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Question for Married Women Only

Lately my housband has become controlling and I told him that I refuse to be in a controlling relationship. He says that he is not and to ask other married women. That he is sure you all will agree with him. I explained to him that "girls night out" is wherever the girls want to go hang out. It may be a movie, club, or wherever. Its just so happen that my friends and I like going to the club. he says, "a married woman has no business in the club". First off, I am a SAHM, dinner is ready everyday, house is clean and the kids is taken care of. What is so wrong with me haveing fun with friends once a month? Its not like I go every weekend. Then he says, "a married woman has no business hanging out with single women". He dont want me to hang out with my single friends anymore. Ladies do you agree with all this? Do your housbands think this way? My only rule for him is "no strip clubs". But he come back at me and says well thats where men like to hang out. Thats where they like to go for a guys night out. I dont want him to go to the strip club, he dont want me going to the club, but these are places that we want to go for our "girl/guy night out". What would you do? Give me an honest answer.

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So What Happened?™

Thankyou everyone. I asked for you all to be honest and I can tell that you all gave an honest answer. I would just like to clear a few things up tho. Its not all about going to the clubs, I am passed the club phase and let all of that go when I said "I do". I dont go out and party with friends every weekend. Now some of you may like to do boring stuff like play golf (who does that?) for your girls night or dinner, which we do lunch and shopping sometimes. But sometimes we do the club, a mature 25 and older club or a jazz spot that play live music. We just go to have drinks, eat some wings and laugh. Cause once you are intoxicated everything is funny. My housband and I have date night, we have time that we spend with friends, we spend most of the time doing things with the kids and then I have this one night with my friends. No I donot want him to come with me to the club. Why call it a girls night if he is there? He is being controlling by trying to tell me where I can and cannot go and by choosing my friends.

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I'm sorry but I think you are both playing games. I think you ought to get a babysitter and go out with eachother.

15 moms found this helpful

My husband has no issues with me spending evenings with the women he calls my outlaw girlfriends, some of whom are married, some of whom are single. He just tells us not to get arrested because he can't afford to post bail.

6 moms found this helpful

I don't like the fact that he is being controlling. But with that being said, here is my honest opinion. I am also a stay at home mom and work very hard as I know you do! My husband has no problem with me having girls night, in fact, he says I need some fun time. I have married friends and single friends, but would not go to a club unless I was with my husband. Clubs are kind of where you pick people up at, so I can kind of see his point there.You should be able to hang out with whoever you want though. I would go to a movie, out to eat, shopping, etc...with my girlfriends. Now, I aso have a rule about no strip clubs. My feeling is you married me and I should be the only one you see naked PERIOD! Hope this helps!

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I'm sorry but I think you are both playing games. I think you ought to get a babysitter and go out with eachother.

15 moms found this helpful

He has no business at a strip club and you and your girls should find something else to do than go to a club.

12 moms found this helpful

He's right. A married woman has no business at a club unless she is with her husband. And, you're right. A married man has no business at a strip club unless he is with his wife.

I won't even call male friends on the phone. There are certain things married people just shouldn't do. Out of respect for your spouse, and so as not to create any doubt in your spouse's mind that would cause them not to trust YOU, you just shouldn't do it.

12 moms found this helpful

If you two had any respect for each other you'd both grow up and stop doing things to upset each other.

I don't think clubs are a good place for a wife and mom to hang out, and I feel the same way for men. What is there to do at a club besides drink and dance and not be able to hear each other talk because the music is so loud? Yeah, lots of fun.

Find some wholesome things to do together, and concentrate on each other and your family. Neither of you should have rules for the other. You should be mature enough to not upset your spouse -- otherwise why be married?

8 moms found this helpful

Are you sure that you want an honest answer?

Ok, here is my answer.

No, your husband is not being controlling.
You are his wife and he has the right to voice his thoughts on where you hang out.
And you have the right to voice your thoughts on where he hangs out.

This is how I feel.
If the two of you want to stay married for many many many years to come then the both of you need to stop hanging out with single people and start hanging out with married couples.

You are a mother and a wife now and you do not belong in a club.
He is a father and husband and he does not belong in a strip club.

When you two got married, you then became one. You became a FAMILY.

In our house FAMILY IS FIRST, not friends.

We do FAMILY NIGHT OUT. NOT girls or guys night out.

I hope that you two can work this out and try having a date night with each other instead of trying to get away from each other.

Just LOVE all over each other.

This is with all due respect and I do hope that I did not offend anyone.

Take care and remember we only have one chance to do things right.

= )

8 moms found this helpful

no married women do not go to clubs.
Unmarried women between the ages of 21 and 30 go to clubs to pick up guys.
I agree with your husband. But also no married men do not go to strip clubs either. You both need to grow up and find more mature places to do your "hanging out"

8 moms found this helpful

Your husband is trying to control you. He also is plenty happy to punish you. You aren't looking at naked men flashing their man parts around with the express purpose of turning you on so that you'll put money in their g-strings. That is what your husband is saying he will do if you go to a club - he will go look at naked women who are shaking themselves or giving lap dances.

Do you see what's wrong with this picture? In order to prevent him from having sexual thought for a woman who is not his wife doing sexual things in front him, he is demanding that you not be with your girlfriends. This is manipulation and it's wrong. He's not a very good husband, and what he's saying is that he wants his cake and eat it too. He wants the titty show (or more) and he wants you to have no contact with anyone.

I feel sorry for you. My husband would never treat me like this.

D.

7 moms found this helpful

Umm, no I do not agree.
My husband would never think to try and tell me where I can or can not go or who i can associate with.
He is my husband not my parent.
I would never tell him anything of the sort either.....
We trust and love each other and I know he will never do anything to hurt me and I will never hurt him.
So where we go on our girl/guy night out is not important.
We usually don't go out much anyway and if we do it is on a date with each other so yea....

But NO, he is wrong, he is controlling and no spouse should tell another spouse what to do or where to go or who to be friends with.

I also think that it is unfair for you to expect him to not go to a certain place but be upset when he wants you to not go to a certain place though... I mean, you both are wrong, in my opinion, on that front.

We met at a club and also at a church we both attended. We like to go like once every (maybe) 3 or 4 months to a club and listen to music and have a drink. I have gone a handful of times with a couple friends of mine. It is not a big deal.
Again it is all about trust.
You can not have a marriage with out trust.

Just my thoughts. Good luck.

7 moms found this helpful

Having girls night out is fine.
Having single female friends is fine.
Going to a club without your husband...not fine.

If you don't want him going to strip clubs and he doesn't want you going to clubs then that is the way it should be. Respect each other. Find other places to spend time with your friends.

6 moms found this helpful

My two cents here is simple. If says a CLUB isnt a place for a married woman to be, then a STRIP CLUB is the LAST place his married A$$ should be! DOUBLE STANDARD!!!!!!

6 moms found this helpful

My husband has no issues with me spending evenings with the women he calls my outlaw girlfriends, some of whom are married, some of whom are single. He just tells us not to get arrested because he can't afford to post bail.

6 moms found this helpful

My husband is a gentleman through and through. He treats me like a lady and loves/respects me. My husband does not go to strip clubs. Not because I have ever said no but because he says the men that go there have no respect for a woman. Men go there to drool and degrade. Not to mention giving money to these women. Our money is for our family.

I respect my husband. I do not go to clubs with my girlfriends. If my girlfriends and I want to hang out we go to a restaurant and talk. What is the point of going to a club? The music is loud, everyone is getting intoxicated and all the inhibitions go out the window. If you’re going to a club it’s because you are looking to meet someone. That may not be your purpose but it’s why others go so it is fair to say men will deduce that is why you are there too. Take your husband with you.

My children see how respectful my husband is. My daughter has learned from him how a lady should be treated by a man. My son has learned from him how a man should treat a lady.

