62 answers

I Don't Know What to Do - Katy,TX

Well let me start off by saying that I am married to a loving man and we have 3 beautiful healthy children together. We just purchased our first home about a week ago!!! I am on the Nuvaring, or so I thought. (it fell out and I had no idea) Anyways I went to my ob/gyn on Friday and found out that I was pregnant. My husband and I had already talked about NOT having anymore kids. We can definately afford the 3 that we have but not anymore. I was going to my ob/gyn to get more information about tieing my tubes not to find out that I was pregnant. It completely took me by suprise cause like I said I thought I had the nuvaring in me and we were happy with our 3 kids. From my hcg levels he says I am about 2 weeks and when he did the vaginal ultrasound he didn't see anything. I am completely torn apart about this. I don't believe in abortions but at the same time I don't think that it is fair to bring a child into the world if we cannot afford it and it would take away from the three that we already have. My husband thinks the same way. I have an appointment on Thurday to check my hcg levels because I have been spotting everyday for about 2 weeks. My Dr said it could be miscarriage or just implantation. I am just wondering what you mammas would do if you were in my situation. And if any of you have ever tried the abortion pill. I still am unsure of what to do, I just want to make the right decision for me and my family. Please no harsh comments.
Thank you
**I should have added this earlier. I gave away ALL of my baby stuff to a mother that was in desperate need. All I have is crib that my son is in right now.**

3 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I miscarried.

Featured Answers

I have friends who terminated pregnancies... They all have told me they get haunted by feelings of guilt. I'm not religious. I'm not going to preach to you. Just wanted to tell you what women who I know have told me.

I also know several families who adopted through 'open adoption'--meaning, the adoptive family stays in touch/visits with the birth mother/family. Its a win-win for all involved.

If you decide to have the baby, remember: Baby stuff is easy to come by... There's always a mother who is ready to get rid of all the stuff thats coming out her ears...

Maybe you'll need to stop homeschooling in order to accommodate the attention needs of another baby.

More Answers

I am 4 months pregnant with an unplanned fourth baby, and I have to tell you that the future scares the hell out of me sometimes! I was quite unhappy when I found out I was pregnant for a variety of reasons, but by the 8th week, I was feeling some excitement about the new baby. I was reading online that by the 8th week all the major organs are formed and the heart is beating, and I couldn't help but think, "Wow! That is absolutely amazing!"

My sister-in-law urged me to get an abortion, but I knew I couldn't bring myself to do it and thought that the emotional turmoil from that would be much worse than the emotional work of raising four kids. And even though I have to remind myself of this often right now, I do believe that a new life is something to rejoice in--even when it's unplanned.

As for taking away from the other three, I can't really speak to that yet, but I do know that my kids (well, the older two; the youngest is too young to get it yet) are very excited about the prospect of another sibling.

I will be praying for you as you wrestle with this decision. Please feel free to email/message me if you want to talk further with someone in a similar situation.

R.

3 moms found this helpful

Your 4th child will be a blessing and will bring you lots of joy. One more child isn't that much more money. Relax! You and your children will survive. But you can thrive if you have the right attitude. You're in shock right now. Give it time. My father was an accident during the depression and my grandparents were worried about how to feed him! But they survived. You are better off than them. You can handle this. I was an accident and my parents were always broke. I'm so glad they had the convictions that they did. I would die a little inside - for a moment - if I found out I was pregnant again too!!! But, then I would shake it off and get excited about what God has in store for me.

3 moms found this helpful

I had an abortion when I was 18 and in high school and totally knew I was not emotionally/physically/financially prepared to take care of anyone else. I have had ZERO regrets and still think it was the most adult,responsible decision I could have made. When my husband and I started trying to have kids, I was having infertility issues- and that still did not change the way I felt about having that abortion. It was the right thing to do at the time. I have three wonderful children now and tell them that if they get themselves pregnant, abortion is an option. It has become VERY politically incorrect to say these things out loud- but I know there are many of us that believe it. That said- have you talked to your husband? This is not a decision to make on your own. And if you decide to keep this one, life will work out just fine. Things may be tighter- or may not. Hard to say what the future will hold. But I thought I would give you at least one "first hand take" on abortion that is not tinted by threats of how awful you will feel. Most people that have abortions say they feel mostly relief. (And I have quite a few friends that have had them.) Good luck.

3 moms found this helpful

Usually the most difficult things in life are the most rewarding. Teaching your children about sacrificing to make ends meet is invaluable. Just as you gave away all of your baby stuff, there are people out there who would be happy to share their stuff with you when they hear your story.

