me know that I have one house rule for parties - "Be nice or be gone."

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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

You can't dictate what people talk about. If you know going into this that there's a problem then why invite them? Tell them they go too far so you aren't inviting them when they ask.

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