Stop fighting about this and maybe he will realize he has his own stripper at home and you’ll realize that your husband has moves that you’ve never seen on a dance floor… ;-)

6 moms found this helpful

I don't like the fact that he is being controlling. But with that being said, here is my honest opinion. I am also a stay at home mom and work very hard as I know you do! My husband has no problem with me having girls night, in fact, he says I need some fun time. I have married friends and single friends, but would not go to a club unless I was with my husband. Clubs are kind of where you pick people up at, so I can kind of see his point there.You should be able to hang out with whoever you want though. I would go to a movie, out to eat, shopping, etc...with my girlfriends. Now, I aso have a rule about no strip clubs. My feeling is you married me and I should be the only one you see naked PERIOD! Hope this helps!

6 moms found this helpful

I vote controlling! Let's see if I've got this straight: he doesn't want you to go to a plain old club with your girlfriends once a month, yet he wants to go to a strip club? And he honestly thinks over women will agree with him?

Ooookaaaaay. Hmmm...

Good luck with that one.

5 moms found this helpful

I agree with your husband about the clubs, and I do not think he is being controlling in that aspect.

For me, girls night out is usually dinner, movie, shopping, salon.. but we don't club or go dancing. My husband and I both agree that going to clubs without your spouse is a no-no.

Now, the issue here, is that he thinks it's fine for him to go to a strip club and you not to go to a club at all. That's hugely hypocritical. A compromise needs to be made here.

5 moms found this helpful

A club is for unmarried people(or married ones, I guess) who want to hook up- so yeah, I think it is inappropriate for you to be going there unless you are going with your husband. He should also not be going to strip clubs because he is married. But hanging out with your single friends is fine- they are still your friends- you don't drop them just because you got married and had kids.
I have a sister in law who likes to go to clubs for her girls night out- she is now in the middle of a divorce because she has found someone else.
Not all guys like to hang out at the strip club- a lot of them actually like to do other stuff like sports or fishing or hiking. There are other things to do with your single friends other then going to a club- why don't you guys take a fun class at the local college? And maybe you can get your husband to take a dance class with you.
I just think you are asking for disaster by going clubbing without your husband- plus you are completely ignoring how he feels on this- and you don't seem to like it when he suggests ignoring how you feel about him going to strip clubs.
~C.

5 moms found this helpful

I may be on my own as I've only read the most recent of your many responses but I say no strip club and no club. I would be really upset if my husband went to a strip club and he would not like it if I went clubbing with my single girlfriends either. They just put you in risky positions potentially. It's not worth it. It incites jealousy on both sides and that is toxic in a marriage. Just my opinion. My husband and I are still incredibly in love after 10 years of marriage. And we make sure to honor each other over all others. Love soars when you do that.

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IMO clubbing is a part of single/dating life. After marriage/kids you just naturally start to settle down, going out is usually with other couples. The club scene is all about sex. And even if you both say "oh you can trust me I won't do anything" you are BOTH there because it is an exciting sexy scene. Maybe that works for some couples but from your post it doesn't sound like it's working for you.
What else do you do with your girlfriends? Is partying the only thing you have in common? My girlfriends and I go to the movies, shopping, out to lunch or dinner and drinks and sometimes to a concert or a show. Oh, and we go on long walks with our dogs, too :)
And for your husband's information, show him this: my husband, his friends, his brothers and his coworkers: they like to hang out at the golf course, the gym and the local pub, NONE of them likes to hang out in strip clubs (ew!) The exception is the extremely rare (like once every 5 years) boys trip to Vegas. And at least those clubs are nice and clean!

5 moms found this helpful

Is it possible for you and your husband to sit down and talk about why you wouldn't want each other going to these places? When I understand why, it's easier for me to make the decision whether or not to do something. It's not about being controlled but rather respecting another person's feelings. There are ALOT of negative things associated with clubs and strip clubs. Late nights, consequences in the morning (not being ready, alert, awake to parent), drugs, alcohol, addiction, over consumption, drunk driving etc. I'm not saying you do all of these things but those negative things happen at clubs and strip clubs, not so much at movie night you know? Once you consider all of these things, a partner has no right to dictate where you go or who it's with, but they certainly have the right to make the request.

A blanket statement like "you can't hang out with single people" is ridiculous and covering up other insecurities. You probably should try to get to the bottom of things. It's never about what it's about.

P.S. To give some answers so you can get a feel for how others do things: I love dancing and my hubby would NEVER tell me not to go to a club. Club nights are rare. If he did ask me not to, he would have a damn good reason. On a random occasion that he would go to a strip club (bachelor party, Vegas) I wouldn't blink an eye. That's us. We always come home, and frequently text/call to check in.

5 moms found this helpful

I read some of the responses and WOW! Maybe I shouldn't answer this post at all!!!
I've been married 28 years+ and mom of 2. My friends and I go out once a month. Sometimes, schedules don't cooperate and it's 5-6 weeks betweens nights out. One of my "night out" friends has been divorced since shortly after WE met her. My other "night out" friend just got divorced last week. There are a few others that join up now and then and they are all married!
We do not go out slumming or looking for men, we don't go out to scuzzy bars and we always go home the same way we left home. We go to a local restaurant that has a bar. We usually sit in the bar area as we do not wish to be sitting behind a screaming child. We go out to forget about the kids for a couple hours-but we end up talking about the children, anyway! We have a nice meal, couple of drinks and, yes, sometimes we close the bar down.
Do guys notice my friends, sure. Do they say hey, once in a while, yes. do we encourage interaction, NO. It's our night out to relax and talk to another mom about her couple of weeks, get annoyances off our chest, relax and laugh. Does my husband get upset about it? NO! He trusts me to be careful, have fun & unwind, knowing that I will come back home. Do I tell him about our nights? Most of it, he doesn't care to hear about some things.... like the male bashing from my recently divorced friend! do I tell him about the guys who buy us drinks hoping my friend will look his way? yes, he doesn't get jealous about any of it.
We go out now and then as a couple. My husband isn't a 'lets go out this weekend to a club' kind of guy. Never has been. I hate going to smokey bars and pick up joints.
So, is your husband controlling? Not in the way I see around here. He wouldn't let you go at all, if he were. However, to me, it sounds like he is a bit jealous about you going to the clubs. Going to strip bars? I do not think so. I do not think that is a place for a married man to be going to. If my husband wanted to go out with the guys for a beer? I would be fine with that, shocked, but fine! He's just not that kind of guy.
I don't pick my women friends by who is or isn't married! My husband knows who I'm with and is always welcome to join us. I do NOT lie to him as to where I am or who I'm with. I also do not get overly dressed up when I go out with the girls. And should he suddenly decide that I shouldn't be going out with my friends once a month in the evenings? We'll go for lunch instead. Makes no difference to me. I don't need to drink when I go out and just getting away for a couple of hours is all I need.
Maybe you should change your "club" to something calmer like a dinner/bar type evening and he would be ok with that. Take him with you sometimes.
Good luck!

5 moms found this helpful

Hmmmm...a man, married or not shouldn't be going to strip clubs. Sorry, I'm a Christian and strip clubs are just wrong.

Now, about your ladies night out. I don't necessarily see anything wrong with a married woman hanging out with single ladies, but at a club? Clubs are where people hook up/meet. It's really a place for singles, unless you are going with your husband. I would have to agree with your husband. Single men will be seeking single women (or married women) and do you want to be in position where you (a married woman ) needs to fend off a single guy scoping you out? To me, that spells temptation and you already stated that your husband has become controlling. Find a single guy you might be interested in could spell trouble for your marriage. I wouldn't put myself in that position. My husband probably wouldn't have a problem with me going out with friends, even to a club. I know he trusts me, and I do trust myself but it would feel awkward for me if a man started to hit on me, and I know when I was single, they do and a don't think a wedding ring scares many men. If anything, it might be a bit of challenge for them, an ego boost to get a married woman to get intrigued with him. Flattery leads to temptation and temptation leads to destruction.

