Is It Possible to Ever Feel 100% Done?

Updated on September 18, 2013
S.O. asks from Billings, MT
31 answers

I'm 39 and have two awesome little boys, age 4 and 13 months. I've never felt so much joy, and absolutely love being a mother. I'm currently 99% sure I'm done having children, and have even been giving away all of our baby clothes, etc. But there's still a tiny part of me that doesn't want to completely end the option to create more children if for some reason we were to decide we wanted one more. (My husband is currently 100% sure he's done.)

Is it possible as a mother to ever feel 100% sure you're done, or will I always feel that small "what if"... and not wanting to completely end the option to create life?

What can I do next?

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B..

answers from Dallas on

Yes, I am 100% done and never waver. With that said, I truly believe I am the minority.

Knowing you're done, doesn't mean you don't sometimes wish you weren't. As humans, we tend to hate finality. It's normal. I think many (if not most) mothers think about what if. Most women have twinges, and after an especially tough day, realize why they are done.

4 moms found this helpful

S.K.

answers from Denver on

I am 100% done about 295 days out of the year. The other days will creep up on me and make me think about it and make me wonder what if. then I start my daily routines of the homework and the sports for the 2 I have and am glad that I stopped when I did.

4 moms found this helpful

P.W.

answers from Dallas on

I can't speak for everyone, but for me...... My children are grown and I am happy with my life. But there is still a little bit in me that is so sad not to be able to do it again. I DON'T WANT TO in reality, but it's a time so wonderful it's hard to let it go.

4 moms found this helpful

More Answers

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Being pregnant and having a newborn to care for is a special time in life.
When I had our son it was an exhausting but perfect few years.
But I knew going in that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity for us.
If you've got the resources and you feel good and your Hubby is also wanting another child - then go for it and give in to being preg-oholic.
But if Hubby is done, or your health isn't what it use to be or another baby will take away from what you can do for your older kids, or it will bankrupt you - then remember it fondly but let it go.
It's a wonderful stage of life but you have a lot more stages of child rearing to go through and eventually you and Hubby want to be able to retire somewhat comfortably and be able to spoil any grand kids that come along.
Try not to focus on any one stage because they all have their good points if you are open to them.

6 moms found this helpful

T.F.

answers from Dallas on

We both knew from early on that our family was complete with our 1 daughter. It was just a feeling I had... I never had an urge for more children. To this day, we have no regrets.

My family is perfect for me. I loved the stages of pregnancy, each stage of her life and she moved out this past August to start college. It is bittersweet for her not to be home but at the same time, I am so proud of the young woman she has become and to see her demonstrate independence and responsibility.

My husband was "snipped" by the time our daughter was 2 and I had stayed on birth control until I had my hysterectomy when she was 6 to make sure we had no oopsies. We were "done".

I haven't read the other responses yet but I can honestly say, yes, I felt from an early point that my family was complete and I was "done".

Best wishes to you.

6 moms found this helpful
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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Yes. I'm very happy with our small family of one little boy. Nothing feels 'missing' for me. Husband was 'snipped' when Kiddo was 8 months old. We were very certain.

I LOVE babies-- and I love handing them back to their own moms!:)

5 moms found this helpful

L.U.

answers from Seattle on

I am 100% sure I am done. I love my 3 kids but I do not want any more.
That being said....
I have not ended the option to have more. I am on Mirena so I don't have to worry for another 3 years. But, once my Mirena is done I am having my husband get snipped. I don't want to have more kids, but I don't want to do something that will take away my ability to have kids.
I don't think it makes sense! lol! Especially since I am done. It's just the way I feel.
L.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.F.

answers from New York on

Yes it is possible for a mother to feel 100% done - it usually coincides with the teen years. LOL.

On a more serious note, just because you want more doesn't mean you can have more. I am personally experiencing that right now with my husband. We would love to have one but it just may not happen. That's a tough pill to swallow.

3 moms found this helpful

V.B.

answers from Jacksonville on

I think that many people do feel "done" at some point. Not everyone. But some, do.
I did. And now, as my kids are well past the baby years (one has his learner's permit now), I am sometimes feeling a little twinge. Our youngest is 12. I think the twinge is just gearing me up for a few more years down the road when our kids make us grandparents. All the joy and fun without all the sweat and hard work and sleepless nights. :)

3 moms found this helpful

K.M.

answers from Chicago on

Honestly, it's nice to imagine what it would be like to have another child. It creeps into my mind from time to time, but then when I REALLY think about it I realize it would not work in my current life with out some SERIOUS over haul and I am not ready for that.

