I Know Moms Do Alot, but How Much Is Too Much?

I am in almost the same situation as you. I live with my man but we are not married, and we have two kids. I agree with the other posts, there is not much you can do. Getting mad at him doesn't do anything, then he just sees you as nagging. My mom gave me some good advice - Every mom is a single mom. When I get frustrated and start to feel resentment towards him, I just pretend that I am a single parent, and if don't do whatever it is I have to do, no one will. Then I start to think of the moms who really are single parents, and I think I don't have it that bad. At least he helps around the house a little, which is most that guys do anyway. And the most important thing is that he is a good father, and loves you. Hang in there, and remember you are not alone.

I hate to say it, but from where I sit there seems little unusual about your plight. If you can find a way to equal it all out, please be sure to post the formula on here - as it is I guess I would just suggest really, REALLY trying to focus on the stuff with which he does help... that's what I try to do, and at least it makes me aware and appreciative of the little things. Good luck!

When u find a good solution, let me know. Your story sounds just like mine. I work the most, I handle everything in the house, including the finances. He has high blood pressure and diabetes and I can't get him to go to the dr. regularly or take his med. I don't trust him to him a good school or a before/after school program. Like you said there are really no words to describe the stress I feel. So if you find a good solution please let me know. My email is ____@____.com

Hello C.,

First of all, I'm a guy. Second, I have a son, Third, I am married to the mother of my child. Last,I married her before we had our son, way before. Thats where I'm coming from.

Not like any of this is news but sometimes its good to hear this stuff from someone who has no investment in your situation, so... here goes.

Women do have more to worry about than men do, because if the guy takes off, everything is on her. And most women don't ever think that leaving their children is an option, so they HAVE to be responsible so that their kids get to eat and live indoors.

Most guys like to THINK that they run their own lives, and especially if they come from a particularly patriarchal culture, they can get pretty goofy about what is womens work, and what their response should be to womens' demands of their time and attention. Anything that threatens their sense of 'the male role' is usually met with defiance.

Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good guys who do good stuff for their families, but those same guys often have a really hard time coming to grips with the realities of todays economy, and the inherent unfairness of the treatment of women in the culture they were raised in.

The jealousy thing in a big warning sign that he is feeling insecure and threatened by your actions, and most Macho guys who get jealous are more worried about what their family and friends(who were raised in the same culture) think about them, than what you need. This is a problem. YOU should go see a counselor, by yourself, (he won't understand your need to bring 'your problems' outside the family, so do it yourself and discreetly) and find out what tools they can give you to deal with HIS problem.

Hopefully you can learn some ways to talk to him that doesn't make hime defensive and gets him to open up and share his worries with you, instead of triggering his anger and jealously.

Also, many guys just never grow up. The irresponsibility of not having a license, and letting you do all the child related tasks does not show much concern for you or your welfare. If he was mature enough to think for 2 minutes about everyone in the house besides himself, he would be able to see that by refusing to help in the way that YOU NEED, and this includes him taking care of his medical issues, he is basically saying that he does not care about what you want, why you want it, or what it means to you.

If he wasn't trapped in a way of thinking about women that makes your needs a threat to his status as a man, he would see that the best way he could show you that he cares for you, is to do whatever it takes to give you every kind of security you need that he is CAPABLE of providing.

I'm sure he is a good person, you just need to help him grow a bit (as if you don't have enough to do). If he's man enough to meet the challenge, you'll get a better partner, one who realizes that in order to rule his kingdom, he needs to be what his people NEED him to be. If he's not willing to evolve, don't waste any more time, find someone who is.

I wish you well.

Was he like this always? IF so, I'm sure having a kid recently was not the answer. I know you probably want more support but it sounds like you are carrying a lot on your shoulders and you're not too happy doing so. More responsibility only adds fuel to the fire. Good luck and hope things work out. I say you need to just figure out ways to cope with it and get support. But if he's helping around the house and doing what most normal guys do, you should just grin and bare it cause perfection is hard to come by. Hang in there - it'll be worth it in the end!...And try to focus on the precious little 2 children you have. They are your greatest asset and enjoyment. Congratulations on the new one.