4 moms found this helpful

1) A woman is not a piece of property that you Control. They are a human being with rights and freedom.
Just because they are married, does not mean... you can control your Wife. She is not your 'property.' She can go out, as she wishes and wherever she wants.

2) Going to a club... is fine. Married women, do go to clubs. Why not? I am married and have been for 13 years. My Husband does not 'control' me and I go out as I wish. I am not a 2 year old. A Spouse... is a HUMAN being and a PARTNER. Not a subject to control and demoralize and denigrate and put-down and insult or treat like a pet.

3) IF you are a Secure and gracious and confident Man... you will not feel threatened by your Wife, going to a club, nor having a girl's night out. A secure and well-balanced Man, will not feel insecure about that.

An Insecure Man, is one who does try and control his Wife... and he also does it because he does not trust her nor himself.

4) A Married person, CAN HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE MARRIED OR SINGLE. Geez, this is not the Dark Ages.
A Woman is a human being... she can have, friends. Male, female, single or married.
A person, does not get married, to be treated like a pet dog. Nor treated worse than one, nor kept in a cage like one.
A Man, has NO right, doing that to a woman. Married or even just a girlfriend.

Your Husband, is off base.

I showed this to MY Husband.
And you know what?
He said the same thing as me.
He thinks, (your Husband) is 'insecure' and a controlling Dude.
He said, your Wife, is a woman... so treat her like one if you want to keep her and for her to respect you. She is not your door-mat for your Insecurities.

Me as his Wife, I go out and do what I want. My Husband is a secure man. He TRUSTS me. That is why. AND he knows my friends too. I have single friends and married friends and Male friends too.
NO biggie.

Just because a person gets married, does NOT mean, you keep them chained to the stove and restrict them as a Human Being.
Being a Husband means... being the kind of Man, that will nurture your Wife and being caring and respectful.

I likewise, have a Husband who goes out too. I have no problem with that. Because, I TRUST him and he tells me everything. I am not a battle-axe nagging wife who berates him. I trust him. We are both human beings. He has friends too- single, married, opposite genders. No biggie.
My Husband has gone to strip clubs/gentleman clubs. So what. I don't think its a big deal. He goes once in a great while.
It is NOT something... that a Man has to go to, every weekend, now is it? Like a habit... or like a leech in a dark alley.
But, a Strip-Club... is NOT where all Men like to hangout, every darn weekend. Even my Husband said that.
There are other things to do and other places to go out.
Your Husband... should know that.

The point is: my Husband and I do not have to hide our whereabouts from each other, nor that we want to go out.

4 moms found this helpful

You are right, there is nothing wrong w/ girls night out. Also, there is nothing wrong w/ a guys night out. So...if you can go to a club then he can go to a strip club. But you think you have the right to go to a club but he can't go to a strip club, hmmmmm? Sounds like a double standard to me. They are both meat markets and both of you have the right to be uncomfortable with that arrangement. I do not agree that you should not hang out w/ single friends, but I do see where he is coming from.

You mention your 'only' rule is no strip clubs but you don't mention what rules (plural) he has for you except his discomfort w/ clubs. He probably threw in the single friend thing b/c that is who you are going to the clubs with. If you went to do other girls night out things w/ same women he probably would not mind.

If the club thing is why you are saying he in controlling - than you are wrong - he is not controlling b/c he doesn't want his wife at a meat market. If there are other issues he is controlling about that you don't mention then I can't give you any advice about that.

So to answer your question: I would have more discussions w/ your husband. Honestly, it sounds more like you feel you are being 'told' what to do, but in actuality it may be that you are simply being asked to respect your partner's wishes.

I really think there may be more to this story than you are telling...

4 moms found this helpful

If going clubbing and hanging out with single women is the only thing your husband is trying to control, I would have to agree with him. He is not being controling. Controling men don't even let you GO OUT with friends at all. I know, been there.

I wouldn't want my husband going clubing with his single friends regularly. Clubs are meat markets, so don't act like you don't know. Just like you don't want him going to strip clubs for the same reason.

Save the clubing for when you are out with your hubby. You and your girl friends can catch movies and dinner if you want to go out. My girlfriends have regular girls night out and we usually take the opportunity to see movies we know our husbands aren't interested in seeing, plays they aren't interested in going to, or getting spa treatments. We always do dinner and drinks afterwards. It is a night of girl stuff. No one is on the prowl or looking for men. We use the time to talk and catch up on each others lives and offer advice.

I don't think your husband is being controling based on this. You just want to go to the clubs and he is trying not to lose his wife to some dude in a bar.

4 moms found this helpful

It doesnt nessarily seem like a control issue as much as it is a "Trust" issue. Did something happen at either of the places that makes you both nervous and scared? You need to compromise... thats the only thing that will make it both ok for the both of you.. My husband doesnt care where I go for my girls weekends... because I feel the same for him. He has gone to the strip club for bachelor parties or his guys weekend, but honestly it doesnt bother me. Woman are beautiful, and I trust him. He comes home to me, besides if anything is going to happen, he knows he would lose the best thing in his life. Not being conceded, but its the truth. And the same goes for me. This year for my girls weekend, we are going to a concert and dancing after....then shopping the next day... He trusts me, and in my eyes no-one compares to my hubby. We have boundries and would not want to jeopardize any part of our relationship for something that could be solved just by communicating and a little compromise... Make your own rules, this is your relationship. Only you and him can decide what goes on in your relationship. This works for me and my hubby... I hope it all works out... I hope you both enjoy your next weekends out..alone. Good Luck...

4 moms found this helpful

Wow. My husband doesn't try to dictate where I go and what I do.
What's the real issue? Jealousy? Trust? Drinking too much alcohol? Possibly drinking & driving?
That said, my friends (single & married) are kind of past the "club phase".

4 moms found this helpful

I think every marriage is different but my husband and I trust each other, If I wanted to go to a club he wouldnt mind and I wouldnt mind if he wanted to go to a strip club.

4 moms found this helpful

What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If your husband thinks it's ok to go to strip clubs, where the point is to oogle scantily clad women, then it is perfectly ok for you to go to a club where singles mingle.

However, if he doesn't like you going to clubs, then you should find another place to hang out but ONLY if he stays away from strip clubs. It's completely and utterly hypocritical of him to tell you not to hang out at a club, then go traipsing off to go look at naked women. You two are going to have to meet in the middle on this one.

I have to admit, as a married woman I've been to a couple of clubs and felt completely uncomfortable because even though I had my wedding ring on, I got hit on and I didn't want to deal with it. Sitting at a bar and having drinks with my friends is fun, but not when I have to fend off the unwanted advances of a persistent dude.

It's far easier to go out to a restaurant that has a bar and have drinks there rather than a club environment, where an undercurrent of sex and courting is on the menu. Some women like the attention even though they have no desire to follow through with it. Makes 'em feel young and attractive to be hit on. It's just not my thing so I avoid it, unless my sister is in town and I get drug off to be her designated driver.

Any restaurant that serves good food and alcohol, with a large enough booth to accommodate the whole party is plenty for me.

4 moms found this helpful

I personally don't see anything wrong with going out to the clubs with single girls. As long as you aren't picking up (or hitting on) strange men, or dressing like a slut, I think it's perfectly fine to go out with the girls. My hubby actually encouraged me when I wanted to go 'out' with the girls. (We have since moved across the country, so I don't have any 'girls' any more. Sad day.) He is allowed to go to bars (and strip clubs, but he chooses not to except for the one time for his friend's bachelor party...). Our rule is that you can look, but you can't touch. lol. We are secure enough in our relationship that we know the other won't cheat, so why not go out and have some fun? As far as the 'married woman can't hang out with single women' aspect, I find that utterly rediculous. If I was still back home, I would only have one friend if I followed that criteria!!! I think he's being controlling and rediculous. Honestly, I would look into getting couples counseling. It sounds like he either has control issues, or jealousy issues. Either way, this has the potential to really hurt your marriage, so I would do something about it now before it gets too far.