I do think that as a mother it is possible, however relapses are also possible.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.W.

answers from Amarillo on

I enjoyed the experience of adopting and birthing. I wanted an additional one but hubby said no. Then he changed his mind about 5 years later and I was done. By this point, I had a routine and the kids were able to fend for themselves and let me do things with them I couldn't with a little one in tow.

As the years have gone by I am looking forward to the grandchildren that might show up. I am making the clothing now so when and if they do, I won't have to run and hurry about the special things I want them to have and wear.

Now it is just hubby and me and we are getting along like newly weds a few years later. He is enjoyable now in retirement and I am getting ready to retire so this is another phase in life to think about.

Children are for a season and that season does come to an end and you have the rest of your life to do the things you want or wanted to do before and during the life of family.

It will be all good. Just enjoy each step and write a journal about your children and what they day as they grew. This should keep you busy. Or get a job or volunteer.

the other S.

3 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

I was 99% sure i was done but I didn't feel 100% sure until my youngest was in first grade. Since then I am just so grateful for the family I have and I just don't go there with the "what if" scenarios.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from San Francisco on

I was 100% sure I was done after having my first and only child.

And you do get a sort of another shot - it's called grandchildren. You will get as much, if not more, joy out of them as your own children.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

I feel done now. I didn't feel this way after number two. With three, it just feels complete.

2 moms found this helpful

J.O.

answers from Boise on

Yes, it took me 8 kids though :)

2 moms found this helpful

K.A.

answers from San Diego on

I have to say that after my third was born I finally really felt done. After my second was born I would say I was done but it was always with this "well if it happens" caveat. While I still will sometimes say the "well if it happens we'll move on" after my third, it's only because we use family planning as our birth control and accidents can happen. Granted accidents can happen on any birth control really.
I don't have the feeling like I need or want another one at all. The thought of a possible accident really does not have that same feeling it did after my second if that makes any since.
I am 42 now and my kids are 12, 9 & 4. The thought of starting all over with a brand new baby and the thought of how old I'd be when that baby got old enough to finally move on with their own life is part of what is unattractive at this point.
I've cleared out some things here and there but still find it hard to let go of the things that I actually liked to use. All the clothes we've been holding on to because after my daughter outgrows them they go to my niece and my brother and sister in law would still like to have one more.
But, all in all, I'd have to say I'm feeling very done.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.O.

answers from Detroit on

I have 5 and I'm 99% done. 1% not.
The problem is that 1% I'd regret my whole life if I say no more.
But at the same time, I think I'm done.
But yet...OMG it's so difficult!
And it's not like we can wait 20 years...time ticks.

I don't know!!!

2 moms found this helpful
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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

My husband was done after two kids, but I badgered him for a third. He was worried that if I wanted three kids, I would most certainly want four....

Baby #3 is now 2-1/2 years old. He is hell on wheels, but extraordinarily cute! I am done. I don't envy families with four kids like I did families with three kids (when we still only had two kids). I am totally happy with three kids and feel like our family is complete. I look forward to a future without diaper bags, strollers, butt wiping, naps, and sippy cups.

I have lost all of the baby weight. I buy clothes knowing that I don't have to worry about wild weight fluctuations. I don't have to buy shirts based on whether or not I can breastfeed in them. No one is spitting up on me any more. Yes, I am 100% done. But if someone left a baby on my doorstep with a note asking me to take good care of their baby, I would welcome that baby with open arms :-) The only way I would consider having another biological child would be if the absolute worst devastation happened and all of my children were somehow killed in a car accident without me. Then I would have my IUD removed and try to have more kids. Not that my children could ever be replaced, but I would still want to be a mother with living children.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.S.

answers from Phoenix on

I think about that too from time to time. My husband and I are 35 & 37. We both were married previously and so we are a blended family with 6 kids (ages 4 - 12). He has 3 from his previous marriage, I have 2. And we have a daughter (4) together. After she was born, my husband had a vasectomy. I do miss being pregnant, having an infant, etc. but the reality is, 6 kids is a lot! I often get sad with my daughter because she's growing up way too fast and I know she's our last. I suppose if we had more money, we could have considered one more together, but our families probably would have disowned us!

