Ugh!!! What Would You Do in This Situation?

Wow. I guess I would start by finding out her side of the story. And then I would ask her what she solution she proposes. A suggestion that she is invested in is more likely to work than just throwing a blanket punishment at her. As far as making her do extra exercise as a punishment - is the goal for her to love exercise when she is an adult and have a healthy life style? Or to view physical activity as a punishment?

I went through everything my kids did in school. Somethings are just boring. This would fall under the I get it but you must play the game speech. Well it worked with my kids.

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oooh yapping instead of doing??!??!

They are probably PLANNING that so they don't have to participate...

Make them do the PE...without instruction...maybe they will learn to shut their mouths when the teacher is talking so they know what to do!!! However, I strongly believe that your daughter and her friend have found a way to NOT participate in PE...

So start making her do PE at home. She won't get physical in school? She can get physical at home...find out what the teacher is doing and make her do it at home as homework - she doesn't like it? Tell her to BE QUIET in class so she won't have to do it at home!!

GOOD LUCK!!

The point here is that she's being incredibly rude and disrespectful. It's not about whether or not people think PE is a serious class. If she were pulling this during her English or Math class, some moms may feel differently.

If she were mine...
- Written and verbal apology to the teacher
- TV/phone/internet gone until she gets two weeks of "good reports" from her PE teacher. Have the teacher email or call you after class for a report.
- If she pulls it again, I would have her do things to help the gym teacher during HER recess period... considering the fact that she's playing during gym

I would take her to the school after hours and have her run laps.
Dana K makes a good point. But I'd still make her run the laps. Athletes are made to run laps as punishment and they have healthy love of excercise throughout life and many end up being personal trainers, buying gyms, and what not. I don't think she will resent all excercise. Our kids resent us far more than anything else!

Talk to the teacher again. Tell her to make your daughter run laps during PE vs. sitting out and visiting with her friend. Sounds like she worked the system.

Yes! Running!!!! Got to make up for the PE that she sat out of!

You don't say how old she is, but I would let her know that for her behavior to be bad enough for a teacher actually to telephone you -- wow, that would be pretty darned serious around here at least. She is not up for gradual discipline; this goes straight to serious discipline because the teacher called. She's disrupting the class for other kids who WANT to be there and ruining their experience, too. I am surprised that the teacher only has them sit out -- I would hope that the teacher would instead give them endless laps (not next to each other, so they can't talk) for the entire gym period and every gym period until they shape up. Enlist the teacher and ask if he or she can do that. Sitting out is probably great for them; they don't have to get sweaty or participate.

At home I'd immediately -- today-- take away whatever she values most -- all her computer time, or all her TV time, or her iPod or whatever she "can't live without." Take it away for long enough she really feels the loss and don't respond if she cries, whines, begs. She has to earn it back with a good report from the teacher on her behavior in this class. Tell the teacher you will be in touch in X days or weeks to see if she has shaped up and tell the teacher to be totally honest with you about her behavior.

Make crystal clear to her that you DO know what goes on at school and you DO enforce discipline at home for what goes on at school.

My daughter had issues at school last yaer because she wanted to have a good, fun and participatory music class, but a group of boys in her class thought music class is for goofiing off and blowing off steam. I was peeved that the teacher seemed to have little control over this other than to punish the entire class every time these kids acted up. I wish the teacher would have done what your gym teacher did and tell these boys' parents they were a problem. But most teachers unfortunately fear singling out kids because they are scared the parents will go after them and their jobs. Tell the gym teacher how much you appreciate this call! This is a chance to teach your daughter that her behavior affects other kids in the class negatively and they will remember that.

If you know her friend's mom, I'd ask the mom if she got the same call. It would help if the other mom disciplined her child at home as well.

Yeah, she needs to lose her fun time weekend or evening privileges, as well as computer/tv/phone time and write a one page report why it is necessary to be respectful and participate in class, plus she needs to apologize to the teacher. I'm not a huge PE fan either, but kids need to learn these principals regardless of the class and realize the importance of physical activity.

I also agree that sitting out is lax. In my day, kids ran laps or did push-ups for misbehaving. Enforce her activity at home, pulling weeds, vacuuming, extra chores, picking up dog doo...

I would suggest to her that if she cant do as the teacher asks, you would be more than happy to come to her class and make sure she complies. is the teacher seperating them? no contact with the friend outside of school if she cant control herself around this person.

Actually, my kids always tell me that someone was talking in class and they had to do extra laps. They do laps now to warm up before doing something else so that is a fitting punishment. To tell the truth, they might be doing it to get out of actually participating.

Honestly? I don't see PE as that serious of a class... Especially if the child [no matter the age] is active otherwise.

I guess I'm the "going against the grain" mom today. : )

Calm down before she gets home from school. How old is she?

Before you start reprimanding her, and BEFORE you let her know the teacher called......listen to what she has to say about PE. Give her a chance to come clean and communicate with you.

