I Need Hhhheeeellllppppp

It may seem a little mean, but...everytime they talk back, scream at each other, whine etc, put a bar of soap in their mouths. It usually takes 2 or 3 times for them to get the hint. Good luck!

(Plus...you'll get a little quiet, even if for a moment!)

Sorry this is kind of late. But I really wanted to encourage you-it does get easier! My kids are 15 months apart and the ages your kids are were the hardest times to deal with! Now they are 8 & 9 and things are sooo much easier!
I would recommend whatever you do and no matter how hard it is- BE CONSISTENT-when you say no, mean it- and don't let them get their way when whining. When I would insist my daughter use her "big girl" voice without whining to ask for things she finally came around (at least 70% of the time- she is and will probably always be strong willed-so I have had to work hard to make her understand that no matter how much she cries or whines, I will not give in).
Overall just remember, it does get easier! In a few years, you will actually be able to reason with them!
Good luck and God Bless!

Hi H.,
I read the responses and you have been given some good advice. But I think you need a break. Do have a means of spending some separate time with each child? It may sound terrible but can you get someone to keep one child for an afternoon? That may help you and your girls.

Sometimes we allow some bad behavior because at first it was "cute". Then the behaviors get out of hand. You have to get consistent in applying discipline. Note, time out should be age appropriate. The general rule of thumb is 1 minute per year of age. Please use time-out sparingly. Time-out stops a behavior and does NOT create a new behavior. Try hugs and kisses for good behavior.

C. W.

I love to parent the Love and Logic way. www.loveandlogic.com. Get the CD's or the book and it is so helpful!

As far as their age..usually kids at that age have a hard time communicating, so they aren't as patient with us when we are trying to understand them. Just do your best and it should get better as they get older.

My two oldest are 1 year apart as well. I never had the problems you had, but every child is different. Good luck! And I totally recommend L&L!

D.
Mom to 4

Hi H....it may not be much of help but in my experience this is what pretty much all the 2 and 3 years old do (except some lucky cases where good genes and peaceful household environment actually work together and the child is naturally relaxed). So keep doing what you can as far as discipline (maybe try something different if your methods dont' work) and be faithful that at about 4 y.o there's going to be the turning point (not sure about the "talk back, but surely about whining and understanding consequences!). I really think there's not much way around it except doing what we can and waiting for this phase to be over...I am confident that growing up will bring more understanding, patience and empathy. I can just tell how my 3 y.o. does not understand some things and keeps repeating them over and over (bad behaviors usually) no matter how many times I have explained/punished him...so i just hang in here and try to guide him step by step in learning how to behave. It's tough, but we really have no choice and they do give back at some point. So my recipe is patience and Zen :-)It shall pass soon!

Hi I'm not sure if this will help you but sometimes it works for me. I have a 2 year old and an 8 month old and just from what i see girls just fight but usually when chey (the 2 yr old) is being really bad ill get right down to her level look her right and the eye and tell her with a stern voice "cheyannah No" and if anything else happen after that ill sit her down with the same approach as when i told her no, just very stern. and when her time is up...usually 2 minutes... ill sit her with me and ask her if she knows why she was in time out and some times she knows and other times she just to mad or upset to talk to me but i always tell her i love her and kiss her after time out. and then usually she calms down after that... now thats not always works lol but sometimes it does maybe it will help you

First and foremost, I check my behavior. If I'm pissed of or stressed out from work/home issues. My daughter feels it and reacts to it.

Next, I'd check diets. It's not unusual to have lactose allergies, sensitivities to food dyes, etc. that cause behavioral issues. Also, if they are eating a lot of processed convenience foods and not whole foods, I'd make the switch. Chuck it all, change your eating habits and see if that makes a difference. There will be protesting at first, but don't give in.

Third, I'd read the book Siblings Without Rivalry. And make sure they are each getting their own "me" times with mom.

Fourth, make sure you are all getting enough sleep.

Fifth, rule of thumb with time outs from my pediatrician: one minute for each year. Your girls are young, and their behavior seems age appropriate to me. They aren't cognitively developed enough to understand how their behavior effects others or to effectively understand their punishments.

You might want to check out some Montessori resource sites for some ideas of activities for them. It can be as easy as sorting beans to planting to some beans, anything that will engage their minds and bodies. Set up little activity areas for various things. Books in one corner, building blocks in another, that sort of thing. Make sure to keep it child-led and take your cues from them as to what they need learning wise.

This will pass. 2 and 3 are TOUGH years. They have a lot of learning going on and I think if you can harness that energy/thirst for knowledge and find ways to keep them engaged it'll make a world of difference.

You have gotten some very good advice so far. And I am sure that you will get more. I just wanted to share that if your 3 year old is screaming while in time out, then you let her out, she hasn't been in time out. With my children, when I used time outs, I would explain that if they screamed, pitched a fit, got up, cried, or any other inappropriate behavior that thier time would start all over. You have to find a way to get them to calm down and think about what has happened. If she is just screaming the entire time and then gets up, she is going to go right back to whatever she was doing prior. This could also work if your 2 year old truly understands you when you explain things.