4 moms found this helpful

Honestly if you both want to be in those type of places then neither of you have no business being married. I understand the "break" or "me" or "girl/guy" time away. However if you are going to clubs with other single women and your husband is going out to strip joints trouble is bound to find you both......there are plenty of other places that you and your friends can go to without all the temptation whether you think you are strong enough or not! You should not even put yourself in those types of situations and your "single" girlfriends no matter how much you enjoy their company you just don't have too many things in common anymore but you keep up what you are doing I will guarantee you will have alot more in common with them. Sorry to sound so harsh but I believe those type of places are for "singles" or people just looking for trouble whether they mean to or not. You need to surround yourself with positive influences and positive "couples". Your single girlfriends want to go to these type places because they are still single and still "looking" for whatever reasons they have. I'm not saying you should drop your single girlfriends but you all need to find some sort of common ground to hang out and have fun together. If they don't understand that then they aren't truly your friend or one that respects your marriage either. It sounds to me like you and your husband both have some immaturity and sounds like you both have a little bit of a respect issue for one another. Watch the movie Fireproof and I'm really sorry if I sounded harsh and this is my opinion and some others might totally disagree with me and you are only going to want to hear what you want to hear but sometimes hearing the opposite opinion can make you think and make the tables turn and you realize that you may not be totally in the right. Each relationship is different know this......if your husband didn't have a single issue with it and it worked for ya'll then I would say go for it but it sounds like there is some trust issues, bitterness, resentment, etc a little on BOTH ends but I'm no counselor either! lol! If you enjoy "clubbing" then why not find other "couples" that have that interest as well and go as a group with YOUR HUSBAND. At least he would be there and you not there alone with a group of single girls on the prowl for a man....you gotta a man-so keep him.

4 moms found this helpful

For my "girls night out" we head to a local restaurant, another's home, or shopping. A club or bar is not somewhere we want to be. We want to talk and laugh. We don't want to drink, dance, or have to yell to be heard.
Lately we've been meeting at the local burger joint - boys on one end of the table, girls at the other. We laugh, we eat, we chat, we catch up. That's what it's all about...
The kids - some of them are teens and can drive - have dinner and then head home because we take too long!! Other kids who don't drive or have an older sibling who does, bring their video games, cell phones, and homework. They hunker down at a neighboring table and do whatever it is they do.
I don't need to go to a club to have fun with my friends.
LBC

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i'm gonna be very old fashion here. i agree, clubs are not for married women. i'm 27 and been with my DH for three years and my ideal night of girls night is going to applebees to drink perfect margaritas all night and chit chat or a movie like u said. That doesn't mean i don't go to a club, i do with my husband ..together, but i won't do it without him, alone I don't even enjoy it because i rather be dancing with him and i rather be drinking with him . that's just me. I do believe that a lot of men do think like your husband tho.

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Married and clubbing without husband probably not a great idea.

Married and going to strip clubs definitely not a great idea.

As a woman you need your girlfriends but many single women don't and won't honor your marriage and may not be equipped to help or advise you in any way shape or form regarding relationship with your husband. A husband is not like a boyfriend and a boyfriend girlfriend relationship is not like a marriage.

My husband would probably take me out to a club if I really felt that need to go to a club which I really don't. Find some other places you and the girlfriends can hang out at. Me and the ladies have a once a month gathering at someone's home. Everyone brings a dish and we discuss how to make our marriages better. Right now we are using the book Love and Respect. It's awesome.

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Honestly if you are uncomfortable with him going to strip clubs you have every right to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and you would prefer he not go. However, he then has every right to tell you that he is uncomfortable with you going clubbing with your single girlfriends and that he would prefer you not go. At that point I think a partner should put their loved one ahead of their wants and not do the thing that makes the other one uncomfortable out of respect for their feelings.

Now if he is telling you that you cannot go out with these friends at all (going to have lunch, get coffee, take a class, etc) then that is controlling and over the line but to be uncomfortable with you in one particularly kind of place and not want you go is not controlling.

My husband doesn't like for me to go out at night at all. I mean doesn't like me going to the grocery store or running any errand after dark. It's not him being controlling, it's him being overly concerned for my safety ( and we live in a pretty safe area). No I don't always stay in after dark. If I need something or want to go out I do, but I appreciate his concern, I reassure him and I agree to do the little things he asks such as carrying my cell phone in my hand and parking near the door under lights, etc. But I also do try to get things done during the day to make him feel better. It's not because I feel unsafe or don't think I can take care of myself but because I respect his feelings on the subject enough to try to ease his discomfort as much as I can.

Good luck,
K.

3 moms found this helpful

i feel like i woke up and was back in the 1930s. your husband is WAYYYYY off,

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I have to agree with both of you. I don't believe that clubs are for married people. My husband trusts me but does not want me in bars/clubs. I too am a sahm and have no desire to go out though so I don't care. My husband also never said I couldn't go he just made a big deal about how dangerous it is for women alone and me and all my friends were so little and blah blah blah. We all prefered dinner and then back to someones house anyway. I think you can be friends with single women whats the big deal? I agree that strip clubs are no place for a married man. My husband finds them gross(he says he doesn't want some diry whors sweaty nasty tits in his face) and he never goes(he never goes anywhere though). Your man isn't being controling he is being untrusting and insecure. I wouldn't go out if its such a problem.Is it worth grief in your marraige but he can't continue to go to strip joints either.

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My husband and I took our time and by the time we married (I was 27, he was 24), we were no longer interested in clubbing. We were happy to be home together and we were glad to leave the meat market behind.
In general, married people and single people don't hang out together.
Single people don't want to hear about how you've found your prince charming while they are still looking for theirs.
I know nothing of your personality or relationship with your husband, so I'm not saying this is you, but some people do get married before they are ready to settle down and the marriage does not always survive it. They marry and divorce a few times before they are ready for it and finally get it right.
Personally I have no need for a girls night out. I got tired of the noise, smoke and drunken idiots a long time ago. My husband teaches basic pistol safety at the range once a month and that's the extent of his stepping out. We spend our time working, maintaining our home/yard/garden an raising our son (whose activities keep us very busy).

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I am calling bull on this one. You can't go to clubs but he can go to strip clubs, ummm no. He is completely wrong. I go to clubs with my friends. Am I looking to pick up guys, nope. However my husband doesn't like to dance, I do. So I am never supposed to go dancing again because I got married? My husband has no problem with me going, why? Because he knows if some yahoo tries to take me home, I am going to send him packing. He is wrong for the single ladies thing too, in fact my single friends are a heck of a lot more protective than my married ones! I had one friend approached by a guy that was asking about me, and my single friend said, "Look buddy she is married!", while the married ones giggled like school girls. Now if you have a single friend that constantly attracts trouble then, maybe I can see it. We had a girl like this in our group, I didn't really like her much but some of the others did. After a pretty nasty instance, my husband told me he wasn't comfortable with me hanging out with her. I totally agreed, I was already done with it. So I am curious, does he have single guys friends? Guess he is going to miss them...Sorry this is so long but it really rankles me.

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I would say ,don't do what you wouldn't want me to do, cut and dried....think he needs to also share in the responsibilities of running a household, besides just bringing home "the bacon", you can't put a price on giving birth , staying home, giving up basically your life to have "his" children...bottom line, you both need to find "common" ground, just keep in mind, what is fair is fair, even though I have been told "life" isn't, BUT IT doesn't have to be that way...nip it now because, it won't get any better, unless you take initiative now and do it! best to you...

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No clubs for girls OR guys........

We are not much for "going out with the guys or girls". We are married. That is our life. We CHOSE this. We prefer to do things where the whole family is included.