Then, let her know the teacher called. Let her know you are disappointed in her behavior. If you are communicating with her clearly and in a calm tone, not yelling, not abrasive.

Depending on how she reacts, I might ground her a day or so or take away the phone or some privilige she adores.........but not for a lengthy amount of time.

Then let her know you will be in contact with her teacher to see how she is progressing. At this point, I would reward good reports from the teacher.

We never spanked and would never do that. The thing that got to our daughter most was losing something she loved for about 24-48 hours... Chi iron, I phone, Ipod, computer, etc.

I like the ideas of having her do her PE at home or up at the school.

I would say some cleaning chore and then a good talk about how difficult it is for the teachers and how she thinks she should behave and what will she do to get her behavior under control. My son is almost 14, we have these issues/talks every year with one teacher or another. Some teachers are good at classroom control some are not but they all have a difficult job to do and you have to emphasize to your child that her job is at least not to make the teacher's job more difficult.
Good luck, if it the first time, there are more to come, trust me.

I was gonna say the same thing as Cheryl, but she stole my answer, so now it would be kind of redundant.

So, I blame Cheryl for being smart faster than me.

*ETA - it's not about her doing exercise as a punishment, it's about her doing at home what she didn't do at school because she was goofing off - be it PE, spelling, math, doesn't matter. You can do it during the time allotted or you can give up your free time to do it. Either way you are doing it.

I would first ask for her side of the story.

We would discuss her need to show respect while on the teacher's time. Save the chit chat for recess,lunch and after school. I would tell her that she needs to make better choices and I will get a report from the teacher for the next week. If she can go the week on good behavior then those girls she is chatting with can come over next weekend to hang out,play,talk and have snacks for a few hours. Maybe get the other parents involved too!

We would trek on down to the school and I would watch an apology take place and explain to the teacher the deal we have set up. And she has power to make better choices and earn a fun time with friends the next weekend.

It has helped so much in our home to reward turning things around and making good choices instead of always focusing on the bad and following with consequences. We want to teach our kids to see that it "pays" to make good choices. We have gone the other route of always punishing the bad behavior. It actually backfired most of the time and caused more rebellion. Sooo, as of now the positive reward system is working for us.

Good luck and best wishes at a better P.E. report!!

Your daughter is of an age where she can probably see clearly the consequences of making certain choices. And she has some reason for not caring about the consequences (you won't know what her reasoning is until you find a way to talk to her about it, and listen). You can load on more punishment, but this runs the risk of gradually driving a wedge between child and parent, and you don't want that wedge separating you as she approaches adolescence.

But it sounds like your daughter has probably not looked closely at the advantages of choosing better behavior. More consequences might force her to take that closer look, but I hope you'll investigate the wonderfully positive techniques offered in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish.

This book (and its companion book for teens) give real-life examples of how parents helped their children address classic problems themselves. Kids can be creative problem solvers with a bit of coaching. Plus, kids are more invested in solutions they think of themselves, and are more likely to work at making them a success. This is a brilliant little book that has helped quite a few families I know. I use these principles with my grandson, and they are successful and mutually respectful.

How well do you know the other Mom? Could the two of you come up with something to have the girls teach you? It could be anything from how to use a new program on the computer to a sport or a dance step. You and the other Mom get together and tell the girls to teach you how to do ___ .
Get them all excited that you want to learn this from them. As soon as they try to teach you start to act like 10 yr olds. Giggle whisper ect and when they get annoyed --ask them if they feel respected and appreciated. Explain to them that is doesn't matter if they want to participate in whatever activity the PE teacher wants them to do, out of respect for the teacher they must at least be polite and listen and participate. And that teachers have rules too, she may not want to have to teach them this but the school board decided she had too.

Besides it's a life lesson, as an adult she will often have to do things she doesn't want to. Like pay a bill instead of getting new shoes or going out to eat.

Cheryl O has an excellent idea.

If you want her to do something productive instead of just exercising, there is always mowing the lawn at a jog or at least a fast walk. In winter you can have her shovel the snow. That's good exercise too.

Or have her dig a garden or remulch the landscape plants or . . . you are only limited by your imagination.

Good luck to you and yours.

When my son was in 7th grade he was acting up on the bus and getting pink slips. I told him if he got one more I would be riding the bus with him. He didn't get another one because he knew I would do what I said. Maybe you should threaten to show up in class or do it. Call her bluff. The last thing kids want is their parents hanging around...lol Yet again, I tried this on my sixteen year old foster daughter and she said, "Good...maybe you could learn something in astronomy and teach ME..." good luck

I would email or leave a message for the gym teacher that you are bringing her in to school a little early tomorrow to see him to apologize for her behavior. I would ask in an email or conversation with her gym teacher and cc her classroom teacher that since this in an ongoing problem carrying over from last year, you would like to see a significant school consequence if she repeats this behavior a 3rd time. I'd tell them I would be open to having her run laps during gym or during her recess, miss out on a school field trip, detention, extra homework, quiet lunch in the classroom with the teacher, etc. And you will 100% back their consequences. I would also ask that she be separated as much as possible from this friend she talks too much with. And the next time she asks you for something, wants to watch TV, go someplace fun, etc. your answer can be "yes, but only after you exercise for 45 minutes to make up for what you missed at school when you decided to misbehave."