By stating that you don't believe in abortions, it sounds like that is what you want to teach your daughters when they grow up. This is a perfect scenario for your stance on abortion. I applaud you for putting all of your thoughts out there and wanting to do what is right. I think you already know but need to the assurance that you will not be burdening your family.

I am so glad you are married to a supportive and loving man. Coming together and planning how you can keep this baby will strengthen your marriage. Our marriage of 27 year has always been strengthened when we have had to deal with difficulties and hardships together.

May God provide you with clarity in your decision-making. I know He blesses us when we follow His will.

2 moms found this helpful

I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but the first thing that popped into my head when I read your post was "Wow! God really wants you to have another baby!"
I think the timing of the Nuvaring falling out and you going to get info about tying your tubes and instead finding out you're pregnant is a huge sign that you are meant to have this baby. And I didn't know the Nuvaring could fall out! I've never heard of that happening.

I don't think anyone can tell you what to do because this is such a personal choice for you and your husband. But I think you've already made the decision in your heart since you don't believe in abortion. Kids are expensive but there are ways to cut costs and save money. I don't believe that if God wants you to have this baby that you and your husband will be unable to provide for it and your other children.
Maybe not much help, but it's my two cents.

Good luck & God bless!

2 moms found this helpful

I'm sure that was a very big surprise and I'm sorry you are so torn about this. My only advice would be to give this child a chance - if you miscarry naturally, then it wasn't meant to be, but please don't use the abortion pill, because the fact that you are unexpectedly pregnant doesn't mean this kid doesn't deserve a chance. I know this is a touchy subject, but please please please please think about the life inside you and give it a chance. I'm a firm believer that God creates the life within - I'm 25 and pregnant for the first time and the moment I saw my little child I knew that even though many women abort their baby and claim it is just a fetus, that my little 10 week old child was life and was precious. Even if you are 2 weeks pregnant - that is LIFE! It is your baby, your gift, your miracle. I know it means extra money, extra time, extra energy, extra everything, but I know that if you follow through with this pregnancy that God WILL provide if you just ask. I also know that if you take the abortion pill you will regret it for the rest of your life....so, be bold and strong and do the right thing! I'm praying God will give you strength to do so.

2 moms found this helpful

Hello, I am sorry you feel over whelmed right now. Please consider all your options before you make a decision.

I am a Mom who wishes she could have 4 children. However, I have been unable to carry any babies to term. So, my husband and I decided to adopt. We started by adopting a baby boy 9 years ago – his birth mother was 17 and not ready to be a Mom. We have an open relationship with her and have corresponded with her for the past 9 years. Close to our son’s birthday, we meet with his birth mother so she can spend some time with him. A couple of years after we adopted our son, we adopted a baby girl. Her birth mother already had two children and could not afford to take care of another child. We send yearly updates to her birth mother; but, they just sit in a file at the adoption agency (if she ever wants to know how her daughter is doing, she can pick up the letters and let us know she wants to meet her daughter). Two years later, we adopted another baby boy. His birth mother was a divorced mom of three children that could not make ends meet with her three children. She told us she wanted a loving home that would take care of her baby boy. We met with her a few times and still send yearly updates. We are open to meeting with her again, if she wants to see her son.

My husband and I feel very blessed that we have 3 wonderful children. We love them so much and could not love them any more (even if they were our biological children). We are very thankful that their mothers decided to carry them to term and then chose us as the parents they wanted to raise them.

I hope you will consider adoption. There are thousands of couples like my husband and I that want to have a family and are unable to have children. Or, maybe you have a relative that would like to care for the baby until you are in a better financial situation. I know there are agencies available that provide free services with trained personnel that can help you in your decision.

Good luck with this difficult decision.

2 moms found this helpful

You have so many responses already that I'm not sure of the real value of mine.

First, I want to say congratulations to you if you are pregnant.

But whether you are or are not, babies are truly miracles. You state you do not believe in abortions. So whatever your decision, make sure you do not compromise your values. Your children will grow, and as adults, they sometimes ask us questions that we should honestly answer. If you always live by your values, you will never be ashamed of any answer you give your child.

Beyond that, I grew up with 6 other siblings. We were anywhere from 1 to 3 years apart in age, and some of us were not planned. I remember my dad saying that once you could afford the first, affording the others was easy. I can't say if that was true or not but I do know that #7 was planned simply because he wanted a Texan, and he was proud of raising a Texan. We grew up in a one-income family, but we always had fun, enjoyed each other and never realized when there wasn't enough money.

Also, remember not everything has to be brand new for a baby. My sister and BIL just sold all their baby stuff on Craig's list at less than half what they paid for it. If you watch Craig's list, garage sales and thrift stores, you might be able to acquire all the baby stuff back at very low cost.

Good luck and God bless you.

2 moms found this helpful

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