I Need Advice on Talking to My 4 Year Old About Expecting a New Sibling.

L.,

I am not sure that these 2 events are related. To be honest, he is acting like a 4 year old boy. He wants to be funny because he wants others to like him. All of my kids have the same tendancies. The 6 year old is an audience as he is also an audience for the 6 year old. I would just make sure that you are consistant with the idea that school time is learning, sitting, listening time, and make sure that he has plenty of time (and an audience) to goof off. Maybe you can make a chart, that every day he gets a good report he gets a sticker, stamp, or check, and after 5 days (and later 7 and later 10) he gets a small treat, like a whole dollar to spend however he wants at the dollar store.

I would also reccomend that you read a book on boys and education. Dr. Dobson's "Bringing Up Boys" was a great one for me. I have to say that I had my eyes opened.

Good luck - and enjoy! Pretty soon he won't want anyone's attention!

-C.

Hi, L.:

1) Your son needs to learn the consequences of his actions at school. How come the teacher is not giving your son consequences for his inappropriate behavior.

2) Stop feeling guilty about your pregnancy is causing him to act out. He is acting out because he wants attention. How are you giving him attention at home?

Here is a guide to help you sit down with your son when he has inappropriate behavior at home.

* What happened?
* What were you thinking about at the time?
* What have you thought about since?
*Who has been affected by what you have done? In what
way?
* What do you think you eed to do to make things right?

You can adjust the questions to his level of understanding.

Good luck. D.

I agree with you that the new baby is not the entire reason for the behavior. In fact I don't think it is related at all. I think adults expect certain things to affect children in a certain way sometimes, and I think you might be reading too much into this.

My advice? Stop talking about the baby and just focus on his behavior. He will have plenty of time to get used to the idea of a sibling. Good luck and don't worry! My oldest was almost 4 when his little brother was born and they LOVE each other. Always have.

I agree with the other moms who wrote in....that the announcement of the new baby is not what is causing your 4 yr old to act out. It does sound like this is only going on at school? not in your home? If that is the case then this needs to be handled differently on the school end. Also, WHY is your 4 yr old in a class with a 6 yr old with a behavior problem?? Your 4 yr old is in PreK? so why is that 6 yr old in the same class!? I'm sure that with an energetic 6 yr old who is constantly acting out inappropriately and gaining attention and laughter from the other preschoolers.....your son probably thinks this is all very funny and wants similar attention. You need to suggest to this teacher that he is not behaving this way at home and perhaps if someone would control the 6 yr old, perhaps your son wouldn't be having trouble every day. Someone else asked if you could switch classes? if that is an option....to get him away from the 6 yr old, then I'd act on that. Also, I think that you should talk to him at home WITH dad present and let him know that this will end now, and set up some consequences for him if you get another bad report from the teacher.

First, don't put the burden of parenting the younger sibling on him. . . .deal with the situation at school as it is. Treat him as you would want to be treated, and ceal with each problem as it comes up, with respect and love -- while he may be some kind of role model to a younger sibling, that's not his job -- it's YOURS. He is only 4 and doesn't need that kind of burden.

And at school ? Well, if this behavior isn't happening at home, then I'd say the problem is at school. And why is a 4 yr old in the same class with a 6 yr old ? If it's a problem, can he swap classes to be in a different class with a different teacher? In all honesty, he shouldn't misbehave in class, but obviously this teacher doesn't know how to handle it -- she wants you to do it, and you aren't there to observe what's going on. If he got attention for being good, then he'd probably be fine in class. I'd talk to the principal if this continues, tell the principal what you are hearing and that you would like your child in a different class than the 6 yr old who is problematic. On the other hand, Why is your child in school at 4? You have to be 5 to go to kindergarten. . . . which I was assuming he is in given the 6 yr old who ought to be in 1st grade by now.

I agree with all previous posters and would also like to add that your child needs consequences for his "bad choices." Punish him already!! He is misbehaving in class...he should be punished. Its all about consequences. I have found that the popular school of thought that has us discussing "choices" with 4 year olds just leads to more bad "choices". You and the teacher are the adults and you are IN CHARGE. Children don't have a choice...they are to behave...that's their only choice!

Also-the bigger deal that you make about his sibling the bigger deal that it is going to be. You have to approach it as matter of factly as you can. He will be fine with it-I promise.

I urge you to go to www.rosemond.com. He is a parenting expert who uses the traditional method of parenting and I have had so much luck with this methods.