48 answers

Is It Ok to Have a Babyshower and Have It Adults Only?

Hello ladies! I have a question, I am having a baby shower in the spring and it is being hosted by a close friend of mine. She was the first to offer and my husband and I were honored to have her offer so we accepted. Well my husbands family was the 4th person to ask when hosting a shower. Which I just explained that she had offered and we took her up on it but I am sure that she wouldn't mind having your help.

Well my friend is going above and beyond with this shower and is wantng it to be very elegant and enjoyable for everyone that is invited. We are having it at my home which isn't huge but will hold the amount of people I am inviting which is 40. My friend wants to serve a Italian lunch with a chocolate fountain, mixed drinks and I was just fine with that I think it's great. Well she is very worried about my house being destroyed but there is no time to reserve a place at this moment. So she wanted to put Adults only on the invitation but in a very tactful way. Now this is not unusual for people to leave their kids at home when attending a baby shower but now a family member has taken this personal and has told me that I can have a quiet and peaceful babyshower alone with my friends and then she will have another one just for the family and kids. I was offended that she would take it upon herself to split my baby shower up without even asking how I felt about it. She has one son and took it personal when I had said that we wanted it a Ladies party only. I see nothing wrong with the women having some time alone to enjoy eachothers company and not have to worry about kids runnning around. I love kids but in this situation, there isn't the room for it and I can't imagine the mess with Italian food and a chocolate fountain along with my cream carpet. Is it wrong to ask for it to be a Ladies only event? It's only for 2-3 hours. Your opinions would be appreciated.

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Featured Answers

The ladies-only shower sounds like it will be very enjoyable and you should stick with those plans. I don't think I've been to a shower where ladies brought their children - I would think they'd be bored. However, I can also see the family member's point of view wanting to include ALL family. She isn't trying to persuade you to change the ladies-only shower, but merely to throw you another shower where the whole family can celebrate with you, too. I see nothing wrong with that.

1 mom found this helpful

You can't make everybody happy all of the time. Accept this and you will know the answer.


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Ask her if you can have the chocolate fountain & italian food at her house!

2 moms found this helpful

Yes!!!! There is nothing wrong with having adult only parties for any occasion! Relax, enjoy your shower and she will get over it. If it comes up in conversation, explain that it was not aimed at her or any one in particular. Remind her that it included your own children. Space, refreshments and atmosphere were what determined the adult only status. I'm sure that most of the mothers are tickled to have an elegant shower to attend where they don't have to watch and pursue their own children. Moms deserve a moms only treat every once in a while. Have a great time, enjoy your friends and family, and don't worry.

2 moms found this helpful

You can't please everyone all the time, and no, it's not impolite to set limits on your shower. I would hope your family would understand that with 40 people, cream carpet and cholocate, kids just wouldn't work in the mix. I also understand if this family member doesn't have anyone to watch her son that she would rather not attend than try to find a babysitter (I'm assuming her husband won't be available) I've been in the position where my husband was overseas and it made it hard to do anything without the kids b/c we just didn't have anyone to watch them. I think I would tell her that while you appreciate the offer to host another shower, you don't think it's necessary to have 2 and you wouldn't want people to feel obligated to either bring 2 presents (if they attended both showers) or to have to pick 1 shower to attend. You might ask if there is something you can do to help (for instance, if she doesn't have child care with all the family going to the shower, maybe you can have an older cousin/friend of the family - 13 year old or so - keep the son in a bedroom with movies, toys, etc, but not "at" the shower). This is a tough one, but you have a right to dictate how a party at your home is handled. Just as you have a right to have an adult only reception for your wedding.

2 moms found this helpful

I personally don't like taking my children to showers/parties. Honestly, I just don't enjoy myself, so I would definitely not be offended by and adults only party.

That said...I also wouldn't mind having two showers - one with family and one with friends. If your family wanted to do that, it would be okay with me also.

1 mom found this helpful

I don't understand why anyone would WANT to take their children to a baby shower!! It isn't a b-day party, but a party for the adults to welcome the new baby!!

That was pretty rude of her to react that way. If she couldn't make the shower, then she should had declined in a more respectable manner.

I say stick to your guns with this one. It sounds like a really cool party, in fact, I'm envious!! If your family member wants to throw her own "shower", then let her, but ask her to seperate it from this one, or even have a "welcome to the family" shower for the baby after he/she is born. It sounds like one shower is plenty for you, but to let this family member do a party her way would keep the peace.

Enjoy your shower, and have some chocolate for me!!

1 mom found this helpful

baby showers are mainly for woman to gather and celebrate the new life that is coming into the world. Its not a birthday party where kids will all be around.

1 mom found this helpful

I think it would be perfectly fine for your friend to ask that it be a ladies only party. You do not need to added stress of having to watch out for your carpets or walls to get stained and scratched. If there are any babies I would say that that should be allowed. However with your family--they should be able to respect your wishes. You are the mother to be and it should be about you not them. They need to take a backseat to the whole thing instead of trying to run the show. I see nothing wrong with having a family party, but if this takes away from the planning and cordinating of the first party then that is rude. I would advice them to come to both parties. Have your family come for the Italian meal then if they want a more private gathering let the family throw another shower in honor of the new baby. godd luck and congrats.

1 mom found this helpful

I think that is fine to let her know. I would really consider having two or more baby showers. I know I had a few when I had my first. Sometimes they get too big and you can't really visit right. I also come from a big family and big church family. So I had two different ones with family, one on my mom's side and one on my dad's side, then one from my church.
Good luck and enjoy yourself...

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