1 mom found this helpful
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C.P.

answers from Harrisburg on

Very similar situation here. I'm 31 dd is 3 ds is 19 mo. Hubby is pretty certain he's done, some days I am too.. Some days I go back & forth in same day. Sometimes I wish I had a crystal ball..still can bear to part with all my baby stuff

1 mom found this helpful

⊱.⊰.

answers from Spokane on

I'm 39 and my boys are 9 and 5. I had my tubes tied when my youngest was born via c-section.
Up until very recently I still yearned for more babies. I am finally at peace with not having more, but I wouldn't say I am 100%. It was difficult and I was a little resentful for a while b/c I did want more but my husband was absolutely, positively done.
If, by some miracle, I became pregnant I would be okay with that! :)

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K.M.

answers from Atlanta on

Mentally I am 100% done. Three boys and a baby girl seems perfect to me! Physically neither my husband or I have done anything to ensure that we are actually 100% done and I know if the oopsy were to happen we would both love baby #5 just as much as the first 4!!

1 mom found this helpful
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M.C.

answers from Washington DC on

Yes and no.

Am I physically done having children? Yes!

Would I mind adding to my family? No.
There are many ways to add to your family without a pregnancy. I volunteer for a group called Soldiers' Angels. We have a group that specializes in virtual (and sometimes physical) baby showers for deployed military families. So, when I get the baby blues, I just open this months list and start gifting. My favorite thing to buy and gift are soft blankets. :)

A friend knew she was physically done, but wanted more kids. Her family became foster to adopt parents. They only place kids with you that are possible to adopt. She has adopted one so far.

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D.K.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I am absolutely, completely 100% done and I knew it when I was still pregnant. So, yes some people are certain.

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C.S.

answers from Miami on

Hi S.,

I turned 42 - 6 days ago. I have a 7.5 year old son and a just turned 3 year old son. My first pregnancy and birth were awful. The birth was so traumatic that I ended up with a horrible case of PTSD that was undiagnosed. Thus, 4.5 years between children. My second pregnancy wasn't much better but the birth was almost perfect. If my 3 year old would have slept through the night by 18 months, I think he would be a middle child. As it is, he is STILL not sleeping through the night. I would love another baby but there are financial considerations and my husband wants to know if we will ever sleep through the night again. I am with you...I am not 100% done but don't know if a third would make me feel 100% or if I had another boy, would I still feel not done. Also, worried about pushing our luck too far. Our boys are perfectly healthy and I love them dearly.

So, I don't know the answer to your question. My BFF just had #4 and she is not sure.

1 mom found this helpful

P.L.

answers from Washington DC on

I dont know. We have three and this last oregnancy was horrid! But now that baby is technically not a baby, he's one... I forgot all the complications of the pregnancy & birth... I'm an only child and always wanted a house full of kids. Hubby says he's done for now but he had a rough time too, lost his job unexpectedly when I was 6 months pregnant so he's thinking more of the financial side. Who know maybe in a few years we'll adopt. I go back n forth a lot!
P

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L.R.

answers from Boston on

I think if you want a third, you should just go for it! It was a big decision for us, but I'm happy with it. My husband was never 100% sure he was done, but it did take some coaxing this last time to try for another. So, that would be my only hesitation from your point of view is that he really doesn't want another. You should sit and talk with him about it. Good luck!

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C.B.

answers from Orlando on

Everybody is different. I love my kids to death, and usually enjoy being a full time mom, but you couldn't pay me to have another. I am 100% done. :)

If time runs out for you physically, you might consider adoption or fostering. There are many ways to grow a family.

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X.Y.

answers from Chicago on

I have four. That's what I wanted. I'm 100% sure I was done, no looking back, the ship has sailed.

My baby is 6 and just lost her first tooth. I love where we are at in life.

If you are not 100%, then go for it!

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

I had one and never wanted any more, so yes it is possible to know beyond a doubt that you are done.

S.G.

answers from Grand Forks on

I decided how many kids I wanted before I started, and when I reached that goal I knew I was done. My husband also knew he was done and had no reservations about getting a vasectomy. I love my kids and I enjoy kids in general. My kids always have friends over and I enjoy having a houseful of boys, I like taking the kids and friends on group outings, I work with kids. I have never felt the need to have more kids of my own.

ETA: Maybe it is because I enjoy children more than I enjoy babies.

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