I'm in over My Head!

Don't worry about getting anything done. They won't remember how the house looked!! Enjoy them while they're little, or if it takes longer (or is done differently than you expect) let her help (and let dad help with the slack).

My boys were ALMOSt two years apart. And I felt kind of bad for my little one at the time, but I knew he would never remember when he was that little, so I made a BIG deal about my older so he wouldn't be jealous. He did just fine. and Clay doesnt remember when I spent a little extra time with his big brother!

I would go to a yahoo moms group in your area and try to find a SAHM there in you area, maybe it would help to get a little help or have someone your daughter could play with amd give you a little brake

B.

I read Suzi's response and it seemed very informative. I am a mother of a 22 month old and a 11 1/2 old. But several of my friends have infants so I know what you are going thru. The best thing is that with everything going on that you knew to ask for help. I would maybe suggest trying to have a nanny or someone to come in a few hours a couple of times a week just to take the edge off. I am sure if you put an ad up at your local library or grocery store you may be able to find a retired woman or a high schooler that would come in and assist for a small fee. Good luck!!! L.

H. i have been there my oldes are 20 months apart and i had a c section withthe second and my husband had to go to work right after deleviry for momey reasons too if you need child care help even just for and hour or 2 or just another mom with kids to hang out with let me know

Why don't you try letting her help with your son. Holding the bottle when you are feeding him, entertaining him when he is in his swing, laying on the floor etc. With you close by of course, for that matter get yourself involved too, that will be good for her and some time for her to spend with you. When you clean the house give her a feather duster or a rag and let her "clean" with you. You definately have to let her know that it is wrong to hurt her brother, when she does those things sit her in another chair across the room and in a corner. Tell her that when she wants to treat him nicely she can come back and join you and help mommy feed her little brother. As for the schedules, your 1 year olds schedule is probably a little more flexible than your son's, just put her down when he goes down. Good luck to you, I know it is not easy. I took on a step son that was newborn when mine was only 6 months old, so trust me I know. If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to contact me, as a mom of 3 children I don't have much time to get out in the world and make friends! S.

I felt like I just read my own story. Very similar at least. Except no bed rest. My daughter did the same thing yours did to an extent. She was total mother hen and ALL over him. Be VER CONSISTENT with punishment when she does something that can hurt the baby, but show her ways she can help and interact with the baby that is age appropriate for her.

She has so much going on!! Someone new in her space and missin' mom really bad! Your daughter is doing these things to get your attention. --even if it's negative attention. Try in any way you can to have a few quality moments that are just you and her. Even if it's for a few hours on the weekend. My parents are out of state so I understand how difficult it is.

My kids are 1 and 4 and have been on the opposite schedules like yours. IT IS TOUGH!!!!! You can try to get them together, but my son is not ready for 1 nap a day. I started mommies day out 2 days a week and has been a HUGE EHLP!! Housework is impossible because you can barely maintain the days messes, let alone tackle extra needed tasks. Try moms groups in your area, neighbors, if there are older ladies at your church they love to watch kids for very little money.

GREAT IDEA!!-----A Friend told me that she paid a neighbor kid to play w/ her 4 year old daughter so she could get stuff done. She paid a 10 yr old like 2 dollars for an hour to play w/ her and keep her occupied. She was at home w/ them so she could keep an eye on them. Maybe in the evenings while your baby is asleep you can have a neighbor kid over to occupy your daughter so you can get stuff done...or relax.

Good luck--sorry I rambled.......been there (it gets better hang in there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Your daughter is simply jealous of her younger brother. Although my girls were further apart in age. My oldest did some of the same things. I finally started including her in the diaper changes (she can get the diaper and wipes for you),feeding the baby, changing the clothes dryer, etc. Simple things she can do. She'll get better over time as long as you can stick it out! I know she's kind of young, but get her a doll and some play diapers. Maybe even a little stroller. As far as the naps go, I think that's going to have to work itself out over time once the little one gets into a routine. My girls boths took a 30-40 minute cat nap about 10:30 am and then a two hour power nap at noon. That didn't start happening until about 4-5 months old.

H.,

Here is an idea, do you have an older retired relative who could help? Sometimes I ask my daughters Great Grandma, who is 92, to play with her while I get a few things taken care of around the house. The older relatives in our two families love to help out with all the kids. I would sound out Aunts, Uncles, and even the Greats to see if anyone could help. Stick to relatives you have a good relationships with already.