3 moms found this helpful

I have been married 30 years and my husband and I trust each other. If I go out with friends he is fine with that. If he wants to go out with friends I am fine with that.

He has single friends, they meet up for a beer, or run man errands..
He has married men friends and he has work friends. They meet up, not often, but I am happy for him to go with them.

I have a ton of friends and go out with them, some are single some are married. We go to dinner, we go to bars, we go to trivia, movies.

Now I am not out every week. I like spending time with my husband and when our daughter was home we spent a lot of time at home because of school, but we still went out.

I have never understood, why people think there is something wrong for a grown woman to go out with friends.. Never has made any sense to me. They are just my friends. And we all need grown up conversations. And let me tell you 30 years is a lot of time for 2 people to always have to only go out with each other. We all need a break and we deserve it.

It is all based on trust.

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My son plays in a band so yes I go to the club to hear him and the guys. Sometimes with a freind, sometimes by myself. My oldest daughter, his twin sister is a groupy so she is there most of the time, my brother also.
The thing is my husband doesn't go with me because he thinks HE HAS TO DRINK (get drunk) in order to go, he says he can't go without drinking. So, I go alone or with my best friend.
My theory is I don't go anywhere (club) that I wouldn't like or rather my husband not go without me. So he has the option. If he wants to go somewhere (club) without me that is not acceptable. If he can't go with me, he ain't going without me. We don't do enough things outside of his realm of happiness,so that is where my case lies. Otherwise, he has his nights playing cards with the guys, or going fishing on occasion. But, I draw the line there because I think-wish he would go with me to these places.

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Before we can answer this question, we need more details. This is what is sometimes "unfair" about the women posting without the men being involved in the post....

1) When you go to these clubs, how do you behave? Are you on the bar dancing and getting hit on by men, or do you sit and talk with your girlfriends innocently? I ask because I assume two things a) you're good looking and b) you like to dance and men hit on you. Am I right? If so, can't you see your husband being a little bit protective of you? I am NOT saying you shouldn't have girls night out....but if the scene is how I am picturing, you shouldn't be going to a club.

2) Has something happened in the past that causes him concern with you going to a dance club?

Now....

3) When your hubby goes out - how does HE behave? Does he abide by the no strip club rule and sit innocently with his buddies having a few drinks? Or, is he flirting and buying women drinks and dancing with them? If the latter, well then, my friend, that is a terrible double standard.

My husband goes out with his buddies about once every few months. He sits, watches the game in a low key bar, has a few beers, and then comes home. When I used to go out, it was to a club with loud music, lots of preying men and a dance floor that always called my name. It was fun. But, I got married and my husband didn't appreciate me being groped. So now, my gf's and I find something more appropriate to do. Part of growing up. You can have your freedom, just make sure there is a mutual respect. Neither of you should be doing something that hurts the other person.

Good luck!

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The club scene isn't for married women unless they have their husbands to escort them. Single friends are fine unless they are pushing you to act single when you aren't.

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While I don't like his reasoning, I kind of understand where he's coming from. As a married, working mom- most of my friends are married working moms (or at least working wives). You don't say how old you are, but as a married mom, I wouldn't be hanging out in clubs, even once a month. We have "girls night" every two months and usually go out for a nice dinner or go to someone's home for dinner and board games.

It sounds like your friends are not in the same "stage of life" that you are in and they expect you to be living like a single lady when you're out with them, which is making your husband uncomfortable. His issue probably isn't with the "where" so much as with the "who". Your single girlfriends are probably "enjoying" the club scene and his concern is that you are too. On the other hand... aren't you worried about the strip club for the EXACT same reason?

You two need to have a long chat about your lack of trust- both of you. If he trusted you to be a "married momma" in the club and you trusted him to be a "married daddy" in the clubs, there would be no issue here.

My guess is that you both need to find friends who are married and/or parents b/c yes... your behavior and activities do need to change when you have children. Just my honest answer.

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I may be archaic but me and my AMAZING husband see eye to eye on just about any issue like this. I feel (and that doesn't mean anyone else will feel the same way) that me or my husband has no business at a club unless we are together. What do you do at a club? Drink, dance, get hit on. Thats not really appropriate in my mind. If you want to go out for margaritas cool but clubs without your man just sends the wrong message. Surely you can find other things that are fun to do with your girlfriends? Sorry to say that I get what your husband is saying and even if you don't agree you should respect him enough to take his feelings into consideration. The fact that you get to have "girls nights" without much resistance shows me he's not controlling at all.

3 moms found this helpful

i didn't read the other responses, but here is what i say: nothing wrong with hanging out with single friends but clubs, to me, are a no no. nice dinner out, movie, comedy club but clubs no. strip clubs? no.

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Well my husband and I both agreeing that clubs are just meat markets so for my bluntness. The only time we ever go to a bar or club is when we go together or with our group of friends but we never go to a club alone without one another. Not for a control issue but we just feel neither one of us need to be in a club alone without one another. If he wants to go out dancing or vice versa we will be each others dancing partner. Now I do go grab a movie or dinner with my friends while he watches all 3 girls and sometimes he goes and grabs a beer with the guys. But we always take each others feelings into consideration and never try to disrespect one another. We don't really hang out with a lot of single people because most of the time single people are always looking for a mate and neither him or I are going to be the wing man and meet tons or men or women while our friend is trying to find someone. We do have some single friends but those are the ones we grab a bite with or coffee but dont go to bars or clubs with. Just because our friends will be looking for a mate and we aer not. I dont think you hubby is being controling I think it is normal because after all the knows mens intentions and we know womens intentions. However if he feels that way he should not be in a strip club because those are meat markets as well and if he wants a peep show he can get one at home from you lol! Thats is what I tell my honey. So it goes both ways but every relationship is different so whatever works for you works for you all. Good luck and by the way we have been married for 5 years.

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If your husband trusted you fully, then he wouldn't set those restrictions. When I have a girls night out, my husband doesn't tell me where I can and can't go or with who. But, I am not into clubbing anymore unless he is with me.
Have you given him any reason not to trust you or is he just a jerk?

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This is just a suggestion for making a win-win situation out of this. I guess my advice is to talk about why he doesn't want you going to a club and for you to explain to him why you don't want him going to a strip club. Maybe the two of you could come up with a happy medium between the two of you once you understand the reasoning/feelings behind him not wanting you to go to a club. A happy medium might be to go to the club with your husband and then reserve other more neutral places to go with your girlfriends.

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Sounds like you guys have the same 'no strip club rules' as we do. I won't go out to the club unless my guy is there... just because I HATE those 21 year old dudes who think they're total studs trying to be 'all up on me', LOL... It's great having my guy there as a deterrent, even if I'm dancing with the other wives and the husbands are all sitting at the bar.

This shouldn't be a deal breaker for you. You guys need to come up with a healthy compromise, that's all. I rarely hang with my single friends anymore just because we don't have anything in common. All my best friends are either in long term monogamous relationships or married with kids. Maybe get to know his married friends wives... this is how I met my very best friend in the entire world!!

But strip clubs... ewwww. Been there, done that, OVER IT, nooooo strippers.

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Depends, if you can honestly say your going to the club to hang out with the girls then I agree with you, its just a girls night out. If your going and hanging out with a group of random guys all night, then I agree with your husband. I usually do dinner out with the girls and then we stop at the bar after dinner for a drink or two. We are there to talk amongst ourselves though. And no, it wouldn't matter if they were married or not.

As for your husband going to a strip club, I'm a little on the fence about this one. I am a wife that does not forbid my husband from going. However, my husband is not the type of guy that would think going to a strip club every week, month..etc. and consider it great fun. He'd much rather be spending his time golfing or drinking beer while hanging out at buddy's house.

Out of curiosity does your husband hang out with single guy friends?