Not sure about what consequences she should have...maybe no sleepovers or friend playing for 2 weeks? As far as what's going on in class, has the teacher separated the girls? I coach, run a daycare and have been an asst. Girl Scout leader and the best thing in that situation is to separate them...if the teacher needs to, them make the girls stand up by him, one on each side. I have to do this w/ my own daughter in volleyball because she acts the same way w/ her BFF...and she's definitely old enough to know better! Just a thought...good luck w/ this. I'd like to know if you find a consequence that works!

Talk to her and find out why she is being disrespectful, why she thinks it's not important to listen to the teacher. Then decide what to do! I threatened to go to school with one of my kids to stop their bad behavior. I will take you and go to class with you, sit at your desk, walk the halls with you, go to lunch with you, etc...that stopped it real quickly!

Although she doesn't care about privileges, what about television, phone privileges, and doing things on the weekend. Give her extra chores to do after school and on the weekend. When she has to spend the weekend cleaning instead of something she wants to do like reading, watching a movie, talking to her friends, etc...it might make her think about her actions. Just make sure she understands that this will continue until your attitude changes. You have to respect the teacher, no matter what class!

I would honestly think the gym teacher needs to do the punishment. Evidently they don't have respect for the teacher. If the teacher makes them do stairs or run laps or do push ups, etc...you get the idea, they will start to connect the dots and figure out quickly that they do not want to get into trouble. If the teacher does not have their respect as a role, the teacher must earn that or they will always have this issue with these kids.

By any chance is her friends named Charity? lol. My daughter gets in the same boat alot because of her mouth.

Don't let her wear her favorite clothes for a week, or put her hair up or such. My daughter freaks when she can't wear her hair in a pony tail and have bands and ribbons in it with matching earings to match her "neon" peace outfit. KILLED her Last week. She is 11 and in 5th grade.

You have some good answers so far. It's a hard question b/c as a former teacher I do think you should at least try and help the situation and discuss the importance of respect, paying attention, PE, etc., but I also don't think she should be punished twice for this behavior. I think, as Linda suggested, talking to her and finding out why she's acting like this is a start.

The only other suggestion I had was to tell her that if she isn't going to have PE at school then she'll have to have it at home. You could make her do a work out video or run around the block or do yard work or whatever...that might deter her!

I'm with Linda on this one: Tell her that if you get any more bad reports, you will show up at school and sit out WITH her. What a mortifying thought!

The kicker is this: You have to be prepared to actually follow through. ;o)

ETA: Regarding Tori's response...I don't advise EVER using PE as a punishment. Why would you want to turn her off healthy physical activity? Just a thought from someone who is required to do PE on a daily basis (military).

ask her if she understands what respect means. she needs to respect teachers and their rules / boundries. If she is laughing and goofing off she is not showing respect. then demonstrate in a way that will matter to her that you will take away your respect for her boundries. remove her bedroom door. it worked on my daughter. at her age everything except breathing is a prividge. she needs to earn back what she is loosing. so take things away one at a time. you will find the one that works the door would be a later consequence not a first one. but take away music, tv, video games, phone etc.....

I didn't read all the responses, but I would say that she is old enough to experience the natural consequences. Did the teacher call as a courtesy to let you know? Does she want you to do something?

I would talk to the teacher and ask her what the results will be if this behavior keeps up. If she's sitting out, she must not be getting credit for the work. Would she fail the class? If she does, what happens then? Then I would explain to your daughter that she has decisions to make and if she continues to make these same ones, then the end result would be "X".

Ask her how you can help her. Would it help if her friend wasn't in the same class as her? Ask her why she does what she does and what she thinks would prevent her from making those choices. If she doesn't want to change and thinks it's ok, then let her know that respecting her teachers is something that is required by the school and by you.

She's also old enough to make a connection between a bad behavior and a future consequence. For example, if she is reprimanded today for talking in gym, and you tell her she's grounded through the weekend, but there's nothing interesting going on, it's not much punishment. But Halloween is coming up. If she doesn't improve her behavior, don't let her trick-or-treat or go to parties. Don't hang it over her head, just let it go. Then when the time comes, say, "That's so sad; trick-or-treating is a privilege that requires kids to be respectful of adults."

Good luck!

community service? no phone?

First PE should be taken seriously, WHY because kids are FAT today. they eat junk and dont do anything except disrespect teachers. I would take everything except her life. YOU own the air she breaths until she is 18. Be the mom. That is so disrespectful even if it is just PE. Geez, teach her to respect ALL adults.