As for the stuttering, please don't "loose it" over that. Stuttering is not something children do intentionally. My oldest son began stuttering around 4 years old. He was the oldest of 3 (also had a 2 year old and a newborn) and was having issues expressing his feelings. I wanted to tell him to just slow down and think about what he wanted to say before speaking. But that doesn't work at that age. You need to give her some tools on how to express her feelings. Maybe even see a speech therapist to give you some exercises to help.
In the end, the whining and crying go back to what works. If you give in because it is easier, you are reinforcing to them that this is how to make mommy give me what I want. You need to make the decision to stop this now, decide how you want to discipline, and then be very consistent. Consistency is the key, and will make your life much easier even for your girls.

This is to Jennifer H.

DID YOU JUST SUGGEST TO PUT A BAR OF SOAP IN YOUR KIDS MOUTH?????? IF YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE ADVICE LIKE THAT, THEN STAY OFF THIS MESSAGE BOARD!!

It has been my experience that children act out more when they have trouble communicating so maybe there is something to the stuttering. Imagine how frustrating it would be to have something to say but you just can't. However, I will also say that my experience has been that the "terrible twos" are much easier than the "trying threes." With some of my kids, it's almost been a cake walk compared to 3. One final thing is that kids are a product of their environment. Take a breath, find a way to relax, get out, etc because it might just be that you're the source and they're reacting to how you're feeling. I know that I've had days where I've just felt rotten and wouldn't you know, the rest of the people in my house will feel rotten and/or just act rotten. Good luck!

Hey Iam so sorry.. I went through that about a month ago and I called my kids pediatrician and he said go buy the book 123 Magic and I was VERY hesitant at first but thought what the heck. So I bought the book; not a long book at all I finished it in 3 days. And let me tell you I was so surprised and felt like my life had changed so much. I have a 2 ½ yr old and a 5 month old. Good Luck and PLEASE give it a try. And STICK WITH IT if you do it.

They sound very typical toddlers to me. My biggest suggestion is to leave them in time out while they scream and the actual time out doesn't start until they are quiet. So yes, if your 3yr old throws a fit for 30 mins she sits there for 30 mins and then her 3 min time out starts when she is calm. If she starts back up in the 3 mins, time stops and starts all over again. Same with the 2yr old. When you explain to them why they got put there, say for hitting the other, you need to tell them how to use their name their feelings for next time.....I know it makes you mad when sally takes your toys, but it isn't nice to hit. The big key is to stay consistent with both girls. They know when they are driving you nuts and they will feed off that and run with it till you are in the corner curled up in the fetal position!!

Good luck and stay strong!
S.

I put my son in the corner, made him put his nose at a point higher than it was. Took me a little time to make him stay there without getting down, but it sure made him behave after that. NO means No. You've got to keep after them, not do it once or twice and forget it.

my daughter just went through this. stay consistent it will pay off. it will pass if you are consistently following through with what you say you are going to do and keeping the same rules. it lasted about a month, month and a half for us. it will probably come back in cycles throughout their lives (testing/pushing boundaries). you can do it, you are doing a great job.

You are experiencing the terrible two's and the horrible 3's. They both want to be very independent and they are going to test boundaries. What you can try is a token economy system where you reward them when they do what you say the first time (spending more time on the postive than the negative). You should continue to ensteal that you do not talk disrespect mommy, but make sure to play up the big girl acts that you see. For instance when one of them shares with the other make sure to acknowledge it. Also come up with a few simple rules and work on a few behaviors at one time don't try to get a complete turn around in a day. Tell them your expectations and then if they are not willing to meet them then you need appropriate time out mechanisms. Putting them in the corner maynot be punishing for them. May not being able to play with a baby for a short time, or sitting in a chair and not being allowed to run around, or maybe having to leave the room for a 2-3 minutes during a favorite show. I"m just throwing out suggestions because you know your girls best and you know what works for them. Also with the corner, its suppose to be unpleasent but don't leave them there for longer than their age + a minute or two (if you forget like I sometimes do LOL) because once they're there for too long they find a way to entertain themselves and then its no longer a punishment. Hope you get some peace. It is going to be hard to break them once you come up with your plan but stick with it, it will turn around once they see that mommy's not bending. Good luck!!!

Never , ever give them what they are asking for when they whine/and or/cry about it. Make them ask for it correctly and say "please". It may take a few days but it works pretty quickly. You've probably been giving whatever they want just to shut them up as I know the feeling too. See if you can arrange some one on one time for each of them. When they fight with each other they are usually just wanting your attention - sibling rivalry. My last 2 are 18 months apart and one year all I asked for Mothers Day was a day with no squabbling. V.

I wouldn't worry about the stuttering - my son has been doing it off-and-on for a few months, but has been in an off-again stage for over a month now. It was caused by stress - new house and then a few months later I changed his preschool. Once he got used to everything it stopped (Or so I hope).