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If I couldn't hang out with my single friends, I would have exactly two friends left because we are the only ones that are married. If my husband and I chose to spend time with our friends, we go where we want. If my girlfriends and I go to a concert and drink a couple beers it's perfectly fine. If he and his buddies go to a strip club, it's not a big deal to me. I think if you trust one another then it doesn't really matter where you go. You could just as easily find someone to cheat with at the grocery store, church, kid's school or sport activities as a bar or club if that is what is in your mind.

3 moms found this helpful

It sounds like you both need to mature a little. Clubs and strip joints are not places that married people with kids should go. It's time to grow up. It's fine to spend time with friends - single or not- however it should be done at a more wholesome place. He really doesn't seem to me like he is being controlling. If it makes him uncomfortable for you to go there and you are insisting you should be able to go then you are not taking his feelings into consideration. Would it really be that awful for you to suggest to your friends another avenue to have you girls night out. Instead of looking at it like he is being controlling, try looking at it as you are choosing another activity out of respect for your him.

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one thing leads to another...

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I vote for you can go to clubs with single or other married women and he can go to strip clubs. Of course, from that point, your behavior and his behavior should be appropriate, so you might enjoy the music, dance with your girlfriends, but not crossing the line into flirting with men. And in his case, he can enjoy the scenery, have a few drinks, but no need to purchase private dances. For both of you, this is where the trust part comes in. If you trust each other, it really doesn't matter where you go for girls night or where he goes for boys night. If either one of you starts to feel tempted to cross lines...you should pull yourself out of the game.

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sorry, i'm not married but what he is thinking is wrong. I am in a long term relationship that is headed towards marriage and my number one rule is this...I shouldn't be anywhere that he can't go and vice versa! so if I am at the casino,club,bar,class,park and if he "needed" to come get me or wanted to join me he could. so that means i shouldn't be at some other mans house or wherever he would flip out if he were to find me there.And i;m quite sure he has an unmarried friend or two should he not be able to hangout with them? Just because some is "single(unmarried) doesn't make them a bad person or bad influence. I do agree with you that is very controlling of him and he should lighten up! And i would ask him,"if I was working would you have a problem with me having a girls night out"? because last i checked being a SAHM is a HUGE JOB! Honey i work harder being at home with the kids then I EVER have then when i was out earning a paycheck! I drove the bus for the city of Detroit,working midnights in some of the worst parts of the city and still am more tired chasing behind some damn kids. so i side with you on this! best wishes

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I might be in the minority, but I feel that you should each be able to have a night out doing what you wish to do. It sounds like the both of you need to take time to consider why you TRULY want to go to a club/strip club and your reasons for not wanting the other to go. Then you need to sit down together and talk. Listen to what the other has to say. Try to work things out. Maybe come up with a compromise, such as you and your husband going clubbing together and you do something else with the girls. Trust in each other.

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I think you should respect your husbands opinion, if you want him to respect yours. I think that's the real trouble here. You want your freedom to do whatever you want to do and he wants his. He requested you don't go to clubs where single men prey on pretty women and a ton of flirting is done. You requested that he doesn't go to a club where women are flashing their naked bodies. If you simply complied with his request and showed your husband some respect I think he would willingly do the same for you.
Best wishes to you and your marriage!

2 moms found this helpful

My husband doesn't hang out at strip clubs and if that's where he goes, he should not have expectations of where you should and should not go.
If your single friends are going to clubs to flirt and dance with men, then that's not a place for you to go or an activity to participate in.
You sound like a younger couple. I never really hung out in clubs regularly even as a young, single woman in NYC over 20 years ago. Hubby and I are married 20 years, we are 43 and 48. For me, a girl's night is book club, out to dinner with book club friends or friends from work, a movie with friends or a Broadway show. I can't relate to wanting to go out drinking and dancing, sorry.

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I dont agree that he should be able to go to a strip club if you go to a nightclub. Your not going to hang out with a bunch of naked men, you are going to hang out with your friends. But, I also see where your husband can think less of it. Guys go to clubs to pick up women. How often to men approach you when you are in a club? Be honest, they do. Your husband should trust you, but, if its making him feel uncomfortable, I wouldnt do it. If this is the only thing hes putting his foot down on, I would let it go and suggest another place to hang out. Maybe, Im not sure. I guess just because going to a club is not my cup of tea anymore. Men really are on the prowl at night clubs and its annoying. I get offended when some creep wont leave me alone when they can clearly see a wedding ring.. All I want to do is be with my friends, not be swatting off creepers all night.

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You have lots of answers. I've only read a few and they are great.
So I just wanted to cast my vote...
No clubs.
No strip clubs.
HTH!

2 moms found this helpful

Well, I don't like clubbing, but my husband would have no trouble with it (he knows I would be the DD anyway.), my girlfriends and I like to take classes together (right now it is belly-dance, next time it is pottery). I know plenty of my acquaintances that are married women that goto clubs, with or with out the hubby.

I think it weird that his friends only want to goto strip clubs. My husband's guy friends go scuba diving, play pool/bowl, to the bar (hubs is the ride home most nights) and even go shooting targets.

As for the single friends thing, why? Does he ONLY have married male friends?

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all the other ladies have said it all. i think it's ok to let ur hubby to go strip clubs cuz they can only look and can't touch. go yourself and u'll see. it should be ok dor u to go clubbing to dance. ur both grown ups and have self moderation & self control. live, love and cherish each other. life's too short to limit yourself and ur partner.

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Here's the deal. My husband and I do NOT ever TELL each other what we can do or where we can go. However, there has NEVER been a point in the over 24 years that we have been together when I have WANTED to go to a club of ANY kind WITHOUT my man. Period. If I am going to a club, I am going to dance. I don't drink. I only care to dance with MY man, so I want to go with him, nobody else. I see no reason to go without him. We are very busy with our 4 kids and lives, and get very little time to ourselves and to go out without kids, so when we do get time to go out, we prefer to do it TOGETHER. Now, there are times that I do go out places with my female friends, married AND single, but when they are going to bars and clubs I choose NOT to go. We go other places for our outings together, like shopping, a resteraunt, a movie, mini golf, concerts, etc. ANYWHERE other than a bar or club. I simply do not think it is the right place to go and have no DESIRE to be there without my hubby. I don't want to spend my evening avoiding guys advances, or watching my friends get hit on and dance with guys. I would dance with my friends, but the ones who are single ARE out looking for a man, and if they meet someone, they are going to dance with them, and then I will be back to sitting without them or having to do the avoidance thing again.
My husband feels the SAME way about where he spends his "free" time out and what he does while he is away from me. He would NOT even set foot into a strip club, (unless it was for a bachelor party or something, and even then he would be uncomfortable), because he is married and feels that it is not a place that married men should be. All he needs to do is turn the situation around, and think about if he would want me in a male strip club doing whatever he would be doing. If the answer is HELL NO, then he knows it isn't the right think to do! LOL! He has no desire to go into that type of place anyway, and wasn't the type of guy to go to those establishments prior to our marrige anyway. Now he feels a lot differently about it all because he is a Dad to 3 girls. They are all someone's daughters, and that kind of freaks him out.
You and the husband need to stop arguing and try to communicate better. Why do you really want to go to the bars/ clubs with your friends and not the hubby? Would you go if he came along? Why is he so set on going to the strip club? Maybe you should try to spend more time together, and less time on your girl/ guys nights out, and then it wouldn't be such an issue. Could you and the hubby try to do a "friends day instead so you spent your time with frineds during the day on a weekend perhaps? You could go out for lunch, to the beach, etc. He could go play golf, or to a sporting event. There are so many other options. (4 wheeling, gun range, rent wave runners, paintball, movies, etc) I am sure that you could BOTH find ways to spend time with your friends and have fun without upsetting the other. Oh, and no. It shouldn't matter if your friends are married or not. As long as YOU remember that YOU are married no matter who you are hanging around with. That's the real issue! Your friends shouldn't be the problem, if they are really good friends.

