Preparing for the 'Last' Child Mentally - Does It Really Make a Difference?

I don't think it matters... we are preprogramed (some of us anyway) to just always want one more. I have 3, two boys then a girl. I was so thrilled to "get my girl" that throughout my last pregnancy I told myself (and everyone else) how glad I was to be doing it for the last time...

Now I'd love to have another - we are not going to for lots of reasons, but the longing is still there. :)

Now - that said, I have a number of friends who "knew" they were done, and never had that longing for another one at all after 1, 2 or 3 kids.

Good luck!
Jessica

I was the same way!! My number was always 3 for some reason. My husband only wanted 2. I had my son when I was 37 and my daughter at 38. My husband is three years older than me. When we had our second child (and knew we would be blessed with everything God makes) my husband was even more than satisfied to be done. I wasn't. After having my son I told everyone I was ready to start getting pregnant again the day I left the hospital!! When we brought my daughter home I again felt the urge to have that third baby and my arm wouldn't have to be twisted too hard to talk me into a 4th! I just loved having babies even though I had terrible morning sickness during my pregnancy with my daughter. I did harbor some resentment towards my husband for awhile, but it subsided and when my kids reached toddler age (they are now 2 and 3) I rather enjoy the fact that we no longer have to tote around heavy carseats, strollers and they are much more independent and interactive with us. It is a fun stage of life to be in. I am blessed to have the two that I have and over time my baby bug cleared up and went away. Talk to your hubby and let him know how strongly you feel about it, but it does take two to tango so if he doesn't want to dance...you will be ok too! Good luck!
A.

I think part of it is just, accepting that your kids are growing up and past the baby stages.
Then, realizing that your pangs are for 'missing' being pregnant and having a baby.
2 different things.

Every Mom, 'misses' the baby ages and times. And being pregnant.
But, well for me, I ain't gonna get pregnant again. Rationally, I know I don't want that.
But sure being pregnant and having a baby is precious memories.

I have 2 kids.
I and we are "complete."
Our family is done.
I know that.
I like that.
I accept that.
But yes, my kids are growing up fast.
Sigh....

Nope, doesn't work that way, lol. An urge is an urge. When we found out we were pregnant for our third, we knew that would be it. Then when we found out our third was going to be triplets we knew I was getting snipped, cut, stapled, glued, appoxied, zippered, you name it! LOL Guess what? After having my triplets when they were hitting one and later two I started having urges. Of course we weren't having anymore after 5 kids and me in my 40s, but the hormonal urge was there. I think what you need to do is try to push your hormonal thinking aside and try to put your reality cap on and really think if it's the right thing to do and bring up to hubby. Once you realize that it really is just an urge and can fantasize and enjoy the "what ifs" knowing you're done. Hormonal urges are hormonal urges. My mother is 76 with a stroke and still wishes she had more kids sometimes and has the same urges as other women. Thankfully she's past her expiration date because with me being her youngest I couldn't handle some little brat taking over my baby position! LOL

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

This was my experience- I was on the fence about having #3, my hubby wanted at least one more, I was unsure. I finally agreed more or less to shut the guy up. My third pregnancy by far was the ultimate worse for me, I truly didn't want to be preggers ever again. Then, fast forward several months and those mommy feelings started coming back and my mind was constantly going back and forth about having a fourth child. I finally decided to tell God that either he needed to take these confusing feelings away from my head so I could focus on my 3 kids or he needed to give me a sign that the timing was right for another. About a week later, I realized I wasn't constantly thinking about getting preggers for the fourth time. I took that as God was saying, "honey, your sanity level is at its max, any more kids you have will be waiting here in heaven when you get here." Those strong feelings for #4 basically disappeared. I truly no longer feel confused about having another, I'm content and ready to move on away from the "littles" stages. At your worst moments, ask yourself if having #3 is a good idea, maybe that will help you decide;)

I dont know I think at times we all long for another we miss those sweet days of our babies sleeping in our arms and not arguing or driving us up the wall. But one thing I tell myself is eventually I will have grandbabies and that will be even better cause I can give them back when i'm done :)

If you want one, you want one. Telling yourself the last one was the last probably wouldn't have changed that. I have a bit of longing for #4, but also telling myself daily it's OK not to have more.