As for discipline, a poster below gave very sage advice: "You need to make the decision to stop this now, decide how you want to discipline, and then be very consistent." I use time-outs unless he intentionally caused harm (hitting or kicking), and then he gets spanked. I've also said that he would get spanked if he immediately returned to his previous behavior after the time out, but so far I haven't had this problem.

Oh, my heart goes out to you H.. I read this article once about the whole no thing and it mentioned that they are not saying no at this age to be rebellous but simply because they don't want to stop playing (for example). It suggested to say something like this,"I know you want to play with your toys longer but lets brush your teeth and then we can do this or do that." It worked sometimes for me.

I am no expert but I think the whole whinning thing is just a stage thing. My 18 month old girl is doing that now all the time. usually it's because she wants to be picked up or wants something. If I don't want to pick her up and that is all it is about well then I ignore her and eventually she goes and plays.

The best thing you can do for your children is keep your cool and stay in control, I know, easier said then done, but it is when you loose control that they will get even more out of hand. I know when I get angry and start to discipline my children with anger that they are unresponsive and act out even more. My mother in law ALWAYS takes the time to talk to my children and it is ALWAYS with love and a calm voice. I can see the respect my four year old boy gives her. More respect then he gives her husband, his grandfather, who tends to get angry and disipline with anger.

Finally, the best thing to do about the stuttering is nothing at all. Don't even mention it to her or acknowledge. Just be patient and give her the time she needs to communicate what she is trying to say. My son did that for a little while and it seemed to me his little head was just going faster than his mouth could. It passed and I am sure it will for your daughter as well. I do know that fussing about it can make it worse. If it persists, I would go to a speach therapist.

I hope some of this helps.

Oh and Pray.

Regards,
K.

Hi, I read that you need help with your kids,(who doesn't). Anyway, I have 2 kids ages 10 & 13, so I've went through some of the same things as you. A kind lady gave me 2 small books that changed my whole outlook on discipline and helped me a lot. They are called To Train Up A Child & No Greater Joy by Michael & Debi Pearl. You can go to their website. Google No Greater Joy Ministries and you will find it. They also send out a free bi-monthly magazine.
Good luck I hope you get the books! Oh & time outs never work for my kids, they only work for Mom.

Hang in there H. - there is much you can do to change this drama! It must be so hard to have them so close and them obviously not feeling their best.

Two things: (I rank them in the order that I see the most benefit, but either or both is a good start)

1) Kids who are cranky and unhappy are most likely unhealthy. Often, it points to the "gut" or tummy health. If your kids eat milk and wheat, change it. First remove the milk - replacing with Rice milk. Take the cheese servings to 1 per day, serve popcilces or non-dairy ice cream. Do that for two weeks. Add cod liver oil (1/2 tsp per day) and proibotics (1 capsule each per day in juice/milk). When you stomach hurts, you are irritable and hard to get along with. Then, phase out processed food, get rid of most or all the wheat products. I could go on for days, but this is important - read about gut health, yeast overgrowth, etc in books in your Whole Foods/Harrys/Health food store. Do your best to serve organic meats, veggies, fruit, and rice or corn pasta/breads. See what changes. You would be amazed if you stick with it, the change from arguments and complaints to happy, independant children.

2) Scream Free Parenting. There is a book, and some preschools have the classes that are offered by independant providers. Look it up, ask around and find the class or read the book. I think it is fabulous because you learn how to not be a part of the drama, establish boundries and consequences and realize what part you play in escalating or ignoring the buildup.

J.

The method I have used with my daughter is based on the Love and Logic idea of parenting. Ther are many books CDs and DVDs created by them. One of the biggest things is help me keep my cool while she is loosing hers. You might check it out. As for stuttering it's very typical at that age and she will most likely grow out of it. Best of luck!

Hello H.,

I have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. When they are not in preschool what I usually try to do with them is keep them on a schedule all day. Even when they come home from school. It sounds to me that your girls may be tired alot, and bored. Try to put them on a schedule and try to be consistent with it. Include playtime like say on a park, book time, etc. then a nap (1-2 hours)right after lunch. Also, try to enforce a certain bedtime for them as well. In other words, schedules tend to keep them preoccupied and less apt to behave badly.

If the stuttering persists with your 2 yr old you may want to take her to a doctor but give it some time though, say several months to a year.

When disciplining my daughters, I take them by their little arms, pull them close to me and look them square in the eye telling them to stop what they are doing with a very STERN but loving voice. I try not to YELL because this is a sign to them that we have lost control of the situation as parents. You never want your kids to see this. I have a 19 yr old daughter as well and I use to do this with her because, like yourself, I was a young single mom with her. She actually told me one day when she became a teenager that when I yelled at her I was acting her age. Which, after I think about it, I was. She preferred to have conversations with my husband (her step-dad) whether than with me because I yelled constantly. So if you are yelling at them please take it from me and try to stop. This will make them into screamers as well when they grow up. The daughter that I was just talking about has a problem with this now and I know it is a direct result of how I use to yell at her.

If you need more advice send me a private email.

Pray this helps you!
N.