If family is just to busy to help or none of the older relatives is able to help either I would look for other mothers in the neighborhood to swap sitting time. My brother and I do this for each other all the time. I'll take my daughter over to their place and watch their two while they do whatever. In return if I need an evening with the hubby etc.. they will watch my daughter.

The other Mom's are right about your daughter probably feeling left out. My neice felt the same way about her little brother. Everyone in the family had to remind her to be careful with the baby constantly. My brother made a point of doing something special with her every week so she would feel special while his wife was busy with their son. She also was breast feeding. You might also try getting your daughter her own small baby doll. While you are working with you son she can be taking care of her baby. I have heard of other mothers doing this with their older girls but it might work for your daughter as well. Best Wishes, J.

H.,
I've read what the other mothers on this site have written and WOW! what great suggestions they have. My two favorite are trying to include your oldest in helping the younger one and PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE her when she does. Positive reinforcement will go a lot further that negative. Also, the idea about having a mommy's helper is a great one. Many young girls want to help but are not old enough to babysit. They can even help you with light duties around the house such as laundry, dusting, and vacumming.

So I guess my advice to you is...give yourself a break. You can't do it all and the housework will wait. Plop yourself down in the middle of it all and just try to enjoy the moment. They are only little once.

Ya know, the fact that you even took the time to seek advice shows you're a caring and loving mom. Hang in there!

I have a 2 year old (26 months) and a 3 month old. I was totally in your same boat and had a C-section so I couldn't even do a lot of things. I do have family in the area so that was some help, but I hated to have them help all of the time. My husband works a lot too so he is not much help at all. I can tell you that if you hang in there it will get better. When the baby gets a little older they start to interact more and the youngest one can support themselves more.

I would suggest trying to find something outside of the home like a mom's day out or something for the 1 year old. My 2 year old son needs to have activity and when he gets BORED he starts being mean to the baby. Try going outside with one of them with a monitor while the other one is asleep. It is a change for them and if they are loud it won't wake the baby up.

Hang in there and just try to talk to the 1 year old a lot about how it is not nice and can hurt the baby to be mean to the baby. I am trying to not give the negative punishment when my son is being mean which can be hard, but they are just trying to get attention too so find ways to use a swing or bouncy seat for the baby and play with the one year old. See if she can help you with simple things while you are doing things around the house and search for outside help for a little time.

Hope that things start to get better soon. It is all about finding your personal groove.

This is the story of my life!! I am 24 with 2 kids. My daughter is 20 months and my son is 6 months. When my son was born 2 months early, I stayed in a different town for 2 weeks at a time and my daughter stayed with her grandparents. When I got home with my son, my daughter was very jealous. She also was rough. My neighbor who does not have any kids but has 14 neices and nephews, suggested teaching my daughter how to help me out with her baby brother. Now my daughter fetches diapers, wipes, throws dirty ones away, can hold her brother's bottle with assistance of course, and even holds her brother with our help. She was only 16 months when we started all of this. Also if you have any freinds nearby that can help, get them to assist you. Trying to raise two kids, keep a house clean and keep your sanity is difficult. Take all the help you can get. Also if you have your daughter on a schedule keep it and then keep your son up until it is time for your daughters nap and then put him down for his. It may take a couple of days for him to get used to the schedule but he will do it.

There are postpartum doulas that you can search online for one in your area.Some do work for discounted fees or free if you can find one willing.They will come to your house and help with light house cleaning and meal prep or errands.I do this work so I know it will help.

A.

First off I went to your myspace and your children are just
beautiful. My husband and I are both way into tattoos, he is about done with one sleeve and working on the other. :)

I have a 7 week old and a 21/2 year old, both boys. My situation is cake compared to yours and I can promise you I really have thought many times that I can't do it. It is a huge adjustment and we all need time to adjust. Given the fact that your son was early may mean he is not even on a schedule yet at least not a permanent one. Everyday I think my 7 wk old is getting in the swing of things I quickly see that I am wrong. A few things that have helped me is to take each day one day at a time - okay really more like hour by hour or task by task. And a friend reminded me that my oldest son is now a sibling and everything he is going through is just simply part of being a sibling - he will adjust on his time not mine and I can only help him with that. Sometimes I have to let the house go and some days think okay if I just can brush my teeth and not lock myself in the bathroom to cry all is well. I try to spend some true quality time with my oldest and he seems to really respond to that. He is also rough even though he doesn't mean to be - I just really take time to let him hold his baby brother (on my lap) and I tell him stories about when he was a baby. I also in a desperate attempt pulled out all of his baby pictures so he could see us holding and loving on him. He seemed to really get something out of that. I know he is alot older than your daughter but some of it may click. I can promise you that you are doing an excellent job just judging by the fact that you are asking for input here. I can tell you we are doing much better now than even 2 weeks ago - I am not sure what changed except I know I am relaxing and letting go of my ridiculous expectations of myself and just allowing it to all happen.