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I agree with some of the others. I agree with your husband about not going to clubs without him and I also agree with you that he shouldn't go to any strip clubs. Like someone else said, he's got a double standard going there. I would sit down with him and say okay how about this, you don't go to a strip club and I won't go to a club. There are plenty of other things that ya'll can do with your friends. It's all a matter of respect. If you want to go to a club, ya'll go together and the same goes for the strip club. Marriage is about respect, love and a lot of compromising.

1 mom found this helpful

Hello, I am not a lady, but was researching if and why married women should go out to a bar where there is dancing, or nightclub without their husband. Now, we have been married for almost 13 years. My wife usually is very conservative and does not get involved with crazy and wild nights out with girls and I have know her for 18 years in total and only once did she not give all the information about her activities with the women while on a trip to good old Vegas. We have the no strip club thing and no stripper agreement and had an unwritten no nightclub rule too but was never enforced because we were never into that scene anyway. My wife went out to studio 53 then went bull riding at a bar and never told me. I heard about when a friend was talking at a gathering and I was really angry to find out in that situation and we argued about it and Intold her how disrespectful it was to be in that environment without her husband and it's a scene for single ladies and far as I know she isn't single. She appologized for not telling me got defensive and we somehow moved on. Recently, she went with the girls to a local type resort and was asked to not go into a night club situation even if the intention is not to dance with other men. I found pictures on Facebook which showed clearly she was in a nightclub/bar where there was all the makings of a singles gathering and she got defensive when I found out. Our relationships was based on the best trust you could asks to have and she told me there was a bar and that was it and since she felt it wasn't a nightclub she attended with her ladies and thought it was alright to enjoy. After hearing how it was again disrespectful that she was in that kind of environment where the men are looking for women to spike their drinks, or score anyway they can she still doesn't see why it was hurtful. Our marriage has now taken a huge hit due to this choice to dance with other girls and say its a girls night out over respecting a husband's feeling that it's very hurtful and disrespectful. We have sought out some marriage counseling it has helped a little but since she went and wasn't going to say that she went and kept information on a need to know basis, I find it hard to believe her right now and 13 years of trust and respect for her wonderful loyalty has been tarnished. I leave you with this. As a guy it's important your wife does show you intimacy ( sexual and orally ) to first have totaly respect for the women. Basically, of women make a man feel revered and loved usuall they are less likely to feel the need to enforce certian rules because in their kinds they are first in your kind only second to God. I suggest you ask yourself are your friends worth your husband feeling emotionally separated from you that he might think about divorce and then basically it comes down to are your friends/single or not worth losing your husband and or the closeness you once had together?
I close with really think before you follow the women out for girls night out, that title does not give women the right to act out and change their being
under a clause that can and will ruin a relationship it true I am living this right now and it really stinks.

Sincerely,
C. Norris

1 mom found this helpful

Hi Mama
Great post !!!
I would never tell you what your relationship should be like,the dymanic in each marriage is different.
I will tell you my experience. I love to dance and had a fantastic social life before I was married. I have a group of female friends and was one of the last in the group to get married.
We would all go night clubbing every two to three weeks. Some of my married friends would flirt with guys etc.
When I married I decided out of respect for my husband that I would no longer do the club scene with my friends,they still regularly go out. If I want to spend time with my girls we meet for coffee,I go to their houses for some wine etc.
My husband has not forced me to do this, I have chosen it myself.
I didn't meet my hubby until I was 32yrs so I spent alot of years meeting all the frogs. My man treats me great so I don't feel the need to run around nightclubs with my girls.
I still love to dance so when I feel the need my husband and I get a family member to watch our son,we book into a hotel and go clubbing for the night. We have great fun.
Also my husband doesn't go out much without me but will meet friends for drinks on occasion. The last time he was at a strip club was last year for my brother's stag party otherwise he wouldn't be going to these clubs. He didn't get a lap dance as he says it is disrepectful to a wife.
All the best
B.

1 mom found this helpful

I would not like my husband at a club. Trust is one thing, but at a club, you drink, and you are with single ladies attracting men? No. Sorry. Not my thing. I would be annoyed if my hubby did this, so I would say that your hubby has a point.

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First of all, not advice from me, I think each couple is different and what is good for some is bad for others and the other way around, is about both of you finding what works for you even if it doesn't work for the other 90% of the couples. Also our situation is so different then yours that it probably wouldn't even matter my advice.
My husband travels all week, we only get to see him on weekends.

Anyway, this is my thought of clubs and strip clubs:

-Girls at strip clubs are there for money, I doubt they are looking for Mrs. right. Women that go to him will want his money.
- Men that go to you I doubt wants your money they will want sex.
-The are more chances for you getting laid at a club then his at a srtip.
-You go to a club to have fun and dance
-Men go to a strip to get arouse
-It cost more to go to a strip then if you go to dance.
-Both of you would hear many things that would bust your ego with one purpose (money or sex).
-Both of you will be waiting at home thinking the worst if you are not ok with neither of these.
-Both of these (strip and club) can damage your marriage if your marriage is already hurt, one visit to any of these shouldn't be a reason for divorce if you are open to.

Why not find a middle, why don't you go with your friends to other places, and he do the same (got to other places with his friends) and both of you go together to a club?

If your husband has 2 left legs like mine, why not taking dance classes together? You could meet other married couples in there and all you could go club dancing.

1 mom found this helpful

very good post - this is one of those questions that you will get ALL kinds of different answers for. what is okay in some marriages is definitely NOT in others. the bottom line is, he's being super hypocritical. if he can't accept you going out with the girls to a club, NO WAY should he be going to ANY kind of club - (imo, ESPECIALLY a strip club) with the guys. that is SUPER hypocritical. in all honesty if he is so bound and determined to go to a strip club, not only should you be "allowed" to go out, you SHOULD be "allowed" to go to a strip club, if that was your preference. so no, i don't think he's right whatsoever. he doesn't get to have DIFFERENT RULES than you. and yes, i absolutely think you should let him read these answers. good luck. he sounds controlling and borderline abusive. stand up for yourself. bullies usually just assume their victims will roll over and take it.

1 mom found this helpful

Seems you have married a real caveman. What is good for the goose in not good for the gander, huh? IS he projecting onto you his fears of what you will do simply because he knows he is not innocent and assumes you would not be, either? I would insist upon equality in this relationship. there is so much rationalization here (that's where men like to hang out) regarding different sets of rule for wife and husband. Best of luck.

1 mom found this helpful

We have girls nights about once a month. There are 6 of us, and we rotate dinner at each persons house. I can't imagine my husband would be too happy if I changed that and told him that girls nights were going to be clubbing nights. And, honestly, I don't think that is controlling! I wouldn't want my hubby frequenting clubs with his guy friends w/o me either! To tell you the truth, I can't even remember the last time I was in a club. A bar for drinks, yes, a club full of 21 year old single, drunk, dancing, screaming kids, NO!

I don't agree with his statement "a married woman has no business hanging out with single women" AT ALL! That is just crazy. But I do understand him not being all that keen on you going out clubbing.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband and me don't have any single friends; we only have other married couples as friends due to single friends have a different agendas than married couples. Even when my husband and me have our time with our friends alone there is never a club involved. We usually go out to eat, wine tasting, poetry, cake making classes, making pottery, movie, glow golfing, museums, plays, musicals...etc. It seems like you both want to hang onto the single life a bit as the only way to blow off steam; you both can have fun with your friends without going to clubs. Maybe you both need to find new people to go/hang out with. If we are ever in the mood to go dancing..we go ballroom dancing or get a group of our married friends together and go ballroom dancing together. We prefer other married couples as friends with similar interests; not single friends with single life agenda. Hey! Every marriage is different. You two should do what makes you happy, but it appears that happiness is not at the fore front right now; maybe you two need to step back and analyze the situation to figure out what is wrong to make it better.