I had mine at 35, 37 and 39, just in time for 40. I told myself #3 was IT. THE END. I never thought I'd get to have 3, and number 3 was a surprise. The whole time I was pregnant I was like, "Wow, last time, then I can lose weight for good and get rid of all the baby gear, phew, last hellish pregnancy, I can't believe I'm having three, I'll be soooo done...PHEW" It was a high risk terrible pregnancy with tons of complications, ending in an early emergency C section where I almost lost the baby...I mean GRAND finale to the whole ordeal....

And now here I am sort of wishing for 4. Tearing up as I donate the outgrown baby stuff knowing no more are coming. :(

You feel how you feel. Don't give up. Be super nice to your hubs. Flies need honey. But if you stop at two, be consoled, you may still feel sad for 4 after 3 anyway, so it's an opportunity to get over it now. I think it's a choice to feel satisfied and done. I'm working on it too!

When I got married my husband and I agreed on 2 kids. After baby #2 he had a vasectomy per our agreement. My baby is now 3 years old and I want another one so badly. I'm so sad that my husband had the vasectomy. I'm not angry or frustrated with him, but can't stop thinking about a 3rd baby. I knew I would only have 2 and am surprised at how often I find myself longing for another. I think our hormones just take over! Hang in there, you'd probably be feeling this way no matter what. :(

I'm a Christian, so my answer may be very different from the others here. But as I read theirs, one thing leaped out at me: "we are pre-programmed to want another."
That's because fertility is the one place we aren't willing to stop, pray, continually be open to God's will. By our desire to control our own "family size" to the point of refusing to allow the possibility that later on our "idea" of what that might be might change and evolve... well, it's just strange. I have three kids right now and we hope and pray we will be able to have more one day, but I am struck by the fact that daily when I take my three ring circus out somewhere everyone tells me three things:
1. I don't know how you do it.
2. Enjoy every moment. It goes sooooo fast.
3. I always wanted to have more.... I don't know why we stopped.

IF you're asking yourself this question, you are obviously experiencing some emotional turmoil. And yet Birth Control is never 100% effective. Are you ever planning on having sex again? There's a chance you will get pregnant again.
My advice to you is to stop looking at it like a "forever" situation, and just enjoy time with this baby and your other children, patiently waiting for the moment you both feel comfortable, or are surprised, with another blessing, OR the moment you are no longer able to have children.
If you want another and your husband is "done" then is that because you let him know on a daily basis that you aren't having fun, it's hard, etc? Maybe the key is to enjoy your motherhood with him more and let him see the good fruit of your relationships with your children.
Hopefully that wasn't too harsh, it just makes me so sad to hear families talk like this.

I have a boy and a girl and I'm 40. I should be done and satisfied and in my head I know I am. The second pregnancy was hard and ended with a miserable infected c-section. Even the doctor said don't have more. But my daughter is 2 and I still have an urge to have another little girl (not a boy though). I'm glad to see the end coming for all the baby gear, diapers, etc. but I think most women are wired to want babies. My grandma had her 5th child at 42 and my great grandma on the other side had 12 sons before finally getting a girl. Some history I don't need to personally repeat!

Hi Lillian, I was where you are some years back. My husband and i planned each child at a time, what me we didn't say were going to this many and that's, before each pregnancy we examined finances, and other. I had 2 boys, I really didn't want to have children after 30, mainly because of the age we would be by the time they turned 18, but I didn't have a daughter yet, and i wanted a little girl so bad, so we decided we would have a third child in hopes of getting a daughter and we did, I was 32, I figured okay by the time she is 18 i will be 50 I was cool with that, well then she started school, I had no more baby's at home, you would think okay I have my days to myself, i didn't feel that way, I missed my kids, and I had the baby blues so bad, by this time like you I was 37, I tried to look past the hear and now, because I knew what I was feeling was normal for a woman and a mom, but I also looked at the fact that if i had a baby at 37 i would be 55 by the time my child graduated high school, and that was a big thing for me. Well when I was in my mid 40's I got kinda of excited because even though i knew i was to old to start all over again I knew I was either pregnant or in the early stages of menopause, well I wasn't pregnant and I was relieved that I was not pregnant and i also cried because i wasn't pregnant. I think our emotions go back and fourth about wanting more kids. Well in 1997 I opened up a home daycare and I got over the baby blues. What you are feeling will pass, I don't think there is a preperation for that, maybe for some but there was not for me. J.