Holly,
My daughter was also 1 when my son was born. They never took naps at the same time. I'm sorry to say I just had to give up on the whole nap idea for me, and put the the kids at different ends of the house so they wouldn't disturb each other. I let her "help" me when he was just born. I would ask her to help mommy hold brother's bottle. Or ask her to get diaper for me. That way she was included. I also made sure to play with her when her brother was napping. My mom also bought her a baby swing, so she would leave her brother's alone. (It worked pretty well) She was still rough with him, but I just kept on repeating be gentle and would take her hand and show her how to touch her brother gently. Unfortunately the process took time, but she is now 2 and most of the time is gentle with her brother.

I would first advise you to find a support group in your community, and I do not mean couseling. Several schools, dayscares, and churches have playtime where moms can bring their children and spend time with other moms while the children play. I understand yours are very young. I know that Willard offers a stroller club where moms walk the trails together. You could get exercise, make some friends and I am sure the kids would love it too. I have one who is 2, one 11 and one 12. I know it can be hectic when they are close in age. Please try to be patient with the one year old as she is adjusting, but also make time for yourself, even if it is a five minute shower. I used to take the baby in the bathroom strapped in car seat or stroller and take a quick shower while baby slept in car seat or stroller. It gives you time to rejuvenate for the next hectic hours you have ahead of you.

Secondly, I know this is off the subject, but I would remove pictures of your children from myspace, I did not follow the link, but I assume you have pictures of them on there according to the note you had next to the link. I am not trying to be bossy, but there are many predators out there just looking for a way into your life. As with any information you give out either face to face or on the internet you should always keep your childrens information secure.

Good luck

I run a daycare and deal with 1 year old's being jelous and a little mean to the little babies. I do have to keep them apart as much as possible.

I actually enjoy keeping them on opposite schedules. What I do is set the times the babies will be in their beds. Once I change them and I know they are full enough, I put them in their beds with some music and shut the door. That gives me time now to pay attention to the other child that needs attention. I do my best to piggy back their rest periods all day. I will not go back into that room while they are having their rest time. Even if they cry, it will not hurt them and their rest periods get easier when they get used to being on a schedule. They learn that you are coming back.

However, the older babies don't sleep as much as the young ones, so they will be around the little baby at some point. It's at that point that I will put the older baby in a highchair with some toys or in a pack and play in the same room with the rest of us. I try hard not to look at it like they are being really mean. It can seem mean, but how much do they really understand at this age? I do tell them sternly when they are doing something they should not. I tell them it's mean too because that's how they will learn. But it can take months sometimes for them to learn.

I just had a little boy go through this. It started around 15 months. He would pick up a toy car or block and just wop one of the little ones on the head. I'd pick him up and put him in the highchair and he would play in there for at least 30 minutes to an hour. He actually liked the chair just fine so it wasn't a struggle. By the time he'd get out of the highchair, the little baby would either be napping or safely in a seat, baby swing, or pack and play, but out of reach of the little one.

I care for 4 children unrelated to me plus my own daughter. I am open 24/7, so I have many kids that come and go on various days ranging from 1 day per week to 5 days per week. It makes for some interesting dynamics.

All I can suggest about getting the house clean is turn on some great music and work fast. Clean the house in little 15 minutes spurts through out the day. You'll learn to keep up. But your bound to be feeling overwhelmed for awhile. Give yourself a break. You'll get throught his. I know it can be difficult. But just be glad it won't last forever! LOL. In my case, everytime one of them gets old enough for school I am taking another newborn into care and my last year babies are learning to walk while the year before babies are 2 and going through some very stubborn stages.

take care
Suzi

Just a few suggestions. Try using a box fan in the baby's room to help him to sleep and so he won't hear noises around the house. We use this in our son's room for his naps and at bedtime. We direct the fan away from his bed so it is not blowing on him. It works great! And for your daughter, plan some time for just you and her at least once a week, maybe on the weekend, and talk about it all week. Redirect her attention when she is misbehaving, like say Soooo what does my baby girl want to do for mommy/daughter time on Saturday? Tell her that you can't wait to spend time with her, just you and her together. Good Luck, A.