1 mom found this helpful

This is the pot calling the kettle only worse - I mean he goes to strip clubs and he's saying you can't go to a club. Excuse me, but he sounds like a real jerk. First off, I don't think a married man should be going to a strip club nor do I think a married woman should be hanging out at any kind of club because both spell trouble with a capital T but curious it's ok for him but he's going to control you? Whew you have my deepest sympathy.

1 mom found this helpful

Go to the club.
Let him hang at the strip club.
Controlling relationship is very unhealthy and it appears he's in the beginning stages of escalating his control because you explained why you hang out and he wants to do what he wants to do and limit your interactions. You're married, not property.

1 mom found this helpful

I have never been to a club, so I'm not sure what part of the experience you are looking for with your friends. I don't mind drinking out, so I guess if you are just hanging out and having some drinks with your friends, a bar or equivalent would make sense.

I would never go someplace my husband thought was inappropriate and he respects that I would not tolerate if he ever went someplace like a strip club. I imagine my husband wouldn't mind if I wanted to go out drinking and hanging out with a few single friends (I have some I joke about finding someone for) but if the particular place I wanted to go was upsetting to my husband I'd find a different place. That seems like a silly reason to butt heads. If he is saying he does not want you in the company of your single friends, then it sounds like you need to have a different conversation with him. Half of our friends are single and we spend a lot of time with them, more than with our married friends.

I would suggest respecting his preferences for where you go and just really appreicate that you get this time. I don't even get a date with my husband that often, let alone time without family. :)

1 mom found this helpful

The double standard is what bothers me here. Going out with his buddies to ogle women and pay them to show their naked bodies or grind on him is screwed up if he is married (kinda sad if he's single, but unacceptable if he's married). It doesn't matter if he thinks "that's where guys like to hang out". Especially if he thinks a woman going out with her buddies to possibly get ogled or what if someone in the group is single and wants to ogle a fully dressed man or get a drink bought for her is unacceptable, and that it doesn't matter if she thinks "that's where girls like to hang out". You're both being a little silly here.
My 2 oldest friends (from middle school!) are divorced and all, and even though I always had an open invite, going to the dance clubs seemed inappropriate to me. But my husband would never go to one either (and I've heard him shut down an old friend of his who tried to get him to go to a strip club....he was going to be a guest at our home and wanted my husband to take him to one, and J said "If that's really important to you, I can hire a taxi for you, but it's not where I'm going anymore---my life is good". Thankfully, the "friend" didn't come to town afterall).
That said, we've had great fun with other married friends (and one divorcee who just gets a date) when we went out dancing together. (It's not often, that's not really our "scene" anymore, but we'll do it a couple times a year, usually a celebration related to someone else). We have an unspoken "trend" (not a rule, but it's what we do) where if we go out with his friends, I volunteer to be the designated driver and he can have a couple beers or some wine, and if we go out with my friends, he volunteers to be the designated driver. We have family days at least once a week (besides the normal routine of sports, clubs, etc)---go to the beach, a bbq and swimming at the pool, fishing, this weekend we're attending an air show (Blue Angels, etc) on Saturday and an equestrian show (polo, jumping, etc) on Sunday. We do date nights every other weekend, just the 2 of us, to do whatever we want to do together. Anything after that is few and far between because we're pretty busy, but we're fine with whatever the other does because we know we both respect each other and won't do anything inappropriate. My husband's guy time includes tennis, kayaking, golf, or a sporting event, and sometimes he'll have a drink after work. He will go to a restaurant with a nice bar by his work and have a talk with the other guys, have a couple beers, and pick up dinner to go. His thinking is that if he's having some down time with his friends, he can give me that same evening to have some down time to not have to cook or do dishes, lol. I certainly don't mind that! For "the girls": we do spas (especially pedicures), movies, lunch/dinner/coffee, shopping, a concert that the men would despise (otherwise my husband would be with me!), sometimes silly stuff like skating or 6 Flags. On a rare occasion if someone has been having a really bad time and needs to let their hair down, we make sure the house is empty (usually it's my divorced friend's house and her child is at grandma's that weekend) and we'll bring food and drink, crank the music, dance, yell, and act like fools, but in her home, not a meat market. Talk stuff out, laugh it out, and crash on the floor or couch like we did when we were kids. Both of you can have a good time with your friends once married, but you BOTH need to get your priorities straight and make sure that "fun" includes something that is respectful to your spouses and helps them feel comfortable. Not because you're married to your "mom" or "dad", but because you love each other. And make sure you guys are having date night at least as often, if not more often than girl or guy nights. Sometimes I'm meeting up in the day for lunch, coffee, or a pedicure with a friend so that I can see them and not take time away from the family in the evenings.

1 mom found this helpful

i've been married for almost 9 years and both of us go to clubs by ourselves. we go to hear music, hang out, have a drink, and that's it. we know there are meat market clubs that you have to watch out for strangers, but normally we are ignored and just enjoy ourselves. i don't go every weekend, but when we do, there is no flack.

this to me is a trust issue. we trust each other. should the clubbing become a weekly occurence or suddenly the other person not want to talk about where he/she went or what they did....then there is a discussion that needs to take place. until then, it's okay to go have a little fun.

1 mom found this helpful

There is no hard and fast rule that married women should be so and so. I don't hang out, in fact the last i had my hang out was before my wedding and in my college days. After that no time, in fact no time to hang out. And upon that the fact that, if we, women hang out then that will give excuse to our husbands to hang out as well. I have friendship with my still single friends, and my husband has never commented about it yet, but i know in his heart he is not much keen about it. Husbands are like that sweets. They'l speak about equality, but at the end they need a WIFE, who is perfect in all ways, or else there are chances that in no time they'l loose there heart to some other female.... :))))....By the way i love and respect my husband and i would not like to go to some place which he told me not to go....

I found that when I got married, I no longer wanted to hang out in certain clubs. when I had my children I didn't want to hang out in ANY clubs. I think it is just self respecting, that as we get a little older and a little more responsible, we pass the torch to the next generation. What business do I really have going to clubs when I have a beautiful family who counts on me? There are other ways to enjoy ME time. Trying getting physically fit. Lord knows we could all use some excercise. Try focussing on what you can do to be a better personj and stop worrying about what he's doing or how he's acting... They won't change. It's up to you to create your own harmonious environment for you and your children. Again, I stress he probably won't ever change. His beliefs are his and you have yours. You can either butt heads or you can decide to create your own path.

I would say that every time he goes to a strip club that you and the girls get to go to a strip show at some club too.

I would be uncomfortable going to a club without my husband. I love dancing and don't really want to dance with some stranger ever again. I got married to dance with my hubby. If you guys are just going to have fun, visit, drink a bit, do some line dances, etc.. then go for it.

You might make one night a month a "everyone goes" evening. Singles, marrieds, etc...everyone is invited and can go to have a joint fun time. That way he can see the dynamics of what goes on at the table.

It does't matter where neither of you Hang out as long as you Keep it real, but seriosly dance and strip for each other..........

My husband and I only have a no drinking rule. Mostly because we do not want to worry about one of us driving after drinking. We very seldom go out with anyone else though. It has been like this our whole relationship but it is how we both wanted it. I think if your husband goes to strip clubs, you should be able to go to clubs then. If he wants to give up the strip clubs that would be different. The only thing for sure is you both need to agree on it.

I don't know how old you are, or whether or not you have kids, or where you live, but...
When I was in my 20's and 30's and went to a club with single girlfriends, it almost always spelled trouble. If I went with a group from work, it didn't. I met my ex-husband at a club the very first time I'd gone to one after a break-up of a 10-year relationship.
It is my opinion that a married man shouldn't "hang out" at a strip club, unless it is with a group of guys for a bachelor's party or something from work....And a married lady should only go with a group of friends if her friends care about her relationship status with her husband.

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