Updated

Hi Lillian, I was where you are some years back. My husband and i planned each child at a time, what me we didn't say were going to this many and that's, before each pregnancy we examined finances, and other. I had 2 boys, I really didn't want to have children after 30, mainly because of the age we would be by the time they turned 18, but I didn't have a daughter yet, and i wanted a little girl so bad, so we decided we would have a third child in hopes of getting a daughter and we did, I was 32, I figured okay by the time she is 18 i will be 50 I was cool with that, well then she started school, I had no more baby's at home, you would think okay I have my days to myself, i didn't feel that way, I missed my kids, and I had the baby blues so bad, by this time like you I was 37, I tried to look past the hear and now, because I knew what I was feeling was normal for a woman and a mom, but I also looked at the fact that if i had a baby at 37 i would be 55 by the time my child graduated high school, and that was a big thing for me. Well when I was in my mid 40's I got kinda of excited because even though i knew i was to old to start all over again I knew I was either pregnant or in the early stages of menopause, well I wasn't pregnant and I was relieved that I was not pregnant and i also cried because i wasn't pregnant. I think our emotions go back and fourth about wanting more kids. Well in 1997 I opened up a home daycare and I got over the baby blues. What you are feeling will pass, I don't think there is a preperation for that, maybe for some but there was not for me. J.

Updated

Hi Lillian, I was where you are some years back. My husband and i planned each child at a time, what me we didn't say were going to this many and that's, before each pregnancy we examined finances, and other. I had 2 boys, I really didn't want to have children after 30, mainly because of the age we would be by the time they turned 18, but I didn't have a daughter yet, and i wanted a little girl so bad, so we decided we would have a third child in hopes of getting a daughter and we did, I was 32, I figured okay by the time she is 18 i will be 50 I was cool with that, well then she started school, I had no more baby's at home, you would think okay I have my days to myself, i didn't feel that way, I missed my kids, and I had the baby blues so bad, by this time like you I was 37, I tried to look past the hear and now, because I knew what I was feeling was normal for a woman and a mom, but I also looked at the fact that if i had a baby at 37 i would be 55 by the time my child graduated high school, and that was a big thing for me. Well when I was in my mid 40's I got kinda of excited because even though i knew i was to old to start all over again I knew I was either pregnant or in the early stages of menopause, well I wasn't pregnant and I was relieved that I was not pregnant and i also cried because i wasn't pregnant. I think our emotions go back and fourth about wanting more kids. Well in 1997 I opened up a home daycare and I got over the baby blues. What you are feeling will pass, I don't think there is a preperation for that, maybe for some but there was not for me. J.

I had a ton of complications with my first pregnancy and delivery, and I was told by my doctor not to have more children. We didn't think it was possible for me to have more, so I grieved. Then 6 years later I got pregnant. I was very worried because of complications, and there were many problems (for me), but I had a healthy baby. We knew the entire time that this would be our last child. I was having my tubes tied to be sure that I didn't get pregnant again. Pregnancies were too risky for me. So, it's been 7 years. My tubes are tied. I have 2 beautiful children. I'm 40 and my husband is 48, but I would still love to have a third child. I know it's not going to happen, but the longing is still there. I don't think there is a way to prepare yourself. Sigh . . .

I think that it might help a little bit but it would still be there. Some people are just DONE and some never really feel done. I hope you're able to have your 3rd. Keep praying for it and for your hubby. =) Good luck!!

My husband and I decided during my 2nd pregnancy that it would most likely be our last. I think it did help to prepare me that I would not get to go through the miracle of pregnancy and birth again. I feel very fulfilled with 2.